


A Rose By Any Other Name

by renjunsfairydust



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Ballet Dancer Huang Ren Jun, Beauty and the Beast Elements, Belle!Renjun, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, First Time, Flowers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Innocent Huang Ren Jun, Lee Jeno is Whipped, M/M, Noren, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Soft NCT Dream, beast!Jeno, jeno is really really in love, jenren, non explicit reference of sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2020-11-28 15:03:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 99,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20968520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjunsfairydust/pseuds/renjunsfairydust
Summary: From the moment he had first encountered the elusive man, Renjun had always thought of Lee  Jeno like that of a Rose. There was more than met the eye. Just like the flower itself, behind his hardened exterior, the thorns, there lay a fragile individual, a truly beautiful soul with vibrancy and compassion, a complex secret Renjun was determined to uncover.In which Huang Renjun  takes up a position as the new housekeeper of the Lee estate to escape his cruel past and build a new life for himself. Met with a ruined castle on an almost abandoned hilltop, Renjun begins to wonder what exactly he would encounter on the other side. He was however, unaware that its inhabitant would be that of a mere young man by the name of Lee Jeno, tragically shadowed by the physical remains of his fateful past. Can the ignition of their colliding worlds bring them out of their darknesses and into their own state of blissful healing? {Beauty and the Beast inspired}





	1. intro summary

Hello everyone! This is my first attempt at a longer fic with my favourite ship Noren! its heavily inspired by the fairy tale 'Beauty and the Beast' and i wanted to post an introduction for you all before I start updating as I am currently in the process of writing the chapters. I'm not sure how frequently I will be updating as I am super busy with college work but the chapters should be posted within a few weeks of each other and I have each one set out ready to be written. I hope you all look forward to and enjoy reading this story!


	2. First impressions

Renjun thought a lot. His mind was overactive. He often thought about his own life. Thought about his rather miserable twenty years of existence. With this, came the continuous thoughts of the pivotal moment in which he would finally peak, reach the pinnacle of human existence. As he stood before the rusting gates of opportunity in his new chapter, he could safely say, that in this moment, he had not reached this.  


The wind threaded through Renjun’s soft dark hair and he brushed the wayward strands out of his face. It was a little unkempt, but he liked it like that. The sheets of light rain poured down on his small frame and he pulled his brown woollen coat tighter to his chest, preserving as much heat as possible. He’d put his best trousers on for the occasion, but even these he worried wouldn’t be smart enough. Accepting the role of ‘housekeeper’ at the Lee estate, he had expected something rather different: perhaps quaint, idyllic, a large mansion in the roaring hills of the countryside. He had certainly not prepared for the huge stone body that towered above him, cold and archaic, increasingly visible as he approached its exterior. The outside resembled something straight out of Renjun’s nightmares, its stature fearsome and angry, as if hostile to his sudden intrusion, a phantom of its former self. Every stone and every crevice was cracked and uneven, laced with an aura of radical disorder that awakened the deepest corners of his untamed imagination. Even if he wished to turn back, even if the thought of what lay ahead chilled the very core of his being, even if he had the desire to run away burning like hot fire in the depths of his mind, he had no choice. The mere visions of a return to the life he had tried so desperately to flee in his youth, had his breath catching in the hardened air of the cooling hilltops. His thoughts drifted, the distraction of his surroundings stealing away rational comprehension.  


Eventually, he reached the grand entrance. He was straightening his tie as his thoughts were abruptly interrupted when the door opened and a rather boyish looking man with soft hazel hair, huge smile plastered along his grinning features, greeted him. His appearance was smart, but not as formal as Renjun would have expected, dark suit a little baggy on his lean frame.  


“You must be the new housekeeper for Mr Lee."  


Strange, Renjun thought to himself as he nodded politely back. There appeared not to be multiple Lee’s inhabiting the huge expanse, just the one. He felt it rather sad really, being the singular owner of such a place.  


“I’m Jaemin, it’s a pleasure to meet you Mr Huang”, the young man laughed as he extended his hand forward enthusiastically, a gesture of open friendliness.  


“I’m the Master’s butler. You’ll be responsible to me during your employment here”, he nodded encouragingly, the smile still plastered on his face. Renjun frowned and looked past the butler, searching through the door. When his mother was alive, she had always said first impressions were what mattered the most. Mr Lee was certainly conspicuous by his absence and he felt a little deflated that the Master of the house had not come to greet him personally. Jaemin’s smile faltered slightly as he observed the look of mild anguish on Renjun’s face, sighing as he continued his introduction.  


"Do come in please. We’ve spent the whole day preparing for your arrival. We try not to stand on ceremony too much here so just refer to me by my first name”, Jaemin spoke as he shuffled from foot to foot excitedly.  


“Oh, thank you Jaemin. I appreciate the informality, but I’ll try to remember my place here”, Renjun smiled cautiously, shuffling through the doorway, the dim artificial light of the castle’s interior forcing him to squint softly.  


“Of course, I suppose we should start with a tour. The castle can seem pretty intimidating at first. I’ll take you around and then show you to your room. I’m sure you’ll want some time for yourself to settle in there.”  
They walked alongside each other, footsteps echoing throughout the hallway, candles lit from end to end to illuminate the area in a soft yellow glow. The image was almost eerily enchanting to Renjun as he followed the other through the maze of corridors, gazing with awe at the interior’s intricacies.  


“What exactly are all these places for?” Renjun thought aloud, his eyes wide and inquisitive as Jaemin gestured at the seemingly endless stretch of doorways and hidden rooms.  


“Over there you have the kitchens. You probably won’t be in there too much. Cooking is mostly left up to Donghyuck. Chenle and Jisung are the only ones he lets help in there now. To the left of that is my room.” Jaemin paused and pointed at a small doorway next to the kitchens.“Most places on the ground floor are for working purposes, apart from the dining hall we’re standing in. Over there is where you will be sleeping”, he pointed to a room in a different direction. They walked on in silence for a few seconds, passing the entrance to the basement. Renjun’s unease began to grow as the discomfort rose from within his chest, tightening his throat as he envisioned his repressed maladies. Now that he thought about it, there were many confined and cramped spaces within the castle, he made a mental note to avoid these on his travels, keeping the fear at bay as he made a slight smiling gesture towards Jaemin, encouraging him to continue.  


“You’ll generally oversee keeping order in the house, cleaning, laundry, bed making, organising mealtimes, maintenance and general household duties. House orderly isn’t exactly Jeno’s forte”, Jaemin laughed nervously to himself.  


“But…”, Renjun let his speech trail off as he paused for a moment. “Where does Mr Lee spend his time?” His question was innocent as he peered up at Jaemin.  


“It’s nice really” Jaemin smiled sadly. “Mr Lee is about the same age as you and me. It would do him good to have some more company her. Although, I don’t think you’ll be seeing a great deal of him, he lives upstairs. Doesn’t like being disturbed”, Jaemin hesitated in his calculated speech, a break in his collected demeanour, suddenly awkward. He pulled a note from one of his suit pockets and began reading aloud.  


“By request of Mr Lee”, he stuttered out, clearly embarrassed,“You are forbidden to go upstairs alone without permission, you aren’t to go wandering, night times are completely off limits, you are to stay in your room as requested, and you certainly aren’t to disturb the Master without permission to do so at any point during your time here”, Jaemin recited half-heartedly. “You see, he isn’t a great deal fond of new people, likes to keep himself to himself. He’s a good person honestly, just isn’t really one for, what you would call, social situations”. Renjun listened with curiosity. This was not what he had been expecting. Firstly, an abandoned castle in the middle of nowhere, owned by a solitary young man, one he would never see. The severity of the dire isolation finally manifested itself in his mind and his heart sank.  


After Jaemin’s grand tour, Renjun was left alone in his new room. The sun was beginning to set upon the castle grounds. He had been within the Lee estate for almost a day now. He watched through the small window at the side of his room, as the sun’s light faded into evening dusk and shadows climbed higher up the stone walls. He would start his job tomorrow. The demands of it would be physically exhausting on his body, paired with the emotional burden of loneliness, the role wouldn’t exactly be an easy one. The night was now his but just as Mr Lee’s rules had insisted, he was confined to his room. The room was rather bare, a simple bed protruded into the middle of it. One wall was dominated by a dark wooden wardrobe, whilst on the other stood an ageing nightstand. A single candle was the only source of warmth and light beside his bed. The patchwork quilt looked rather warm in comparison to its stark surroundings, Renjun mused as his mind filled with thoughts of sleep. It was a little too small for his liking, making him feel uneasy and confined within its walls. Taking a few deep breaths, he managed to calm himself down for the second time that day, pushing the emotions to the back of his mind. He comforted himself with the reassurance of the open space that met his view from the bedroom window, his gateway to the outside world in the confines of these square trappings. With little else to do, the tiredness became overwhelming and thoughts of sleep were elevated to the forefront of his mind. He quickly washed himself and dressed into his plain white night clothes, laying his small frame on the firm mattress and pulling the warm quilt around his chin to shield himself from the draught coming through the ill-fitting door frame.  


Just as he began to fall asleep, he was startled by the thud of heavy footsteps above his room, moving from one end to the other. It sounded like someone pacing. The sound grew louder as the noises increased in seeming agitation, restless and frustrated. He would ask Jaemin about that in morning, he thought sleepily. The sounds eventually softened to a rhythmic monotony, lulling him to sleep. 

_“Jaemin, tell me about him.” _

_ “He seems quite nervous, a bit shy, didn’t have much to say really but I told him about your rules. Don’t you think it’s about time you relaxed those? You can’t hide up here forever, Jeno.” _

_“No, I’m not ready. I hate myself. I hate the way I look”, the other chanted as he continued his frantic movements, clawing at his face as he paced across the room. He turned abruptly to Jaemin. _

_“Look at me. I should have died that night rather than be left like this”, he exclaimed, holding a hand up to his neck, eyes piercing and severe._

_“It’s really not that bad. You can’t stay up all night tormenting yourself like this.”_

_Jeno looked down at the floor solemnly._

_“Sleep is only for those who have peace in their hearts.” _

Renjun peered down at his list of tasks for the day. Once the noise upstairs had died down last night, he had managed to drift off to sleep and now he would begin his first day of work in the castle. He swept, cleaned every corner of the first floor and ironed all of Mr Lee’s suits freshly. The master was at home today which meant that Renjun would undoubtably be denied access to the upstairs floor. Still, Renjun couldn’t help the intense stare of curiosity up the wide staircase of the dining hall, as he polished the banister. He had completed half of his day’s work and was finally granted an hour of rest time in his small room before his duties were to begin again. He heard a loud knock at his door. It was Jaemin. In his hands he held a tray, with soup and a small piece of bread on the side.  


“Thought you might need this”, the butler smiled as he held up the tray, grinning at Renjun.  


“Thanks, that looks good”, he sighed back, still slightly hesitant.  


Jaemin strode in and perched on the end of Renjun’s bed.  


“So, how has your first day been?”  


“I think it’s been okay. I got most of the things on the list done but there’s still a few bits I need to finish off tomorrow”, he smiled at Jaemin.  


“Good. Good I’m glad. The place certainly looks clean and tidy, well done. Did you sleep okay?”, the other asked in a caring manner.  


“For the most part, yes, but...uhm… I meant to ask you”, Renjun hesitated for a moment as Jaemin watched expectantly.  


“Well, it sounded like something was moving above my room, back and forth.”  


“Ah. The Master’s room is right above yours. He doesn’t sleep too well these days. Sorry if it disturbed you.”  


“No, no honestly it’s okay. I was just curious."  


“He finds it hard to relax, always seems to be fighting himself. You’re probably best just to try to ignore it”, Jaemin sighed sadly.  


Renjun nodded again. Mr Lee was certainly mysterious.  


The second half of the day passed uneventfully, his conversation with Jaemin replaying continuously through his head as he filed through the stacks of letters that had come through the door in passing months, preparing them to be taken upstairs. By this time, it was evening again and Renjun had completed his day of work, finally taking the moment to relax in his own room. Eventually he even grew tired of this, restlessness eating away at him from inside. The seconds passed into minutes and these minutes crawled slowly into hours, Renjun growing increasingly agitated as time dragged onwards, boredom gnawing at his thoughts. He’d been in the castle for merely a day and already he thought his situation rather a lonely one. The place was huge, vast stretches of corridors and rooms of crumbling architecture lacing its decorative interior. Yet, despite all this, the façade of grace and beauty was blatantly shadowed by its gaping stretches of lonely existence, his only friend so far, an overly enthusiastic butler. Then there was Mr Lee. Renjun’s thoughts drew to a halt and lingered there. The man was an enigma, seemingly cold and troubled, an unsolved mystery to the insular world around him. Renjun sat by the fire. He watched the soft blazes create the light that bathed his room in a warm chestnut glow, the cinders melting down to ash and collecting in soft heaps around the fireplace. Eventually even this had burnt out. Renjun’s curiosity began to intensify as images of what surrounded him within the castle danced in his head, Jaemin’s warning playing like a mantra there.  


_‘You are forbidden to go upstairs alone without permission.’_  


The words echoed in his mind. Renjun knew his place. He was unimportant, insignificant and he certainly should not be exploring the castle on his first day. He knew it. Yet when his feet began betraying him, walking in small strides towards the door, he felt absolutely no desire to deny them their forbidden pleasure. Renjun hadn’t heard the noises from above tonight, the Master must have found peace and drifted to sleep. Renjun opened the bedroom door, pulling it backwards as it creaked. The evening moonlight painted shadows along the grand hallways as he crept cautiously through the wide corridors that made up the castle’s interior. He felt the freedom coursing through his body, peering at the old paintings, casting his eyes upon the great works of art, passing from room to room, finally venturing upstairs. 

There was one door though, one that drew Renjun’s focus from where he stood, its large wooden frame enticing, and intriguing his overactive mind. After mild consideration, the curiosity overpowered all sane thought, and his inquisition forced his feet to move forward. The door slid soundlessly open as he gently pushed on its frame, revealing the mysteries that lay within. As Renjun investigated the room, he was greeted with row upon row of books; great classics, the epics and stacks of poetry collections, novels and plays, a truly splendid array of fiction. Renjun had always loved books, the mere escapism that laced their foundations a comfort in his distressed youth. The library was perfect. He wondered if Mr Lee liked reading too. Then again, it didn’t matter, Jaemin had made it explicitly obvious that Mr Lee was discontent with basic human interaction. Renjun almost sighed aloud as he thought about the entire situation.  


The rain beat down along the glass windows that shrouded the room with overwhelming exposure, the sound loud against their fragile panes. Lightning struck in close proximity, its forks piercing from the dark skies and illuminating the room in brief spells of morbid glare, novels and works flashing before Renjun’s eyes. That’s when he saw the figure, the strong shoulders, the broad chest, the long legs. He stood, haggard, his gait uninviting, dressed in a simple loose white shirt paired with black trousers. The elusive master of the house, afraid to bare his face, afraid to expose himself, stood hunched at the window gazing at the same bright lightening patterning the night sky. The man was nothing like Renjun had imagined. Nothing like the fearful, arrogant beast he envisioned. No, he looked much the opposite, an aura of fleeting fragility in his elusive stance. The man’s blonde hair framed his face exquisitely, eyes staring fiercely into the distance, fixated on nature’s wrath. Even in the gloomy darkness of night, Renjun could tell that he was handsome, a picture of true beauty, frame lean and well-constructed. Enchanted by his forbidden beauty, he knew he shouldn’t be here. He let out a small yelp of panic, taking frightful steps backwards, attempting to make an exit, away from the enticing figure, but in doing so caught his foot, knocking a heavy volume flying towards the ground. The figure turned abruptly, eyes hooded and smoky as they met Renjun’s own. Time seemed to halt between the two of them, dispersing into the heavy air. Renjun was captivated by the man’s face. He was truly beautiful, a work of art to match the great pieces that masked the castle in false elegance. His eyes scanned the man, his gaze landing on his neck. A deep scar ran down the right side, the flesh distorted in angry lines until it disappeared down his back behind the soft fabric of his white shirt. Renjun thought the man a work of grace, the scar only adding to the mystery and intrigue that surrounded his presence. The lightening halted its angry flashes, enveloping the two strangers in a blanket of darkness. Both clawed at their own throat, one out of instinct, the other fear. Renjun stared into the darkness, the figure walking hauntingly closer to where he cowered.  


“What are you doing in here?” the man roared, shielding the disfigurement on his neck, gripping at it furiously. The boy stumbled backwards, fumbling at the handle of the door, rattling it desperately. It wouldn’t budge. He pushed again, harder this time.  


“Get out” the voice yelled; fury evident in its tones.  


“I-I’m so sorry” Renjun gushed, panic stricken across his startled face.  


“Get out”, the voice repeated louder this time.  


Fear gripped Renjun as he finally managed to throw the door open, his body tumbling out into the open space of the corridor. He turned and ran back down to his living quarters, eyes focused ahead. It was only when he pressed his back against the inside of his bedroom door, head tilted and breathing heavy, that he wished he’d dressed more appropriately. He stared down at his thin nightclothes and groaned. First impressions count, he thought. Both he and Mr Lee had fallen at the first hurdle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter is finally finished hehe. I hope you all like it! I'm pulling together all the story arks in my plan and then I will be working on the rest of the story. The rest of NCT Dream should be introduced in the next chapter and we will see the development of the interplay between Jeno and Renjun as well as learning some of their backstory soon. Renjun is the loml and even though he won't always have the easiest time in this fic, I'll try to protect him as much as I can. All comments are greatly appreciated <3


	3. The rose garden

Jeno brought his fists down violently onto the hard surface of his oak dressing table, groaning as he raised them up again to his forehead, the crash echoing aggressively off the bedroom walls. His posture lingered that way for several moments as he made attempts to compose himself. 

“Jaemin, _that_ was him wasn’t it. The new housekeeper”, he snarled with muffled speech, fury evident in his tone. 

“Jeno please- “, the butler tried desperately to protest, taking anguished steps towards his Master. He risked a comforting hand forward, bringing it to rest gently on Jeno’s trembling shoulder. 

“We never had these problems with Mark. He needs to leave.” 

Jaemin stared back with sadness. He saw how Jeno held himself, concealed and covered, his hand with an iron grip clutched around his neck out of habit. He truly pitied him. 

“I’m serious Jaemin. He broke the most important rule”, the man repeated firmly, shrugging the butler’s soft touch away with a hand. His stare was fixed on the other, steely and angered. 

“Didn’t you tell him the rules? I specifically asked you to tell the housekeeper boy the rules. Why was he upstairs?”, Jeno continued accusingly, the gleam of desperation shining through his widened eyes. He masked this insecurity with hardened agitation as he questioned the other extensively. He’d trusted Jaemin’s authority. He certainly hadn’t expected to see the housekeeper, the startled young man he had begrudgingly hired, appear on the second floor of his home only two days into his new job. The audacity of it infuriated him. 

“His name is Huang Renjun if you would care to know, so you can stop referring to him as _that_”, Jaemin huffed sulkily. He’d grown rather fond of the employee since his short time of residency at the castle and already could sense the other’s good intentions and dedication. 

“He can’t stay here”, Jeno reiterated to Jaemin who stood across the room, helpless. 

Jeno thought back to the proceedings of the previous night in the library. It had been another one marred with sleeplessness. This wasn’t unusual, he was practically an insomniac by now and the library was his solace, his haven. It was the place that calmed him down. The boy had ruined everything. 

“I told him. His curiosity must have got the better of him. Its rather endearing really. You should loosen up; Renjun hasn’t come out of his room since last night. Your anger must have terrified him”, Jaemin huffed defiantly as he continued arguing with the Master. 

“I really think you need to calm down. Maybe it’s time you showed your face around the castle more. You can’t hide up here forever. I miss the Jeno I used to know, the one I grew up with. He was my hero and he’s still the same person to me, he’s still in there”, Jaemin smiled sadly. 

Jaemin had always been a scrawny child when the two were younger, something he carried with him through his adolescence and into adulthood. This had made him much smaller than Jeno. His clothes never fitted him properly and he would always walk around happily in his oversized shirt and tuxedo, just like the one his father would wear. Jeno recalled the memories of his butler fondly. How, when they were just eight years old, he had snuck the hazel haired boy sugar cubes on Wednesdays after lunch in their grand dining hall because he knew they were Jaemin’s favourite. Then there was the time he saw the boy shivering from the cold in his thin servants’ clothes and brought a pale blue blanket for the smaller to keep him warm in the winter’s chill. He was always kind to Jaemin, always spoke soft words of encouragement if he was scolded for poor work and made sure no one in the castle picked on the younger. Jeno would pull faces and stick out his tongue behind the backs of his parents while Jaemin helped his father out with butler duties. The other boy would giggle endlessly at this. Jaemin’s family never had much money, they were servants to the Lee household after all, but Jeno made sure that he always felt special and loved when they were together, the two were practically inseparable. Their hearts were so warm back then. A lot of that had crumbled now. Their friendship remained intact, if not a little frayed around the edges, but nevertheless, undying. Jeno had always looked out for Jaemin but everything had changed the night of the accident. The night that ripped everything away from them both. Maybe if he had been even half as emotionally strong as Jaemin he wouldn’t have locked himself away in the castle, alone. Just as Jaemin had, maybe he could have pieced back together his shattered heart and continued living the life he had always foreseen himself to live. 

“I can’t have it Jaemin. He saw _me_”, Jeno broke out from his daydream, anxious once again as he held the firm grip on his neck. 

“He’s serious about working here. I’ve seen him downstairs cleaning. Do you really think that you would be enough to put him off the job? Please, give him another chance”, Jaemin leaned in closer, his signature smile looking up towards the other’s cold glare. 

“Please Jeno”, he uttered, dejected, having almost given up hope. 

Jeno threaded his fingers through his blond tresses, eyes suddenly softening as he thought about the stranger again for a moment. He recalled the way the other had tumbled into the library clumsily, dressed only in his white night clothes. He must have known this too because Jeno had been painfully aware of the intense blush that painted Renjun’s cheeks upon eye contact. The other had soft brown hair, slightly longer at the back, his frame petite and lithe. Renjun’s gleaming eyes had met Jeno’s own, not in disgust, but simple astonishment. Jeno only caught this briefly before the other disappeared out of the door, tripping as he went. The image caused the shadow of a smile to dance across his stoic face. Jaemin stared back in confusion. 

“You always have this calming effect on me. I can’t help but listen to you”, Jeno laughed. Jaemin smiled cautiously back, relieved he had managed to save Renjun this time. He hadn’t seen his Master laugh in so long and he wondered what exactly the other found so deeply amusing about the situation. 

“Okay Jaemin”, Jeno stiffened. 

“I’ll give him another chance, on the condition that you talk to him about the rules again, make it clear to him this time”, Jeno spoke sternly with a raised eyebrow. 

xxx

When Jaemin entered Renjun’s room a few hours later, for the first time since the incident in the library had happened, the boy was curled up on the bed in the darkness, clearly distressed. 

“I’ll start packing my bags now”, Renjun sniffed quietly, horrified by the prospect of returning home. He hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. He thought that Jeno would be in his room, asleep for once. That’s what the silence had indicated. How much of a fool could he be? Renjun knew he had ruined everything and lost his chance at a fresh start. He had fated himself to face his father’s wrath again and there was nothing he could do about it; he was thoroughly miserable. 

“The Master was angry you know”, Jaemin spoke softly to him. Renjun nodded, eyes staring anxiously back at the butler as he opened his mouth to continue. “He was angry… but… he’s given you another chance. This time Renjun, please, you need to remember the rules. The Master is so particular about his rules”. 

Renjun hesitated for a moment before speaking, pulling himself up into a sitting position. 

“The rules… is there any way that Mr Lee could relax them slightly?”, he looked up, watery eyed.“I feel so confined here already”, he stuttered almost silently, his trembling halting his ability to speak. 

“I’ve spent too much of my life feeling trapped. This chance was meant to be my get-away but instead I feel like I lost even more freedom. I’m sorry, I know it’s not my place to make such a request, especially after what I did”, Renjun spluttered the words out as he tried desperately to compose himself. 

He could recall Jaemin’s desire to divert any conversations away from the Master of the household on their first meeting. He understood now. Jeno seemed fitfully troubled. When Renjun thought about it, everything he had come across to do with the Master so far had been so utterly pitiful. The man shut himself away, on the brink of total human isolation, alone and emotionally tormented. Captivating as he was, Mr Lee was tragic in the most poignant sense of the word. 

“I can ask Jeno, but I can’t make any promises. In the meantime, try not to get into trouble here and stay on the ground floor unless I permit you upstairs. It took me enough coaxing to bring the Master round this time. I’m not sure I would be able to persuade him again”, Jaemin sighed, brushing the loose strands of hair out of his eyes, smiling imploringly at the housekeeper. Renjun nodded back once, slightly deflated but still thankful for Jaemin’s efforts, wiping his teary eyes with the end of his shirt sleeves. 

He thought it rather strange, the way Jaemin flickered between referring to the Master with precise formalities and the colloquialism that he occasionally slipped into. He knew they didn’t like to stand on ceremony in the castle, but something told him that the two had a stronger bond than just butler and Master, something deeper. He decided not to question it at that moment, Jaemin had already put himself out enough for him. 

“Speak to Donghyuck about mealtimes. You can get yours from the kitchen from now on”, Jaemin continued with his smile again. 

When lunchtime rolled around, Renjun followed Jaemin’s advice and ventured to the castle kitchens. It was where he first met the cook and his ensemble. The kitchen itself was large with a high ceiling, huge work-surfaces and grand ovens lining its walls. In the centre stood a solid wood refectory table, long benches either side to seat its guests. A series of arched windows provided a view of the castle’s extensive grounds, Renjun knew his mother would have loved it here. He had caught sight of the other young men in the room almost immediately. One was busy cutting tomatoes on a chopping board, he looked to be a similar age to Renjun, his golden hair held back by a simple bandana tied round his head as he worked silently. His eyes were warm and round despite their stern demeanour, his crisp white uniform giving the man an air of authority. Two others stood at the sink, carefully examining Renjun as they washed and dried the stacks of plates and dishes, clearly excited at the prospect of a new person in the castle. They looked to be younger, perhaps around fourteen. One was obviously tall, with a meek expression painting his porcelain features, the other a smaller boy, with a prominent smile and mousy brown hair framing his angular face. The boys seemed to be close, they giggled to each other as they continued with their task. The one chopping halted for a moment, staring at Renjun. 

“So, you’re Mark’s replacement”, the man deadpanned, eyeing the smaller with suspicion. 

“I’m Donghyuck. That one is Jisung”, he gestured casually with his knife at the taller boy. “And that’s Chenle”, Donghyuck motioned towards the boy with the large grin. 

“I’m Renjun. It’s nice to meet you all. Jaemin has been telling me about you.” The housekeeper tried with a nervous smile, to which the two by the sink reciprocated happily. 

“Jaemin told me to come in here to get some food, I was just wondering- “ 

“There’s some leftovers in the fridge you can help yourself to”, the cook muttered sharply. 

“Here, I’ll show you”, the boy with the smile chimed in, beckoning Renjun over near to where he stood at the other end of the kitchen. 

The fridge didn’t contain too much, but the necessities it needed were there. Inside there was some cold meat, a rather bare selection of fruit, vegetables and some milk and eggs. There was some bread on the work-surface beside it with various herbs and spices Donghyuck obviously used for his cooking. 

“Don’t worry about him. He’s soft underneath it all, just a little heartbroken now”, Chenle whispered. 

“Who is Mark?”, Renjun mouthed cautiously to the boy as they stood behind the fridge door that the younger had opened. 

“He was the last housekeeper here, the role you have now. His father got sick and he had to leave to look after him. Donghyuck and him were together, they practically raised Jisung and me”, he motioned towards the other boy who was still washing dishes. “He’s just upset because you came after Mark. He’ll get used to it and I’m sure he’ll warm up more as you get to know him”, Chenle continued to murmur softly. 

“Oh, and Renjun.”, their conversation was cut short by Donghyuck’s stern voice. 

“Next time you bring the shirts down to the laundry room for washing, don’t leave them under the sink, Mark always put them in the corner by the door”, the words were harsh and bitter. 

“Of course. I’ll remember that next time”, Renjun smiled almost sarcastically but held himself back. He’d caused enough trouble for one day and he thought it better to get along with the snarky cook instead of making another enemy. He would try a new tactic, believing it best to show his friendly nature towards Donghyuck. 

“How long have you worked here?”, Renjun ventured. 

“I came as an apprentice when I was thirteen. I’ve been running it here on my own for three years now. Its not as busy as it used to be”, the cook stopped abruptly. 

“How was your first day?”, Donghyuck spoke with little interest. 

“It could have been better honestly. I didn’t expect such restrictions here”. 

“Hmm”, Donghyuck raised his eyebrow knowingly. 

“I sort of had an encounter with the Master already”, the blush rose across Renjun’s cheeks once more as he thought of his embarrassment. He heard a nervous squeal rise from the other side of the room and Jisung coughed as Chenle elbowed him lightly in the ribs, returning his attention to vigorously scrubbing a large saucepan. 

“You?” Donghuck pointed his knife in the housekeeper’s direction again. He seemed to have a habit of doing that, Renjun noted. 

“You met the Master?”, Donghyuck finally scoffed. 

“It was in the library last night”. The other’s eyes got wider. 

“The library. What on earth were you doing in there?”. He had stopped chopping by now. 

“I know. I shouldn’t have done it. Mr Lee was furious but - “ 

“You’re lucky you’re still here” 

“Jaemin…” 

“Yeah, he’s a good guy, him and Mr Lee are close. If anyone could persuade him to do anything it would be Jaemin”, Donghyuck spoke quickly. “You know the rules here, you aren’t supposed to go wandering around. If you need to go walking, go out in the grounds. The Master doesn’t mind that. Just make sure to avoid the rose garden.” 

“The rose garden?”, Renjun’s curiosity was roused once more. 

“It used to be such a happy place….” Donghyuck muttered sadly as he slammed another tomato on the chopping board. 

The ensuing silence from the cook made Renjun realise he had probably outstayed his welcome in the kitchen, so he gathered his lunch up, taking the opportunity to explore the grounds as Donghyuck had mentioned. 

The early spring sunshine peeked through the cracks in the tree branches that lined the pathway out from the castle, casting shadows in the brightness of the paving that lead Renjun’s feet forward. This, however, gave little warmth in the cold Spring air, the strains of winter still biting at the boy’s rosy cheeks as he hugged his jacket closer to himself. He settled on a stone bench that sat on one of the pathways distant from the castle, picking at his simple lunch as he took in the charms of the unkempt garden. It had clearly been maintained to the utmost standard of beauty once and with a little imagination, Renjun could envision its former glory. 

He knew that he still had a full afternoon of work to do in the dining room and that the silver candlesticks wouldn’t polish themselves. He finished his lunch quickly and rose to his feet, following a rough track in the direction of the castle. In the distance, a crumbling wall hid a small area of the once formal gardens, a large archway inviting entry to what lay within its circular confines. Renjun’s interest was once again awakened. 

As he stood under the stone archway, he could see what appeared to be rows of decaying bushes, dead flowers littering their extremities. Huge vines of ivy poked through the crevices in the walls and overgrown weeds bloomed from the pebbled floor under his feet. There was a pathway running down the centre of the hidden garden, it led to an old fountain that had clearly halted its work many years ago. It was rusting and moss clung to its surface in small disordered clusters. The garden was in disrepair, it had been cast away, abandoned. Upon the fountain’s top, a large stone statue rose up - Athena, Greek goddess of wisdom. Renjun’s extensive reading list meant his knowledge of the arts was precise and detailed. The fountain was almost beautiful yet rusting and faded just like the rest of Mr Lee’s castle garden. The new flowers on the bushes hadn’t bloomed yet but the dead ones still clung there, weakened and fragile. Renjun reached his hand forward to touch one of them and it dropped into his palm. It should have been a thing of elegance, but all the boy could see was its dead and broken state. It could have been so beautiful with just a little love and care just like the rest of the grounds. He wanted to tend to it, to water the flowers and to pull the weeds from where they manifested in the ground, to restore the air of grace to its walls. Renjun peered at the flower closer. 

_A rose._

He needed to leave; he knew it. He wasn’t meant to be here. He’d somehow managed to wander into the single forbidden area. Panic consumed his body as he willed himself to leave, clasping tighter at the dead rose he held in his grasp, its rough exterior harsh against Renjun’s own softened hands. 

xxx

As he did most days, Jeno sat looking out at the vast landscape of the gardens he’d once loved, from the vantage point of his bedroom window. He adored the hills and would on occasion venture out on horseback as he did in his youth, with the company of his faithful six-year-old black stallion. He inhaled sharply and squinted as he looked closer through the windowpanes. 

_Someone was in his rose garden._

His stomach lurched as he was sharply reminded of how deeply everything had changed, how the place could never be as it once was. The memories began to flash helplessly within his mind. He hadn’t been there since that night and he had made sure that no one else did. The anguish turned to anger again as he recognised the small figure of the new housekeeper. He ran towards the bedroom door and flung it open with strong hands. The butler’s name rung through the hallways, echoing down the corridors before Jeno could even think of a way in which to gather his rational thoughts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you are all enjoying the story and are liking the characters so far. Chapter two is finally up and now we have Donghyuck, Mark Jisung and Chenle introduced into the story finally. I promise you Renjun and 'Mr Lee' will meet soon but what's a slow burn without suspense hehe. Hopefully next weekend I will have chapter three posted as I'm managing to find time to write alongside doing my degree! Comments are very much appreciated and I look forward to seeing you all in the next chapter <3


	4. Falling petals

_He could smell the familiar scent of lavender and sandalwood as she strolled joyfully towards him, steps light and dainty. His mother was wearing her usual white dress, the sleeves were short, and it had little yellow crescents embroidered onto the cotton that covered her petite figure. Renjun would often cling to the ends of the dress whenever he walked behind her in the cool summer breeze, pretending he was a great explorer on an important adventure, his mother guiding the way as protector. Renjun grinned up as the gentle wind tousled her neat bob, framing her soft face with wisps of the now untidy strands. Her features were delicate and warm as she smiled back towards her son who sat contently among the flowers in their garden, beaming as he observed each one with curious gaze. She sauntered out to where the boy was perched with his legs crossed, adjusting herself so that she too sat amongst the lush grass and hordes of flowers they had planted over the years outside their little house._

_She reached down and picked one of the blooms, Renjun’s eyes wide, in awe of her simple action. The colourful flower was held in front of the small boy who sat opposite her on the straw mat she had laid out earlier for the both to sit on underneath the heat of the midday summer sun. The garden was their space, they had planted it together and the woman knew that her son was most pleased when they sat, just the two of them, on its narrow perimeter. They stayed like this for a while, his mother admiring the result of her hard work in the garden and Renjun simply enjoying her company, gazing at the splendid blossoms that flourished before him in clusters of vivid colours._

_“Look Renjun, it’s an Amaryllis”, she laughed happily, bringing the pinkish flower close to the other’s face. Renjun’s tiny features stared up at the object that tickled the end of his nose, a small smile gracing his lips._

_“A-m-a-r-y-l-l-i-s”, he repeated the foreign word slowly, stare still fixated on the delicate petals._

_“It means splendid beauty”, she continued._

_The five-year-old giggled back at his mother as she placed the flower gently on the ground, pulling him closer and holding him tightly in her arms. She hugged him to her chest, her arms holding him in the warm embrace for a few moments. Renjun chuckled again, head buried in his mother’s shoulder. She gently moved his head up, clasping his rosy face between her two hands as she looked down at him lovingly._

_“My beautiful boy”, she whispered, leaning down carefully and planting a soft kiss onto his forehead._

_“It tickles”, Renjun giggled quietly, his mother brushing the messy brown hair out of his face and moving them both so that they sat back together within the flowers, perched cosily on his mother’s lap, blissful as he smiled at the view before him._

__

__

Renjun could feel the faint wetness of his tears as they ran down his face in streaks, the memories of his mother overwhelmed him. Still, he couldn’t move from where he stood. 

_“Jieun move out the way”, the angry voice roared._

  
_“I said move”, it snarled again, pushing the woman away from the ten-year-old who stood behind her, cowering._

__

_“Why are you filling his head with all of this shit?”, his father ripped the carefully tied bundles of tiny daisies out of Renjun’s trembling hands, holding them up in his mother’s direction. She choked loudly on a sob. They had just picked them in the garden together and she had been preparing a small vase for the stems to be placed in so her son could keep them beside his bed. Renjun’s father turned, hurling the flowers at a nearby wall. They crumpled against it, falling to the ground helplessly in a heap of broken blooms which caused the small boy to whimper softly at the violence of the action._

_His mother’s legs finally gave way, falling to the floor, as Renjun winced in fear of his father’s rage. The man took heavy steps forward, ripping the boy’s tiny frame from where he stood, the collar of his shirt held between his rough fingers. Their faces were inches apart, so close that Renjun could feel the fire raging through his father’s resentful eyes._

_“What use is a son that only knows how to dance and plant flowers?”, he muttered, Renjun’s tearful sobs ringing through the confines of their hallway._

_He struck him hard across the face._

_Renjun felt the impact on his cheek and the cold sting of pain that spread across the area before he could completely register what had just happened. His mother sat there in stunned silence, terrified._

_That was the first time he had used violence against Renjun. The young boy had inherited the small build of his mother so barely ever stood a chance against the strength of his father and his angry rages. Renjun’s mother had picked flowers in the garden with him. His father hated it. She had bought him his very own pair of black ballet shoes for his eleventh birthday so that he could attend classes, his father loathed the sight. His mother had always been there to show him the beauty in a world where cruelty stalked him, and so he endured. He coped with his father’s unprovoked anger and beatings; he knew he would have his mother by his side to ward off the darkness._

_ _When Renjun was twelve, merely a year later, his mother passed away. _ _

__

__

The tears were now streaming uncontrollably down his face, memories finally flooding through his subconscious and staining his mind with the vivid traumas. He shut his eyes again and the visions came alive once more. 

_ “She’s not here to corrupt you anymore.”_

_  
_

_Another slap._

_After his mother’s death, the violence only worsened._

_Renjun never forgot the night it first happened. It had been for five hours, five hours locked in their tiny cottage basement in the darkness, trapped. His father stood outside, pleased with his new form of punishment as he threw the ballet shoes Renjun had treasured for years, onto the blazing fire. Renjun sobbed, banging his tiny fists helplessly against the door frame. There was nothing he could do._

_The basement was cold and damp, its cramped spaces panicking Renjun each time his father thought it fitting that he learnt a ‘lesson’. He had even prevented Renjun from entering the garden, its contents now wild and overgrown, losing the beauty that it once held for Renjun and his mother. Their special place, their paradise; destroyed and untended. Renjun’s life, as it continued, was further thrown into darkness as the years with his father rolled onward, the man slowly breaking his hopeful spirit._

__

__

He was jolted back into reality abruptly, Mr Lee’s rose garden haunting his blurred vision. It was in that moment that he truly realised, for the first time since he had tried to bury his past, that he was enslaved by it. Renjun loved gardens and their open spaces. He remembered the feeling of the basement and it terrified him, always finding great freedom in the outdoors. It reminded him of his mother after all and that was just about all he had to cling onto. His father had destroyed everything else except his innocent memories of their garden. The vast open spaces gave way to the freedom of his imagination and there were no walls and locked doors, nothing to confine him. The Master’s rose garden needed saving and Renjun wanted to save it. He stared down at his hands where he still held the dying rose. Its thorns had dug into his skin as his grip intensified through his panic. He had lost himself in thought. He watched as the blood ran down his skin where the thorns had pierced it, dazed and still unable to tear his feet away to leave the forbidden territory. 

xxx

Jaemin knew Jeno was angry again. Renjun was in the rose garden. He began to wonder how exactly the young housekeeper could get into quite so much trouble with the Master. He knew this was bad but when he had eventually sprinted into the garden’s arched entrance, the sight that greeted him was a disturbing one. Renjun was there, but he was bleeding, looking completely dazed as he watched the blood trickle from his hand down to his arm, tears staining his paled face. 

Jaemin tried calling his name once. 

Renjun didn’t react. 

The shouting continued but still the boy stood by the rose bush, gazed fixed on his hands. 

“Renjun.” 

Jaemin was now standing directly in front of the other, watching his teary and vacant eyes that paid no attention to the butler’s presence. He reached out a hand to hold Renjun’s bloodied one, the dead rose crumbling to the ground in the process. Renjun’s spell was almost immediately broken, false reality shattered, his pained eyes at last registering the other’s concerned presence. 

“Jaemin I- “, he tried to compose his speech frantically, glancing down at his hands again, the sudden realisation of his forbidden location hitting him. 

The rose garden. 

“I didn’t realise it was here, I had no idea. Donghyuck… he told me not to go in the rose garden, but I didn’t even realise I was standing in it until now. I’m so sorry Jaemin I’ve got you in trouble again.” 

The shadows of fear clouded Renjun’s cluttered mind. That was it. No more second chances now, he had ruined everything again and Jaemin had come to ask him to make his leave from the castle. He tried to mask the devastation but, in the end, it prevailed with the sound of Renjun’s lightly panicked breath. 

“Come on. Let’s get you inside, explanations later. For now, I need to clean up those cuts”, Jaemin spoke softly, forgetting his original anger induced intentions. He looked down at the other’s tattered hands, still holding them in his own tenderly. Renjun pulled them back towards his chest self-consciously. 

“I’m sorry. Please… I’m fine”, the housekeeper spoke quickly, wiping the tears he had just been crying away from his eyes desperately. 

They walked inside together and Jaemin fetched a first aid kit from inside the laundry room, sitting Renjun down on a stool beside a large pile of sheets. He rolled up Renjun’s sleeve and began to inspect the damage that the thorns had left on the small housekeeper, dabbing at the now drying blood with a wet cloth. Renjun had finally managed to calm himself down, the tears no longer flowing from his watery eyes, as Jaemin wrapped thin strips of gauze around his injuries tenderly. 

“Do you want to tell me about what happened? Why were you out in the garden bleeding?”, Jaemin questioned sadly. Renjun looked numb, detached from the reality around him. He looked back pitifully at the butler with vacant eyes, blank and confused. 

“Why is the garden dying?”, he replied with glazed eyes. 

“Why is everything here dying?”, he asked again, a tinge of deep distress lacing his speech. Jaemin looked back at him sadly, Renjun knew nothing about the history of the Lee estate. 

“Renjun, it’s been like this for the last four years now, the Master doesn’t want anyone in there, he can’t even bear to look at it himself. I don’t think anyone has stepped in there since…”, Jaemin trailed off. 

“Something happened in the garden?”, Renjun thought out loud again, finally breaking out of his trance. 

“I can make it better. I know how to make it beautiful again. Please Jaemin, I can help. My mother, she taught me about flowers and gardens, she made me see beauty when all around me was ugliness, we can do it to the rose garden too…”, Renjun almost gleamed at the fond memories of his mother as they returned for the second time that day, but quickly caught himself, shutting his mouth as he felt himself distracted by his tangent. 

“I’m sorry. I know it’s not my place to make any suggestions like that. I got carried away, I just wanted to do something nice because I keep making mistakes here. I thought maybe something like this might make amends for my terrible start”, Renjun continued nervously. 

“What is it about you? You’re making my life so hard, yet I still want to help you Huang Renjun”, Jaemin smiled, a tinge of humour in his voice as he spoke the words. He knew he should probably tell Renjun the truth, at least some of it. It might finally cure some of the other’s inquisition, stop him prying into business he shouldn’t get himself caught up in. 

“I shouldn’t be telling you this at all”, he paused for a moment. “I suppose you should know though”, Jaemin hesitated before opening his mouth to speak again. 

“Four years ago, here in the castle, there was a terrible accident. Jeno lost his mother, father and three sisters’. I too lost what little I had left of my own family. My father died. Jeno and I were both fifteen at the time.” 

“Jaemin, that’s terrible how- “ 

“The rose garden was the family’s pride and joy. Mr Lee’s sister planted the roses herself. Every event would be held there. That’s why he can’t stand the sight of it anymore, it has haunted him ever since, it’s a reminder of his own guilt. He never understood why only he should survive. Jeno has lost the ability to see beauty in anything anymore and punishes himself by letting the castle’s beauty fade to nothing. I’ve watched it happening slowly ever since that night. It’s awful Renjun, I’m not sure anyone would be able to restore it to its former glory.” 

“I’m so sorry about your father, and… Mr Lee…. he’s been holding onto all of that pain by himself for so long.” 

No wonder he hates the world, Renjun thought inside his head. 

“Personally Renjun, I think you’re right. I think it’s time Jeno finally dropped the ghosts of his past. He needs to get out more, he needs to let go. I don’t think he’s ever had a moment of true happiness since then, it’s destroying him.” 

“Please let me do this for Mr Lee, I want to help the castle. I want to help him”, Renjun spoke with hope. 

Jaemin smiled at the bright spirit of the boy before him, he supposed it was worth a shot. He’d been telling Jeno for years to embrace the life he was once so privileged to live but to no avail. He may as well try again, even if he failed. Maybe one day Jeno would be able to come to terms with his trauma and move forward, the rose garden would be a good place to start. 

“I’ll speak to him and see what I can do”, Jaemin finally spoke as he straightened his back, composing himself again. The boy in front of him lowered his head humbly. 

“Thank you so much Jaemin, you’ve been nothing but kind to me since I got here.” 

xxx

Jeno lay on his bed, body flat against the mattress, staring up at the intricate details that lined the ceiling of his bedroom. He turned onto his side, restless. No matter how hard he tried, his thoughts continued to drift back to the boy, the one he saw from his window, bloodied and distressed, like the most fragile piece of porcelain that Jeno had ever seen. He had looked helpless, feet fixed to the muddied ground of the fading rose garden. _ Jeno’s fading rose garden. _ Something about Renjun’s pitiful nature struck a chord in Jeno’s heart, making it ache for the briefest of moments. The boy seemed so damaged, so alone, yet at the same time so strong, a breath of hope encircled by the withering roses. He had seen how Jaemin touched him so tenderly instead of the angry outburst that he had wished the butler to inflict on the other, instead guiding him back inside the house with gentle encouragement. Something in Jeno began to spark, whether it was mere pity or something deeper he did not know, but he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, not welcoming these foreign feelings. He didn’t understand it, the way that the boy could pull the strings of his emotions when they had hardly even met, when he should have been fired already. He had broken so many rules, yet Jeno felt compelled to forgive him. It perplexed him. 

His thoughts were loudly interrupted by a firm knock at the door of his bedroom and his butler’s gentle voice asking for permission to enter, unusually formal and rehearsed. 

“Come in”, he muttered, still questioning his feelings, still bemused by the effects that the housekeeper was having on him. 

xxx

The next morning, after he had finished cleaning out the dining room cupboards and polishing the shelves of cutlery and dishes, Renjun took his lunch break, making his way towards his room for needed rest. He had thought a lot about what had happened with Jaemin the previous day, embarrassed by his momentary show of fragility and his desperation to keep his job as housekeeper. He wondered how Jaemin’s talk with Mr Lee had gone, whether he had managed to coax some sort of agreement out of the man. The garden had been a strange place for Renjun, reminding him of his precious mother and her warmth but simultaneously, reminiscent of the terrifying events of his past. He wanted to fix the garden and its disorderly state. 

He walked slowly into the room, closing the door softly behind him. It was dark and dull so he reached to his nightstand to light up a candle. 

As the match struck against the box, Renjun saw a glint of silver reflect into his view, shining alongside the light of the fire’s flame. He peered closer, viewing the new objects that had been laid across his bed neatly. They were slightly rusted and worn in places, but nevertheless, Renjun didn’t think he had felt as much joy as he did in this moment, since he had first entered the castle. There, in the centre of his tiny bed, lay a set of gardening tools, a spade, a trowel and pruning shears. They were neatly spread across the mattress. He held them in his hands carefully, surprised, he could work on the garden, fix it. Jaemin must have done this. It was a small gesture but one step closer to the elusive Mr Lee and the secrets that he held within these walls. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Chapter 3 is up now and I hope you are liking finally getting to know more about each of the characters and their backstories. Soft Jaemin is back and finally Jeno is starting to warm up a little (hehe). Chapter 4 should be up by next week and I'm super excited to write it because we will finally get some Noren interaction! To those reading this story, it means so so much to me as it is my first time writing a chaptered fic and the support and kudos I have got has inspired me to continue. I would love to talk to you guys in the comments <3. See you all next time!


	5. New beginnings

It was merely a day later that Renjun put the gardening equipment, that had been left on his bed, to use, continuing as the week went by. For most of the hours of daylight that he wasn’t working on the ground floor, he was outside, in Mr Lee’s rose garden, digging and replanting, in an attempt to restore the beauty he envisioned it once held. Many of his evenings were spent there too, simply enjoying its serenity, a book from his small collection grasped in his hands. Renjun would read as the minutes flew past him, lost in the fiction he immersed himself in, surrounded by every newly growing grass and flower stem in the garden. 

He hadn’t seen a great deal of Jaemin since their conversation in the laundry room where the other had bandaged his hands, the cuts now slowly beginning to heal, only catching glimpses of the man as he fluttered between hallways and rooms on the ground floor with hurried paces. If Renjun thought he had seen little of the butler, he had seen even less of the Master, not even hearing his pacing during the long nights awake in his room, the other had been almost silent. He assumed that Jaemin must have had some amount of success with Mr Lee to be able to give him the gardening supplies and he wished to thank the butler when he had the chance. 

One early morning in the rose garden, where Renjun had been occupied pulling the dead blooms from where they drooped on the withering bushes, he had paused a moment to look at his work. He was finally starting to make some progress and could see the strains of former beauty returning to the splendid garden. The dead roses were mostly gone now, and he had cleaned up the fountain so that it stood proudly, a centrepiece of the garden’s attraction. 

His hands were filthy, and mud clung to his trowel, so Renjun padded into the castle kitchen to wash them and to make himself a well needed warm drink. Cautiously, the housekeeper tip-toed towards the sink, immediately interrupted by a stern voice to his left. 

“Stop messing up my kitchen and go and use the tap outside, Renjun”, Donghyuck huffed firmly at the boy. The cook paused for a moment, turning to glance in his direction. 

“What are you doing with those anyway?”, Donghyuck questioned, suspiciously raising an eyebrow at the housekeeper as he stood next to the sink, poised to run the water. 

“I… I’m replanting Mr Lee’s rose garden”, he stuttered, staring down at the muddy trowel. 

“The garden?”, Chenle chimed enthusiastically from beside the ovens, the talk now interesting Jisung too, who had stopped drying plates and turned curiously to face Renjun. Renjun hadn’t even noticed them there until now. Donghyuck too was staring back at him, a look of concern on his face. 

“What did I tell you about the rose garden? You know you’re not meant to be in there, Renjun”, Donghyuck spoke again firmly. 

“I don’t understand, I’m not quite sure how, it must have been Jaemin again, but I’ve been let in the garden Donghyuck, isn’t it wonderful? We can have flowers, and fruit trees and a vegetable garden”, Renjun babbled with excitement, motioning to the muddy trowel in his hand. 

“Pffft…. you’re honestly something else”, he muttered back, still dubious. 

“If you two are free for the rest of the morning, you could come and help out there”, Renjun turned to Chenle and Jisung and smiled to them softly, liking the idea of some company whilst he worked. The two younger boys giggled in excitement after hearing the proposition, turning to Donghyuck and giving their best puppy eyes to convince him to let them take the morning off to help the housekeeper in the garden. 

“Fine… but you had better do double shifts tomorrow”, Donghyuck said fondly, glancing in their direction with little to no menace in his voice. He resumed his stirring, glaring down at the soup he was preparing for lunch. The two stood motionless, momentarily unsure whether to move or not, Donghyuck’s softness a surprise to them both. 

“Go on… some fresh air would probably do you two some good, you’re always stuck inside here, maybe you could work on that vegetable patch”, he continued as a small smile graced his lips. The boys squeaked in unison at the prospect of their morning off, thankful that Donghyuck was in one of his better moods today. 

“I’ll go back out, you can join me whenever you’re ready”, Renjun grinned on his way out of the kitchen to finally clean his trowel outside. The silence of the corridors was soon broken as he saw Jaemin bustle out of a nearby door, turning to rush down the castle hallway. He stopped when his grey eyes met with Renjun’s own. 

“Oh Jaemin, wait a second- “ 

“Hi Renjun”, he panted, clearly out of breath. 

“I just wanted to thank you… for these”, the housekeeper smiled, holding the gardening tools up to his face, practically beaming. 

“Huh? … Renjun… where did you get those from?”, Jaemin spoke, bemused. 

“I thought you…. I thought you left them on my bed”, Renjun replied sheepishly. 

“I didn’t- “, Jaemin looked back at the tools that Renjun clasped in his hands, still out of breath. 

_Jeno._

“The Master…. I thought…. he refused to even listen when I spoke to him. He must have brought those down himself for you. I had no idea”, Jaemin spoke, in a daze. Jeno must have changed his mind without telling him. 

“They were just left on my bed. I assumed it was you”, Renjun continued. 

“Renjun, this is good. He must have come downstairs to put them there. I have no idea how, but he must have changed his mind.” 

“Oh my… please pass on my thanks to him. I feel honoured”, Renjun bowed his head a little. 

“What did I tell you about formalities here Renjun.”, he took small steps forward and placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder calmly. 

“Relax a little… you are part of this household too you know?” 

Renjun nodded and smiled. 

“Really Jaemin, thank you for everything.” 

xxx

“Not like that Jisung”, Chenle laughed softly, grabbing the trowel out of the wide-eyed boy’s hand and demonstrating again how to plant the seeds. The other stared back, concentrating hard on the actions that Chenle repeated so that he could replicate them next time. They had finally made it to the garden and Renjun had asked the two boys to work on the vegetable patch, whilst he was busy next to them, trimming the unruly grass into splendid neat lines. 

“Like this?”, Jisung replied, making a grab for the object again and pushing it into the mud, bringing the trowel back up enthusiastically, so much so that the contents was tipped straight into Chenle’s lap. Chenle paused for a moment, the mess stuck on his gardening apron, glaring at his friend in silence. 

They both suddenly burst into fits of laughter, Renjun looked up to see what was so amusing. 

“Not quite, Jisung”, the now mud-covered boy spoke, shaking the mess from the apron. 

“What are you two up to?”, Renjun laughed from across the grass. 

“I was just showing Jisung how to plant seeds for the vegetable patch”, Chenle said, staring at the mess below them. 

“Well, I was trying to…”, making Jisung giggle a little more than he already was. 

Chenle got up and Jisung followed him to where the array of seeds lay spread out in an old box from the kitchen. 

“Look! Butternut squash, Donghyuck’s favourite. We can plant some for him.”, Jisung chirped energetically. 

“Pumpkin seeds too! We can grow these so Mark can have some when he comes to visit”, Chenle added excitedly. 

“Chenle! Jisung! Come and see the rose garden”, Renjun beckoned. 

The two boys took careful steps forward, avoiding the many seeds they had just planted, following the footsteps of the older as he led them to the stone walls of Mr Lee’s hidden rose garden that once lay forbidden amongst the overgrown castle grounds. As they entered, the two gasped as they absorbed the view, speechless. 

“It’s… beautiful”, Chenle gasped, Jisung nodding in agreement from behind the mousey haired boy. 

“Well, I suppose it’s getting there, but it needs quite a bit more work”, Renjun laughed, he too admiring the result of his week’s work. 

The three of them sat in the garden for a while, chatting and laughing as they found out more about each other, the young boys glad of the new company. They paused briefly as Chenle’s attention was drawn to the figure that stood atop the grand fountain. 

“Renjun what’s that?”, the boy asked innocently. 

“Athena… the Greek goddess of Wisdom”, Renjun spoke, enthralled by the boy’s inquisition. 

“You can tell by the shield and spear she’s holding, see?”, he pointed up to the statue and the eyes of the other two followed the direction of Renjun’s fingers, nodding softly in interest. Renjun turned his head to smile at them, his eyes suddenly catching a slight movement in his peripheral vision. 

In a large second floor window, he saw the silhouette of a figure, fixated on the view of the garden. Renjun knew who it was. He wasn’t sure if their eyes had met but the figure quickly vanished into the darkness of the room before the housekeeper could analyse his face. Was he watching Renjun? Either that, or the other had taken a liking to the view of his ever-changing rose garden that Renjun had salvaged. The thoughts lingered in his mind for a moment before he turned back to the young boys, a faint smirk on his lips as he forced the thoughts of the Master to the back of his mind. 

“Come on, the morning’s nearly over, let’s get you both back inside to Donghyuck.” 

They trudged back to the entrance of the castle, all muddied and rosy cheeked from their efforts. 

“Make sure you take off your shoes at the door, I don’t want Donghyuck to get mad at us again”, Renjun warned. Chenle and Jisung hummed in agreement, slipping their boots off and wandering into the house to continue with their afternoon duties. 

xxx

Jeno could feel the wind rushing through his blond hair as his beloved horse, Onyx, carried him further and further away from the castle and its burdens. Jaemin had told him he needed to get out more and riding was his idea of a great start. He needed to clear his mind of the housekeeper anyway. The boy had troubled his thoughts for many sleepless nights spent in the library since Jeno had ventured downstairs and left the garden equipment on his bed. The other had seemed so overjoyed by the simple gesture, back and forth from the garden day in and day out. He’d seen him amongst the roses, and whilst it still pained Jeno to see the stale remains of his past be disturbed, he couldn’t deny that the grounds were starting to look so much more alive, so vital. He felt a small flutter inside his chest as he thought about the housekeeper and his efforts. He would often watch from the window as the boy dug and weeded the garden, the softness in his touches warming Jeno’s heart ever so slightly. He remembered how Renjun had looked up briefly, earlier, and he prayed with all his being that the boy hadn’t seen him. He gently tapped Onyx with his riding crop and the horse responded immediately, increasing to a strong gallop. Jeno’s mind returned to the rose garden, thinking painfully of its precious memories, of his sisters, his mother, his father, of everything he had lost. 

_The flames were suffocating._

Jeno winced, thinking only of the derelict west wing in the castle. It’s blackened walls and shattered glass. 

_He couldn’t breathe. _

He shook his head and gripped the reigns tighter, hoping that the rushing wind would rid his mind of the traumatic visions. 

_Why did he survive? _

Jeno suddenly pulled up the reigns, his body jerking forward as the horse drew to a halt in response, next to a lake they had been riding beside. He slid from the saddle, his riding boots settling in the shallow muddy grass. He let his horse drink, carefully holding the reigns, taking a few deep breaths to calm his fitful thoughts. Jeno sat down to rest on a nearby tree stump, the reigns still clutched in his hands and his faithful companion standing in wait of his next instruction. He moved his head into his hands, finally letting the tears fall. It was all too much, the memories the housekeeper had awakened. Jeno caught himself almost immediately, wiping the droplets from his eyes with the palm of his hand, stroking the horse’s mane lightly as it nuzzled into his neck affectionately. This was one of the few times he had let his guard down, let Jeno be Jeno, the vulnerable young nineteen-year-old he was, desperate for comfort and love. He knew Onyx wouldn’t judge him. The horse nuzzled closer to the scar on his neck, the soft wisps of the mane tickling as he felt the comfort of the other’s presence next to him. 

By the time he arrived back, he had regained his composure and the stern façade had returned. He felt refreshed for the first time in months as he closed the heavy stable door and purposefully strode towards the courtyard which led to the rear entrance of the castle. Jaemin had told him that Donghyuck had gone into town to the farmers’ market and the young housekeeper would be busy for the rest of the day in the east wing so he felt relaxed in his solitude. The exertion of the ride had made the sweat glisten on Jeno’s forehead and stick his white shirt transparently to his toned chest. He pulled it loose from his dark red trousers and tugged at the buttons with one hand to allow the crisp spring breeze to cool his skin. He still held his crop in his left hand, the tan leather matching the trim on his knee-high boots. He pulled again on his shirt so that it fell open to the waist, exposing his naked torso, before raking his free hand through his platinum blond hair to push it away from his face. It immediately flopped back over one eye and Jeno flicked his head so that it wouldn’t obscure his view. 

That’s when he saw him. 

His stomach lurched. 

He gasped as he stopped abruptly in front of the terrified housekeeper, right hand immediately flying up to cover his neck in a self-conscious reflex as he looked at the other in shock. Renjun had been looking for the storehouse to refill a paraffin lamp which he now clutched tightly, rattling conspicuously in his trembling grip. 

Avoiding the Master’s startled eyes, Renjun diverted his gaze, too flustered to make contact, but in doing so was forced to stare in awe at the perfectly defined chest, smooth, bare skin flushed and damp, exquisitely sculpted and framed by an open, loose white shirt. He felt the blood rush to his cheeks and try as he might, he could not rip his eyes away from the beautiful sight. He moved his mouth in an effort to speak but no more than a couple of shaking breaths sounded. 

Somewhat embarrassed by his situation, Jeno’s reaction to cover himself was futile as his mind flicked rapidly between both occupied hands. Realising his predicament, he coughed nervously. 

“Mr Huang isn’t it?”, he ventured. 

“Yes Sir”, Renjun replied, finally forcing himself to look his Master in the eyes. Jeno saw the tinge of pink in Renjun’s cheeks again and the fear in his eyes as he looked up. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect you to be out here, I just came to get paraffin for the lamp”, Renjun spoke, apologetically. 

The young man’s eyes looked at him imploringly and Jeno was struck by how they sparkled in the bright afternoon sunlight. Pulling himself back to reality, he looked squarely at Renjun. 

“Jaemin told me to get out more, sometimes I wonder which one of us is actually in authority here”, he joked nervously. 

“I….err…. probably should apologise for shouting at you…” 

“Pardon me for asking, Sir, but did you leave the gardening tools in my room?”, Renjun questioned bravely. 

Jeno coughed again and looked at the sky momentarily. 

“I hear you’ve made a good start on the rose garden”, he smiled, and their eyes met briefly again in unspoken acknowledgement. 

“You should be getting on with your work”, he said firmly, realising his position. 

“Yes Sir”, Renjun nodded respectfully and turned away. 

“You should come and see it some time, Sir”, he called back. Jeno nodded briefly and turned towards the castle entrance. 

Renjun watched in awe as the figure grew smaller in the distance, attempting to process the event. He tried to brush off the nervousness that consumed him, somewhat alarmed at the pace of his heartbeat right now. He stood for a while, watching the empty space where Mr Lee had been moments before, the vision a chaotic intrusion in his vulnerable mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! I hope you all enjoyed Renjun and Jeno's first proper meeting ( sorry that it took so long hehe but their relationship will only grow from here onward) I have a lot of uni projects due in over the next few weeks so I will try and have the next chapter up in a week but I don't want to rush it because of work! Thank you to everyone who is reading this story, your kudos and comments honestly make my day! Until next time :)


	6. Pages turned

The days passed uneventfully for Renjun as he busied himself around the castle. He’d not seen Mr Lee since their accidental meeting in the courtyard, but he’d certainly found thoughts of the other creeping into his mind all too often. They were still troubling him when one evening a few days later, he swung the kitchen door open and planted a pile of laundry beside the sink. The cook was distracted, sat by himself at the kitchen table, idly flicking through the pages of a thick recipe book. Chenle and Jisung were busy decorating something, eggshells and flour still stuck to the work surface in messy clumps as they chattered mindlessly. They greeted Renjun cheerfully, as they glanced at him momentarily, before turning back to their evening’s entertainment. 

“What are you two doing?”, Renjun laughed, looking at the chaos. 

Before Jisung could even form the words, Chenle chimed in with a quick response. 

“We’re making a cake for everyone and Jisung wanted to decorate it”, he motioned proudly back to the nodding boy. Renjun looked at the impressive swirls of fresh cream and dark red cherries on the chocolate cake. 

“They’re making a _mess_”, Donghyuck cut in, his voice laced with exasperation. 

Jisung pouted, Chenle laughed and poked the boy in the ribs until he too let out a small giggle. 

“Finish up quickly, both of you should get to bed”, Donghyuck scolded affectionately, content as Jisung started to tidy away the things they had been using, Chenle soon following his actions. 

When the two of them finally scuttled off to their room, Donghyuck let out a relaxed sigh and Renjun sat down opposite him with a glass of water he had just poured himself. He had tried to initiate casual conversation with Donghyuck before, but it hadn’t gone so well as the other always found an excuse to be busy with something else. It appeared to Renjun to be no different this time, however, after a brief, awkward silence between them, Donghyuck looked up. 

“Fancy something a bit stronger than… _that?_”, he asked, pointing judgementally at Renjun’s glass. He walked across the kitchen and reached up to a high cabinet to pull out a large bottle filled with what Renjun assumed to be alcohol. He poured its contents into two glasses and brought them over to the table, slamming them on its surface. 

“Woah…” Renjun said, leaning back from the table, frowning 

“What exactly is it?” 

“Whiskey”, Donghyuck replied bluntly, throwing the glass back against his lips and drinking until it was nearly all gone. “From Ireland”, he added casually as he put the glass down, Renjun almost bursting out laughing at the sight. The housekeeper took a sip, he hadn’t tried whiskey before, and screwed his face up as the bitter taste burned in the back of his throat. 

“It’s good”, Renjun spluttered sarcastically, throat still burning and Donghyuck laughed loudly in response. 

By the time Renjun was drinking his second glass, and the other his fourth, neither of them cared about the bitter taste that lingered in their mouths. 

“I really like you Renjun, but how many times do I have to tell you to put those dirty clothes _in the laundry room? _”, Donghyuck slurred drunkenly. 

When Donghyuck started calling him his ‘lovely’ and patting his head affectionately each time he spoke, Renjun knew they should both stop with the drink before it took a more serious turn in its effect. Donghyuck didn’t stop though, and as soon as the word ‘Mark’ had left his lips in a slight tremble, that was all it took for him to let out a loud sob and for the tears to come sliding down the cook’s face in long streaks. 

“It’s not you, I just miss him”, Donghyuck wailed. Renjun had lost count of how many times the other had said it in the past hour but he was sure it had been too many. “I’ve got no one to talk to about it. Jaemin’s bored of hearing it and I don’t want to upset Chenle and Jisung, they miss him too”, Donghyuck continued, sobbing into his sleeve, the alcohol now discarded. 

Renjun nodded understandingly, placing on awkward hand on the other’s shoulder in attempts to comfort him. If this was the outcome of the cook’s drinking escapades, Renjun made a mental note not to partake next time, Donghyuck now having moved to cry onto the boy’s arm. The crying stopped for a brief moment, Donghyuck pausing to look at the housekeeper with gentle eyes. 

“They really like you Renjun …..Chenle and Jisung… when you invited them out to the garden, they wouldn’t stop going on about it for days… thank you… those two mean the world to me”, he spoke earnestly, the alcohol still in his bloodstream but its effects having lessened marginally. 

“The Lady of the house… she was a kind soul, Jeno’s mother. She knew how much this family had to offer and she embraced it. She wanted to give a homeless child a chance in life. She was going to train them as a member of staff, but also as part of the household. She fell in love with Jisung and Chenle when the nuns in the orphanage brought them out and when they told her that neither would go anywhere without the other, she took them both. I remember she wanted to make sure they could always get jobs, that they were employable and would be able to build a future for themselves. Mark and I taught them the basics, and they were good kids, always keen to learn. Ever since the family passed away, Mark and I looked after them. I don’t know what I would do without them now”, Donghyuck trailed off, head resting on his arm as his eyes fluttered shut. 

“What exactly happened to the family?”, Renjun asked sadly, his heartstrings tugged by the story. Still waiting for a reply, he peered closer to the man only to be greeted by his raspy snores. His bandana had slipped carelessly down his forehead and was now resting lopsidedly. Renjun had never expected him to bare his soul quite so openly tonight and wondered if the furrowed brow was caused by sleepy thoughts of his distant lover. Renjun sighed and his shoulders sank, picking up both of their glasses and placing them by the sink. Remembering Donghyuck’s words, he scooped up the pile of laundry from beside it and carried it to the laundry room, just as Mark would have done. 

xxx

After Renjun had slept off the alcohol, he’d woken up with a slight headache and reached clumsily for the glass of water on his nightstand. In his ruffled state he had knocked it over and sent its contents spilling to the floor. Groaning, he tried to ignore the pain in his head and focus on cleaning up the puddle of water now running over the uneven flagstones in his modest room. 

Donghyuck had told him that the extra cleaning supplies were stored in the basement and Renjun shuddered momentarily as he glared at its locked door. His own vision of Hell. The emotions that rose from within his chest were the same as during his traumatic childhood, except now, the struggle was psychological. It lay manifested in the core of his mind, a constant reminder of his conditioned inadequacy. Pathetic, Renjun thought to himself. It wasn’t even the same basement. Yet, when he tried again to lift his feet from the ground, they fell hopelessly to the same spot on the wooden flooring, rooted there, the memories haunting him. 

He tried again. 

Nothing. 

His limbs had frozen up, useless. Renjun looked down at the floor in frustration, still willing his feet to move as he clenched and unclenched his sweaty palms. He could feel the bile rising in the back of his throat as he looked at the basement entrance again. As his body began instinctively to tremble, his breaths became short and shaky, rapidly increasing until he could hardly breathe. He tried to force the air from his lungs, but he couldn’t, the panic rising in his light gasps. He felt like he was trapped in there again, like his child-self, innocence stripped away from him and discarded, just as it was now to the darkness behind the basement’s closed doors. In that moment, he was vulnerable again and he hated it. 

“Renjun”, a voice echoed loudly from behind him, breaking his trance. 

Just his luck. He turned his head around instantly to face the voice, the figure catching sight of his glassy eyes and slightly too rosy cheeks. 

“Jaemin…”, the boy spoke back, monotonously, his face void of its usual smile. Renjun took a couple of deep breaths, his shaking decreasing to a slight tremble as he faced the butler apprehensively. Jaemin could sense Renjun’s inherent distress and he raised an eyebrow in concern, looking at the housekeeper’s blank face. It was the same as the time he had found him in the garden a few weeks ago, bloody and teary eyed, this trance so similar. He could see the panic spreading across the other’s face. Not wanting to pry or embarrass Renjun further, he coughed softly, pretending he hadn’t seen the obvious moment of vulnerability. 

“Renjun, what are you looking for?”, he spoke calmly. 

“Just… a mop. Donghyuck told me it would be down there, I spilt some water”, the boy shuddered discreetly again, pointing towards the entrance to the basement. 

Jaemin saw Renjun’s clear aversion, straightening his back in a calm manner. 

“Come on then.” 

Renjun looked up at Jaemin in surprise. 

“Give me the key, I’ll go and get it”, he smiled. 

When Renjun didn’t react, still caught up in his daze, Jaemin lightly pulled the key from where it dangled from the other’s palm, walking over to the basement entrance and pushing it open once he’d slid it into the lock. He was gone merely a minute and returned from the darkness with the item Renjun needed. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just a little claustrophobic”, Renjun laughed hesitantly, trying it brush it off. 

“Yeah, no kidding”, Jaemin said with mock sarcasm, clearly sensing Renjun’s unease. 

“Well… I guess you’re in luck, you’ve got a new job upstairs today. Mr Lee has asked for you to clean his room. He’s really particular about who cleans it, I’ve been doing it myself since Mark left”, he pondered for a moment. “He must like you.” 

xxx

The bedroom was huge, with grand paintings hanging from its walls and an elaborate four poster bed in the centre, sheets messy and thrown back. The peach coloured quilt had slipped off and lay in a soft pile on the floor. Arrays of books were stacked neatly onto shelves around the edges of the room, spanning the entirety of Renjun’s vision as he observed their titles with curiosity. At one end, a polished dressing table with an impressive glass mirror stood, its edges slightly worn from years of use. Mr Lee’s room was just like the ones in the fairy tales that Renjun had read when he was a child, the ones he had spent hours gushing about to his mother, large windows and high ceilings. His childhood visions materialised in front of him again as he glanced around the Master’s room. It was generally tidy, and there was a small desk in one corner with stacks of papers piled on top of it. Feeling like an intruder, Renjun set to work cleaning, dusting the high shelves and sweeping the floors, eventually moving to tackle the messy bed. He pulled the white sheets from the frame, shaking them lightly so that the creases fell away. The smell of cotton and musk cologne, wafted through the air briefly and although he had not yet been close enough to know, he thought the fragrance suited Mr Lee perfectly. It was rich and strangely comforting as it rose and fell with the sheets when Renjun raised them up, finally allowing them to settle neatly on the mattress. 

After about an hour of cleaning, the room was finally starting to reach a standard of clean that Renjun was content with. Admiring his work, he shuffled over to the large bay window, dusting the ledges carefully. He could see the rose garden from here. Even from this distance its stone walls and tiny blooms that were beginning to flower in the spring light could be seen. 

Renjun was still lost in his thoughts when the bedroom door was pushed open. Jeno walked in wordlessly, focusing on the figure that stood preoccupied at his window. He closed the door gently behind him and the soft click resonated across the room. The housekeeper’s body stiffened abruptly, and with a sharp movement, he turned to face the other’s heavy gaze. 

“Mr Lee”, he blurted out, startled. 

“Mr Huang, hello again”, he sighed, his voice tinged with irony. 

“I…uh… I’m sorry, I was just finishing up now. I’ll be off”, the housekeeper said, swallowing nervously as he grabbed the duster from the window ledge and stuffed it into his apron pocket. Jeno watched these swift movements intensely, his interest caught by the way the garment was slung low around Renjun’s small hips, tied in a neat bow on his waist. The boy coughed awkwardly, eyes cast to the side, awaiting Jeno’s response. Finding his gaze lingering a little longer than necessary, Jeno looked back up to see the other staring at him questioningly. 

“No…no please don’t rush off”, Jeno stuttered, trying to mask his unease. He was dressed in a fine-knit grey sweater with deep red around the cuffs, the black trousers he wore flattering his long legs. A matching satin scarf was draped around his neck, leaving little of that area exposed. In his left hand he held a stack of books, thumb resting on their spines. His hair was messy, falling across his forehead in wanton strands of blond as he pushed his reading glasses up his nose before opening his mouth to speak again. 

“I was just bringing these books back from the library”, Jeno stated. “Do you like to read, Mr Huang?” 

“My name is Renjun, Sir”, the housekeeper replied bashfully. 

_“Renjun_”… Jeno repeated gently, smiling _“Do you like to read?”_

“Oh yes, I do very much, but I… only have a small collection”, Renjun spoke eagerly. 

“You do?”, Jeno spoke, surprised. “What kind of books?” 

“I like fantasy…anything that I can lose myself in really. What about you Mr Lee?”, he asked with enthusiasm. 

“Oh, I read all sorts of things, but I thought I’d try this one”. Jeno leafed through the pages tenderly, holding it up for the other to see. “It’s by one of the great Romantic authors, it’s meant to be a classic”, he laughed softly. 

“If you like fantasies, try this”, he continued, grinning, holding up a book from the bottom of his pile and extending his arm out in the boy’s direction. 

Renjun reached out hesitantly to take it, his finger accidently brushing Jeno’s. The touch sent momentary shivers shooting through his hand and spreading across his entire body until a light blush appeared visibly on his hot cheeks. He felt everything slow down around him in those seconds, the encounter oddly intense as he stared into the deep brown eyes that faced him. In that moment, all he could think about was how they stared back into his own, the corners creasing slightly as Jeno smiled softly. His breathing shallowed, the feelings were foreign to Renjun and he quickly pulled the book towards himself. Embarrassment shone through his nervous eyes as he avoided further contact and looked down at the floor. Jeno let his hand drop from the book awkwardly, his arm falling to his side. 

“Thank you… I … uh… should go now”, Renjun said tentatively, moving quickly towards the bedroom door. 

“Oh, yes of course”, Jeno spoke back, finding himself slightly disappointed that the other was leaving. 

As Renjun opened the bedroom door the sound of Jeno’s voice stopped him. 

“Let me know what you think of it”, Jeno spoke, nodding in the direction of the book that Renjun held. 

“I will do, Sir”, Renjun chimed as he stepped out of the doorway. 

Jeno couldn’t help the faint smirk that spread across his face, images of Renjun’s endearing blush dancing through his restless mind once more. 

xxx

The sun was beginning to set as Renjun sat on the rose garden’s stone bench. The coral sky was flushed with wisps of pink, the soft hues bathing the garden in warm light. The book Mr Lee had given him a few evenings ago was held in front of him carefully. He traced the letters on the cover slowly with his fingers, taking each one in attentively. 

_Peter Pan_

It was a story about a boy who had no family, who was lost and didn’t want to grow up to face the world. It reminded him of the stories he read when he was young, with its childish charm. He turned back to it, ready to return to Neverland, when a long shadow was cast across the pages, blocking the evening sunlight. 

In just another moment, Mr Lee was sat beside him on the bench, the two of them alone amongst the rose bushes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo there you go! Finally things are progressing between Jeno and Renjun and there will be a lot more interaction in the next chapters ( and conflicts whoops). I've just finished watching all the twitter content for dream show and i CANNOT believe Jeno today ahhh ( kinda reminds me of the scene at the end of the last chapter hehe). Also, Renjun and Jisung crying - they're the sweetest angels :')). Anyway, welcome new subscribers and thank you so much to the people that have showed support for this story - I love you all so much! Kudos and comments are appreciated, I really like hearing your thoughts ♥


	7. To friendship

The ground was all too familiar to Jeno as the strands of grass were softened with each step beneath the soles of the heavy black boots he wore. After years, he had finally managed to convince himself that it didn’t exist, that the rose garden could remain overgrown and untouched for the rest of his own life, until there would be no one there to care about or even remember it. Yet here he was, striding straight into his past. Each step closer filled him with a thrilling sense of nostalgia but brought a little more dread coursing through his body as he felt his pace slow at the crumbling walls of its entrance. 

_He had been alone by the window in his bedroom again, his gateway to the outside world, another evening passing by as he watched the sun set. His view of the garden meant that he could see the housekeeper, tucked away within its walls, this time the book he had been given clutched tightly in his hands as he studied each page with interest. Again, Jeno had found himself drawn to the other, enticed by his inquisition and his sincere expression as he skimmed his delicate fingers across the pages of the novel. _

His steps were fitful, Jeno desperate to repress his thoughts of the housekeeper. When this failed, he moved his hand up to his neck anxiously, running his rough fingers across where the scar lay under the scarf’s satiny fabric, ensuring the threads were secure there. Jeno basked in the freshness of the spring air as it nipped at his skin. Although he had convinced himself that the nature of his action was simply curiosity, he found his breathing quickening as he sat down next to the figure reading on the bench. 

“It’s beautiful”, Jeno whispered impulsively. 

The other seemed alarmed by the words as he cast his startled eyes away from the pages of the book. He looked to his right where Jeno sat, disorientated by the unexpected interruption, the book now discarded in his lap. 

“Hmm?”, Renjun spoke innocently. 

“The garden… you really did all of this in such a short time?”, Jeno questioned. He gestured with his hand, blond hair flopping in his face as his fingertips wavered across the green. 

“I… yeah. Chenle and Jisung have been helping me out with it too. They love it here almost as much as I do. It will look even better when the roses bloom properly”, Renjun answered happily, nervousness beginning to drip away as he found his comfort within the walls of the garden. 

Jeno looked around at the budding rose bushes and tiny flowerings that adorned them. All the deadness had been pulled away and what remained, he could not deny, was truly stunning. He winced faintly as the memories surfaced again, _his beautiful rose garden_, the images of what it once was causing a pained expression to taint his saddened features. The change in demeanour didn’t go unnoticed by the other and he turned to face Jeno. 

“Are you okay Sir?”, Renjun asked worriedly. 

“Uh… yes sorry I’m fine… it’s really going to be stunning”, Jeno murmured. There was a brief moment of awkward silence between the two of them as neither knew what to say to the other. 

“How’s the book going?”, Jeno asked hesitantly. 

“Oh, I was just reading it”, Renjun smiled as he picked up the pages he had thrown into his lap, holding them up indicatively. “I’ve nearly finished”, he continued with a tiny huff of breath, a small pout forming across his lips as he thought about the prospect of having no new books to read in his hours of boredom within the castle. 

“And… what did you think of it?”, Jeno nodded encouragingly. 

“It was… charmingly childish, I loved it”, Renjun laughed with a faint gleam in his eyes, flicking through the book fondly. 

“You must be ready for another one then. There’s plenty more, the library here is huge. Come and see it sometime”, the man ventured, Renjun’s smile lighting up and he saw the softness in Jeno’s face as he uttered the words. He nodded eagerly in response and the other began to lift himself from the bench. 

“It’s getting dark, we should head in for the night. I was just passing by and I thought I’d come and have a look in here”, Jeno said, stretching his arms behind his back in tiredness. Renjun quickly closed the pages of his book shut, marking the place that he had left it at, and stood from the bench, nodding his head again in silent agreement. 

“It was nice to talk to you Sir, I can… uh… show you the rest of the garden in the morning too if you would like?”, Renjun gushed, almost bowing his head instinctively. 

“Thank you”, Jeno paused and gave the other a genuine smile. “I’d like that a lot.” 

xxx

The two parted once they returned to the castle, Renjun sleepily retiring to his room. On his way, he stopped by the kitchen, eyeing Donghyuck, who was preparing a tray of food on the table. He glanced at the singular silver tray of bread and fruit and then back up to Donghyuck, who was arranging it neatly on the plate. 

“Can I help you?”, the cook spoke roughly, not looking up from his movements. 

“Oh no, that’s okay, I just came to grab something to eat”, Renjun said quietly, not wanting to be any more of a hassle. 

“There’s a plate over there I kept aside for you”, Donghyuck said bluntly as he finally looked up at Renjun, face a little softer and, if he wasn’t mistaken, he believed the cook may finally like him after the events that took place during their talk a few nights ago, at least enough to save meals for him. 

“Th-thank you”, Renjun stuttered as he rushed over to the plate on the sideboard. 

_ “Where’s Jaemin gone now?”_, Donghyuck groaned, slamming the tray that was clearly meant for Mr Lee back on the table in frustration. It struck Renjun then, how utterly isolated the Master was, how empty the castle rooms were and how lonely he must be within his own mind. 

__

__

Jaemin burst through the door in a dazed hurry as the cook greeted him with a firm glare. 

“Finally, _please_ take this to Jeno, I think he’s in the library again,”, the other muttered under his breath, passing Jaemin the silver tray and then glancing over his shoulder to check on something boiling on the stove. 

“Thanks”, Jaemin spoke quickly, snatching the tray and turning on his heels again. He stopped. 

“Oh, Renjun. Just something to note, Mr Lee’s uncle and his son are staying in a couple of weeks. I’m not sure how long they’ll be here for but if you could make up the beds in the rooms in the east wing that would be great. It shouldn’t be too much extra work for you, but you might have to give Donghyuck a hand with cooking”, the butler’s words were breathless as he panted, failing to notice Donghyuck’s bitter glare at the mention of the guests. 

“Oh right, that’s okay”, Renjun spoke back to Jaemin, but before he could acknowledge it, the other had rushed off, tray in hand and walking in the direction of the stairs. 

xxx

“That’s a white carnation”, Renjun stated with joy. “People say they’re for good luck”, he continued, picking up one of the carnations that had fallen into the grass and holding it in the direction of the other. Jeno inspected it carefully, the white petals fragile where they hung delicately from the flower. 

“What about these?”, Jeno voiced, attention caught as he followed Renjun around the bed of blooms. 

“Those are hydrangeas, they’re a spring flower”, Renjun spoke, pointing at the cluster of blue. 

“And this?” 

“Oh… that’s… uh… a weed. Jisung should have pulled that out the other day”, Renjun chuckled with embarrassment. They both laughed and Jeno looked rather sheepish for all his cluelessness. 

“Come on, let’s go to the rose garden”, Renjun spoke through his laughter, gesturing for Jeno to follow him, footsteps light and energetic as they went. His eyes were soft and sparkly as Jeno watched the smaller tumble through the entrance, shoulders rising and falling with the light gasps of his giggle. He found himself captivated by the crinkle of Renjun’s smile as it curved upwards into an endearing grin when he looked back at him. They both stood spellbound in a moment of awe at the sight of the roses in the beauty of daylight, the sun’s rays illuminating the flowers in a constellation of colourful blooms. Renjun stared proudly at the tiny buds that clung to the bushes. 

“The pink roses… they’re a symbol of sweetness.” 

“You sure do know a lot about flowers Renjun”, Jeno laughed nervously as he looked at the other. 

“My mother taught me when I was younger and it just sort of… stuck with me I guess”, Renjun’s voice trailed off, the wave of sadness washing over him dully as thoughts of his mother crossed his mind again. He suppressed them before Jeno could notice. 

“And the yellow ones over here… they’re for friendship.” 

The other watched Jeno’s eyes fixate on them. Renjun took one of the petals that had dropped from a rose, placing it in the open palm of Jeno’s hand, moving his fingers carefully so that they closed around the fragile blossom. 

“To friendship”, the housekeeper smiled softly and Jeno felt stunned by the warmth that radiated and tightened across his chest as he felt the boy’s fingers ghost across his own, resting there with a pause before they withdrew tenderly. 

_“To friendship”_, Jeno spoke back, knowing the other was pulling at his heart in ways that he had never before felt possible, and for the first time since their terrible meeting in the library, the two seemed blissfully at ease in each other’s presence, simply relishing the thoughts of their growing affection. 

xxx

“Let’s go to the kitchen”, Renjun said with excitement. Some time had passed since the two had entered the rose garden and they sat on its stone bench again, in comfortable silence until now. Jeno blinked back. 

“We can grab some food there… I think Donghyuck went out with the boys so we can just make something up ourselves”, Renjun said, standing and bounding back towards the castle, Jeno running after his quickened steps. 

“Renjun I-” 

“Aren’t you hungry though?”, he asked, round eyes wide with confusion as he waited for the other to respond to his statement.

“I… uh… okay then” 

Sure enough, the kitchen was empty when they entered it and Jeno sat down at the table whilst Renjun searched through the cupboards haphazardly. He tapped his fingers on the door with interest as he carefully inspected its contents, an idea finally striking him. 

_ “Omelette!” _, he spoke triumphantly, holding the eggs up in the air with glee. 

“Uh… how do we do that?”, Jeno questioned earnestly. 

“You… don’t know how to make an omelette?”, Renjun almost choked out the words, the surprise evident by his frowning features and furrowed brow. 

“No…I… I’ve never had to before. I don’t really know how to cook”, Jeno stuttered, embarrassed by his lack of culinary skill. 

“Well”, Renjun spoke encouragingly, not giving up now. 

“It’s about time you learnt, Mr Lee”, he continued, voice laced with determination as he placed the eggs down on the counter. 

“There’s milk and cheese over there too”, he instructed carefully, Jeno fetching the items with caution. 

“Here crack these into a bowl and mix them”, Renjun advised calmly, passing the box of eggs from across the table. Jeno listened carefully and once Renjun had finished speaking, repeated it, whisking the mixture with a fork he had taken out from one of the drawers. Renjun poured the milk with precision and then sprinkled a little salt and pepper in, taking it from Jeno and placing it on the kitchen counter, beginning to stir. The other watched the swift and easy movements, wondering if there was anything Renjun _couldn’t_ do. The boy looked up, eyes meeting Jeno’s again with kindness. 

“What?”, he laughed out gently as he poured the mixture into a pan. 

“Nothing…I’ll get some knives and forks”. 

“It’s not exactly Donghyuck standard but it should do”, Renjun laughed as he lifted it carefully to see how much longer it would need to cook. When it was ready, he cut the omelette into even halves and put one on each of the plates. They sat down at the large kitchen table. 

“Well, it tastes great”, Jeno said sincerely, placing another piece into his mouth. Renjun simply hummed in response, the Master’s enthusiasm rather endearing to him. 

“So… your uncle and cousin are coming to stay.” 

“Hmm”, Jeno groaned with a sigh. 

“Not good?” 

“We don’t exactly get on”, Jeno’s voice was tinged with distain. 

“My father always liked him…he always put so much trust in him, I suppose that’s what you do with a brother. I’ve always found something quite… disagreeable about my uncle. My cousin is just as bad too. We were always thrown together as children and he was so spiteful, always wanted whatever I had. It got so bad that my mother would have to separate us at times to stop us from tearing at each other’s throats”, Jeno spoke bitterly, pausing as Renjun nodded his head with sincere intent. 

“Why do they come here if they act like that?” 

“Well… they’re the only family I have I suppose. I think my uncle just wants to talk business with me again. He doesn’t usually go this long without telling me I should move out”, Jeno spoke, the subtle anger burning in his eyes. 

“Oh…?”, Renjun whispered, sensing the deep irritation of the other as he reached down for his knife and fork again and continued eating. 

“Renjun”, Jeno said quickly, pointing to an area by the corner of Renjun’s mouth, wiping his own face in the same place. Renjun stared back at him in confusion. 

“Huh?” 

“You’ve got… on your face… in the corner”, he stuttered, demonstrating again. Renjun moved his hand to his face, miscalculating his movements as his fingers brushed against it. When Renjun had missed for the third time, Jeno reached his own hand up, gently brushing his own fingers over the crumbs, making them fall from Renjun’s cheek. He felt the softness of the other’s skin as he ran his thumb over it, the heat that radiated from it disappearing immediately as he dropped his hand back down, smiling awkwardly at the housekeeper. 

“I should tidy up”, Renjun mumbled, stacking the plates together with a loud clatter as he stumbled over to the sink, only then allowing himself to acknowledge the intense blush that flushed across his rosy cheeks. He moved his hand up to feel the warmth, momentarily hating himself for the uncontrolled effect that the other’s touch had had on him _again. _

“Do you want to get those books from the library?”, Jeno’s voice sounded behind him. 

“I suppose that might be a good idea… at least I’m properly dressed this time.” 

Jeno snorted out a laugh, a single eyebrow raised as he recalled their first ever meeting in the library where the other had been dressed in his white night clothes. 

“I won’t shout at you this time, I promise”, Jeno continued with a shameless grin as he walked up to the other and patted his shoulder affectionately. 

xxx

The library was cold and quiet when they entered. Renjun remembered it from his first week in the castle but he hadn’t been back since. It was huge, lined with a vast array of literature and leather-bound books. He looked around in awe, finally here long enough to appreciate the splendour of the room. Jeno walked to stand next to him and he turned to face the man, breaking his trance. 

“Aren’t you hot in that?”, Renjun said, motioning to the scarf that wound round Jeno’s neck. 

“No…I…I’ll keep it on”, Jeno stuttered back, pulling it tighter. “My father started this collection”, he gestured to the books around the room. “He wanted to make sure my sisters and I always had good books to read… that’s how he put it anyway”, Jeno chuckled fondly. 

“I’ve never seen anything like it before in my life, it’s amazing”, Renjun said as he gazed at a nearby shelf of books. He stepped closer, observing the titles carefully before pulling one out and handing it to Jeno. 

“Here, read this”, he choked on a laugh as the other looked down at the cover. Jeno’s face flashed with feigned annoyance as he tossed the cookery book onto a nearby table. 

“Actually…that might be useful”, he spoke begrudgingly, looking up, but Renjun had already wandered off somewhere in the huge room. He was gone merely thirty seconds before he returned, excitement gracing his features as he sprinted towards where Jeno stood. 

“I found something, come and see”, he spoke with enthusiasm and when Jeno didn’t respond, he pulled the other gently by the arm and towards his chosen aisle. 

“I can’t reach it though”, Renjun pouted to the high shelves of texts. Jeno leaned up instinctively, on his tip toes as he pulled it out from the other books, passing it down to where Renjun stood below him. The other reached out for it tentatively, undeniably aware of how close the man was to him. In that moment he could feel the light ghosting of breath that fleeted across his cheeks as the other’s face fell inches away from his own before disappearing again as his feet landed back on the floor. Renjun looked at Jeno’s face carefully, the kindness radiating from its surface. 

The man was like a rose. There was more than met the eye. Just like the flower itself, behind his hardened exterior, the thorns, there lay a fragile individual, a truly beautiful soul with vibrancy and compassion, a complex secret Renjun was determined to uncover. Where Renjun had only seen thorns before, he began to see a softness blooming in Jeno’s burdened soul. 

xxx

Jeno walked back from the library, oddly lonely without the calming presence of the housekeeper beside him. He had spent most of that day with Renjun and the other had now gone to his room, a stack of books under his arm. Jeno wished he could’ve spent more time with the other but, remembering his position as housekeeper, Renjun had blatantly stated that he should probably be getting on with necessary duties and as Master of the household, Jeno had little ammunition to resist, he too knowing his place within their dynamic. His footsteps continued down the corridor as he thought about the blissful day he had spent with the other. 

He stopped as Jaemin appeared in front of him, walking out from a nearby corridor so the two crossed paths in their travels. The butler nodded his head in acknowledgement, forgetting any formalities and pulling Jeno towards him by the shoulders. 

“What’s up with you? You seem _unusually_ happy”, he laughed suspiciously as he held Jeno’s cheeks in his hand and squeezed them lightly between his thumb and fingers. The man batted them away dismissively, eyes meeting with those of the brown-haired boy in front of him. 

“Jaemin, do you know what a hyacinth is?” 

“A what?” 

“It’s a bulb that flowers, and Renjun said we can plant some in the garden this year”, Jeno spoke with rushed excitement. 

“In _the_ garden?”, Jaemin said back in low tones and his stomach lurched at the sudden realisation that the housekeeper was the source of Jeno’s newfound happiness. Did Jeno _like_ Renjun? He was so used to it being the two of them that he had forgotten what jealousy felt like. He let his expression remain stoic for a moment before looking up to face the other with a small grin that masked his pain with pretend happiness. 

“Well then, I look forward to seeing them when they grow”, he said with his best joyful voice, bidding the Master goodnight and turning on his heels down the corridor, visions of Jeno clambering at his thoughts, which he pushed away forcefully, focused only on the unwashed plate on the tray he held in his hands. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! This chapter took a lot of planning and thinking to write but I am finally back with it for you, yay! I've started writing the next chapter and its a big one so I'm excited to share it with all of you!  
Thank you all who are sticking with this story and reading it. I would love to hear your comments and thoughts about it below <3 see you in the next chapter!


	8. Under stars

Jeno was anxious. 

He knew that as the weeks passed, his feelings for the housekeeper had grown and because of that he was anxious, he was terrified. The two had been meeting in the garden almost daily ever since the first time he had ventured in. The enthralling young man was breaking through his emotional armour and whilst the pain was exquisite, his mind held no power over the command of his heart anymore. As he paced at night, his head was filled with thoughts of Renjun. The angry strides of the past had become softer as he mapped the face he had grown so fond of in his mind, pausing to allow focus on a particular detail, the curve of a brow, the tilt of a smile, the crease of an eyelid as he laughed. Their time together in the rose garden had meant they’d spent many happy hours working side by side as equals over the weeks, no hierarchy between them whilst they were there. Renjun had taught Jeno so much about the plants which they now nurtured together. He would describe every detail of each rose and Jeno would nod with wide eyes, desperately trying to commit each aspect to memory. 

Whilst the days were filled with the rose garden, when Renjun was not attending to his housekeeping duties, the early evenings belonged to the library. Jeno excelled here, his mind expanded by his extensive reading history, and the two lost many hours deep in discussion about stylistic detail of novels or the rhythm of classic love sonnets. Jeno had found Renjun to be an erudite partner with a passion for literature which illuminated and fuelled his own. 

The sun often left them far behind as the evenings stretched into nights, forcing them to sit closely to see each other in the soft moonlight that shone through the library’s arched windows. 

_“What’s in a name? that which we call a rose  
By any other name would smell as sweet;  
So, Romeo would, were he not Romeo call’d,  
Retain that dear perfection which he owes  
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name;  
And for that name, which is no part of thee,” _  


_ “Take all myself” _, Renjun stopped reading hastily as the words in front of him were uttered in unison with his own speech, Jeno’s voice working in synchrony. He looked up shyly, watching as the other glanced around the library thoughtfully, reciting the piece from memory. There was a short silence, the weight of the words spoken washing over Renjun in gentle flutters. He slammed the book shut quickly and the flurry of air as the pages were forced together fanned across his face. It was thrown into his open lap hurriedly, and, placing his palms on the cover, he looked up. 

“You know it?” 

_ “Romeo and Juliet_… of course, it’s just about the greatest love story ever written”, Jeno said fondly, eyes making contact with the other’s as they looked at him in astonishment. They were wide and curious, painting a thousand expressions with a single glance and Jeno thought he could watch them forever and still find something exquisite there. Renjun’s fingers ran over the spine of the book gently and it occurred to Jeno then, that he wanted nothing more than for the book to tumble to the floor, for it to fall from Renjun’s lap as his arms pulled him into an embrace, his body gentle and warm. With his thoughts catching up to his actions, he leant forward from where he sat cross legged on the floor, hand outstretched in the direction of Renjun’s own to initiate a soft touch. Before the tips of his fingers could even ghost over the other’s, Renjun, in his oblivious state, had turned and risen from the floor. The book was still in his hands and he began walking in the direction of the shelf he had taken it from, leaving Jeno pitifully grasping at the empty air where the hands once were. He felt his cheeks hot with embarrassment, the burn searing across his whole body as he withdrew quickly, letting his palm fall. 

A few minutes later the housekeeper returned, a look of inquisition across his face. 

“The first time I met you… you were here in the middle of the night, you couldn’t have been reading?” 

“I could say the same to you Renjun”, Jeno said teasingly as he poked the housekeeper lightly with his index finger. “The books here are my life”, he explained, more solemn now. “For the last four years… I’ve been coming here when I can’t sleep… it’s my place of comfort”, Jeno said in hushed tones. “Even though I can’t read them at night, they just help me to calm down, to escape my thoughts and it’s embarrassing but, when I think about the stories inside them, I… I … don’t feel panicked anymore. It disappears around me and I can focus again.” 

Renjun listened intently as Jeno laid his thoughts down and although the room was getting dark, he saw how vulnerable the man in front of him looked, his pained eyes speaking wordlessly. He saw the fragility, the rose, he knew why it had thorns now. It shielded him from his own insecurities, Jeno withdrawing as protection, not letting anyone get close. It must be so hard; he must be hurting. 

“The pacing footsteps I hear… that’s why…” 

He watched as the other nodded in silent affirmation. Renjun was quiet, words lost as he reached a tentative hand forward, placing it on the man’s shoulder and calmly stroking down his arm until his fingertips brushed over the cuffs of the white shirt that covered his wrist, running his thumb over the warm skin below it gently. Jeno looked up and smiled sadly. 

“It’s okay… I have the library, and the garden and…” 

_You. _

The words were on his lips, but he stopped himself before they could escape, his speech trailing off. 

Renjun could tell by the sincerity in his voice, how much the library meant to Jeno and he nodded earnestly, moving his hand back into his own lap, the evening’s fading light finally catching up with him. 

“It’s getting dark, I’ll go and get a candle from downstairs for us.” 

“No”, Jeno cut in sharply, startling Renjun. 

“No, it’s...probably time we left”, he rushed. Renjun watched as he controlled his breathing again, not speaking. He sensed his pain, deciding not to question it just then. 

“I should go anyway… house duties and... all that … goodnight Mr Lee”, Renjun spoke softly through the uncomfortable air as he rose to his feet. 

xxx

It was two days later, when they had been working in the garden through the day, that they sat on its bench once more, the dusky sky now painted a shade of blushing pink as the sun set behind the trees that surrounded them. They faced the colours, watching the disappearing light illuminate the rose bushes. 

“It’s come a long way”, Jeno said as he gazed out at the blooms. 

“It makes such a difference with two people working on it.”, Renjun turned to face the other. 

“I’ve really enjoyed helping out, you’ve opened my eyes up to it again. I thought I could never face the sight of it”, Jeno said, realising finally that it was not just the garden that haunted him, but the state of decay he had allowed it to slip into in his abandonment of it. 

Renjun’s eyes smiled, the happiness fading faintly as his gaze fell onto the scarf. He had been wearing it whenever the two were together and Renjun knew exactly why. He’d seen the scar before, and, although he didn’t know its origin, he thought that it shouldn’t be hidden, not around him at least. He glanced at the space under the fabric where he remembered it lay, imagining what it would look like if the other removed it freely. Jeno noticed his line of vision immediately, his own eyes meeting Renjun’s, trying to focus the attention back to his face, discomfort in his uneasy movements. The closeness between them suddenly became unbearable to Jeno as he retracted his body, a hand moving up to where the blemishes began on his neck. He let it rest there, face cast towards the ground as they sat in silence. 

He felt the warmth brush over the back of his hand before he saw it, soft fingertips slipping over his, holding it reassuringly before bringing it down to rest on his knees. Renjun was bold but cautious in his actions and he held the other’s hand with kindness. 

_ “It doesn’t define you.” _

Jeno didn’t say anything at first, he was so confused, conflicted, the terror of Renjun’s potential abandonment running violently through his thoughts. Renjun held his hand softly as he moved it into Jeno’s lap, withdrawing his own. He turned to look at the other’s face. 

“I want to know everything about you… the real you. What are you hiding? I want to know what’s hurting you so badly Mr Lee”, Renjun spoke quietly, compassion in his voice. 

Jeno was stubborn but his face softened slightly, seeing how Renjun’s gaze wavered, and how he played nervously with his fingers inside the sleeve of the shirt he wore, worried he had offended the man. Renjun truly did care. Jeno kept the scarf on, but through it all, let his guard down just slightly. 

“First of all, you can stop calling me Mr Lee”, he managed to say with a small choked laugh. 

“It’s Jeno from now on.” 

“Jeno…”, Renjun finally repeated, the words feeling foreign on his tongue. 

Jeno blinked back at him, the breath through his nose slightly shaky and his hands trembling. Bowing his head low, he flicked a wayward piece of dirt that had stuck to his trousers in their work, trying to compose his mind well enough for speech. 

“I was fifteen when it happened. Four years ago. I lost everything”, he whispered, voice still quiet and discreet. 

“The castle used to be so grand…I lived here with my mother, father and three sisters”, he breathed. “Jaemin did too, he was the last butler’s son. His mother died when he was young, so he always relied on his father. He and I grew up together, Jaemin being slightly younger than me. He was lost and nervous, he followed me everywhere and we ended up doing everything together”, Jeno said whimsically as he bit back his tears through a fond laugh. “That’s why… I couldn’t just leave him in there”, his voice trailed off. 

“There was a fire in the west wing. It burnt down. My family was hosting a gathering, they told me I was too young to be there. My sisters were older though”, Jeno’s breath wracked from his chest as he continued his speech. “Instead, I thought I’d take my horse out for some fresh air. I was so angry about not being able to go and I needed to let it out somehow, so I went riding”, he laughed bitterly, the weight of guilt pushing down on his mind. 

“When I came back, there were flames everywhere. I was so shocked I could hardly move, I thought, it couldn’t have been real, things like that didn’t happen to our family. I was so naïve”, he paused. “I went in there to try and save them. I can hardly remember anything about inside, except the smoke, I could barely see a thing. I didn’t get far before I tripped over Jaemin. He was unconscious and... I couldn’t just leave him; my best friend, I had to get him out before I went in further.” 

Renjun nodded with horror, the pieces finally starting to fit together. 

“I carried him to the doorway and I nearly made it through, almost. People were standing outside. Donghyuck and… Mark, they were both there, screaming at me to get out but I could barely even make it to the door”, Jeno said, remembering how the smoke had filled his lungs and stolen his air, Jaemin limp in his arms. “And then… as I got closer to it, the chandelier fell”, he spoke carefully, pointing to the scarf he still wore. “The shards of glass cut down my back. It took me out cold, dragging both of us down. The next thing I remember was when I woke up. I was in one of the guest rooms on the other side of the castle. Jaemin was there and he looked mostly unharmed. There were a few bruises on his face and arms, but I’ve never seen someone look so relieved in my life. He cried into my shoulder, he was sobbing, and I knew there must have been something else. There was something he wasn’t telling me. Jaemin never cried.”, Renjun winced at Jeno’s words. “My entire family had died in there, Jaemin’s father too. They were all gone. I broke down in front of him and he sobbed even harder”, Jeno said as he thought about how the two had sat there, no concept of time, wailing helplessly. “I knew I was lucky to be alive, we both did, but it didn’t take away the emptiness.” 

“We were allowed to stay in the castle, Jaemin and I, Mark and Donghyuck too. I was a minor at the time, so the money went to my father’s brother, my uncle. If I stay here until I’m twenty-one then the money is mine and I don’t have to rely on him anymore.” 

“Jaemin recovered quickly and he nursed me back to health, he bandaged my wounds and dressed them. I needed him and he was always there for me, but… every day I grew more and more disgusted with myself, with the way I looked, the fact I hadn’t died along with my family. He told me I needed to stay strong, that the scar wasn’t as bad as I thought and I tried, I really did. At first, I would go into the local town but then, I could feel eyes on me everywhere, I thought everyone was staring. It was awful so I stopped. I couldn’t face people anymore, except the ones that knew me before the accident”, he spoke dully as his eyes became glassy, tears threatening to fall. 

“Jaemin wanted to make his father proud, so he took on the role of butler here, but honestly, he’s like a brother, I could never assert any kind of actual authority over him, not after everything he’s done for me. That’s how we’ve lived here since, on our own until now. You’ve really changed things”, he managed to compose himself enough to laugh softly. 

“Jeno… I’m so sorry for what I’ve uncovered”, Renjun spoke with sadness. He took Jeno’s hand into his own again, and the other moved his free hand so that it sat atop of the smaller’s one. 

“No, it’s about time I faced it. You’ve done so much for me and you don’t even know it. The garden was such a special place for my family. Seeing you here, it just brought everything back to me, how beautiful it used to be. All you did, was release some of my ghosts”, Jeno spoke poignantly and Renjun smiled, touched by his words. 

_ “I was getting rid of some of my own too.” _

There was another pause between them as Jeno looked up at Renjun. 

“I saw you… that day you were in here and Jaemin bandaged your hands. I thought you were upset because I told you to leave… there was something else wasn’t there?”, Jeno spoke slowly as he searched the other’s face for a change in emotion. Renjun could feel the tears welling in his eyes and blinked them back with caution, willing himself not to cry again. 

“I told you I learnt about all of this from my mother, didn’t I? The flowers... the cooking”. Jeno nodded his head. “She was an angel”, he trailed off again. “ She had such a tough time from my father, we both did.” He felt the tears prick at the corners of his eyes, shortly followed by Jeno rubbing a sympathetic hand across his back and murmuring short and soft ‘its okay’s’ in comfort. 

“My father, he could never come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t like him, that I liked flowers and reading and dancing. She always told me to be who I wanted to be whenever he tried to destroy all of it with his words. We planted a garden together; it was our safe place. I wanted to dance, and she let me in secret. She took me to the classes every week even though it burdened her, and she would have to make up excuses for my father about where we were in those hours. The aggression soon turned physical against my mother and then me, getting worse every day. But then…. when I was twelve…. she died and I was left alone with him. He was always so violent, but it only got worse without her protection. I was so young, I didn’t know how to escape it, where to go or who to tell”, Renjun stuttered at the painful memories. 

“I kept attending the ballet classes, in secret. One day though, I came home from school and he was there, I don’t know how he found them but I can only assume he had been waiting for me because the second I walked through the door he grabbed me by my shirt, holding my black ballet shoes up to my face and screaming the usual about what a disappointment I was to him.”, Renjun breathed out, the memories overwhelming him as he trembled. “He hit me often, but that day was one of the worst. I begged him to stop but instead, he pulled me up by my shirt again and dragged me to our basement. I’ll never forget that day, the first time it happened. I was so scared, and I didn’t know when he would unlock the door or, if he ever would. Two days later he appeared, kicking me to get up and telling me that I had school in a few hours. After that, if we got into serious arguments, he would simply shut me in there for hours, days, it always differed depending on his mood. I stopped fighting after that, I couldn’t tell him to stop, he wouldn’t have listened or understood anyway. Every day after school I would go to the public library, it was my way of escaping. It meant that I didn’t have to go home. I could immerse myself in something else, another reality. After my mother died, I would daydream of a new life, of something better but it never came. He continued to hurt me; I think he just enjoyed having someone around that he could use as a punching bag. That’s why… here… the basement, every time I look at it, it just reminds me of _him_. I did jobs for neighbours and saved enough money to leave so when I finally got the job here, I thought things were going to get better. I don’t know what he would do if I ever went back”, Jeno nodded silently as the other boy held his composure well. 

“When I saw the rose garden, it brought all of those memories back to me, good and bad and in the end, I just wanted to take care of it. I don’t know why but I thought that if I could save it, I would somehow be closer to her, that I would make my mother proud”, Renjun spoke lightly, the tears finally spilling from his doleful eyes. Jeno moved a hand up to his face with caution and wiped them away with his thumb, his own heart breaking. Not only had the other had such a hard life, but here he was, sharing it with him as they both sat, vulnerable, in their rose garden, tears rolling down their faces as they unburdened their hearts to each other. 

“You like ballet then?”, Jeno laughed through the tears, an attempt at lightening the atmosphere. Renjun nodded his head almost shyly. “Please do show me”, was Jeno’s instantaneous response, hands gesturing for him to stand. 

Renjun rose from the bench, taking a step forward to give some space around himself as he kicked off his shoes, composing his posture. His back straightened as he gracefully outstretched one arm to the left, while the other, he arched gently above his head. He pointed one foot in front of the other gracefully before gliding it up to his knee. The movements were strong and controlled whilst still fluid and Jeno was transfixed. Renjun momentarily leaned his head and upper body to one side and hopped onto the other foot before leaping effortlessly, landing in a pirouette and holding his pose. He looked up at Jeno and smiled coyly, waiting for a reaction. Jeno swallowed nervously and felt his heart racing as he looked back at the other’s elegant figure. Renjun was a work of art, his poise and movement precise. 

“Here”, Renjun spoke quickly, stepping forward slightly and outstretching his hand to Jeno. He took it, and before he knew it, Jeno was rising from where he sat, hand still being held. Renjun bent his legs in a perfectly formed plie, gesturing for the other to repeat his graceful movements as he held his arm to steady him. 

“Like this?”, he said as he bent his legs clumsily, laughing as Renjun raised one eyebrow, feigning his disapproval. 

“Sort of”, he hesitated and giggled as Jeno lost his balance, Renjun pulling him up again towards his own body. 

After Jeno’s fourth attempt, they sat back down, Renjun stopping to stare up at the darkening sky above them. He looked at the constellations that shone across the cloudless sky, nudging Jeno to watch the view with him. 

“It’s so clear tonight. You can see Cassiopeia”, he paused a moment waiting for his finger to waver over the correct array of stars, “and Orion”. Jeno looked up at the sky where it met with Renjun’s extended fingers, vision slowly trailing down his arm, until the fabric of his shirt met with his collarbones, and finally, above that to his face, a look of wonder spread across it as the light of the stars reflected in his eyes. Jeno nodded his head, distracted by the other in his reply. 

“Jeno… what are you doing? They’re up there”, Renjun replied with a nervous laugh, seeing the man’s line of vision leave the sky above them. 

“Oh sorry, I …”, he trailed off, and in that moment, the world seemed to have drifted away. 

Renjun’s eyes too were now cast away from the sky as he sensed the other’s gaze on him. Jeno traced from his furrowed brow, the faintness of his dimples, down to the soft shape of his jawline. He was captivated by the way Renjun’s lips glistened under the now silvery moonlight; breath rapid as he looked up at him. His mouth was parted slightly as the evening air left it each time he exhaled, line of sight flicking between Jeno’s eyes and his mouth, finally resting on the latter. Renjun turned his body, palms resting on the stone surface as he leant, pushing forward to fill the space between them, the familiar musky scent of the other intoxicating him almost instantly. Renjun bit his lip nervously as his gaze played over Jeno’s full lips, uncertain in his actions. He was compelled, he needed to taste them, to know what they felt like against his own. He couldn’t go back now, the other’s mouth so close to his own that their cloudy breath entwined and drew them closer. Renjun released the bite and parted his lips, his eyes closing to focus all his senses on the imminent touch. 

The kiss was tender and gentle as Renjun pressed his lips lightly to the corner of Jeno’s mouth. The other didn’t react initially, Renjun fearful that he had crossed the limits of the Master’s affection, his boss. What was he? _A housekeeper_. Jeno was too stunned by the action to compose himself and Renjun pulled his lips away almost immediately, gauging his response. When Jeno looked back with a slight smirk, his tongue running gently across the area where the lips had just been, Renjun knew he could continue. He moved slowly, this time beginning at the other’s mouth as he brushed his lips daringly against Jeno’s, feeling the warmth radiating from them. It was chaste, Renjun still leant on his palms, lips innocently meeting Jeno’s own. He trailed his lips down, pressing soft brushes of his mouth against Jeno’s jaw until he reached the place where the scarf lay across his neck. Grasping the fabric to find leverage, Renjun’s hands tugged it carelessly to the side, the entire garment falling in a heap on the ground to Jeno’s left. Jeno froze for a second, posture stiffening as the cold evening air hit the exposed skin, but he didn’t protest, arms moving forwards to rest on Renjun’s waist. Renjun’s lips moved down, placing soft kisses over his scarred neck. The action was warm and soothing, Jeno feeling at ease. Renjun pulled back, eyes meeting Jeno’s hazy ones. 

“You could lose your job for that”, Jeno let out in a small laugh. 

“I’d risk anything to kiss you again”, Renjun whispered. 

This time Jeno took the lead, body turning fully to face Renjun as he moved one hand up to the smaller’s cheek, cupping it gently. He looked at the boy, his heart captivated as he silently asked permission, eyes dark and soft while his arms held Renjun’s body against his own. Gently tilting Renjun’s face upwards, he moved his lips closer, his other hand staying closed around the boy’s waist. Jeno smiled gently as his lips finally grazed against the other’s honeyed ones, Renjun kissing him back more desperately this time. Renjun slid his hand behind Jeno’s back, running his finger softly across the other’s nape and tangling his fingertips in the messy blond hair. He pulled on it gently as their mouths moved together, impatience growing, their actions complementary to each other. As the kiss deepened, Renjun ran his fevered tongue lightly over Jeno’s bottom lip, demanding, as he let out soft murmurs which Jeno swallowed with his own mouth as they held each other close as the kiss opened and their tongues met lustfully. 

Jeno paused a moment, leaning his forehead against the other’s as they sat in happiness on the bench, the world around him fading into nothing but the faint breaths that Renjun let out as he panted lightly. In that time, Jeno forgot everything, he forgot about his past, his uncle’s visit, all his insecurities wiped away by Renjun’s soft touch. Everything felt right because he held the beautiful man in his arms. In those passing seconds, as Jeno looked down at Renjun, he thought that he might finally be learning what beauty is again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! I'm back with a looooong chapter but i hope you liked it and Noren's first kiss. I know it's been building for ages but now their relationship to finally grow and there will be quite a lot of twists coming up. Thank you for the new readers I have gained, it means so much! Comments and kudos are always appreciated <3 see you next week!


	9. Bad blood

Renjun felt himself relax further into Jeno’s hold as their foreheads stayed pressed together, eyes closed as they sat in the twilight. He didn’t know how long they had been like this, thoughts harmonious as they eased each other’s hardships through gentle touches. The evening air nipped at the skin exposed by Renjun’s open necked shirt and he shivered faintly as he felt it reach his core, the warmth from Jeno a contrast to its bitter chill. Sensing his slight tremble, the other brought his fingers from where they rested on Renjun’s waist, to his face, stroking it tenderly once more as the smaller opened his eyes in surprise at the heat against his skin. 

“Come on, you’re freezing, let’s go inside”, Jeno said as he smiled thoughtfully. Renjun wished he could have protested, that he could hold on to the precious moment forever, but Jeno’s voice was captivating, lulling him into a state of euphoria in which the lilt of its tone made him fixate on each word that left the soft lips. Still dazed, he nodded in agreement and Jeno pulled him up from the bench carefully, their fingers locking, the contact never breaking as they stepped towards the castle. 

“You know, I think you might be a better kisser than you are a ballet dancer”, Renjun said teasingly as he swung Jeno’s hand back and forth in time with his light steps. 

“I’m still your boss you know”, Jeno chuckled back, amused as he raised an eyebrow and looked at Renjun who laughed. 

“I’m sorry… Mr Lee”, Renjun said, tone mocking as he bowed deeply, knowing now that there was an air comfortable enough between him and the Master for such informality. He broke his contact with Jeno’s soft fingers swiftly, taking rapid steps forward and running ahead, still laughing endearingly as he looked back expectantly. Jeno ran after him and pulled the other gently by the waist, into his arms. The fabric of Renjun’s shirt tangled between his fingers and he buried his face into the smaller’s neck, inhaling his cottony scent as a comforting warmth blushed through him. He brushed his lips softly against the delicate skin there, trailing his fingers up Renjun’s front to his collarbones. The other smiled at the caring action, bringing his hands up to where Jeno’s were and twisted their fingers together again. 

“Come on”, he said, words alluring as he pulled Jeno gently towards the castle entrance. 

Once inside, Renjun had expected the other to retreat to his room upstairs, but still holding his hand, Jeno guided them both in the direction of his bedroom on the ground floor. Renjun’s eyes looked at him questioningly as he felt himself carefully being pulled forward. 

“I’ll walk you home”, Jeno spoke sweetly as their steps halted in front of the housekeeper’s door. He laughed at the man’s silliness and Jeno looked at him fondly. After a brief moment, Renjun spoke again. 

“Your uncle and cousin are coming, tomorrow, aren’t they?” 

“Don’t remind me”, Jeno sighed, rolling his eyes. 

“I’ll be helping Donghyuck in the kitchen most of the time, so I might be a bit… busier than usual”, Renjun stopped speaking as he saw the small pout form across the man’s face. “I’ll still be up to clean your room for you, and I’m sure we can find some time to be together”, Renjun said demurely as he played with Jeno’s fingers, pausing again. 

“Jeno”, he said, still looking down at the fingers in his hands. “You’re the Master of this house and I’m just...your housekeeper, is this really going to work?”, he spoke quietly, running his thumbs across the hands he held, eyes trying to memorise every part of his beauty as though he wouldn’t have the chance again. 

“They’re just names, and we’re just people”, Jeno said as he looked at Renjun again. “I don’t want to make any of the other staff feel awkward though, we can wait until the time is right to tell them”, he laughed as the other nodded, leaning up and planting an innocent kiss against Jeno’s lips, their noses brushing lightly. 

“I know I pay you to be here, but I really do appreciate everything you do for me”, he spoke, gentle breaths fleeting across Renjun’s face as they stayed close to each other. 

“You’re beautiful you know?”, Jeno whispered the words carefully as he leant down, placing one last kiss on Renjun’s lips, the other reacting immediately and melting into his touch as he smiled shyly at the unexpected compliment. 

xxx

The next day, Renjun stood by the large shelves of books in Jeno’s bedroom, duster in hand as he polished the wooden surfaces. Jeno was sprawled on his bed, head resting on the pillows, a book in his hand that he currently paid little attention to, instead distracted by the smaller as he flitted around the room in bursts of hurried paces. He wore a grey shirt, a plain white apron slung around his middle to protect the clothing. Jeno watched his hips as he worked, the apron draped around the small width of his waist. As Renjun reached up to polish one of the tall shelves, the fabric of his shirt rose slightly, the small of his back becoming visible, before falling down in its place and covering him again. Jeno watched the other’s movements, captivated. Renjun turned around, startled when he saw the book discarded in Jeno’s lap. 

“Why don’t you take an hour off, we could go for a walk together?” He whined. 

‘I’m busy!’ Renjun laughed. 

Jeno pouted and swung his feet onto the floor to move himself into a sitting position. He shot his best puppy eyes at Renjun and beckoned him over. 

The housekeeper put down the cloth he was using to dust the shelves and reluctantly walked towards the other. As soon as he was within reach, Jeno hooked his fingers inside the ties of his apron and pulled his hips towards him, staring up invitingly into the other’s soft eyes. 

“Can I at least have a kiss?” He smiled hopefully. 

“I have a job to do, I don’t think the Master of the house would be very pleased if I ignored my duties here!” Renjun smirked back as he placed his forefinger on Jeno’s lips, denying him the kiss. 

“The Master of the house sounds like an unreasonable man, I don’t think I like him very much”, Jeno pretended as one hand moved from Renjun’s hip to his back to bring them a little closer. 

“Well I like him very much and I don’t want to disappoint him”, Renjun played along, stroking Jeno’s cheek affectionately. 

“You could never disappoint him”, Jeno whispered, suddenly taking a more serious tone. 

Renjun’s heart melted and he bent to plant a kiss on the other’s forehead. 

“You can help me, then I’ll be finished sooner. Grab the edge of that quilt and give me a hand making the bed.” 

Jeno jumped up almost immediately, his fists fumbling at the messy sheets that he had been laying on, pulling them into a bundle as he attempted to make some progress. 

“Jeno…”, Renjun laughed disapprovingly. “Like this”, he spoke, taking the sheet and shaking it in swift movements, then tucking it into the edges of the bed. 

Jeno’s hands scrambled at one of the blankets, this time, shaking it the way Renjun had just demonstrated, once done, placing it down on the mattress, not missing Renjun’s smile as he watched him work. He repeated this with the quilt and eventually, the bed was made, their work nearly over for the morning. Jeno knew that Donghyuck was downstairs, begrudgingly making a welcoming meal for his uncle and cousin, Jisung and Chenle must have been there too. With each second that passed to their arrival, the dread seeped into Jeno’s mind. 

He was broken out of his thoughts as the housekeeper’s gentle steps approached him. Renjun leant down and placed a soft peck on his unsuspecting lips. 

“Good job”, he whispered, an uncontrollable smile suddenly spreading across Jeno’s face as he looked at Renjun lovingly. “Come on we’ve got some time; we can probably go for a walk in the grounds before they get here.” 

xxx

It was early afternoon, when Renjun met Jeno’s uncle and cousin for the first time, and, he couldn’t exactly say that the experience was a pleasant one. The two had stood in the doorway, one a rather cold looking man in his late fifties, his cousin much younger, seeming to be only a few years older than Renjun himself. He was tall and well built, with a figure that the housekeeper felt rather fierce next to his own. Their clothes looked expensive, even more so than Jeno’s, the shades of red and purple embroidered on them a contrast to the dull servants’ clothes that Renjun bore on his body. 

“You’re keeping the place quite nice lately Jeno, I’m impressed”, his uncle spoke as the two of them stepped through the entrance to the castle and into the main hallway. 

“Oh…uh…, it must be thanks to my housekeeper”, Jeno stuttered back. “Uncle Yunho, Jaesuk, this is Renjun”, he said bashfully as he dared a glance at the man he had held in his arms merely that morning. Jaesuk’s attention was immediately drawn to the housekeeper’s small frame and his eyes trailed over it, Renjun left with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, Jeno oblivious to this as he faced his uncle again. 

“Pleasure to meet you”, Jaesuk spoke finally to Renjun, outstretching his hand, which the other shook out of politeness, retracting it gladly after. 

“Jaemin will show you to your rooms”, Jeno cut in as he grimaced. “Then you can wander the castle as you wish”, he continued as he walked steadily towards Renjun. 

“Did you put clean towels in for them?”, he spoke formally. 

“Of course,”, Renjun bowed back politely whilst Jaemin stood still behind Jeno watching them, the two guests leaving towards the bedrooms. 

xxx

Donghyuck had refused to leave the kitchen, his excuse being his dedication to work there, needing Chenle and Jisung to help too. That way, he knew he could keep them safe with him, away from Jeno’s family. Jeno had nodded his head understandingly, saying that it was okay because Renjun and Jaemin would be by his side and that was enough. Although Donghyuck knew he couldn’t avoid them forever, keeping the two out of sight for as long as possible was a temporary solution to his aversion. 

This was shattered when the door to the kitchen was pushed open, Donghyuck recognising the figure immediately, his eyes small and steely as he stepped in. 

“What do you want?”, the cook spoke sharply, eyeing the man with disgust. “You can’t just burst into my kitchen like that.” 

“Don’t worry”, Jaesuk flicked the tap on. “I’m just here for a drink”, he continued, feigning an innocent pout as he ran his fingers under the water to check its temperature. “Why didn’t you come to greet me anyway?”, he said after a few seconds, turning his head to the side mockingly to look at Donghyuck. 

“I don’t want to be anywhere near you”, the man spoke bluntly. 

“And why is that?” 

“You know exactly why”, Donghyuck spat. 

“Where are those others… what are their names again? Jisung… Chenle… I missed them.” 

“Don’t go near them you pig.” 

“Now Donghyuck, is that any way for a _servant_ to be talking?”, Jaesuk tutted, moving closer to where the cook stood next to the table and leaning into his face, glass still in his hand. “What about your boyfriend then?”, he whispered close to his ear. “Where is he?” Donghyuck swallowed his anger, throat dry as he tried against his better judgement not to launch himself at the vile man, his voice losing its usual ferocity at the mention of Mark. 

“He had to leave because his father was sick”, Donghyuck eventually replied through gritted teeth, trying to continue cutting fruit on the chopping board, knife gripped in his hand as the other got closer. 

“What about the new housekeeper? Don’t you want to fuck him too?”, Jaesuk laughed as Donghyuck stopped cutting. “I might have a go myself”, he said nonchalantly, turning on his heels and walking a few steps backwards. 

“You’re disgusting, get out”, Donghyuck shouted angrily from where he stood, pointing his knife in Jaesuk’s direction with a lot more intent than usual. 

“Whatever… shouldn’t you be making dinner or something anyway?” Jaesuk strode to the door and hurled it shut, Donghyuck slamming his fists down on the table after that. 

The noise startling the two boys who had concealed themselves in the pantry, Chenle and Jisung appearing in its entrance as the door opened. They had heard everything, and their faces looked slightly pale as they stared at Donghyuck, Jisung’s hands gripping discreetly at the sleeves of Chenle’s shirt as he looked for some sort of comfort. The other boy tried his best not to let his composed exterior crumble. 

“Don’t worry about him”, Donghyuck spoke calmly. “He’s all bark and no bite, just ignore it”, he continued warily, not quite believing his own words as they nodded back to him. 

xxx

As dinner drew closer, Renjun found himself increasingly preoccupied with its preparation, his usual schedule busy as he had worked tirelessly to accommodate Jeno’s uncle. He walked into the dining room to find the butler stood in its centre, straightening his suit jacket and tie. 

“Jaemin”, Renjun said hastily, the other’s head shooting up as his eyes focused on the housekeeper, slightly startled. He didn’t speak for a moment but Renjun was sure he had caught the man’s attention and so he continued. 

“What time do I need to set the tables?” 

“I-I think it’s about eight o’ clock”, Jaemin stuttered back as he avoided eye contact, his hands still fiddling with the tie around his neck. Renjun thought the behaviour rather odd, suddenly missing the usual tinge of lightness in Jaemin’s voice as he listened to the now monotonous rhythm of it. The butler turned. “I’m sorry”, he stuttered again, pushing past Renjun. 

Slightly stunned by the interaction, Renjun began to set the large table carefully, the three places designated for Yunho, Jaesuk and finally, Jeno. Chenle and Jisung walked in then, both dressed in tuxedos as they carried a stack of plates and bowls to Renjun, placing them down next to him. 

“Forks?”, Chenle said quickly and Jisung nodded. 

“Spoons?” 

He nodded again. 

“And the serving bowls?”, Chenle said and Jisung thought for a moment before nodding sheepishly. 

“I think we’re all set to go then”, Chenle replied as he looked at the other boy who stood nervously by his side. 

“You’re still scared, aren’t you?”, he questioned reassuringly, placing his hand on Jisung’s arm in comfort as he nodded silently. 

“It’s just… with the Master too”, Jisung’s voice wavered softly. 

“He’s so nice lately though, you should see him, it’s just like how he used to be”, Chenle murmured quietly and Renjun looked over at the two boys at the mention of Jeno. They had dressed up smartly in their waiting outfits, causing a smile to form on the housekeeper’s lips as he looked at the endearing pair, before walking to the kitchen to start his work with Donghyuck. 

xxx

Jeno arrived with his guests not long after, the table set for them already with the first course of their meal. Jaemin stood by the doorway opposite Jeno as he oversaw the delivery by the two boys who served the food. 

The idle, forced conversation Jeno was subjected to, soon took a more serious tone as he looked up pleadingly at his uncle opposite him. 

“We really need some maintenance done on the castle Uncle, the plaster is coming off the wall in some of the guest rooms and the whole place is damp. If we could just use some of the mone- “ 

“Jeno… I’m not sure we can afford expenses like that”, Yunho said sharply as Jeno looked back at him in anguish, deflated after his attempts. His uncle’s words had cut the discussion short and there was a spell of awkward silence before Jisung stepped slowly out of the double doors of the kitchen, concentrating as he held up a large jug of water that was clutched in his hands, offering it to the three sat at the table. Jaesuk beckoned him forward and his footsteps were light and cautious as he looked around for Chenle’s comfort, realising the boy was still in the kitchen. In doing so, his movements became shaky and some of the jug’s contents spilt out of it, landing on the tablecloth and into the lap of Jaesuk as he looked up at the young boy, the anger burning through his eyes. He grabbed Jisung by his free arm and pulled the trembling boy closer. 

“Jeno… you need to train your staff better”, he growled, still gripping Jisung’s arm tightly as the young boy winced. “They can’t even do the simplest tasks”, he continued, glaring back up at Jisung and finally releasing his arm. 

“I-I’m so sorry”, Jisung spluttered, bowing dramatically as he felt the tears begin to form in the corners of his eyes. 

“Be more careful next time”, Jaesuk ordered as Chenle walked through the door holding a tray. Jeno’s eyes wordlessly pleaded for the other to take the distressed boy into the kitchen and comfort him. He turned back to face his grinning cousin. 

“He should be fired”, Jaesuk muttered under his breath and Jeno glared at him from across the table. 

“Uncle… with the castle-” 

“Don’t you think it’s about time you moved out Jeno?” 

“You know I can’t”, Jeno said firmly, the silence engulfing them again as the minutes dragged on and he grew more restless. “The course is taking a long time… please, excuse me, I’ll find out where it is”, he spoke hastily as he rose from the table and walked towards the doorway before either of them could protest, Jaemin looking in confusion as he dashed past him. 

Jeno slunk through to the kitchen, pushing its door open to find the four castle staff there. In one corner, Chenle sat by a shaken Jisung, a hand on his back, and Jeno shot them a concerned look, his heart aching in sympathy as he decided it better to leave them be. Donghyuck on the other hand, was busy shuffling around the kitchen, whilst Renjun stood stationary, stirring a sauce the cook had left on the stove to boil as he stared at the wall in front of him idly. He looked up when he heard the noise, met by the sight of the Master, flustered and out of place. 

_“What are you doing here?”_, Renjun mouthed silently, his hands rising up in a gesture of confusion, as Donghyuck too caught sight of the Master, standing awkwardly in the kitchen. The cook turned his head to check on something he was making and Jeno pointed back at Renjun, then to the door of the laundry room, nodding his head. 

“I…uh… napkins. I need some, napkins… from the laundry room. Renjun can you… show me where they are?”, he spluttered. The other sighed and Donghyuck looked at them both questioningly. 

“Watch this for a second will you Donghyuck?”, he said calmly, hurrying in the direction of the door and mumbling a quick “follow me” to Jeno. 

As soon as they entered the room, Jeno shut the door hastily and pushed Renjun against the wall, pressing his mouth hungrily against the other’s, one hand on the door frame next to Renjun’s head, whilst the other held his face. Renjun was alarmed but soon started to kiss him frantically, their careless movements working perfectly as it intensified. Renjun hummed into the kisses that Jeno initiated each time, hands suddenly all over the other, exploring the crevasses of his body, his slight fingers travelling down absentmindedly to Jeno’s hips and running them up again to rest around his toned torso as Jeno’s groans became slightly louder. Renjun tried to muffle the sound, his own lips planted firmly on Jeno’s so their noise couldn’t be heard by those outside the door. Jeno’s hand twisted up into Renjun’s soft brown hair, cradling his head as he kissed the other greedily, lapping at his mouth as the other hand found its way under the fabric of Renjun’s shirt, grazing his fingers along the soft skin of his stomach. He revelled in the sweetness of the housekeeper’s lips as they worked desperately against his own, eager to taste Jeno’s mouth. 

Then they broke away for air, gasping and panting, the kisses unexpectedly intimate. 

“What was that for?”, Renjun laughed as he calmed his breathing, rendered almost speechless. 

“I missed you”, Jeno said innocently, their bodies still pressed closely together. 

“Lee Jeno, you crazy fool”, Renjun whispered, eyes still hooded as he leant towards the other again, this time smiling into the kiss. Jeno ran his fingers along the tender areas of Renjun’s neck as the smaller nipped at his bottom lip. 

_ “Chenle, can you bring me that pot over there?”_

The sound of Donghyuck’s voice brought reality seeping back into their secret world. When they finally broke apart, they were messy and dishevelled, Jeno’s tie cast to the side and his hair sticking to his forehead. Renjun moved his hand forward, straightening his clothing and brushing his hair back with his fingers, before doing the same to himself to try and make it look like he hadn’t just had his mouth all over the Master of the house. They stifled their laughs quietly and Renjun reached to a nearby shelf, picking up a stack of napkins and tossing them into the palms of Jeno’s open hands. 

“You wanted these didn’t you?”, Renjun spoke, his words teasing as Jeno caught the items thrown in his direction. 

“I… uh…”, Jeno trailed off as Renjun tip toed to kiss his forehead and pushed him gently towards the door, pulling on its handle. Once outside, they parted subtly, Jeno making his way in the direction of the dining room and Renjun walking back into the kitchen. 

“Did you find those _napkins_ okay?”, Donghyuck said suspiciously and the housekeeper nodded quickly, his face red and hot, apron slightly askew. 

“You look a little flushed Renjun… I hope you’re not coming down with something”, Donghyuck teased almost knowingly, the boy’s face becoming even darker as his blush intensified. 

“Oh, uh, I’m sure it’s nothing”, the housekeeper laughed nervously, his eyes now fixed on the simmering pot on the stove. 

xxx

Jeno hurried out of the kitchen, discarding the napkins behind a nearby shelf before he opened the doors that led to the dining room. 

“It should be here soon”, he mumbled quickly, taking his place back at the table, Jaemin still staring across at him. The two exchanged an awkward glance with each other before the trays of food were brought out again, Jisung no longer making trips from where he cowered in the kitchen and Donghyuck having reluctantly taken his place with heavy footsteps. Not a single person in the room was unaware of the air of disorder that seeped into their setting as the second course began. Despite the chaos, Jeno’s thoughts remained fixed only on the housekeeper behind the kitchen doors as he toasted his glass up in the air politely, counting the seconds in his head, until he could let his guard down again and become Lee Jeno. The times in which he was a young man, not bound by the constraints of class or societal acceptance, but one that found himself falling for the most perfectly unique housekeeper. 

xxx

Renjun had found himself wandering the grounds alone after finishing in the kitchen, Jeno preoccupied with entertaining the guests in the castle drawing room. He knew as housekeeper, he wouldn’t be permitted to join them and so he would have to wait until he could spend time with Jeno again. He saw now the divide in Jeno’s family, all at once appreciating the softness in the man’s face and the gentleness of his persona. From what he had seen today, Renjun could tell now, why Jeno was so averse to the pair, his uncle’s unquestioned power tainting his humanity. 

There was something he wanted to do for the Master, wanted to give him as a sign of their newly initiated relationship, something that would be meaningful only between their unspoken words. He crept into the stone walls of the rose garden, immediately greeted by the colourful blossoms as they scattered across his line of vision, walking over to one of the garden’s secluded edges. 

_A lilac rose. _

_Desire for a relationship to continue. _

His relationship. His desire. His Jeno. The man he felt his emotions slowly falling into an abyss of bliss for. 

He picked the rose and carefully carried it up to Jeno’s room, filling a vase with water and placing the stem into it on the windowsill as the lavender petals glowed under the light of the sunset, a finishing touch to the freshly cleaned room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone, I'm back with the next chapter and its another long update yay! Jeno's uncle and cousin have finally arrived and everyone has been thrown into quite a lot of confusion! Jeno and Renjun's relationship is still managing to blossom against the backdrop though hehe! On another note, thank you all so much for the comments that you left on the last chapter ( I literally burst into tears at some of them, you guys are the sweetest). It means so much to me and gives me the inspiration to continue writing <3 Hope you like this chap and feel free to share your thoughts below because I love talking to you all! See you next week <3


	10. Secrets kept

Jeno grazed his fingertips softly along the rose as he blew the stray petals away from the vase where they had fallen off the flower onto the windowsill. Despite its fading freshness, the bloom was fragrant and sweet, the petals fragile as Jeno picked one up and placed it in his palm with care, inspecting the intricacies. It reminded him of the garden, and his thoughts flickered back to the housekeeper in an instant, thoughts of the secret world they had created, their sanctuary and the comfort they had found together amongst the roses. 

_Renjun put this here._

He remembered their conversations, the ones that ran for hours on end as they discussed the flowers. Jeno had cherished each syllable of the words that left Renjun’s lips while he offered him new insights into the world. The images of the other caused the shadow of a smile to spread across his face, picking up the stem and holding it in his hand. 

_Lilac roses._

Jeno mused over this as he daydreamed, still at the window that looked out over the garden. He clasped the delicate flower between his thumb and forefinger. 

_Enchantment._

He recalled it now, what the housekeeper had told him one evening when they sat alone in the solitude of the library. A declaration of infatuation, for those who had been ensnared by the divine emotions of deep affection for another, the rose an expression of this adoration. It was desire for it to continue. The flower was a unique gesture, but one he found touching. Imagining the softness in Renjun’s face as he had conjured the idea, the warmth within his chest rose again. 

A soft thud sounded from behind him, accompanied by the heavy rhythm of footsteps as Jaemin entered through the bedroom door, unannounced. Jeno was startled, letting the flower fall back into the vase and turning hurriedly to face the noise. 

“What are you doing?”, Jaemin laughed nervously as he glanced at the flower the other had been holding, Jeno now fumbling awkwardly with the edges of his sleeves in embarrassment, caught in his fantasies. 

“The flower”, Jeno said innocently, and Jaemin froze as he pieced his inklings together. “I think Renjun must have left it here when he cleaned my room”, he finished fondly, gesturing to it. There was a pause between them both, Jeno peering at Jaemin with uncertainty. He noticed how the other’s gaze fell at his words, smile becoming faded and fragile as his eye contact dropped to the floor. “Anyway, what did you come in here for?”, he urged. 

“I just…”, Jaemin let his voice trail off as he sighed. “What was all of that yesterday, Jeno?” 

“All what?” 

“Why did you walk out during dinner last night? You disappeared, you’ve never been concerned how long courses take before.”, his voice sounded desperate. 

“I…”, Jeno mumbled quietly, too stunned for sound to follow his racing thoughts. Jaemin looked at him patiently, eyes soft and caring as they pleaded silently. 

“I was getting bored with the conversation, I needed some air”, he hesitated, letting the excuse fall from his lips. 

“So, you left? Where did you go?”, the butler questioned again, trying his best to smile through his dissatisfaction. 

“I did actually go to the kitchen… I wanted to see if Jisung was okay too”, Jeno said, twisting the truth only slightly, thinking back to the terrified boy. Jaemin eyed him carefully, trailing over the creases in Jeno’s thoughtful face, in search of some sort of truth in the furrow of the other’s brow. 

“Oh, right… okay then, that’s all I came to ask”, he replied, forcing a weak smile that masked his aching heart as he turned to leave the room despondently. 

xxx

The hallways were quiet as Renjun wandered through them, the stillness a relief after the chaos of yesterday. He had not encountered Jeno’s cousin or uncle yet today and frankly he was relieved. He recalled the uneasiness he felt when he was around Jaesuk. When the man’s eyes had fixed on him, staring, interrogating his body, and suddenly Renjun was all the more grateful for their absence. He allowed his thoughts to drift back to the safety of Jeno, wondering whether the man had found the gift he had left him. He thought about the kitchen and the laundry room, letting his mind delve further into itself, recreating the feeling of Jeno as he traced his hands over his body, how his breath had felt against his neck and how exciting it was, the spontaneity of it thrilling. 

He stopped near the kitchen door, pausing by one of the shelves in the hallway where a flash of white had caught his eye. Behind the large bookcases there was something jammed between the wall and its shelving. Upon closer inspection, Renjun found it to be the napkins he had given Jeno after their escapades in the laundry room. He laughed and tutted softly under his breath. _He knew it. _ Pulling the fabrics that had been wedged there out from behind the shelf, he walked through the kitchen doors. 

As he entered, he saw that only Donghyuck was in there, and he looked to be deep in thought, sitting hunched at the large table in the room’s centre. The cook’s attention was immediately drawn to the housekeeper and he looked up from his boredom, smiling at the other casually. 

“Oh, he didn’t need them after all?”, Donghyuck said bluntly as he pointed to the napkins that Renjun held in his hand. 

“I guess not…”, Renjun cut his speech short before continuing with a change of subject. “How’s Jisung doing today?” 

“Much better”, Donghyuck sighed. “He’ll be fine, he’s a tough kid underneath it all. I think Chenle said they were going to sort out the washing this afternoon so at least they’ll be together”, he rambled as he turned to face the housekeeper. 

“You were right Donghyuck”, the other began slowly. “They’re awful, Jeno’s uncle… and Jaesuk. Have they always been this bad?” 

“For as long as I’ve known them… yes”, Donghyuck exhaled again. “His uncle has all of his money and therefore all of the power over Jeno, what he does, the staff here, who gets hired and… who has to leave. Jeno only gets an allowance of money a month from what his mother and father left behind and even that may be stopped if his uncle chooses. That makes Jaesuk powerful too, one word from him to his uncle and he has control… they think they’re untouchable”, the cook muttered as his hands moved from his face to the hard surface of the table in an attempt to control his anger. “That’s why Jaesuk, that piece of shit, thought he could try it with Mark, that he could get away with it. He didn’t get very far, they didn’t stay for long back then so we never bothered to tell Jeno. We didn’t want to risk his position or him losing the money he gets from his uncle. Now they’re here for longer, I don’t know…” 

Renjun nodded silently in disgust, thoughts flashing back to his own experience with the man the previous day. 

“You saw it with Jisung”, Donghyuck continued, his fists clenched. “The bastard preys on people that he thinks are weaker than him, that he can control. The power that money has given him has gone to his head, it’s disgusting”, Donghyuck muttered as he glanced at Renjun who nodded empathically. The cook looked down at his hands, not realising how carried away he had become with his anger as he unclenched his fists. 

“That must have been awful for Mark… and you too. What gives him the right to think he can behave like that?” 

“It’s all because of the money I’m just warning you to be careful, he’s dangerous”, Donghyuck continued, mind flicking back to Jaesuk’s words about the housekeeper. 

It was Jaemin that interrupted their conversation, pulling the door open as he stepped inside and looked at the in the kitchen. They both relaxed at the sight of the butler and Renjun thought the man looked exhausted still, his usual sparkly smile dulled. 

“What time is the meal today?”, Jaemin asked briefly as he addressed the two with a short grin. 

“It should be ready by seven”, Donghyuck said in his usual blunt tone and Jaemin nodded. “Do you want to take some extra napkins into the dining room so that _Jeno_ doesn’t have to come and get them himself next time?”, he said, laughing as he winked at Renjun discreetly, as if to let him know that his secret was safe. 

“He came in here for napkins?”, Jaemin questioned as his interest was sparked. “He told me he came in because he was bored of the conversation”, he continued as his confusion grew. 

“Hmmm”, Donghyuck replied vaguely, still with a knowing look. 

“Excuse me, I-I should be off now”, Renjun rushed hastily, suddenly flustered as he scurried over to the door of the laundry room, pushing it open and throwing the napkins down on the closest counter, then turning to make a swift exit out of the room, the kitchen door closing gently behind him. 

“What’s up with him?”, Jaemin questioned. 

“I don’t know”, Donghyuck said, intentionally raising his arms in the air in a soft gesture, tutting as another smile crossed his lips. 

xxx

Renjun shuffled down the hallway awkwardly, mortified after his experience in the kitchen and he could still feel the heat of embarrassment burning on his skin, recalling the knowing look that Donghyuck had shot him. He was still preoccupied when he first caught sight of the figure walking on the other side of the corridor, strides confident as they came closer. 

Jaesuk smiled, standing just outside the basement entrance as he silently gestured to Renjun, raising his hand authoritatively at the other. He wore a black silk shirt with gold along its cuffs, smartly pressed trousers and expensive leather shoes, an ostentatious touch to the outfit. 

“Mr Huang wasn’t it?”, he spoke calmly as he looked at the alarmed housekeeper with a glare of amusement. Renjun had no choice but to engage in the forced conversation, his eyes flickering apprehensively between the basement entrance and the cold stare of the other, trapped. 

“Yes Sir”, Renjun bowed. 

Jaesuk looked at him as he rose, eyes once again raking over his body as an uncomfortable silence occurred between them, Renjun waiting for a sign to be dismissed. Instead, Jaesuk brought his hand up to the top of his arm, fingers brushing lightly until they were sliding across the housekeeper’s shoulder. 

“Your collar’s up”, the older spoke in a sickeningly sweet voice as Renjun froze at the unexpected contact. 

“Could you please not do that, _Sir_?”, he spoke through gritted teeth. 

“Well you’re not very friendly, are you?”, Jaesuk shot back bitterly, roughly flicking the shirt. Still, Renjun was determined to hold his own and he swallowed down his intimidation. 

“I’m just trying to do my job”, he replied as he grew more agitated, still focused on the basement, on its locks and its cramped spaces as his vision alternated between the doorway and the menacing eyes of Jeno’s cousin. 

“I don’t think you realise”, Jaesuk paused, bringing a hand up to the housekeeper’s face and running a thumb across his cheek as he stroked the delicate skin possessively. “What I want”, his cold eyes looked down Renjun’s body and then back up to his face, _“I get”_, he finished. 

“Don’t touch me”, Renjun growled angrily, forgetting the need to be civil and smacking Jaesuk’s hand away aggressively. Jaesuk looked shocked for a moment, staring down at the hand that had been pushed away. The shock turned to amusement and soon enough, he was laughing as he leant closer to Renjun. It made the housekeeper feel small, insignificant, unimportant, the basement behind him a constant reminder of his failings. He cast his eyes towards its door once more. 

“Why do you keep looking there?” Jaesuk asked suspiciously, grasping the fabric of Renjun’s shirt in his fist and quickly turning his gaze to the door of the basement. “The basement? We were never allowed down there as children, what’s in there anyway?”, he taunted. 

“Just cleaning supplies… and some old furniture”, Renjun wiped his sweating palms across his apron. 

“You’re scared”, Jaesuk said bluntly and he turned back to the other, pulling him closer. Renjun felt himself go pale and his body tensed in panic, unable to avoid the unwanted touches. He was trapped like an animal in a snare, he was the prey and he hated it. 

“Let’s have a look anyway?”, the man demanded as he let go of Renjun and walked closer to the door, fingers resting on the lock casually. 

“Don’t… please”, Renjun spoke feebly, his voice now trembling as he saw the other smile slyly. 

“Why? What is it to you?” 

“That’s Jeno’s stuff”, Renjun blurted out. 

“Jeno, hey? That’s a bit _familiar_ for a housekeeper. He’s just an idiot anyway.” 

“No, he’s not!”, Renjun shouted defensively, fuelled by adrenalin as he stepped towards him. 

“Get out of my face and remember your position Mr Huang”, Jaesuk smirked. Renjun could felt his face flush with embarrassment and frustration, realising the carelessness of his outburst. There was a knowing silence and it hung in the cold air conspicuously as they faced each other. 

“He’s fucking you”, Jaesuk sneered and Renjun flinched. “You have feelings for him, don’t you? He doesn’t love you, you’re just his servant. He’s lived here for four years on his own, I guess even he has needs”, he laughed. 

Renjun knew Jeno well enough to know that Jaesuk’s words were far from the truth. The Master was gentle, and he was caring. He had a pure heart and one that seemed only to want to protect him, their bond an intimate one of emotional entanglement rather than physical. Still, he couldn’t help the slight spark of doubt the words had initiated. 

“You don’t know anything”, Renjun whispered, choking on the words. The fear still burned in the back of his mind. He really could lose his job. And then what? Go back to the life he had? Have no choice but to leave Jeno alone in the castle? _No_. He couldn’t let that happen, but if the news got out, he didn’t know what he would do. “Just… please… don’t go down there”, he said slowly. 

“Whoops”, Jaesuk teased, his fingers sliding the metal bolt to the left, so the door opened, the darkness of the basement seeping out. He started to walk down the stairs and Renjun could feel the bile rising in his throat as his panic set in. He didn’t want the man to cause a fuss, to go to places that Jeno didn’t want him. Before he could think of a more rational solution, he moved in the direction of the basement entrance, anger taking over what logical thought remained. Standing on the stairs, facing Jaesuk valiantly, he pushed the traumas of the past to the back of his mind but glancing into the darkness suddenly felt the confidence melting away. Instead it was replaced by terror, fear pooling inside him uncontrollably until all he could think about was how incredibly claustrophobic the space was. He couldn’t breathe. It became _the_ basement, his nightmare. 

“Oh, you don’t like it in here. Is it too dark? _Too scary?_”, Jaesuk laughed as he pulled a face of mock sympathy, watching as Renjun’s body sank to the cold concrete floor, the muffled sound of his heavy breath the only noise. 

Renjun felt angry at himself, angry that he couldn’t face the terror, that he looked weak in front of his tormenter, he wanted to scream but all he could let out was a choked sob. It was as though there were thousands of voices screaming at him, a cacophony of horror as he sat unable to reply to any of them. He tried to block them out but with the terror, the sounds only grew as he stayed helpless on the basement floor. He curled his fists into balls tightly, willing the panic to disappear but when he looked up, the closeness of the basement still surrounded him, and his eyes met desperately with Jaesuk’s. 

“I could help you out”, Jaesuk muttered carelessly as he moved to the smaller’s level, leaning in. “But you know what I want”, he said as he pulled the other’s face upwards, eyes staring into Renjun’s, piercing and cold. Renjun turned his face away in a final act of defiance and looked at the floor again. 

“If I’m not going to get it then why should I?”, Jaesuk continued as Renjun squeezed his eyes shut tightly, the fear overwhelming him at last. He heard the sound of footsteps as they strode towards the door of the basement, pulling it open and then slamming it shut. 

His panic came in another wave immediately, intensity overwhelming as he feared entrapment. He bolted upright and ran towards the door. The thought of being trapped inside the basement was horrifying and his hands fumbled frantically with the handle of the door. When it opened, the relief washed over him like a tidal wave and he realised. Jaesuk hadn’t locked it. Feeling the weight of relief, he willed his body to move from the cold ground and towards his freedom, his legs slowly rising as he shook. He stepped to the door and it pushed open with ease, as though there had been no threat in the first place. 

He didn’t know where he was going, just that he needed to get away. Away from the basement, from Jaesuk, perhaps even away from his own thoughts that weighed down inside his mind as they provoked his insecurities. He’d said too much, he’d got carried away with his anger and let himself slip, lost his composure and overstepped his position. He knew he could lose his job and he feared whatever Jaesuk might do to him after this. Renjun was powerless to stop it, that’s what Donghyuck had implied earlier. Not even Jeno could help him. Reminded of the dire prospect of expulsion from his role, he felt his thoughts overwhelm him all at once. 

He felt so violated, embarrassed, Jaesuk’s words still crossing his mind. One thought kept coming back in his scattered mess of internal anguish. 

_Jeno was lying._

_Jeno didn’t want him._

_Jeno was just using him._

He knew it wasn’t true, he trusted Jeno and Jeno trusted him. He thought back to that evening in the garden where they had opened their hearts to each other, a gentle affirmation of their mutual trust. The purity of these images was suddenly tinged by ones of Jaesuk as he spat at Renjun with his words of venom. He pushed the poison away, remembering how Jeno had held him close in his arms and brushed away his insecurities with soft touches. Suddenly Jaesuk’s words were meaningless, Jeno’s actions more powerful than any manipulator could be. Renjun could feel his anxiety subside but still shaken by what had just happened, he focussed on Jeno. He wanted to find the other, to see the kindness in his face, to be held by him. Renjun turned the handle and used his shoulder to push open the heavy oak door into Jeno’s bedroom. He paused and peered around the large room, locating Jeno hunched over his writing desk at the far end of the room. He had not heard the door open, engrossed in the messy piles of paperwork spread out in front of him. Renjun noticed the sunlight casting a warm glow and accentuating Jeno’s blond hair which hung over his forehead as he concentrated. Feeling the tug on his heart, Renjun approached quietly and reached out to wrap his arms around the other from behind. Jeno spun to face him as soon as he made contact, the sudden surprise hitting his worried mind abruptly. 

“What are you doing?” he snapped, eyes wide and questioning. 

“I’m sorry” Renjun apologised as he reflexively retracted his touch, silenced by the unexpected response. 

“Renjun” Jeno whispered, his face softening as he took his hands in his own. “I’m so sorry, I’m trying to make sense of the accounts for this place. It’s not going well,” he explained softly, letting go of Renjun’s hand momentarily to push back the hair that had flopped casually over his face. 

Sensing Jeno’s worry, Renjun was even more sure he should not bring up what had just happened in the basement. Instead he gave Jeno a concerned look and stroked back a stray piece of blond hair that Jeno had missed. “Will you be much longer?” he asked, “I’d really like to go to the rose garden, you look like you could do with a break and I…. I just really wanted to see you”. 

“I’ve got a few more pages to go through, why don’t you stay with me while I finish up?” Jeno smiled, pulling Renjun in for a quick kiss. Renjun nodded, feeling calmer now. 

“I’d like that,” he grinned and stood behind Jeno to finally give him the hug that he had intended. Jeno picked up the accounts again and resumed his analysis. Renjun rested his hands on his shoulders and gently pressed his thumbs into the tight muscles, moving them in slow circles. 

“That feels good,” Jeno sighed. 

Renjun said nothing but smiled affectionately as he continued massaging his shoulders and listening to the small murmurs of pleasure he let out every so often. 

After some time, Jeno straightened the papers in front of him and leaned back in his chair. 

“I finished about ten minutes ago but didn’t want you to stop,” he smirked mischievously, raising his eyes to meet Renjun’s, receiving a playful slap in return. 

“You wanted to go to the rose garden, didn’t you?” Jeno continued, “Come on then, let’s go,” he said without waiting for a response and stood up swiftly, holding Renjun’s smaller hand in his own and pulling him towards the bedroom door. 

The air was warm as they left the castle walls, still hand in hand. Renjun took a deep breath and again tried to eradicate the events of earlier, unwanted images creeping back into his thoughts. 

“You’re quiet” Jeno commented. 

“Hmmm? Sorry. I was just thinking about stuff. It’s nothing.” 

Jeno raised an eyebrow questioningly as they entered the walled rose garden and headed for the familiar stone bench. They sat in silence, the two of them, Jeno searching for the words to pry Renjun’s worries from him and discard them amongst the healing roses. He could hear the rustling of leaves in the trees above them, the birds that chirped softly and most of all, the heavy breaths of the housekeeper sat next to him feigning his composure. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”, Jeno breathed calmly as he turned to face Renjun. The housekeeper‘s spirits were lifted by the sight of the garden, its safety, encapsulated and conveyed by the soft edge to Jeno’s voice as he glanced at him with a look of care. 

“Renjun”, he continued softly as the other immediately buried his head into the warm fabric of Jeno’s shirt, breathing in the comforting scent of the man. Jeno instinctively wrapped an arm around his slender shoulders and the other let out a few soft murmurs but didn’t resist. 

Renjun looked up slowly, as though broken out of a trance, the afternoon air hitting his cheeks. 

“Jeno… am I enough?”, he whispered. 

Jeno brought his hand to Renjun’s face, tracing his fingers along his jaw and tilting it upwards so that Renjun was looking at him, eyes laced with hidden desperation as they peered back at Jeno widely. “What’s brought this on?”, he said sadly. “Renjun, you’re everything to me.” He ran a finger over Renjun’s jaw comfortingly. “I don’t understand this, are you sure you’re okay?” 

Renjun looked up at Jeno as the other held his face, seeing the tenderness and the care in his eyes and his worries were suddenly melted away. Renjun felt safe again, Jaesuk’s roughness replaced by the gentle touches. Jeno leant down towards the other, meeting softly for an innocent kiss. Renjun could feel Jeno’s lips working against his own and despite its gentleness, Renjun could feel this passion in the kiss. Where words had been lost, reassurance was conveyed through the other’s caring action and Renjun felt himself lose just a little more of his heart in Jeno as he was validated through the hold the other had on him. They broke away softly. 

“It’s okay”, Jeno spoke back as he held Renjun’s head against his chest, stroking his messy brown hair as he comforted him. Now, as Renjun looked up at Jeno, at his soft eyes, his broad shoulders that shielded the smaller, the hand that stayed gently in Renjun’s hair, he had fallen. In the midst of the afternoon sun as it shone down on the roses around them, Renjun felt himself falling in love with the man in front of him. He had slipped into the abyss that was Jeno and he wanted to give his whole self to the man he trusted. 

“Jeno I- “, Renjun was interrupted as the other placed his finger gently on the smaller’s lips. 

“Me too”, Jeno whispered back softly as his nose brushed against Renjun’s affectionately. 

“You don’t even know what I was going to say”, Renjun laughed. 

“I know what I hoped you were going to say”, Jeno replied contently, elated as he pulled the other close again and Renjun buried his head in the crook of his neck, snug and comfortable. They remained nestled like this for the next few minutes, Renjun cuddled in Jeno’s arms as he basked in the warm feeling spreading through him. In that moment, they had given themselves to each other. 

“Renjun… there’s someone I want you to meet.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with Chapter 9 ( FINALLY!). I'm so sorry that this took me a while but I've been super busy with handing assignments in for uni and getting ready for Christmas. Anyway, I really hope this chapter helped to move the plot along and honestly my heart is hurting for Renjun's character a lot at the moment. ( As well as Jaemin, but I promise you all he really is a good guy hehe). I should have a lot of time to write over the Christmas holidays so updates will still be frequent. I'd love to hear all your thoughts about hows the characters and plot are developing and comments and kudos are appreciated a lot! <3


	11. Lost in you

“This is Onyx”, Jeno said, one arm under the horse’s neck and the other stroking its nose affectionately. 

When Jeno had told Renjun that there was someone he wanted him to meet, he wasn’t exactly sure what to expect, and as the other pulled him enthusiastically to another outside location, his confusion had only grown. Now, in the castle stables, a place Renjun had never been, he stared up at the horse that Jeno patted lovingly and nodded slowly. The stallion was beautiful, black in colour and head held high in the air as it was comforted by Jeno’s gentle strokes on its dark mane. The light that seeped through the cracks in the stable door, illuminated the two and Renjun stood a few steps away, appreciating the sight as he trailed his vision over the animal as it nuzzled into Jeno’s touch. 

“Onyx, this is Renjun”, he stated factually and the other laughed. “He’s very special to me so be nice to him”, Jeno continued, feigning a stern voice, to which the horse did not react, continuing to nudge the other affectionately. Their mutual comfort was evident to Renjun and he watched their interactions adoringly, glancing at Onyx and then back to Jeno. The horse suited him well, he was powerful, his stature strong and able. Even in the dim light of the barn he could tell that Onyx was stunning. 

“He’s six years old”, Jeno said as he stroked the horse again. “I’ve had him since he was really young, and my mother helped me to choose him. Things were rough at first, he was defiant and didn’t want to go near me. It’s funny looking back on it, but we worked things out between us through the years. His name means protection and strength. It’s fitting, because he’s been all of that for me for the last four years. He’s helped me a lot since the accident, we just understand each other, and he means the world to me. That’s why I wanted you to meet him.” 

“He’s very beautiful and… very _big_”, Renjun said cautiously as he took more steps backwards. 

“Yeah… he’s strong too, you should see him out in the fields. I think he’d be able to hold both of us”, Jeno paused again as he looked up at Onyx. “I’d like to take you riding one day”, he finished and smiled sheepishly. 

“I’ve never done anything like that before, I’d like to try it if you would take me.” 

“Well”, Jeno began as he walked forward, Onyx following his lead gently. “You two will need to bond a bit first, he hasn’t been around people much so he can get jumpy, it makes him feel threatened. He’s a sensitive soul underneath it all”, he said as he let out a small laugh. “You can help me groom him now, then you two can get to know each other.” 

“I...okay”, Renjun said, voice hesitant as Jeno smiled at his awkwardness, sensing the fear. Jeno strode towards him, draping an arm around the smaller’s shoulder and pulling his body lightly towards his own so that he was snuggled there. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll look after you”, he chuckled and stroked a hand up and down Renjun’s back, half mocking and half serious in his proposal of care. Renjun dug his elbow lightly into his side in response, poking playfully at his ribs. 

“I’ll be fine”, he said indignantly and pouted. Jeno took his hand and interlocked their fingers smoothly. 

“Come on then, the brushes are a few stables down.” 

When they reached the other stable, Jeno pulled the equipment from one of the cupboards and clutched it in the hand that wasn’t holding Renjun’s. The bucket clattered softly in time with their footsteps as they walked in a comfortable silence to where Onyx waited. Once back inside and faced with the horse again, Jeno set the bucket down in the hay and stretched slightly. 

“Go ahead”, Jeno started. “Stroke his neck first, he likes that”, he continued as he watched Renjun reach nervously towards Onyx, clasping at Jeno’s hand tighter than before. Onyx jittered away in response, making Renjun jump and he removed his touch immediately. 

“I don’t think he likes me very much”, Renjun said dejectedly through a slight sigh as he stepped away, looking to Jeno for guidance, who had broken their contact in favour of picking up one of the brushes from the bucket. He began to run it through the horse’s hair gently. 

“It will take a while”, Jeno replied calmly. “The first time I rode Onyx, he threw me off. It’s about building up trust between you, I’m sure it will work out.” He continued his brushing, using his free hand to pat the horse on the side of the head and coo a soft “it’s okay”, to the startled animal. 

“Here”, Jeno continued softly and he took Renjun’s hand back into his own, sensing the other’s nervousness. Placing his hand over Renjun’s smaller one, he brought it up towards Onyx’s dark mane again, movements guided by him. He stroked downwards, Renjun doing the same as he relaxed under the hold. Onyx was placid after that and Jeno dared to lift his palm off Renjun’s hand, leaving the boy running gentle touches against the mane, Onyx remaining tranquil under them. 

A few minutes passed like that, Onyx calm as Renjun brushed along his glossy coat. He was beginning to feel more at ease with Jeno’s companion as he patted him on the nose, mirroring the other’s previous actions. The horse nuzzled into the touch and began to nod its head happily, thrashing about with enthusiasm. 

“See, he does like you”, Jeno smiled as he glanced at Renjun, not noticing how Onyx had grown more excitable. In seconds, he had managed to knock Renjun to the floor with his quick movements, the other laying in the hay, slightly stunned. 

“Are you okay?”, Jeno spoke worriedly as he ran over but couldn’t control the burst of laughter that rose from his chest when he saw Renjun giggling ridiculously amongst the hay, no longer in shock. He outstretched his hand quickly, the other regaining his composure and taking it tentatively. 

“You have to get up and keep going, you need to show him that he can’t bully you”, Jeno said quickly as he stroked the horse’s mane. Renjun stood suddenly and strode over to Onyx, placing his hand on the horse confidently. 

“Okay Onyx, you won that time”, he said bravely. “You can be nice to me now”, the words were slightly quieter as they left Renjun’s lips, Jeno laughing at his endearing nature. He couldn’t help his smile as he watched the two getting along soundly. By the time they decided to leave, Onyx was clearly a lot calmer in Renjun’s presence and Jeno felt as though the two had achieved a lot in the small time they had spent together that day. He gave Onyx one last pat on the nose and picked up the bucket again, linking his fingers back with Renjun’s. They moved towards the stable exit and Jeno closed the door behind them quietly, Onyx safely within its walls. 

Renjun stared affectionately at the other as they crossed the courtyard towards the stables opposite to return the brushes they had been using. He was awed by Jeno’s ease with his horse, he had been so loving, so tender and between Onyx and him, there seemed to be an unbreakable bond of trust. He snuck a glance at Jeno, who had now let go of Renjun’s hand and was undoing the top buttons of the black shirt he wore, making it loose so that part of his chest was exposed to the warm evening air. He fanned his fingers next to his face, the waves of cooling breeze hitting the skin that glistened faintly with the sweat that had begun to collect there. His hair had settled in front of his eyes and he brushed the blonde strands back quickly, searching for the right cupboard. As he watched Jeno’s movements, Renjun thought then, how truly attractive he found the man he had once called his Master. The one he had come to grow so fond of. Watching the softness in his actions now, he was no longer filled with fright, but rather a pure, unchanging adoration. What surprised him even more than falling for Jeno, was that it seemed, he had fallen for Renjun too, their mutual affections guiding the relationship to flourish and grow. He dared a look at the man’s figure as he strode towards the cupboard and placed the metal bucket back inside it, the lean frame, the toned muscles. It was all too much and suddenly Renjun felt his restraint slipping away at an alarming rate, Jeno now turning back to walk in his direction. 

Jeno leant forward and slowly pulled Renjun by the shoulders so he could place an innocent peck on the smaller’s soft lips, satisfied at their closeness. He smiled at Renjun, who stood in front of him, dishevelled and unkempt. The sight was alluring to Jeno and he let out a soft laugh as he looked at where the other’s white shirt had been covered with hay when he fell, then to his messy brown hair. Sighing softly, he reached up to run his fingers through it in order to straighten the tousled tufts and brushed the hay residue from where it stuck to his clothing. The outdoors had ruffled Renjun in a way that made him all the more appealing to Jeno, his flushed cheeks drawing him in towards the smaller’s lips again, the two meeting in a kiss that was slow and sweet. 

Renjun pulled the other towards him more roughly, deepening the kiss and shocking Jeno momentarily before he settled in with the rhythm again, their tongues meeting and muffling the sounds they made. Renjun slipped one of his slender hands inside the openness of Jeno’s thin shirt, fingertips grazing the smooth skin of his chest, the other one running along Jeno’s waist as he rubbed slow circles there. Jeno’s shirt had come loose of his trousers in the midst of his movements and Renjun didn’t hesitate to leave gentle traces of his touch there. Jeno let out a soft moan as he felt this, Renjun desperate yet tender as he continued to work his lips against the other’s. Their bodies were melded together by now, and they allowed their hands to roam without consequence. Jeno gasped, groaning loudly as Renjun brushed a teasing finger across his nipple, sending a wave of arousal coursing through him as he bit his lip out of embarrassment to try and stifle the sound. He pulled the other closer, wrapping both of his strong arms around Renjun’s waist and enjoying the feeling of his body against his own, the smaller shivering from the intensity of their actions. Renjun stopped, looking up at Jeno coyly and sucking in his bottom lip, his pupils blown and his hair a mess again where Jeno’s hands had carded through it. Jeno listened to Renjun’s shallow pants of shortened breath as he clung to his shoulders and the sound was enough to have him gazing heavily at the other. 

“_Oh my god_”, he muttered under his breath as he lost all control in a moment of insanity. His hands moved down to Renjun’s small ass and gripped it, lifting him up off the ground as the other wrapped his legs around Jeno’s waist firmly. Renjun giggled softly and encircled his arms around Jeno’s neck for extra support, feeling safe in the warm grip. He kissed softly this time, letting their noses brush as he poured his devotion into it. 

Jeno stepped forward with Renjun still in his arms, the need to feel his body pressing harder against his own overpowering him. With his pace quickened, he rushed to the edge of the stable, towards where the bails of hay were stacked up along the wooden frame of its sheltering. With care, he laid the other down on top of one of them and he landed softly with his arms still wrapped around Jeno’s neck and shoulders. Renjun smiled with hazy eyes and pulled Jeno down on top of him, the kisses resuming almost instantly. The friction between their bodies soon became unbearable, Jeno’s hips grinding down against his as a tingling sensation spread through his abdomen. He wanted more. As they both paused to breathe and Jeno looked down into the smaller’s eyes, glassy and dazed, he felt everything finally slow. He was desperate to savour the moment. He put one of his hands on Renjun’s face, feeling the heat from his cheeks as he ran his thumb gently across the skin, as if to clarify to himself that the moment was real, that he really had Renjun beneath him. Renjun who was baring his soul, letting his guard down as they lay together. When Jeno trailed his hand down the other’s face, passing his neck and running fingertips across his chest to where his heartbeat steadily, he was even more sure that this was real. He let his hand rest there, the feeling blissful as he breathed heavily in time with the rhythm of Renjun’s pulse as it beat against his palm. 

“I’m falling in love with you”, he whispered silently, yet loud enough to catch Renjun’s attention as he let their eyes meet again. Renjun smiled as his palm lingered on the smaller’s chest, the rhythms of his heartbeat growing more erratic against it. 

The passion overcame them and soon enough they found themselves tangled again, their legs intertwining, until Renjun had flipped Jeno over, now straddling the other as he sat with his knees either side of Jeno’s waist. He leant down, wordlessly acknowledging Jeno’s statement and reciprocating it when he placed more wet, opened mouthed kisses against the other’s lips. He trailed his mouth along Jeno’s face, to his neck and across his scar tenderly until Jeno felt him against the bare skin of his chest, burning like hot fire there. He reached up in response, stroking the back of Renjun’s head caringly as he explored Jeno’s body with his mouth, the desire shooting through both of them wildly. Jeno made attempts at reaching an upright sitting position, but Renjun pushed him down instantly, his body flat against the hay again. In one final attempt, Jeno rolled so that he was back on top and leant over Renjun protectively as the other whimpered and whined into each of their needy kisses. Jeno felt the urge to protect and please the other, cradling his frame against his own. He could feel Renjun hard against his thigh as their bodies entangled and a flush of emotion coursed through him knowing that he could illicit such a response from the other. He pressed his thigh a little more firmly against Renjun’s crotch and rubbed slowly. The hedonistic moan Renjun let escape from his swollen lips as he tried to create more friction, was desperately needy and Jeno wanted nothing more than to give him everything; the sun, moon and all of the stars were there for taking and he would make sure they were his. Renjun half opened his eyes and cast a glazed look up at him. 

“Are you okay baby?”, Jeno whispered and Renjun nodded helplessly before the other bent his head to kiss him again. 

Jeno’s hand was resting on Renjun’s exposed waist, his shirt riding up his delicate skin, fingers dipping slightly below the other’s waistband. With little experience on which to draw but running on instinct and desire, Jeno pulled at the buckle of the smaller’s belt, impressively releasing it with one hand. He nimbly attended to the fastenings of Renjun’s trousers too and slid his palm slowly into the other’s cotton underwear. Renjun gasped and his breathing became erratic, but he nodded consent as Jeno looked at him. 

Renjun had one hand behind Jeno’s neck and the other flat against his chest. His mind was struggling to deal with the new sensations he was feeling and all he knew was that he wanted more. He wanted Jeno’s hands on him, he wanted to feel the muscular body touching his, wanted to breathe every breath with him. He pulled himself up and met Jeno’s mouth with a sloppy kiss that he then slid across the other’s jaw before dragging down to swipe his tongue across the exposed collarbone in front of him. He tasted the sweat beading on his skin, and it sent his blood racing south, his cock straining under Jeno’s warm hand. 

Jeno curled his fingers and gently stroked up and down, feeling Renjun twitch and tremble under his touch. The hand on the back of his neck gripped tightly and he felt fingernails rake down his chest as Renjun lost himself in the moment, eyes closed tightly and biting his bottom lip to stifle his moans. It was intoxicating, the most beautiful thing Jeno had ever seen. 

Renjun opened his eyes suddenly and shot Jeno a panicked look. 

“Jeno… I … think I’m…hnngg”, he stammered before losing his speech to a heady moan as he let out a guttural groan of pleasure and came over Jeno’s hand. His eye’s fluttered shut again and sweat dripped from his forehead as he gasped for air when the waves of pleasure flooded his body. Jeno stroked him slowly through his release and he threw his head back into the hay. Once his breathing had calmed slightly, Jeno withdrew his hand, Renjun still sensitive to his touches and purring softly. With his eyes still closed, Renjun reached around the other’s neck with a small whine and pulled him in close. 

“Hey”, Jeno whispered softly. 

Renjun opened his eyes shyly and looked at Jeno, panicked still, “I’m sorry… I’ve… never done that before… errr… with anyone else”, at which point a heavy blush turned his already pink cheeks a shade of crimson. “I think I was meant to last a bit longer than that”, he frowned apologetically. 

“You were perfect in every way”, Jeno smiled. 

Renjun grinned and the panic left him, being replaced by a cheeky grin as his eyes sparkled. 

“You… called me baby”, he smirked. 

“Yeah, what of it?”, Jeno huffed. 

“I like it”, Renjun grinned and laughed. His face soon turned serious again as he looked back across to Jeno sheepishly, placing a hand on the other’s leg and stroking it softly. “What about you?”, he said as he glanced down to Jeno’s trousers where the outline of his erection could be seen clearly. “Aren’t I meant to do something too? I – “ 

“Renjun”, Jeno breathed softly, immediately taking the hand from where it rested on his thigh and grasping it in his own. He brought it to his lips and kissed the palm tenderly, glancing at the other’s dishevelled state and tired eyes. He then pulled at the edge of Renjun’s shirt gently and the other gasped at the contact, not knowing what he was meant to do next. When Jeno tucked the ends back into his trousers with ease, brushing the creases out of the sleeves, he looked at him in confusion. “Don’t worry about me, tonight was about you”, he smiled, still fixing Renjun’s clothing. “I can sort it out later”, he grinned and Renjun’s cheeks reddenEd again, his hand slapping Jeno lightly on the shoulder. He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face, heart warmed by the man’s kindness as he continued to tend to Renjun’s ruffled appearance. 

“You mean the world to me you know”, Renjun said softly as he leaned forward to place a final chaste kiss on Jeno’s lips. 

xxx

The next day, Renjun had been busy working. Jeno on the other hand, was unable to distract himself from his thoughts of the other and he let his boredom drive him back to his feelings. He couldn’t stop thinking about him. The two had shared something wonderful the previous day and Jeno felt more and more of himself being given to Renjun. Jeno was beginning to understand the other, what he liked, his responses, what made him feel good. He had fallen and every second that passed made it harder and harder to control his emotions. He knew he couldn’t keep his feelings a secret forever, and there was someone he wanted to tell, who he knew would listen to him without judgement and keep his secret. 

“Hey”, Jeno said slowly, awkward as he stepped into the castle dining room. 

“What’s up?”, Jaemin answered softly from where he stood by one of the cabinets in the room, alone and quiet for once as he was putting a stack of glasses away. There was a moment of awkward silence as Jaemin continued to place the crystal objects into the cabinet, the soft clinking of the glasses as they were put down, echoing through the quiet room. 

“What are you up to?”, Jeno murmured. 

“Just… you know… being a butler, Jeno you’re being so weird at the moment, are you okay?”, Jaemin said with a concerned frown. 

“Jaemin there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while now. I don’t really know how to say it but- “ 

“It’s about Renjun isn’t it?”, Jaemin said before Jeno could even let the words fall from his lips, turning to face the other quickly and halting his stacking. 

“How did you know?” 

“It’s a bit obvious Jeno. No one else leaves you flowers”, he laughed. 

Jeno bit his lip nervously in silent reply. “I really like him Jaemin”, he said finally, a tinge of fondness lacing his voice. 

“I haven’t felt this alive in years.” 

Jaemin felt the familiar pang in his heart again as he listened to the adoration in Jeno’s voice when he spoke about the other. It was a way that he had never heard Jeno speak, it was different to how he talked about the other’s here. He wanted to grasp Jeno tightly, to cry out to him, to let him know his own feelings but he knew it would be futile. 

“I’ve noticed the change, I’m happy for you”, Jaemin said with a short, soft smile. 

“You told me I needed to get out more and for that I have to thank you, it’s opened my eyes up to what’s around me”, Jeno said as he smiled back, expecting the other’s face to light up in excitement. It had been Jaemin’s wish for all these years for Jeno to let people into his life again and now that he finally was, Jaemin seemed underwhelmed by the prospect. 

“I think he really likes me too”, Jeno tried again with enthusiasm. 

“He’s a really good guy Jeno”, Jaemin said honestly as he let out a small sigh, “but you probably shouldn’t tell anyone else for now, I’m sure your uncle would have a great time firing him if he found out anything was going on between you two.” 

“I’m sorry Jaemin, I just needed to tell someone.” 

“No, I understand. Renjun has been good for you”, he said smiling back towards Jeno who was avoiding eye contact with Jaemin now. 

“I really appreciate your advice”, Jeno smiled, looking up. 

“Anytime”, Jaemin smiled back, putting the last glass into the cabinet and walking away with a knot in his stomach. 

xxx

Renjun sat on the rug in the library as usual that same evening, hugging his knees to his chest. The novel he had been reading was placed to one side as he pondered the latest story that he had immersed himself in. His day in the castle had been long and tiring and he hadn’t seen a lot of Jeno, the both of them busied by their roles. He sighed and looked at the book again. 

As he did, Jeno quietly approached him and sat behind, fitting him snuggly between his legs and encircling him in an embrace. His hands rested on the other’s bare arms, the smaller still hugging his knees. Renjun jumped at first and whipped his head around to see the other smiling his usual grin and he relaxed into the touch. Jeno brushed a small kiss on the back of Renjun’s neck and ran his fingers idly over the other’s forearms making Renjun mewl from the touch. His fingertips found their own rhythm on Renjun’s arms and started to tap in formation, combinations pressing down together and then being replaced by others in a different form, a pattern of touches running fluidly up and down his arms. 

“That tickles” Renjun giggled, “What are you doing?” 

“I’m playing one of Mozart’s sonatas” Jeno stated nonchalantly as he continued his actions, sending Renjun into fits of laughter. “Sshhh, I’m concentrating” he whispered in his ear, “There’s a soft bit coming up, I need the pedal, push your left foot to the floor for me please.” 

Through stifled laughter Renjun pushed his toes down on cue and lifted them again when Jeno whispered a quick “up again” as his fingers maintained their dance on Renjun’s arms. 

“Down!” 

Renjun placed his foot down again. 

“Up!” 

Renjun could contain himself no more and spun around to face Jeno, the imaginary piano keys being flung to the air. He threw his arms around his neck. 

“You’re crazy, Lee Jeno!” he laughed as the other caught him around the waist and grinned back at him. 

“You didn’t get to hear the end of it!” Jeno protested, his words muffled by Renjun’s lips as he landed a clumsy kiss on him. Jeno felt himself being pushed and they both tumbled backwards, Renjun finally sitting astride the other and pinning his hands to the floor beside his head. 

“I didn’t know you played piano!” Renjun exclaimed. 

“I didn’t know you harboured such violence!” Jeno teased as he pretended to struggle. 

Renjun let go of his hands and they both sat up again facing each other. Jeno took the other’s hand in his and held it. 

“I wasn’t as good as my sisters, they played perfectly. I was always too busy riding to practice properly but my parents insisted that we learn how to play. To ‘broaden our appreciation of the arts’ and ‘excel in a formal social gathering’, something like that. I did love it though.” He took a deep breath and stroked his thumb over the back of Renjun’s hand. “Our piano was in the ballroom in the West Wing, a magnificent Concert Grand, the biggest of all the grand pianos. I believe my sisters took turns playing it that night for the guests.” 

He drew in another deep breath and Renjun squeezed his hand reassuringly. 

“It didn’t survive the fire. I’ve not played a note since then. Not felt any urge to. I’m not sure why it just came back to me then.... maybe I am crazy” he laughed. “I’d need a lot of practice now after such a long time.” 

“I’d like to hear you play properly one day, I’m not quite sure my arm is a sufficient replacement”, Renjun said as he laughed light heartedly. “We don’t have much time before dinner”, he said sadly, picking up the book he was reading and marking the page he had left it on before he placed it under his arm safely. He knew that his night would be spent finishing it, but first, he would have to help Donghyuck in the kitchen again. 

“I have to eat with _them_”, Jeno spoke through an exasperated groan, slowly rising to his feet. 

“You’ll be fine”, Renjun laughed, masking his fear as images of Jaesuk returned to his mind. “At least you don’t have to clean up what they leave behind”, he said as he sighed. Jeno looked at him with sympathy. 

“Renjun, I’m sorry that you have to do that, I wish I could make them leave.” 

“It’s my job Jeno, it’s okay”, Renjun spoke and he laughed as they walked towards the door of the library. He was next to Jeno, in that moment an equal with him as they approached the top of the stairs. They knew their false reality would soon be shattered but for now they revelled in it as Renjun snuck secret glances at Jeno, admiring the other’s beauty. Once at the bottom, they both walked through to the dining room, Renjun almost forgetting his place as the housekeeper as he used the quickest route to the kitchen. The dining room was lit carefully with candles and Jeno’s uncle and Jaesuk sat at the table, Yunho tapping his fingernails across the surface of the wood as he waited impatiently for his nephew to arrive. He looked up when he saw the two men walking side by side. 

“Excuse me Mr Huang, I think you are forgetting that the servants’ corridors are over that way”, he pointed to one of the exits in the room nonchalantly as Renjun stopped. 

“I... uh… I’m sorry, yes Sir”, he bowed towards Yunho and the man tutted. Jeno shot his uncle an angry glare, the look soon softening to one of worry as he remembered the power he held. Jaesuk watched the interaction with amusement and sat back carelessly in his chair. He smirked and looked at Renjun who waited for his uncle’s response with worry on his face. 

“Off you go then”, Yunho replied with a quick gesture of his hand, dismissing the housekeeper, the other nodding and rushing off towards the corridor he had been directed to, unable to bid Jeno goodbye. 

“Jeno your staff seem to be getting a little over familiar, you really must keep them in order”, his uncle sighed once Renjun had left the room. Jeno took a seat at the table opposite him. 

“I’m sorry uncle”, he said with little conviction in his voice. There was a short silence until he spoke. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the accounts for the castle again. I was going through them a couple of nights ago and we need more of the money from the trust. There’s bills to pay and work to be done here, you can’t withhold it forever.” 

“Jeno, I’m not discussing this with you here”, his uncle bit back aggressively. “You could always find somewhere else that’s a little easier to maintain.” 

“You know if I walk away now, I walk away with nothing. That money belonged to my parents.” 

“And they left you in my care until you are twenty-one, therefore I make the decisions”, his uncle spoke back patronisingly and Jeno lowered his head. 

“So Jeno, tell me more about your new housekeeper, I’ve heard you’ve got to know him quite well”, Jaesuk cut in sharply as he sipped from his wine glass, leaning forward and smirking at his cousin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Christmas, here's your present from me hehe- my longest chapter yet! I hope you guys don't mind the smut as there will be more of it in future chapters - Anyway Jeno and Renjun are very much loved up on each other and are being all sappy hehe. I'd love to hear your thoughts below and kudos is also very appreciated! I can't believe this fic already has 170 kudos, thank you so much and see you in the next chap <3 { edit: the chap was uploaded twice in here by mistake but is fixed now!! whoops}


	12. Dirty deeds

Jaesuk was playing a game. He was toying with Jeno and he was completely in control. It was a cruel and twisted interrogation, suffocating, but Jaesuk was the puppet master. What he did went and now, he pulled the strings of both Renjun and Jeno merely for his own entertainment. He was twisting the wires inside his cousin’s head, until he was rendered powerless at the mercy of manipulation. 

Jeno saw Jaesuk’s sneer of amusement, unable to contain the rage that pulsed through him at the mention of Renjun. The words seemed wrong, offensive, and he could feel the burning in his throat again. It was like Jaesuk knew. He shouldn’t, they had been careful. Jeno clenched his fists, still agitated but needing to respond. It was only those fleeting thoughts of Renjun, that brought his fury crashing to reality and a softness back to his voice. He had wanted only to protect Renjun, but it seemed he had brought him from facing one hell to another. 

The familiar name left his lips again, lacking its usual passion and care. “Renjun?” 

He paused, trying to mask his concern, but it somehow seeped through his voice. The name was uttered as though it had been a thousand times before, he’d let it become a habit and his uncle raised an eyebrow but was interrupted before he could question it. 

“Yes, _Renjun_”, Jaesuk confirmed, seething. 

“He’s just the housekeeper. What else is there to say?” 

Jeno was a liar. 

He was betraying Renjun. 

He was _protecting_ Renjun. 

He knew their affections for each other, how they had to keep them a secret. What he was doing was for the best, he thought determinedly but the sting of his own words still hurt. 

“He’s too casual here, he seems at home. Being soft on your staff doesn’t always make for the most efficient household you know Jeno?” 

Jeno swallowed heavily. He didn’t want to let his weaknesses show, to let them see that Renjun _was_ his weakness. 

“If he’s not good enough, we can get you a new one, all it takes is one word and I can make it happen.” 

“It’s okay Uncle”, Jeno cut in sharply. “He’s… good, perfectly satisfactory”, he finished dismissively, rubbing his hand quickly across his face to mask his discomfort. His eyes met with his uncle’s darkened ones again. 

“Staff shouldn’t be slacking, I’ll keep my eye on him and we’ll see”, Yunho replied. 

“Yeah, we’ll see how _good_ he is”, Jaesuk barked, look taunting as he provoked his cousin further. 

Just like that, Jeno was trapped again. He needed to escape and so he did the first thing that came to his mind to steer the conversation away from the housekeeper. “Jaemin, can we get some more wine please?” 

Jeno’s voice was calm through the silence of the huge room. The butler nodded and in seconds he was by the table, Jaesuk beckoning him over. 

Once the distraction had worked and Jaemin had taken his place back by the door, they were left in an uncomfortable quietness. 

“This wine is good”, his uncle’s voice echoed. “Where did you say it was from?” 

“I don’t know, we’ve had it here for quite a while though”. Jeno was uninterested and his voice trailed off vacantly as he waited for the torturous meal to be over. 

“I’ve become quite a connoisseur in fine wine, started up my own collection over the years. You can’t beat a good _Merlot_”, his uncle said as he swirled the liquid in the glass and drank from it. 

“I don’t drink it much so I wouldn’t know.” 

“Hmm… shame, the basement here would make a perfect wine cellar.” 

Jeno nodded to his uncle politely and smiled, unable to form the words of a reply. When Jisung finally tripped through the large doors to the dining room, Jeno was almost relieved. Almost. It hadn’t taken much for the boy to fear Jeno’s family and it was proving difficult to lure him out from the kitchens but here he was striding bravely. Although thankful for the interruption, Jeno could see the flicker of fear behind his eyes as he carried out the plates, placing one down beside his uncle and the other next to Jaesuk. His cousin glared at Jisung but didn’t say anything, not a thank you, barely even an acknowledgement and Jeno shot him a warning look, a ‘don’t you dare do anything’ sort of glare. Before Jaesuk could act though, Jisung had turned on his heels and bolted back towards the door, Jeno only now noticing the mousy haired boy that stood watching him discreetly from the edge of the doorway, glaring at his cousin. Once Jisung returned, Chenle grabbed him softly by the arm, pulling him the rest of the way back towards the safety of the kitchen. The sight only drove Jeno to wish even more so that his relatives weren’t here, watching as Jaesuk simply chuckled, looking down at his plate again in amusement. 

“I might have to go away for business in a few days. Jaesuk will be staying here but I shouldn’t be gone for long.”, his uncle chimed. 

“What’s that for?” Jeno dropped his fork and squinted with confusion. 

“Oh, just some legal things, nothing that concerns you.” 

Jeno hummed quietly and examined his uncle carefully, finally deciding against questioning him further. _What on earth would he have business with here? _ His uncle didn’t know anyone. He let his suspicions sink in slowly, the idle conversations continuing, and he tried harder to drown it out as his mind raced. 

xxx

Renjun and Jeno had their routine by now. They met in secret. They became themselves, the two that were falling in love. They were happy, at peace in these times. Then, just like that, they were housekeeper and Master again. It was a perpetual cycle of frustration, one they were growing tired of, each day becoming harder and harder to conceal their forbidden affection. Things had been as usual for the next few days, yet Renjun knew Jeno’s patience was wearing thin with his uncle. They kept each other calm though, but even this was becoming an effort as Renjun found it more difficult to avoid Jaesuk. Yunho too, who had previously ignored Renjun, had taken to pestering him, picking up on the smallest of errors and scolding Renjun for them. The workload too was finally starting to catch up with him as he found his exhaustion growing and his free time dwindling. He stood currently, filing through the stack of mail that had piled up throughout the week and sorting it into neat piles. 

Begrudgingly, he cleared the letters off the table, leaving them by the stairs for people to collect. He took the cleaning supplies he had left in the corner of the laundry room and made his way through the corridors to Jaesuk’s room in the guest wing. He hoped desperately that the man wouldn’t be in there and to his relief, he wasn’t, leaving Renjun able to work quickly without interruption. Setting down the cleaning tools quickly, he slung his apron around his waist and took the duster out from its pocket. The room was a mess, clothes thrown about it and the shelves kept untidy with jewellery and other objects thrown onto them. As he worked, he was reminded what horrible people Jeno’s family were, he’d seen how Jeno was powerless against them, how Donghyuck hated them both, how fearful Jisung was in their presence. Renjun hated it. Jeno had told him that Yunho would be going away soon and for that he was glad, but he still couldn’t shake his uneasy feelings as he dusted the last shelf in the room with haste, afraid the other could return at any point. 

With Yunho, he was not so lucky, and when he walked through the door of the other guest bedroom, the man had been hunched at a desk in the corner. He heard the housekeeper enter but didn’t bother to turn around from what he was doing. Renjun was flustered but proceeded to speak anyway. 

“I can come back later if you’re busy.” 

“No”, Yunho said bluntly, finally turning around and letting out an exasperated sigh. “You’ve already interrupted me; you can do it now.” 

Renjun nodded quickly and set down the cleaning equipment a little too aggressively, Yunho still ignoring him as he busied himself with what he was writing. The housekeeper walked to dust the shelf next to him, catching sight of it. On the desk, there was a letter and Renjun tiptoed silently so that he could get a better view. On closer inspection he saw it was addressed to a lawyer in the city, the words ‘property deeds’ printed in bold across the top and he couldn’t help but let his restless mind get the better of him. He wasn’t meant to see it and although Yunho hadn’t noticed him there yet, he was still hunched over the desk cautiously in attempts to conceal it from the other’s view. He knew he couldn’t stand behind him staring forever and so he soon moved on to clean a different part of the room instead. 

“Change the bed”, Yunho demanded as he turned and pointed at where the bed was against the wall. 

Renjun was tired but after cleaning those rooms, he finally relaxed, walking from the first floor and up to the second to where Jeno’s was. The first thing he saw when he entered was not what he had expected. 

Jeno spun around at the sound, the housekeeper surprised to see him with a duster clutched in one of his hands and a puppy-like grin worn across his face as he was finally reunited with Renjun. 

“Jeno, what are you doing?”, he said loudly to the figure across the room as he stood by a couch at its edge. 

“Helping you out”, the other said with a grin as he walked closer. 

“Is the Master of the house _cleaning_?”, Renjun replied with a small teasing smirk, pulling the duster out of Jeno’s hand and inspecting it disbelievingly. 

“Hey”, Jeno whined, taking it back again. “Not anymore, I’m done now.” 

“You… did my work for me?”, Renjun said, voice still teasing but touched as he looked at Jeno’s proud smile. 

“I just thought I’d help you out a bit, it’s hard with so many people here.” 

“Awe, you did that for me. Aren’t you cute?”. Renjun’s teasing was back and he laughed as he prodded Jeno’s shoulder lightly with his index finger. “I’ve got a spare hour now”. 

Jeno wrapped his arms around Renjun’s waist and pulled the smaller in for a light kiss, fingers caught in the strings of his working apron. 

“Is there anything you want to do instead?”, Jeno asked in between one of their soft kisses, his voice tender and caring. His touches were soft as he caressed Renjun’s hips lightly, lips finding their solace against Renjun’s own pillowy ones. Renjun wasn’t sure if it was the draught in the room or the gentle touches of Jeno as he ran his hands across his waist, but he was suddenly aware of the goose bumps that tingled faintly across his skin as he looked into Jeno’s eyes. He could feel it again. The want. The need for Jeno. 

“We could- “, Jeno began innocently but Renjun cut in before he could finish. 

“Actually, there was something I wanted to try”, he whispered quietly, the blush growing across his cheeks fiercely. He ran his fingers gently down Jeno’s back, letting them rest on his tailbone as he broke away from another soft kiss. 

“What’s that then?”, Jeno remarked softly, too distracted by the other’s mouth to hear any reply, his own hands rubbing gently across the dip in Renjun’s waist. Renjun’s breath was hot against Jeno’s ear when he whispered into it. 

_ “This” _

As Renjun pulled back and faced the other, Jeno could see his lips, full and swollen from their kisses, glistening in the fading daylight that peeked through the window. They wouldn’t be disturbed, not in the solitude of Jeno’s room. Renjun flicked his tongue out of his mouth and ran it across Jeno’s lips as the man continued to caress his waist in confusion, going along with what was happening as he enjoyed the feeling of the lips on his. Jeno was so distracted by them that he didn’t notice the hand that trailed down his body, until he felt the faint brush of fingertips running across his clothed crotch. Renjun lingered there as he looked at Jeno shyly, and now, the man was no longer drifting in and out of reality. He glanced down quickly, shooting Renjun a half-alarmed and half-needy gaze as the arousal grew in his stomach. He sensed the intent as he looked into Renjun’s lustful eyes for any sign of doubt and when he found nothing but want and desire, he had little ammunition to stop the willing advance. In seconds, Renjun had dropped to his knees, careful not to knock them on the wooden floor of Jeno’s bedroom as he landed softly next to his legs. Reaching a hand up tentatively to Jeno’s trousers and brushing against his cock again, Renjun’s hand stroked softly through the fabric. Jeno’s body reacted to the touches immediately and very soon he had melted into them. He was already so sensitive, all the sensations heightened as Renjun sent sparks through his body, the fire inside him stirring as he grew harder, mind hazed with lust. He dared a glance at Renjun who was still on his knees, running his hands over the area slowly, Jeno gathering his thoughts up in a moment of sanity and reaching down carefully to remove Renjun’s touch gently. He held the smaller’s face with the palms of both of his hands, tilting his head upwards so that their eyes met. 

“You don’t have to… you know-”, Jeno said softly as he leant to place another kiss on Renjun’s delicate lips, stroking his thumbs across the other’s face. 

“I want to”, was all Renjun could reply with a short smile before his hands moved back to the zip of the trousers and tugged so it dragged down slowly. “Sit down there”, he said mid movement as he pointed to the velvet couch behind them and Jeno stepped backwards hastily and landed on the plush furniture. Renjun couldn’t help but laugh at his eagerness as he pulled Jeno’s trousers down to his ankles, the man groaning loudly as he was left in his thin underwear. Renjun was still rubbing gently at the outline of his growing erection. 

“These… off”, Renjun said quickly, desperation increasing as he pointed to the shoes that were still on Jeno’s feet. Jeno tugged at them and rapidly kicked them off, pushing them to the side so that Renjun had better access and was now able to fully remove his trousers and throw them behind him. _He would worry about the mess later_. He pushed Jeno’s knees apart and sat between his open legs, one hand on Jeno’s shirt, fumbling with the buttons so it fell open and left his chest exposed to the warm air. Renjun teased as he trailed kisses on his chest and along his v line, Jeno growing more sensitive with each one. He slid his hand down until it reached the hem of the other’s underwear, hooking his fingers into the waistband and tugging lightly as Jeno helped to slide them off, his lower half now completely bare. Renjun watched as Jeno’s cock was freed and sprang up from his underwear. He swallowed nervously and Jeno glanced at him apprehensively as the other took him in his hand. Renjun saw him twitch, looking back up to Jeno’s face. His eyes were clouded with pleasure as he gasped lightly, he was stunning and… _god_, Renjun wanted him so badly. 

He leant down slowly and kissed the head of Jeno’s cock, holding the base as he stroked up and down the length. The kiss turned into soft licks as Renjun’s confidence grew and his tongue flicked out of his mouth, earning noisy, unguarded groans from Jeno. It was unfamiliar, but he soon adjusted his movements and Jeno began to moan quietly. 

“That feels good”, Jeno could just about whisper in between his light gasps. Renjun smiled around the length, taking more of it into his mouth as he hummed softly. Jeno cradled the back of his neck, stroking a gentle thumb against his nape as he started to move his head up and down, steadying himself with a firm grip on Jeno’s thigh. 

He released the grip again, pulling his mouth off for air and panting softly. When he returned, he started lightly, swirling his tongue and earning small groans from the other as the noises caught in his throat, Jeno throwing his head back against the couch as he lost control. Renjun adjusted himself again so that he could go deeper, Jeno’s breaths now coming out in short gasps of hot air as he was overwhelmed. It was relentless, the back and forth motions of Renjun’s mouth, the friction, the heat, the pleasure, it was building up inside Jeno. When Renjun’s eyes fluttered shut and he hollowed his cheeks, the jolts of electricity sparked against Jeno’s skin and he was finding it hard to stay sane. He leant forward in an attempt to calm himself but was greeted with the sight of Renjun’s mouth around his cock and it only turned him on more. He watched as Renjun ravished him, eyes closed and concentrated. He looked so beautiful, focused only on pleasing Jeno, the hair on the nape of his neck dampened where the sweat had gathered from his exertion. Renjun’s saliva had collected around the corners of his mouth and had begun to drip down his face messily and he continued to bob his head, uncaring as his vision shifted to look up at Jeno when he noticed the other watching him. Their eyes met and Jeno almost exploded with arousal. Renjun went deeper and although he tried desperately to restrain himself, Jeno couldn’t help the small instinctive bucks of his hips as he thrust up into the heat of the other’s mouth. Renjun gagged suddenly. 

Renjun let Jeno slip out of his mouth and averted his eyes in embarrassment. 

“I’m so sorry”, Jeno was quick to make his apology as he looked at the other in concern. 

Renjun laughed and his eyelashes fluttered gently against his skin as he looked up at him innocently and wiped the mess from his mouth. He knew he had Jeno at his mercy in those moments, he was in control. He stroked down and, seeing Jeno’s eyes close, his confidence grew again. He held Jeno’s cock in his hand more firmly and ran his tongue up slowly from the base to the tip as he left another soft kiss there, Jeno’s concern melting away into pure pleasure. He whined at the loss of contact as Renjun released his hand and stared up at him, biting his lip softly and moving his mouth back onto Jeno so that he swallowed him boldly. Renjun looked stunning, so unreal that it made Jeno bring a hand up to the other man’s face. His other fisted Renjun’s hair with little force, rifling through it as Renjun took more of him than he had before. He could feel Jeno’s hands as they caressed the back of his head and he felt oddly safe in his hold, Jeno guiding him gently as he let out a loud groan of satisfaction. Renjun sensed that he was close to his release. As he reached the edge, Jeno’s legs began to tremble, and Renjun bobbed his head more vigorously, eager to please in the most overwhelming and satisfying way possible. His hand stroked along the parts that his mouth couldn’t reach, Jeno’s groans continuous as he lost himself to lust, the beads of sweat running down his forehead and neck. He didn’t care. In that moment, all he could focus on was Renjun, how beautiful he was, the intensity that the other made him feel, how alive, and then the feelings were urgent. 

_“Ren…jun - “_

The word’s died in Jeno’s throat as he used what sense remained in him to pull Renjun off his cock, the smaller still using his hand to pump up and down and bring him to his release. In seconds, Jeno was moaning loudly as he came in streaks of white, the other still stroking up and down in rhythmic movements. 

Jeno threw his head back again, hands dropping from Renjun’s hair and falling limply to his sides. He was incapacitated, blissed out on pleasure, body recovering from his intense orgasm as Renjun stood up from where he had been kneeling, glancing at Jeno. The man’s eyes were closed as he rested contently, breath heavy from exhaustion. 

“You’re beautiful”, was all Jeno could muster as he opened his eyes and grinned at the smaller. Renjun proceeded to climb into his lap as he peppered small kisses along Jeno’s chest, the other’s senses still heightened from his stimulation. Renjun explored his body greedily, the intense pleasure from the kisses almost unbearable to Jeno. Each one sent a blush of tingles spreading across the area of skin where Renjun had left it, Jeno whimpering softly. He moved so he rested next to Jeno on the couch, carefully pushing back the loose strands of sweaty hair that had fallen into his beautiful face. Jeno’s eyes were closed again now and Renjun snuggled into the crook of his neck where his scar was, the man at ease as Renjun pressed his body against his. He kept his eyes shut, but his arm came around Renjun’s shoulders encircling him, so the embrace held the smaller closer. They stayed like that for a while, both glowing and Renjun listened as Jeno’s heavy breaths turned shallow as he calmed down. 

“You didn’t have to pull me off you know, I would have been fine”, Renjun broke through the silence with a soft laugh. 

“I didn’t want to push your limits”, Jeno replied as he dared a look at the man in his arms. “Maybe next time”, he grinned and Renjun smiled, nodding. 

“I can’t believe you just, you were… amazing”, Jeno was almost speechless. “I was only going to ask you if you wanted to go for a walk or something.” 

“The other day in the stables Jeno… I’ve never felt so…”, Renjun trailed off and Jeno drew gentle patterns into the skin exposed by his short-sleeved shirt as he felt the warmth that radiated from the smaller. 

“So?” 

“So loved”, Renjun finished carefully and he buried his head against Jeno’s side and laughed. “I know it sounds cliché but it’s true. You make me feel loved.” 

“You make me feel loved Huang Renjun, you make me feel alive”, he said earnestly as his eyes trailed over Renjun’s form before he remembered their current state. “I should… uh… clean up, I’ll be back in a few minutes”, Jeno said as he stood shakily. “Rest here for a bit, I’m sure they don’t need you downstairs right now”, he finished as he bent down to kiss Renjun’s forehead as the other curled up on the now empty couch. As he walked towards the bathroom door, Renjun let his eyes flutter closed in the safety of the room, letting himself drift off to thoughts of Jeno. 

xxx

Renjun hadn’t been tending to the rose garden so frequently since his work had increased, and when he had found himself with a spare afternoon the next day, he felt it to be the perfect chance to spend a few hours there. As he stood by one of the bushes, carefully cutting the dead blooms, he felt at home again. He missed coming out here with Jeno and looked forward to when they could again. For now, though, he daydreamed about when he would see him that evening. He would tell him about his progress today, about how the red roses they planted had finally started to flower. He sighed softly to himself as he thought about it. He’d been waiting to tell Jeno about the book he was reading too, he knew the other would love it too. 

“Your boyfriend told me _all_ about you.” 

He jumped as he heard the voice behind him, his blood running cold. 

Jaesuk had seen him leaving through the doors that led to the garden, and, curious to see what the housekeeper did with his free time, he had followed him here. They were alone now, face to face and Renjun dropped the cutters he was using in his surprise. 

“He said you were just his housekeeper… yesterday at dinner. Are you sure I wasn’t right about what I said _Renjun_?” 

“It’s Mr Huang to you.” Renjun gritted his teeth. 

“Is it now?”, Jaesuk sneered as he raised an eyebrow. “Tell you all about this place, did he?”, Jaesuk gestured around the garden. “About the castle too? Poor lost little Jeno all alone here, tragic really isn’t it?”, he laughed as he strode over to where Renjun stood. 

“I’m surprised he let someone like _you_ in here.” His voice was arrogant as he picked up the cutters from the ground and placed them back into Renjun’s hands. 

“You’re just a troublemaker, I’m not afraid of you”, Renjun spat back as he tried to turn around to continue, picking up a pile of the dead roses he had already cut. As he did, Jaesuk’s hand gripped his wrist tightly, forcing him to spin back around to face him. 

“Why don’t you show me what you do for _him_?”, he whispered. 

“If you just came here to provoke me, I would appreciate it if you left.” Renjun tried his best to sound fierce against the other’s iron grip, but it only tightened. 

“I’ve given up trying to be nice to you”, Jaesuk sighed. 

“Get off me now.” 

“How dare you talk to me like that!”, the man screamed but his face turned placid soon after. 

Jaesuk let go suddenly and laughed. 

“You’re a servant, Renjun. Remember that.” 

Renjun balled his fists and shot Jaesuk an icy glare. 

“You’re quite cute when you’re angry.” Jaesuk leaned in closer, Renjun’s fury intensifying as the other laughed in his face. 

The wires in Renjun’s brain short circuited and he lost control of his body, forgetting his position and barging past Jaesuk with his shoulder, throwing the roses onto the ground as he went. He knew that he shouldn’t have, that Jaesuk was more powerful than him, but he needed to get away before he let his anger get the better of him. Jeno’s cousin was left standing in the garden, agitated and annoyed at the housekeeper’s defiance. He picked one of the white roses from a nearby bush where Renjun had been and held it between his fingers. His anger soon transpired, and he crushed the petals between his fingers harshly so that they were destroyed under his hold, crumpling and falling to the grassy floor. 

xxx

“When are they leaving?”, Donghyuck groaned, turning to face Jaemin from where he sat on the kitchen counter, his legs resting on a chair. 

“I wish I knew”, Jaemin huffed. He’d finally had a moment of peace that day and found himself chatting idly to the frustrated cook. 

“I don’t think I can stand them much longer.” 

“Tell me about it.” 

“Jaesuk, that bastard, you’ve seen how he’s been treating Jisung and Chenle”, Donghyuck growled protectively. “It’s one thing to pick on people your own size, but those two, they’re just kids. Then to me, do you know what he said the other day? That my cooking was ‘inadequate’– it’s like he’s _trying_ to get me fired”. He tutted. “I’ll show him inadequate… all he needs to do is look at himself, bastard”, Donghyuck muttered under his breath as he picked up the nearest object to him, which happened to be a metal whisk, and waved it about threateningly. 

“And…calm.” Jaemin snatched the cooking utensil out of his clenched fist and put it back down on the counter. 

“I know it’s bad, but we’ve been through this before. They’re usually gone within a few weeks. Although...” 

“Huh?” 

“I overheard Yunho talking to Jeno about some business he had in town, said he’s going to be away for it, I don’t know but it probably means they’ll be here longer this time.” 

Donghyuck sighed. “Bloody brilliant”, he retorted sarcastically. 

“Anyway”, Jaemin gushed. “Have you heard from Mark lately? I saw the mail came earlier and I thought maybe there would be something from him.” 

“Not in a while. It’s strange, I sent him the last letter ages ago. I thought he would have written by now.” 

“I’m sorry Donghyuck… it must be hard, I know how much he means to you”, Jaemin said sadly. 

“I just miss him a lot and you know, seeing those two doesn’t help much”, Donghyuck nodded his head to the door and let out a small laugh, unsure if he should say Jeno and Renjun’s names out loud. “You’ve noticed it too, right Jaemin? There’s something going on there I’m sure of it, Jeno’s not the only one to have fallen for a housekeeper before, I know what it’s like”, he said with a low chuckle. 

When Jaemin was silent, staring almost blankly at Donghyuck, the other man bolted upright, Jaemin’s silence speaking louder than words ever could. 

_ “I knew it” _, Donghyuk smiled. “Well at least he’s found someone, I always knew Jeno had so much love to give, but he was always so angry at the world and it stopped him. Looks like he found someone after all”, he grinned. 

“It’s good that he’s found someone… I just… its kind of weird because it was me and him for so long”, Jaemin confessed and the cook furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Oh, don’t be stupid Jaemin, you’ll always be his best friend, he’d never let anyone get in between that.” 

“Yeah, best friend”, Jaemin said with a small laugh, interrupted by the voice of Chenle as the younger stopped at the entrance of the kitchen. 

“Hey guys”, he chimed softly with a grin. 

“Hey Chenle, where’s Jisung?” Donghyuck questioned and even Jaemin was peering behind the boy expecting to see the other behind him. 

“He went to check on the vegetable garden outside, said he needed some fresh air too.”, Chenle paused. “Ever since Renjun introduced him to gardening, he’s always going out there, he loves it.” 

“Oh right”, Donghyuck chuckled with relief. “Well uh… if you see him, tell him to pick me something from it for the meal later”. 

“Will do”, Chenle laughed softly and stepped out the doorway back into the corridor, walking in the direction of the garden. 

“It’s good to see those two okay again, I hope Jaesuk isn’t going to cause any more trouble”, Jaemin fumbled with the sleeves of his suit as he grimaced. 

“Right, I’d better be off and make myself look busy; I don’t want to look like I’m slacking.” 

Donghyuck let out a gasp of laughter as the other trudged back out into the hallway. 

xxx

Renjun had a book open across his chest and he flicked through the pages in the dim evening light of the library. He was sprawled across the floor with his head resting in Jeno’s lap. The other man sat crossed legged so that he could accommodate Renjun, occasionally running his fingers through the smaller’s hair as he watched him deep in thought over the words on the pages, sighing occasionally as he read. 

After some time in silence, the other put the book down beside him and rolled onto his front so he was facing Jeno. 

“You okay?”, Jeno grinned. 

Renjun nodded, pushing the events in the rose garden out of his head as he looked at the softness in Jeno’s face. 

“Want to head back downstairs?” 

“Hmm… soon”, Renjun nodded lightly, thinking for a moment. 

“What exactly is it that your uncle does Jeno? Does he have a lot of properties?”, Renjun questioned curiously. 

“Well, he has a big house that he stays in, but he definitely doesn’t work in property, he doesn’t really do anything actually, why?”, Jeno said, perplexed at Renjun’s sudden interest. 

“Oh I… I don’t know if should be saying this but when I was cleaning his room there was a letter on his desk. He was writing to a lawyer, it said something about a property deed, I’m not sure, it wasn’t that clear, but I thought maybe you’d know why…” Renjun trailed off as Jeno’s face scrunched up in confusion. He shook his head. 

“That’s really strange. I wonder if it’s to do with his trip. He’s not very forthcoming with conversation about anything meaningful. I doubt he’d tell me.” 

“Jeno…”, Renjun spoke in a hushed voice as he sat upright. “You don’t think it’s about this place, do you?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you all had a good Christmas break :) I'm sorry for the slow-ish updates I've been super busy working on my uni assignments but I'm so glad I could finally get this chapter out for you. Everything is getting a bit heated and building up for the action of the story which is coming up in the next few chapters (especially with Jeno's uncle and Jaesuk). Anyway I hope you enjoyed and your comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! Thank you for being so sweet about my writing it makes me <333 see you in the next chap!


	13. Confessions of the heart

_“Are you okay?”_

_Chenle hadn’t seen him before, he must have been the new one everyone was talking about. Word got around quickly in the orphanage and when someone new arrived, it was big news for the children there. The boy looked similar in age to him, features delicate and hair a shade of darkened brown as he crouched on the path by the stream, wincing with his face scrunched up in pain. Chenle gaped at him, seeing how the other had tripped on the uneven ground and was now holding one of his knees close to his chest with a grimace._

_“I’- “, the boy was stuttering, nodding his head timidly in an attempt to hold back the tears, this soon changing as his face suddenly crumpled. A noisy sob escaped him, he covered his mouth with his shaking hand and wailed loudly, palm lifting from his knee to reveal a reddish graze._

_ “Hey, it’s alright, it’s only little.” _

_The seven-year-old tried his best to console the sobbing boy, extending a hand quickly to distract him. When he took it tentatively, Chenle pulled him up from the ground and smiled. _

_“I’m Chenle, what’s your name?”_

_The boy sniffed. “Jisung”, he hiccupped._

_“You’re hurt.”_

_Chenle pointed at Jisung’s injury and the other looked down at his knee, eyes widening slightly._

_“A little bit”, Jisung nodded back shyly._

_He furrowed his eyebrows after that, not knowing what to say next._

_“I know! Do you want to play with me?”_

_Jisung looked hesitant._

_I can show you the den I made earlier”, Chenle giggled and when Jisung smiled back, he finally relaxed._

_“You can’t tell anyone about it though.”_

_He brought his finger up to his lips in a gesture of secrecy and Jisung nodded._

_“Come on”, he beckoned, pulling them both excitedly towards one of the trees where he had stacked up an array of different branches and leaves into his own imaginary world._

_“It doesn’t look very… strong.”_

_Jisung watched as the elder stood in front of it proudly._

_“We’ll be fine.”_

_The next twenty minutes were filled with their laughter. When one of the tree branches fell and hit Chenle’s head softly, Jisung whispered a small ‘I told you’. Chenle frowned but saw the smile on the boy’s face, and they both erupted into fits of giggles._

_The bell rang, signalling the end of playtime. They had both looked at each other, saddened by the sudden interruption._

_“Oh… we should go now, I guess I’ll see you around.”_

_That wasn’t the last time they saw each other though, or the last time they had sat together in the same den, and so their friendship blossomed. In fact, Jisung had been thrilled to find that his dorm was on Chenle’s corridor, only a few doors down. After that, the two had become almost inseparable. The times when Jisung missed his parents, Chenle was there to pick him up, when Chenle got into trouble for his mischief, Jisung was there to keep him grounded._

_They laughed together, they cried together, they grew up together._

_They were the perfect pair of best friends. The orphanage wasn’t much, but it was all they had, and although they didn’t have any actual family around them, Chenle and Jisung had learnt to find a home in each other. _

Chenle smiled to himself as he thought about that first time he had met Jisung. The now fourteen-year-old looked to his left where the other was sprawled across his bed with his eyes closed. Pulling his own covers down from his chin, he sat up. These times of night were his favourite, the times when he and Jisung could talk freely in the comfort of their shared room. 

“Jisung”, his call was followed by a short pause. “Are you awake?” 

There was a silence before the other replied. 

“I am now”, Jisung groaned as he sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes sleepily. He blinked a few times, waking himself up by stretching slowly. 

“Oh… I …” 

“S’okay”, the boy mumbled incoherently, and then he was silent again as his face turned serious. “Thanks for looking out for me at dinner the other day”, his voice was sheepish, “thank you for always looking out for me.” 

“Remember what Donghyuck said, take no notice of them”, Chenle said. 

“Yeah… I guess.” 

“Jisung, I’ve known you long enough to know that you’re better than to let some bully get to you.” 

Jisung was looking at him with a softness in his eyes. “When we were in the orphanage, you wouldn’t ever let any of the others pick on me.” 

“Yeah well… you’re my best friend, I wasn’t going to let anyone pick on my best friend”, Chenle’s reminiscent laughter radiated from his speech and he grabbed one of the pillows from behind him, resting it under his chin. 

“I’m going to make sure I’m doing it right next time, maybe then he won’t keep – “ 

“It’s not you though, it’s him, he’s just causing trouble.” 

Jisung huffed and folded his arms stubbornly. “I’ll be glad when they’re both gone. I wish Mark was here, he’d know exactly what to do.” 

“I miss him too, but he promised us that he would visit. Anyway, Renjun seems nice” he grinned, thinking about Jisung’s new interest, “and he showed you the garden.” 

Jisung let out a small squeal. “Oh, it’s wonderful. He taught me how to grow so much and helped me plant all the seeds. The carrots were finally ready today… and…and the tomatoes, well I gave some of them to Donghyuck because he said he wanted something to use for dinner but then he told me he didn’t want those he wanted the turnips so I went back and- “ 

Jisung’s speech was cut short as a pillow was hurled in his direction and hit the top of his chest. 

“Okay go to sleep now Jisung”, Chenle laughed as he slung himself back down onto his bed at the sound of Jisung’s rambling. 

“Hey”, the younger whined and Chenle sighed with amusement as he rested his head on the remaining pillow, eager now to sleep before facing another day at the castle. 

xxx

“Jeno.” 

Jeno froze. He thought he would be able to sneak past his uncle without the other noticing. He hadn’t been so lucky though as he was standing in the dining room, smiling expectantly. It was evening now and the dark shadow of the man that the moon cast, by its soft streaks of light through the panes of the glass window, fell onto the oak table in the centre of the room. Jeno rolled his eyes before turning slowly in the doorway to face him. 

“Will you join me for a drink?” 

“I was actually just going- “ 

“You look like you need to relax, let’s go to the drawing room.” He nodded his head towards the bottle of port on one of the cabinets and before Jeno could resist again, his uncle had set down another glass and begun to pour the liquid carefully. “Take that bottle and bring it with us.” 

Yunho picked up the glasses and gestured for his nephew to follow him through to the room. It had been so long since Jeno had been in there, that he had almost forgotten the castle had a drawing room and without much thought, he found himself following reluctantly. When they entered he took a seat at one of the large leather armchairs, drink placed next to him on a small, round table. Yunho hummed briefly but was soon distracted by the glass in his hand, Jeno not so enticed as he let his sit beside him. He knew that there was no avoiding his uncle now and so his thoughts drifted, Renjun’s words about the letter finding their way back into his head. He folded his arms. 

“Uncle, you said you were going away tomorrow, tell me more about it, is it a new business?” 

“You could say that”, Yunho replied with a light chuckle. 

“What kind of business is it?” 

“I like it round here. I’m looking into acquiring property in the area.” 

Yunho sat back in the large arm chair and took another swig of his drink. 

Jeno frowned. He liked it here? The area around the castle was virtually abandoned. 

“Do you have anything in mind?”, he blurted impulsively, still unsatisfied. 

“Yes, actually I do.” 

_“Drinking without me?”_

Jeno’s head shot round as he heard the voice of his cousin and looked up to see him with a conceited grin plastered across his face. 

“Jaesuk.” 

Jeno’s tone was blunt, the suspicions dissolving momentarily before he could find it in him to scrutinize his uncle further. Jaesuk slunk down in one of the chairs opposite Jeno so that the two were facing each other. He was dressed plainly in his evening attire as he slouched forward, elbows resting on his knees with little restraint in his posture. Jeno disregarded him and shot a look of fire to his uncle again. 

“Have a good day, Cousin?” Jaesuk sneered. 

Jeno’s frustration was growing. 

“Yes, rather good actually.” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat before returning the glare to his uncle, but the man’s attention was no longer fixed on his nephew. 

“Oh Jaesuk, perfect timing. I need to pack, at least our dear Jeno here will have some company for the rest of the evening”. 

With that it became clear that Jeno wasn’t going to get anymore answers for now as the man rose from his chair and walked towards the door, glancing back over his shoulder. 

“Don’t bother waking up for me tomorrow. I’ll be heading off early in the morning”, he turned, leaving Jeno and Jaesuk alone, his empty glass left out on the sideboard. 

“I should be off to bed too.” 

Jeno started to get up but Jaesuk’s cold voice stopped him dead in his tracks. 

“Does it still hurt?” 

The voice was roughened, cruel as he taunted the ghosts of Jeno’s past branded on his tainted skin. Jeno knew immediately what he was referring to, hand clamping self-consciously over the area where the scar lay on his neck, the top of it peeking out from above the collar of his white shirt. He stared at his cousin in disbelief. 

“Not really”, his voice came out little above a whisper as he sunk back into his chair, the weight of the words heavy, “I’m learning to live with it.” 

“Awful, awful the events of that night, such a tragedy.” Jaesuk feigned a solemn frown as he looked at his cousin again. 

“Since when did you start caring?” Jeno snarled. 

Jaesuk smiled coyly. 

“You do me such an injustice, of course I care about you, Cousin.” 

“We may be related by name, but we don’t share any values, all you care about is yourself and your own greed.” Jeno’s anger had gotten the better of him again. 

“I don’t know Jeno, I think there are _some_ similarities between us - we both know what we want.” He paused. “We’re willing to be greedy if it gets us what we _desire. _” 

Jeno’s head shot up, the words like venom as he tried to decode them. “Be careful, I might actually start to think you have emotions”, he muttered sarcastically with a glare. The glare was held by Jaesuk’s own piecing eyes but then his attention was caught by an ornate box on the sideboard next to him and he lifted it into his hand with ease. 

“Those were my father’s”, Jeno growled as he looked at the cigars that had been left untouched for four years, now in Jaesuk’s palm. He took one out of the box and played with it between his fingers, running it under his nose slowly and inhaling the strong aroma of tobacco. 

“Well, he’s not here now, is he?” 

“Don’t touch them.” 

The laugh that rose from Jaesuk’s throat was enough to push Jeno over the edge and he lunged forward, snatching the cigars out of his cousin’s hand swiftly and putting them back with the rest of his father’s things. 

“I said, don’t touch them”, he muttered before composing himself. “Excuse me,” he sighed deeply as he turned and exited the room without another word. 

xxx

“So, your uncle found another house here and that’s what he’s going to talk to lawyers about, that’s what he said to you?”, Renjun frowned as he tried to piece together the puzzle inside his head.

“Well, not exactly, he says he wants to ‘acquire’ property,” Jeno shook his head. “I’m not sure. He was vague again and then Jaesuk interrupted so I couldn’t say anything else.” 

Jeno watched the smaller cringe as he sat with his legs dangling off his bed, swinging them casually. He frowned but pushed his worry away when he saw Renjun’s familiar pout return to his face as he flopped back onto the bed with a sigh, letting his arms fall above his head and into the blankets. 

“And he left this morning”, Renjun sighed. 

It was early morning of the next day and he had made his way to Jeno’s room, the two now sitting idly as they pondered together. 

“I guess asking him will have to wait”, Jeno’s voice was stifled and nervous. 

“I guess so…” 

Renjun sat up from the bed, trying to push the thoughts to the back of his mind for now. 

“I need to clean his room.” 

There was a tinge of disappointment in Renjun’s voice as he considered the prospect of leaving both Jeno and the warm bed he was laying on. 

“Now that you’re so good at cleaning, want to come with me?” 

To Renjun’s surprise, Jeno nodded. He knew with Yunho out of the way, they would be free to spend more time together. As well, he had not come across Jaesuk since the previous evening and assumed the other must be sleeping in. 

“As long as I can spend time with you”, Jeno grinned. 

Renjun walked towards the door and beckoned the other to follow, rolling his eyes at the line as he laughed under his breath. Jeno followed him like a lost puppy down to Yunho’s room in the guest corridor. It was empty as they walked, standing as usual, just a few feet apart in case anyone was to see them. It wasn’t likely though as they were the only two that rose this early in the morning, Renjun because he had work to do and Jeno because he wanted to catch the other in the early hours. 

Once they were inside the room, Jeno listened as Renjun instructed him to strip the bed of its sheets, whilst he occupied himself with cleaning the windows. Jeno took the bedding off carefully and placed it in a heap beside the door, picking up a clean sheet. He glanced over at Renjun and stopped, transfixed by his figure silhouetted against the window. The sun’s rays shone exquisitely through his baggy shirt, highlighting the soft curve of his waist and creating a halo around his upper body. He was mesmerised by each simple movement. Concentration faltering, the sheet slipped from his hand carelessly. He picked it up again quickly, but his eyes were still on Renjun, trailing down his form to the small of his back. Renjun furrowed his brow each time he wiped the panes, on his tiptoes, the effort causing the faint rasping of his breath as he stretched. 

“I think you missed a bit”, Jeno teased, gesturing upwards. 

“I know that.” 

Renjun didn’t turn around, but reached up again and failed. He stopped struggling immediately when he felt a hand, warm fingers sliding over his, the touch soft as they took the cloth. He peered behind him to see Jeno lean up and run it over the far reaches of the window, his tongue protruding slightly from the corner of his mouth as he worked. Once finished, Jeno gave him a lopsided smile and placed the cloth back into his hand gently. 

“Thanks.” 

Jeno leant forward, placing a kiss on Renjun’s lips, the kind of kiss that was soft and warm, that he lost himself in. He was left wanting more when Jeno pulled away, hazy eyes fluttering open as he smiled. 

“You looked stunning.” 

“There’s a bed over there that needs changing”, Renjun teased, gesturing to the unmade bed that had been left behind, feigning a stern voice and turning back to the window. He wavered for a moment though when he looked at Jeno’s lips, leaning forward to press another kiss against them, the familiar comfort hitting him before he patted the other’s behind gently, pushing him towards the messy sheets. 

While Jeno busied himself again, Renjun moved to the desk, the same one that Yunho had been writing at the last time he cleaned the room. There were three drawers. _He couldn’t. _

He tidied the surface, straightening the writing set and other objects that had been strewn upon it, staring at it a second time. Before he could resist his temptation, he slid the first drawer open. 

_Empty. _ Renjun frowned but brushed his fingers against the handle of the second and tugged on it. 

This one definitely wasn’t empty, jammed with stacks of paper. Renjun pulled at it harder so it flew open in a rush, a few of the loose pages flying out and drifting to the ground. He bent and picked one up, examining the words as he read them carefully. 

“Jeno?”, he called quickly, eyes wide with panic as the other spun around at the call. “Did you sign something?” 

Renjun stared at the papers in disbelief. 

“Huh?” 

Jeno dropped the bedsheets, this time in a fluster as he rushed over to Renjun, the smaller’s arm instinctively wrapping around his waist and fitting there as Jeno read over the documents he held. 

“I’ve never seen these before”, Jeno said desperately as he flicked through all the papers that Renjun had handed him, his signature and name printed at the bottom of each one. The concern flashed across Renjun’s face and he looked up at Jeno. 

“That bastard, he’s forged my signature to get the deeds of the castle.”, Jeno spat as he flung the papers back onto the desk and read them again. He was angry, he wanted to grasp onto something, anything he could see for support, the dressing table, the side of the bed and cry out in his frustration. Instead, he held Renjun closer, his voice softening when he felt the smaller rubbing his waist sympathetically. 

“Why would he do that?” Renjun asked. 

“He’s already living off my parent’s money… if he got this place it would all be his, I would have nothing and nowhere to go. That’s where he must be now, talking about this.” 

“Jeno, if you didn’t sign them, surely you can contest it.” 

“I don’t know…I…I don’t know what he wants to do with these, but I can’t let him.” 

“Papers alone would never stand up in a court, no matter how good of a lawyer he has, you would have to be present for it to go through and you would need legal representation too. He can’t just do that. We have time, but -” 

Renjun paused apprehensively. 

“You need to confront him when he comes back, he needs to know that he can’t just walk all over you.” 

“Renjun I…”, Jeno trailed off as the other took his hand and squeezed it gently. 

“It’s going to be okay, we can fix this, at least we know what he’s up to now.” 

“I hope so, this place is the only thing I have”, Jeno murmured sadly as his voice dropped. “I don’t know why he wants this place anyway, it’s falling apart”, he let out a choked laugh. 

“Don’t be silly, I know how much it means to you.” 

Renjun still held Jeno’s hand tightly, rubbing slow circles over the top of it, whilst he brushed the strands of hair comfortingly that had fallen in his face. 

“I suppose it’s just bricks really, what means the most are the people inside it. Jaemin, Donghyuck, Chenle and Jisung too, I don’t know what they would do if he got this place, I wouldn’t be able to help them. And, you Renjun, if he ever succeeded… you’re the most important person in my life now.” He stopped and looked at Renjun whose eyes were clouded with pity. “I just want to protect you.” he said sincerely, Renjun’s lips on his in seconds as he tried to console him. He melted into the touch, Renjun now cupping his face between both hands this time, the kiss drawing comfort. 

They kissed again, the contact seeming to brush away every hardship, to make Jeno forget in those beautiful seconds. When Renjun pulled away, their noses were still brushing against each other as he stared into Jeno’s wild eyes. 

“We’re not going to let that happen, I promise”, Renjun whispered against his lips. 

“When I hear you say it will be okay, I know it will be, whatever happens.” Jeno pulled the smaller into an embrace, as though he were afraid to lose him. “You’re a genius you know?” 

“I’m not so sure about that”, Renjun laughed back. “Come on, let’s not do anything now, we need to think it through properly, he can’t know we found them.” 

He turned and swept the letters back off the desk, placing them as they were in the drawer and hesitating before he shut it. 

“I’m going to finish up here, and I said I would help Jaemin with a few bits.” 

“I’ll help you. Then… I think I’ll take Onyx out for a ride, that usually helps me to clear my head.” 

“Renjun”, he began but before the smaller could question it, Jeno had pulled him towards his own body impulsively, one arm flying around his shoulder and the other round his waist. Jeno was hugging him. He froze in surprise but let himself relax into the hold, Jeno’s chin resting on his shoulder. Jeno could feel the rush of helplessness again and he clung to Renjun tighter, the smaller brushing the hair on the back of his head with his fingers. 

“Thank you.” 

xxx

Renjun returned to Jeno’s room later that evening when the others had gone to bed. He too had changed into his night clothes but still, he knocked on Jeno’s door once, eager to see him before he slept. There was no reply. After his second attempt, he threw it open anyway and peered around the room expectantly, but Jeno was nowhere to be seen. Only his riding clothes, the white shirt and leather boots, were slung messily across the bed. 

“Jeno?” 

He looked around again until his eyes focused on the door of the ensuite. 

“Renjun? I’m in the bath, I’ll be out in a second”, he heard the voice call from behind the closed door. 

“I just came to see how you were doing” Renjun replied. He was thankful that no one else was here to see the light blush that rose on his cheeks when he thought about what lay on the other side of the door. Moving swiftly to fold the clothes into a neat stack, he placed the boots by the foot of the bed before making himself comfortable on the blankets. 

A few minutes later, the door to the bathroom opened gently and Jeno walked out with only a towel around his waist, modestly covering his nakedness. The chest muscular, shoulders strong and broad - Renjun’s breath caught in his throat at the sight. Jeno was still fixing the towel around his slender waist, hair wet and chest still damp as he noticed Renjun on his bed, smiling at him tentatively. 

“Hey”, Jeno breathed out, voice small but Renjun smiled back as the other walked past the bed. 

That’s when Renjun saw it for the first time, the full length of Jeno’s scar. It ran from the top of his neck where Renjun had grown to see it so familiar, down his back in angry lines of damaged flesh, jagged and reddish from where the chandelier had ripped through his skin. The scar thinned into lighter streaks on his shoulder blade and ended at his ribs. Renjun trailed his eyes over it and, feeling the tightening in his throat with a short intake of breath, he gasped. Jeno sensed the eyes on his back and Renjun watched him tense up, palm resting on the wardrobe as he let out a breath he had been holding. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll put a shirt on.” 

He cast his eyes to the floor. 

“It- “ 

Renjun couldn’t find the right words. 

“It’s hideous.” Jeno muttered as he kept his eyes fixed to the ground, his doubt suddenly catching up with him. 

“No, it’s not. Don’t apologise, never apologise. I was just shocked; I hate the thought of you in so much pain Jeno.” 

Renjun stood up from the bed, stepping forward cautiously as his mind trailed over everything Jeno had been through in the last four years, the physical evidence only reinforcing his pain. He was hit by a wave of sadness. 

“I don’t want people to see it”, Jeno muttered quietly as he reached for a shirt, stopping when he felt the gentle brush of fingers skimming across the tainted flesh on his back. The fingertips soon became a palm that rested on his shoulder blade so softly that he almost didn’t believe he could be treated with such gentleness, that someone was putting so much care into their touches. He felt the warm breath of the smaller fanning across the back of his neck. 

“It’s part of you.” 

Renjun noticed Jeno turn his head slowly so that he could see the hand on his shoulder and, if he wasn’t mistaken, he saw the glimpse of a smile across the man’s lips, fleeting before it faded into sadness again. His palm still rested on the exposed scar, the other hand now running lightly on Jeno’s back to join the first one and dance across the skin in gentle flutters, each movement working as though getting to know it, becoming one with it as his fingers tapped gracefully with feathery touches. 

Jeno was humbled by the action, giving a little more of himself to Renjun with each of his caring movements. He felt lips moving delicately against his skin with a tenderness that fuelled a blush down his spine and through to his fingertips. With each paper-thin hold, it was as though his scars were healed a little more, the kiss making the skin fresh and loved again. He dropped the shirt to the floor and turned to face the other, meeting the hands that had been pressed against his back, with his own so their palms were flat against each other’s, emotions fusing together as they stood in silence. 

“I spent four years hiding away because of it. Now I’m standing here, you make me feel like the most beautiful thing in the world.” Jeno’s voice was shaky and quiet and Renjun could see the faint glisten of tears in his eyes. The sadness of the other’s pain hit him again, this time like a tidal wave that knocked him off his feet, defenceless. 

“You are”, Renjun whispered, on the verge of tears himself but he blinked them back, “and beautiful things shouldn’t be hidden away.” 

Jeno leant to rest his forehead against Renjun’s, their bodies so close that he could feel the breath of the other as it ghosted against his skin. 

“I’m not the only one that’s suffered, you’ve seen hell too Renjun, my scars are just physical.” 

Renjun didn’t say anything then and so Jeno waited in silence for a moment longer then kissed him compassionately, Renjun matching the movements in unspoken acknowledgment and closing his eyes, basking in Jeno’s warmth. A tear raced down Jeno’s face, catching at the corner of his mouth where his lips were still against the other’s smooth ones. 

“It doesn’t matter, any of it, we’re here now and we have each other.” Renjun wiped his thumb across the other’s cheek in comfort. “Don’t cry”, he choked out in a small laugh. 

Jeno blinked back at him, his heart beating faster and faster as Renjun’s face came close to his allowing him to bury his head in the smaller’s neck as he held him in silence. There was a rawness to it that tore through Renjun as he let the other cry into his shoulder, Jeno eventually pulling away and looking deep into his eyes. 

“I’d forgotten what beauty was until I met you, you changed me. The library, the garden and… you. My life feels beautiful again.” 

He paused, the silence heavy in the air. 

“I love you.” 

_His heart beat faster as the words became real, his chest tightening with emotion as the world around him blurred so that all he could see were the gentle brown eyes staring back at him, full of passion and… love. Jeno had brought happiness back into his life. Jeno loved him. The words seemed too brief for the overwhelming intensity of his feelings but in that perfect moment they were the only words that mattered. _

“I love you too”, Renjun confessed. 

Stroking the smaller’s cheek with affection and wiping his own tears, Jeno smiled. “I don’t know how to thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” 

“Just being yourself is enough.” 

Their confessions were honest and pure, filled only with the greatest of love as they held each other comfortably in the quietness of Jeno’s room. 

Realising the state they were both in, Renjun in his thin pyjamas and him with nothing but a towel around his waist, he stopped. Thank The towel had twisted awkwardly around his hips, slung around them loosely now. The realisation seemed to hit Renjun at exactly the same moment, the two breaking apart quickly, their shielded reality broken. 

“I…uh… I should get changed”, Jeno muttered quickly, moving back to his wardrobe and opening one of the drawers. He took out his nightwear and let the towel drop from his hips, quickly pulling on the silk shorts. 

“I should go back to my room”, was Renjun’s instant response, blushing at once. 

Jeno spun round quickly. 

“Please Renjun- “ Jeno’s words were sheepish as the other turned to look at him. “I don’t want to be alone tonight; would you stay with me?” 

_Renjun wanted to stay. _ He nodded and intertwined their fingers, pulling Jeno tentatively towards the large four poster bed. He was already in his nightwear, his usual loose white shirt and matching shorts and Jeno tugged back the covers, gesturing softly to Renjun. He climbed under the blankets, tucking them over his body so his head peeked out from above them and shuffled to the other side so Jeno could join him. Jeno never had put his shirt on and he climbed into bed, wearing only his shorts and enveloping the other in a soft hug from behind, his arms wrapping easily around the other’s slender frame, running his hand along the fabric of the shirt covering his chest. 

“I remember these,” Jeno laughed. 

“I was wearing them when we first met, not really the best first impression was it?” 

Jeno ran his fingers across the skin of Renjun’s stomach where his shirt had risen up slightly now. “They suit you.” 

“That feels like a long time ago now.” 

“I was a different person then.” 

Renjun hummed softly but snuggled his head further back into the crook of Jeno’s neck, the man inhaling his cottony scent. They were silent for a few minutes and Renjun could feel Jeno’s erratic heartbeat as it wavered against his back and he turned around to face the other, frowning softly. He reached to Jeno’s forehead, running his hand across his temple as he sighed. 

“You’re still stressed about your uncle aren’t you?” 

Jeno nodded faintly. “I’m sorry. You’re really helping by being here though.” 

Renjun hummed again, still concerned but with the warmth of Jeno’s bed, he felt the tiredness overcome him and his eyelids were heavy as he tried to force them to remain open. Eventually though, he gave up and let his head flop back into the fresh linin of the sheets, drifting off into a comfortable sleep. Jeno’s mind still raced. He hadn’t slept properly for so long but after a few minutes of listening to the steady, heavy breaths that sounded from Renjun’s chest as he breathed through his nose, he felt himself slipping. Renjun’s mess of chestnut hair had flopped into his face and was scattered there as he laid with his lips slightly parted. The sight was endearing to Jeno, and for the first time in four years, he felt like the peace in his heart might finally return. That was how he fell asleep, listening to the soft lull of Renjun’s steady breathing, whilst he held the man he loved in his arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry it's been a little while but here is the next chapter! I had to split what was originally going to be in this chapter at the end and put it in the next as it made it longer than I wanted it to be ( plus noren just told each other they loved each other they need to have their soft moment hehe). I just wanted to quickly say a huge thank you to my loyal readers, talking to you about the fic makes me so happy and its lovely to see you enjoying it. To any new readers as well!! Welcome and thank you for reading my fic! I'm not sure when I will next update but it hopefully shouldn't be too long!  
Comment + kudos great appreciated <33  
See you next time <33


	14. Thorns

Renjun woke first the next morning. It was just past seven and he had panicked slightly, remembering the promises he made to Jisung and Chenle to help in the garden at eight. He stretched his body slowly before it recoiled back into the sheets, burying his head in the warmth of Jeno’s back. He turned to smile at the other, stopping when the man stirred briefly and let out a soft groan, face pressed against his pillow and one arm hanging off the edge of the bed. He looked snug, so at peace that Renjun wordlessly refused to rouse him and instead, slipped out of bed quietly and through the door. He walked discretely along the corridors to the other side of the castle until he reached his bedroom on the first floor, changing out of his nightclothes there and tiptoeing outside towards the rose garden. 

He picked a single pink flower and brought it back upstairs with him. 

When he returned to Jeno’s room, he smiled at the figure on the bed, the man having shifted in his sleep, so the blankets were now thrown off him. His long legs were visible past the edge of the messy covers and he was breathing steadily. Renjun pulled his gaze away and peered down to his hands, the vase from the kitchen there, light blue and decorated with small white circles. Putting it down hastily on the nightstand, he placed the flower into it and paused to admire the delicate petals. Due in the garden again any minute now, he tore his stare away and to Jeno whose chest still rose and fell rhythmically with the fluttering of his eyelids, before slipping out quietly. 

xxx

When Jeno finally woke up, he was disappointed by the empty space next to him. The sheets where Renjun had laid were still crumpled and creased. He blinked; eyes hazy with the comfort of sleep he had been so deprived of without the safety of Renjun. His vision flickered around the brightness of the room until he caught the tinges of colour next to his head. Lifting himself up onto his elbows, he was greeted by a single pink rose. It was beautiful and still doused with the freshness of dew in its centre. _There was only one person that left him flowers. _

He looked sweetly at the rose. _Trust Renjun to be so cryptic_, he thought as he trawled his mind for its meaning. When it came to him, he smiled and threw his body out of the bed, eager to see where the other had gone. 

Jeno tugged at one of the shirts, pulling it from his wardrobe hurriedly. From here he could see the view out the window. The rose garden was empty, but as he raked his eyes across, they met with the familiar outline of Renjun’s figure, apron slung around his hips neatly. Chenle and Jisung were distracted in the vegetable patch, the elder overseeing, occasionally pointing and directing their attention somewhere as he supervised. Although he couldn’t hear their conversation, he knew something was making the other laugh as the intermittent rise and fall of his shoulders indicated happiness. Dressing quickly, he ran a hand over his scarf on the dressing table as it dropped to the floor carelessly. 

Outside, the air was crisp, and he breathed it in deeply before approaching Renjun, the smaller’s figure flushed in the rosy summer light. He was facing away, and neither he nor the two boys had noticed Jeno’s gentle steps. The tips of his fingers brushed lightly across Renjun’s in a hidden gesture of affection, lingering there for a moment longer before they retracted. He felt him jump, snapping his head round quickly to be greeted with the warmth of Jeno’s face. 

“Good morning.” 

Jeno waved his hand in the air, shooting him an awkward grin. 

“Good morning _Mr Lee_.” Renjun sighed with amusement, the two in their own world again. 

_ “What about these?” _

Chenle was cut short when he caught sight of the Master smiling next to Renjun. His jaw fell open wide, but he was silent, nudging Jisung with his elbow. The boy opened his mouth to complain but he too fell quiet when he saw Jeno. 

“Mr Lee”, Chenle stuttered finally, unable to control the bow that his body instinctively formed. He rose up quickly and the air hung uncomfortably between them. The boys watched Renjun as he nudged Jeno gently, brows furrowed in confusion at the familiarity of the gesture, at the Master’s closeness to the housekeeper. 

“Oh, don’t worry about any of that”, Jeno paused but soon continued. “I just came to see how the garden was doing, you’ve done an amazing job on it.” He peered around sheepishly and Renjun heard the smallness in his voice. Chenle noticed too, and he visibly relaxed. 

“It was mostly Jisung, once I showed him how to do it. He’s been working out here so much.” 

Jisung smiled at his best friend, flustered by the sudden compliment and Jeno laughed softly at the pair. They continued with what they had been doing, Jisung attentive as he dug another potato from the ground whilst Chenle sorted through what they had already collected. 

“They’re really great kids Jeno, you should get to know them again. It’s so quiet here and they only have each other.” Renjun smiled softly. 

“When they first came we got on well, all of us did. I guess four years is a long time though”, Jeno sighed. 

_ “These?” _ Jisung called loudly, interrupting them and pointing to the raspberries he stood by. 

“Yeah bring some of those, Donghyuck can make a pie with them”, Renjun gestured with a thumbs up to the boy, who scrunched his nose up endearingly in return. 

“You two carry on over here, I’m going to see how the roses are doing.” 

Renjun started to walk towards the other part of the garden before he halted. 

“Are you coming, Mr Lee?”, he called as he beckoned to the other, neither of them noticing the look that crossed both of the boys’ faces at the proposal. 

They strode through the stone archway, Renjun giggling as Jeno tried to keep up with his eager movements, and stopped finally by the fountain. 

“Sweetness.” 

Renjun squinted, his head tilting to the side. 

“Huh?” 

“The pink rose you put next to my bed. It means sweetness.” 

“You remembered what I told you?”, Renjun’s face lit up with a fond smile. 

Jeno took his hands carefully. 

“How many times did we go through those roses together? Renjun, of course I remembered.” 

Renjun let out a burst of laughter and shook his head at the endearing affirmation. “Well it’s nice to see that you _do_ listen to me,” he laughed as the other pouted defensively. 

Jeno’s focus was caught sharply again and he looked beyond them to the bench at the garden’s edge, sighing softly as he let go of Renjun’s hands. “It really has been a long time since we were last here”, he murmured, nodding to the bench. 

Renjun spun to look at it quickly, allowing the faintness of a smile to grace his features. _It was the night they had first kissed_. His memories of it were fond ones. Everything felt so simple back then, each infatuated with the other, falling in love. There was no complexity to it, nothing seemed forbidden, no Yunho, no Jaesuk. There had only been Jeno, him and the stars above their heads. He knew he would never forget it, the night he gave his heart away for the first time. 

“You showed me your ballet right here.” 

“And you showed me yours”, Renjun laughed, recalling Jeno’s clumsy dancing, where he had toppled over messily. 

“I _can_ dance”, Jeno whined in protest. 

_ “Really, Mr Lee?” _

Renjun smirked and stuck out his tongue but the smile on his face soon dissolved into shock as he felt an arm snake around his waist, resting in the dip above his hip. Jeno took one of his hands, guiding their movements with the slight tap of his fingertips rhythmically against his skin. The hand was moved onto Jeno’s waist, Renjun firming the grip there himself so it lay comfortably above the curve of his hipbone. Without warning, Jeno’s feet began to step forward, the smaller improvising and mirroring the waltz-like movements as best he could as his steps flitted in time. He could feel the ease in the confidence of Jeno’s stance when he led him gently across the garden in one long step followed immediately by two short ones. The movements were fluid yet exhilarating and the mid morning light caused their shadows too, to dance across the grass as they moved in synchrony. Around them the world seemed to pause while they were in the rose garden. _It was theirs_. Just like it had been in their first nights here, the following actions were fuelled by their hearts, the sensations overpowering. They glanced at each other and smiled knowingly. 

Jeno felt the slimness of Renjun’s waist beneath his hands and he held his dainty form tenderly. Cradling the smaller against him in one moment, and in the next, twirling him round so that he spun elegantly and arched his back, he exhaled. Renjun finally collapsed against his chest, and stopped to let himself relax into the hold. 

“Mr Huang, you make fine dance partner”, Jeno grinned. 

“Did you really come here to check on the garden, or did you just come to flirt?”, Renjun chuckled as he raised an eyebrow and poked Jeno playfully. The other brought them both up so they were standing, faces inches apart again. 

“Well, partly.” 

“I’ll admit though, you do make a fine dancer”, Renjun mumbled as he nestled into the crook of Jeno’s neck and inhaled the musky scent, body pressed against his with familiarity. Jeno’s hand held the back of his head, breath tickling his ear as he felt it brush softly. 

“I love you so much Renjun. I meant every word I said last night.” 

Jeno’s voice was soft, his hold gentle as he stroked Renjun’s nape tenderly with his thumb. 

“I did too. I’ve never felt anything like this before”, the other admitted. 

Jeno’s lips were on his in seconds, the two savouring the freedom of the kiss, neither knowing when the other would break away. Jeno’s kisses were exactly how Renjun wanted them to be, slow and lax, open-mouthed yet filled with all the passion of their now spoken love. They sought closeness with their bodies, a union in the movements. Renjun felt Jeno’s jaw with his fingers and his small hums were muffled by the lips boring down on his. The manoeuvre allowed the smaller to bite softly at the other’s bottom lip, nipping at the flesh there as his passion prevailed. 

They broke apart slowly, Renjun’s lips still wet and slightly glossy as he breathed through his mouth steadily. Jeno watched him, mesmerised by the enticing actions. Renjun let go of his face finally, fingers sliding down his chin, then arms and to his hand, pulling them both without hesitation towards the bench. _Their bench_. Jeno followed, sitting close to him, overlooking the familiar roses they had planted together. The summer season had grown them into their full beauty. 

“I’ve missed this view”, Jeno smiled contently and Renjun hummed, tilting his head so that it rested against his shoulder, the two facing out towards the hordes of roses. 

“It’s been so busy here; I feel like I’ve not had time to breathe.” Renjun turned, eyes flickering over Jeno’s exposed collarbones and the bare skin of his neck. 

“Jeno, your scarf. I didn’t even notice till now.” 

“Never again.” 

“Never?” 

“Never ever”, Jeno replied with a light grin. 

Renjun’s fingers ran across the delicate skin and he beamed at Jeno like he was the most precious thing in the world. 

“I like that.” 

Jeno laughed and Renjun returned his head to the man’s shoulder for comfort. They stayed like that for the following minutes, the smaller letting out a small but cheerful sigh. 

“Chenle and Jisung are probably waiting for me.” He stood up reluctantly. “I should get back to them.” 

Jeno followed Renjun’s movements and rose to face him. 

“It’s okay. I need to check on Onyx anyway now.” 

Jeno paused before speaking again. 

“You’ll come back later Renjun, won’t you?” 

“Of course I will, Jeno”, Renjun stated and kissed him a final time, whispering a muffled but sincere ‘love you’ against his lips before they continued to walk out of the rose garden, as if nothing had happened. 

xxx

“You remember Renjun, don’t you?” 

Jeno was mumbling faintly as he stroked Onyx’s mane with affection. He often found himself talking to the horse, murmuring his thoughts to a silent listener, making him feel like his burdens were lifted. He dug the heels of his riding boots into the ground and sighed to himself, smiling lightly. His palms were resting on the soft mane as he breathed out once. 

“I finally told him I love him.” 

_ “I do love him.” _

He laughed quietly at his own sentimentality, Onyx plainly keening from the loss of contact. Without thought, he retraced the touch and began to pat him once more, the horse’s tail swishing lightly. 

“I can’t believe it. I feel like my life finally means something.” He paused as he looked across at the horse and smiled. “You’ve always been there for me though, listening to my rambling.” 

Onyx simply nuzzled into him, unaware of the outpour of emotions. 

“Even if you don’t know it”, he chuckled with a sigh. 

Onyx bent his head down towards the pocket of Jeno’s jacket, sniffing at the contents as he inspected it, nose soon inside the fabric. 

“Find something you like in there?”, Jeno spoke with a laugh, Onyx’s mane tickling his chin. “You can smell it can’t you?” 

Onyx paused and raised his head to look at the other. 

Jeno dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out the carrot that Onyx couldn’t reach. Jisung had given it to him as he left for the stables and he held it out carefully. The other took it from the hand, crunching on the pieces as Jeno sighed to himself. 

“What am I doing talking to a horse anyway?” 

He shook his head and smiled, knowing ultimately that he found comfort in talking to his companion. 

“Would you be able to carry both of us Onyx?” 

He paused. 

“I’d really like to take Renjun riding one day soon.” 

He thought about the man he loved, and his heart raced again, thought of sharing something so personal with him. It caused the usual steadiness of his breath to catch in his throat. He wanted to show Renjun a new life, a new start for both of them, something beautiful and distant from the dull and colourless life they had already lived. The visions dissolved when he heard the sound of hay as it rustled underneath heavy footsteps. He shot his head up and looked across the stable, Jaemin standing in the doorway shooting him a knowing grin. 

“Talking to Onyx again I see.” 

Jaemin leant against the doorframe now with his arms folded, dressed casually for once, his butler suit replaced with a pair of plain trousers and a white shirt, the lacing at the neck pulled loose. 

Jeno didn’t say anything for a moment, his face reddening from embarrassment. 

“Don’t worry, I didn’t hear much. Just something about riding, usual horse talk.” Jaemin laughed, the infectious sound causing Jeno to relax and reciprocate the action. 

“What are you doing here anyway?” He rarely saw Jaemin in the stables anymore. 

“I just came to check on Onyx quickly before work.” 

Jaemin had in fact spent the last four years checking on Onyx, whenever Jeno was busy or wouldn’t leave his room. Jaemin had cared for the horse and they knew each other well now. 

“Onyx and I are pretty good friends you know.” Jaemin’s voice was cheeky as he raised an eyebrow, walking confidently over to Onyx, who immediately nuzzled against him lovingly. 

“Isn’t that right Onyx?”, he finished and stroked the horse, Jeno laughing at this as he rolled his eyes. 

“It feels like yesterday since you first brought him back here. I remember it, I was so proud because _my_ best friend had this amazing horse and..”, Jaemin paused in his excitement. “I knew _my_ best friend would show me everything.” Jaemin was grinning now. 

“I taught you how to ride didn’t I?”, Jeno reminisced fondly. 

“Yeah, you did. Remember when you fell off him for the first time?” 

Jeno nodded, embarrassed. 

“You were crying so much I didn’t know what to do so I just started crying too.” 

Jaemin laughed, taking his hand from Onyx and perching on a nearby bail of hay. Jeno joined him instantly, the two sat close to each other as their minds raced through the past. Jeno’s head shot up again suddenly. 

“Or the time we tried to teach him to jump those fences out the front and he wouldn’t. He was always so stubborn, you ended up halfway upside down.” 

The two laughed fondly. 

“I miss those days.” 

“I’ve seen you out riding so much lately Jeno, but I’ve gotten so used to coming in here to check on him it’s sort of a habit now.” 

“I introduced him to Renjun,” Jeno said with a smile. 

Jaemin felt his breath catch in his throat slightly, the pain stabbing at his chest without warning as he heard the name leave Jeno’s lips. It shattered the false reality he had created, the one where Jeno was his, each time he repaired it, the other ripping it away from him unknowingly. It was getting harder to mend those pieces with each sting delivered. He smiled. 

“How did that go; did they get on alright?” 

“I think Renjun was a bit scared, Onyx was playing up at the start, but they got on well in the end”, Jeno smiled happily as his thoughts returned to Renjun and the rose garden. 

“I was in the garden this morning, it looks stunning.” 

“Everything is changing here.” 

“Tell me about it.” Jeno was suddenly quiet, serious as he thought about his uncle, the stress shooting through him acutely. 

“Jaemin, I need to tell you something.” 

“What is it Jeno?”, Jaemin replied, concerned at his sudden change in manner but he tried to brush it off lightly. 

“Renjun’s smart you know”, he trailed off again. 

“Are you saying I’m not?”, Jaemin teased with a smile. 

“No, seriously.” 

There was another painstaking pause between them, Jaemin’s eyes conveying empathy as he looked into Jeno’s anguished ones. 

“He found papers in my uncle’s room, documents.” Jeno’s voice was shaky. “He’s trying to get possession of the castle, trying to get me out, trying to get all of us out. He forged my signature.” 

“Who?” Jaemin’s heart dropped. 

“My uncle.” 

The other went silent. He didn’t know what to say. 

“Jeno, that’s your inheritance, the money is too. That belongs to you not him,” he spoke finally, the shock written across his face. 

“I’m not sure there’s going to be any of it left at this rate. You’ve seen them, the clothes they wear, they don’t have jobs. They’re living well off it and I can’t even stop them, no one can. If we can just delay this until he is no longer my guardian then maybe- “ 

“Jeno…”, Jaemin began. “You can’t let him do that, he can’t”, he said stubbornly. 

“Renjun said if he did try anything more, I would need to have a lawyer. It’s not going to be as easy as my uncle thinks, he can forge my signature, but I would have to appear in court for anything to happen.” The softness in Jeno’s face returned as he spoke. “I think that’s where he’s gone now. He’s talking to the lawyers.” 

Jaemin nodded reassuringly. 

“I don’t know what to do yet, but we’ll figure something out, we have time.” 

“I just want those two out of here,” Jaemin sighed. 

“They have such a hold over me, I hate it. If it wasn’t for Renjun I really would lose my mind.” 

“He’s doing you so much good.” Jaemin couldn’t deny Renjun’s effect on Jeno and the other nodded his head softly smiling and looked across the distance of the barn as another silence engulfed them. 

“Jaemin, have you ever been in love before?” 

“Just the once.” Jaemin was looking at the floor. 

“You didn’t tell me about it.” 

“I never found the right time.” 

Jeno stared at him. 

“Who was it?” 

_Jaemin sighed. _

“Was it one of the staff?” 

_No._

Jeno shook his head again when his best friend didn’t say anything. 

“One of my sisters?” 

_No. How can you be so oblivious? _

Jaemin felt the stabbing at his heart again as the pain of unrequited love tore through him. He didn’t want to love Jeno anymore, he couldn’t bear the torment of it. He’d fallen for his best friend. What a cliché. He’d fallen for the boy he grew up with, in love with the man he was now, with the lopsided smile and the caring face, with Lee Jeno. He didn’t want to feel the sting every time he heard Renjun’s name. _Renjun was his friend_, but it hurt. It hurt in a way beyond anything that words could amount to. He hated how his memories were overshadowed by the thoughts, tainted by Jeno’s distant regard and vacant eyes. He didn’t want to care anymore, he wanted to let go and free himself of the burden, but he was Jeno’s rock, what he relied on. All that prevailed was the mellowness in his eyes as they sunk with the rest of his body. 

He shook his head slowly. 

Jeno knew he shouldn’t push further. 

“Well next time it happens make sure you tell me, I want to know everything”, he grinned. 

“Sure Jeno”, Jaemin raised his eyebrows in feigned distain, forcing a pained laugh again. 

With that, he stood up quickly, stretching where his knees had become a dead weight against the hay. He went over to Onyx and patted him on the head one last time before turning back to Jeno. 

“I should go, I’m glad he’s okay”, Jaemin smiled at Onyx and then Jeno. 

“I’ll see you later then I guess.” 

Jaemin nodded, his hand on the stable door, resting there. 

“Oh Jaemin”, Jeno called. 

The other spun around. 

“Don’t say anything about my uncle to the others”, he nodded sadly, “I don’t want to worry them.” 

xxx

Renjun grimaced, he hated the times when he cleaned Jaesuk’s room. His room was no better than the man himself, messy and disorganised. He groaned and picked up one of the expensive jackets that had been flung across the floor, hanging it in the wardrobe. He felt the rich fabric of it beneath his fingers, the velvet, as it brushed across his skin and he was suddenly repulsed that someone could treat such an object with disregard, something they had spent money on. Probably Jeno’s money. He felt his anger rising and he slammed the coat hanger across in the wardrobe, hurling it shut. 

The dressing table too, was littered with perfumes that were piled up in messy stacks, some of the bottles turned over onto their sides. He took one in his hand, opening the cap and inhaling the scent. He _shuddered_. The odour was sweet and ostentatious, he hated it. He put it back on the table hastily, jumping in panic when he heard the door fly open and he snapped his head round. 

Jaesuk walked in slowly, shutting the door behind him and smiling at Renjun. 

“Mr Huang, what a nice surprise to find you in here”, he smirked and stared at the housekeeper. 

“It’s my job to clean up your mess Sir. I’m nearly done, I’ll be out of your way soon”, Renjun mocked as he turned around to continue tidying the mess on the dressing table, determined not to let himself be overpowered by the man. 

“Don’t rush away on my behalf.” 

Jaesuk strode casually towards the bed Renjun had just made, throwing himself down on it and swinging his legs round to rest on the mattress as he propped his head up on his arms. His eyes scrutinised Renjun as he worked. 

“I could get used to having you in my bedroom.” 

_Renjun gritted his teeth. _

“Don’t”, he snarled. 

“It’s nice to have some company here, I’m _bored_.” 

Renjun breathed angrily as Jaesuk provoked him. 

“Although, I suspect your free time is quite well filled, what with entertaining the Master”, Jaesuk grinned with a low chuckle, watching as Renjun froze up and stopped what he was doing. He shot an icy glare in his direction but didn’t say anything. 

“I can see what my cousin sees in you.” 

Renjun spun around at the closeness of the voice, Jaesuk standing a few paces away from him now. 

“Dedicated to your work, quite the intellectual I gather”, he paused his listing to interrogate Renjun’s figure, “surprisingly easy on the eye.” 

“Please stop.” 

Renjun felt repulsed by the words and he jerked backwards away from the man, the edge of his hip colliding with the dressing table and knocking a large silver, engraved hairbrush onto the plush carpet. It landed silently and in an instant, Jaesuk had reached to the floor and snatched it. 

“That was a little careless of you Mr Huang, _do I make you nervous_?”, Jaesuk whispered. Renjun snatched the brush out of his hand wordlessly and slammed it on the dressing table. 

“Excuse me”, he muttered as he barged past Jaesuk to the door. 

Jaesuk followed him. 

“Don’t you know how to take a compliment?” The man was losing his patience now. 

“Please stop, I’ve got work to do.” 

“Don’t reject me again Renjun, you’re hurting my feelings”, Jaesuk whined as he feigned a dejected pout and came closer. 

Renjun could feel his panic starting to set in, with the sudden smallness of the room, the shut door that was just out of his reach and the eyes that ran over him. All this sent dread washing over his whole body. He tried his best to salvage his composure and held his glare with the other. 

“I don’t know what you mean”, he deadpanned, expression empty. 

“I think you do”, Jaesuk replied with a smirk and before Renjun could turn to the door, the man grabbed his face with his rough hand and stroked down his cheek lightly but with little care in the touch. He was paralysed as the nausea shot from the pit of his stomach and into his throat urgently. He needed to leave but instead, he crumpled, a crack in his polished exterior. The moment was long enough for Jaesuk to act on. Suddenly, the intention was real, Renjun gasped, he had never seen something so raw, the eyes burning with greed. Everything was real, the touch that brushed against his skin, the lust in the man’s eyes, the grip on his jaw. He held Renjun’s wrist tightly. 

“Get off me”, Renjun yelled, trying to push him away but Jaesuk’s grip was still secured around his wrist as he tried desperately to pull it away. 

Renjun tried again to pry himself away but Jaesuk had overpowered him. He spun Renjun’s body around and slammed his back against the wall, his arm across the housekeeper’s chest in a moment. The action winded Renjun and he gasped for breath, Jaesuk pressing him against the wall so their bodies were inches apart. There was a silence, but then he flinched violently as Jaesuk’s other hand crashed into the wall next to his head, effectively pinning him there. 

“I think you should pay me some attention.” 

In any other situation Renjun would have laughed at the ridiculous statement, Jaesuk sounding like a spoilt child who had been denied what they wanted. Except, _ he_ was the object now, he was Jaesuk’s desire and so he didn’t laugh, just thrashed against the hold. 

“Let go of me!” 

“I don’t think you heard me, Mr Huang.” 

“You’re hurting me”, Renjun’s voice was small for the first time, his eyes pleading with Jaesuk’s. The man laughed at him. 

_ “Why don’t you play nice then?” _

He pushed Renjun into the wall again and he let out a small yelp of pain. 

“Why don’t I play nice?”, Renjun scoffed. “It’s you and your uncle that are the dirty ones. You need to think about what you’re doing,” he spat back as he pushed against the hold. “What do you want?” 

“I think you know what I want”, Jaesuk muttered back, his face close. 

“Why has your father gone to see a lawyer?” 

Renjun watched as Jaesuk’s face dropped suddenly, the calmness in his demeanour faltering. 

“How do you know that?”, he shot back at the smaller aggressively, nostrils flared. 

“Tell me why.” 

He loosened his grip and the anger was replaced by the faintness of a smirk. 

“I could make good use of that _loud_ little mouth of yours”, he sneered, eyes clouded with want. He gripped Renjun’s jaw tightly, the other looking at him fearfully. 

_He couldn’t get out. Jeno was in the stables. He couldn’t call to him. _ He couldn’t do anything and so he simply stared in fear. 

“That’s better”, Jaesuk muttered, interpreting Renjun’s silence as defeat. Renjun turned his head to the side. 

“So”, Jaesuk began as he pulled Renjun’s jaw back so their stares met. “What is it about my cousin then?” 

Renjun didn’t want to think about Jeno in that moment, it was too painful. He wouldn’t want Jeno to see him like this, so weakened against the force of his cousin. Jeno was everything to him, he was happiness, purity, joy, love. Jeno was _his_ love. 

As Jaesuk shoved his head backwards against the wall, the thoughts of Jeno were sustained but soon turned bitter as he pictured his face. He wouldn’t give Jaesuk the satisfaction of hearing the answer and so he stayed silent, his lip trembling faintly. 

Jaesuk laughed. 

“I’m finding it harder and harder to resist you.” 

Jaesuk’s face was in front of his and before he knew it, his lips we’re on his, cold and rough. Jaesuk took ruthlessly, he forced as Renjun struggled against it. He tried to kick out but Jaesuk’s body was firmly against his. Tried to turn his head away but Jaesuk had locked his jaw in place with his fingers. He was trapped. Jeno’s kisses were nothing like these, Jeno kissed him softly, with care, both giving equally. Jeno would smile through his kisses, they both would. Jaesuk’s movements were cold and clipped, stark in the dimness of his room. Jeno was gentle, Jaesuk forced and took. Jeno held Renjun, Jaesuk held him down. He wanted to call out for Jeno, but the muffling of the sound on Jaesuk’s lips stopped him. 

Jaesuk was still holding him against the wall when he broke apart for air, Renjun gasping frantically. The man wiped his thumb across Renjun’s lips harshly. 

“I think you enjoyed that, I told you I always get what I want.” 

Renjun yanked his head away. 

“Please stop”, he mouthed voicelessly. Jaesuk’s hands gripped at the collar of his shirt. 

“Now then, I want you to stop your _relationship_ with my cousin.” 

Renjun shook his head, he wouldn’t give up Jeno, not even if it cost him his job. He didn’t care anymore. Jeno was the only good thing he had in his life. He could feel the start of desperate tears pricking at the corner of his eyes, but he held them in valiantly. 

Jaesuk tightened his grip. 

“You’re forgetting your place again, _Mr Huang. _” 

Renjun froze. 

“You’ve seen him, he’s got no one left, no family. Just you. And what are you? His servant, you have no power. You’re as pathetic as he is. I can make him _disappear_ and nobody would know a thing about it.” 

The words shattered Renjun. Jaesuk was threatening him with his only weakness. He thought about the man he loved again, thought about him gone. Jaesuk could do that, who would stop him? He knew whatever happened he would protect Jeno, even if it meant obeying Jaesuk. He had to protect Jeno. 

“You don’t want that do you?”, Jaesuk tilted his head to the side, forcing Renjun to look at him. 

“So, do as I say.” 

“Don’t hurt him,” Renjun cried out, “_Please. _” 

“You want to protect your boyfriend?” The sickeningly sweet tone was back, and he ran a mocking thumb over Renjun’s cheek. “Don’t underestimate me.” 

Renjun felt helpless, he was Jaesuk’s doll. His body went limp in the hold as he gave up, surrendering. 

“Do as I say.” Jaesuk repeated the words. He let go of Renjun suddenly and his body crumpled to the floor as he slid down the wall and put his head in his knees, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Renjun.” 

Renjun didn’t look up. 

Jaesuk paused a moment before he hooked his finger under the man’s chin and tilted his face up, forcing Renjun to look at him in the eyes. 

“I want you to come and see me tomorrow morning. You and I have a lot of getting to know each other to do.” 

Jaesuk smirked coyly and Renjun felt the repulse as it coursed through his stomach. He nodded pathetically, one of the tears he had been holding in running down his face to his horror. He knew crying wouldn’t get him anywhere in front of Jaesuk and so he had held back as best he could until now. 

“Good boy”, Jaesuk took Renjun’s hand and lifted him up off the floor. 

“Off you go then”, he muttered, pushing Renjun lightly towards the door. He walked away numbly, the tear stains still tarnishing his cheeks. He felt them come again, and he let them slide down his face as he ran down the empty corridors. As he rushed carelessly, his body quite literally slammed into another, the two meeting and stopping at the contact. 

It was Jaemin. 

The butler glanced at him with a concerned frown, the red eyes and puffy face an obvious indication of his distress. Renjun didn’t say anything to him but stopped weakly. Jaemin caught him by the arm. 

“Renjun what’s the matter?”, he asked, voice laced with true concern. 

“I-I’m fine”, Renjun stuttered, wiping his face quickly and forcing a grimace. 

Before Jaemin could form a reply, Renjun had taken off again down the corridor and to his room. He reached it and shut the door quickly, finally throwing himself on his bed and letting out the tears as he curled up. Suddenly the weight of the world was all too much for him to bear. Jaesuk had used him. All his life, people had used him. All he wanted right now was the warmth of Jeno, for the man to take him in his arms and tell him everything would be okay. Yet, that was the one thing he was being denied. He was helpless, completely powerless, and if he wanted to safeguard him in any way, his last means of strength would find their solace in protecting Jeno. 

xxx

Jeno returned from the stables to his room in the early evening. He waited for Renjun. He didn’t come. He waited some more but once the darkness of dusk dimmed his room, he started to worry. He didn’t want to push Renjun, but he hadn’t seen the other since the morning and the waiting was tortuous. 

Still, Renjun didn’t come. 

He finally went down to Renjun’s bedroom, the little one on the first floor, standing outside it as he listened for any sign of the other. Jeno knocked on the door once but heard no reply and so he called out but got nothing. He pushed the door open quickly in case Renjun hadn’t heard but the sight that greeted him was haunting. The smaller was propped up on his bed in a crumpled sitting position with his knees brought up to his chest protectively as he cradled himself. He looked numb, worn and tired. Jeno could see the faint tracks of tear marks that tainted his perfect face and his heart ached, rushing over to the smallness of the bed. 

“Renjun.” He called with panic and the other looked at his face desperately. 

“Renjun, oh god, are you okay?” Jeno gushed. “I started to worry when you didn’t come, what’s the matter?” 

He sat next to Renjun on the bed cautiously and the other stared past him at the wall. 

“Jeno.” The words were uttered quietly as they left Renjun’s mouth in a croaky whisper. It was nothing like the Renjun that he was used to, a shadow of himself. 

“What happened?”, Jeno’s voice wavered. 

Renjun looked at him again, expression all at once conveying confusion, brokenness and desperation. He shook his head, unable to find a voice. 

Jeno reached forward to lay a hand over Renjun’s and the smaller’s bottom lip quivered as he did so but he didn’t resist, letting it rest their softly. Jeno rubbed his thumb gently across the delicate skin, drawing patterns into it. 

“Are you sick?” 

Renjun shook his head. 

“Please tell me.” 

Renjun looked up at his face, eyes watery and worn out. He brushed the damp strands of hair away from Renjun’s forehead and he flinched slightly. 

“I can’t do this.” 

Jeno’s heart lurched. 

“What do you mean?” 

In that short statement, Jeno felt the world around him falling apart at its foundations. Renjun was his constant, his stability. 

How ironic that a few short words could rob the ardent lovers of their harmony. 

The world slowed and crumbled in those moments. 

“I can’t do this. For your own good.” Renjun’s voice was trembling as he turned his head away from Jeno, not being able to bear the weight of the confusion on his face. 

“Renjun you’re not making any sense”, Jeno was panicking as he held onto Renjun’s hand tighter, afraid he would lose him forever if he let go. “What do you mean for my own good?” 

“Please.” 

“I love you.” Jeno tried desperately. 

Renjun nodded and bit his lip helplessly, holding back. 

“And you say you can’t do it?” 

Renjun shook his head softly. Nothing made sense, everything in his actions a contradiction. The smaller looked desperate, tears welling in his eyes again and over flowing until they rolled down his cheeks. 

“I don’t understand.” 

“I’m sorry.” Renjun’s voice was muffled as he choked on the words. 

“Renjun I love you; this isn’t you talking. Please.” 

The words were killing Renjun. 

“I- “, his voice was small as he glanced at Jeno. “I think you should go.” 

Jeno looked into his eyes, searching for a sign that the words were false, that what they had muttered softly to each other the night before was the truth. Renjun’s eyes were clouded with fear and pain. He didn’t say anything for a moment, but he felt a thousand emotions at once rushing through his body, in the end settling for silence, the wound in his heart too much. 

_Renjun didn’t want him anymore? _

He watched as Renjun opened his mouth reluctantly to speak again, chin still tucked over his knees as the tears glossed over his eyes. 

Jeno stood up numbly, he didn’t know what else to do. He loved him so much that if this was what he wanted; he would give it to him. He walked to the door but was interrupted by Renjun’s voice as it cut through the suffocating air. 

“I really am sorry.” 

Jeno nodded slowly as his stomach hit the floor, the words finally registering, and the pain shot through his chest. He couldn’t turn around, afraid that if he did, he would find himself crying beside the other, begging him. With his last strands of dignity, he nodded his head, still facing the door. It was breaking his heart. 

“I love you Renjun.” 

Renjun watched him leave without another word, flinching as the door shut softly behind him. He was numb, empty. He’d finally found some happiness and it had been torn from him. All he wanted to do was run to the door and call out for Jeno. 

Instead, he closed his eyes. 

He was in the rose garden again with Jeno, they were dancing, and the man was beaming at him with his usual smile as the roses clouded around them. He could hold Jeno’s hand, touch his face lightly, run his fingertips down the length of his back. Jeno looked beautiful, carefree. Renjun thought he could look at the sight forever. He felt the burn of tears as they welled in his eyes again, hot as they collected below his eyelashes. 

The room was cold and empty. 

“I love you too”, he whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides self* I'M SO SORRY! I feel so bad for them all right now but I promise things will get better soon, please bear with me! I don't want any of them to be sad anymore aaa!! This chapter was my longest yet ( and most painful to write). Thank you for all the support you guys have given me!
> 
> I saw on twitter that there is going to be a noren fic fest and I really want to write one of the prompts when they are released so I hope some of you would be interested in reading <3
> 
> Kudos and comments are loved and appreciated! See you in the next chapter <3


	15. Coming home

The moment Jeno left the quiet of the bedroom, was the moment he had lost it, breaking down into silent sobs as he fled. Unable to control the pain tightening in his chest, he let his dignity crumble in the emptiness of the corridor, tears spilling down his face and drenching it in streaks of wet. He clutched at the sleeves of his shirt in desperation, the hallways feeling endless as he retreated upstairs, slamming his bedroom door shut with both hands. With his forehead resting against the frame weakly, his closed his eyes in defeat and immersed him in darkness. He willed his breaths to steady again, heaving as his mind replayed the scenes he had just witnessed. 

_Renjun staring blankly at him. _

He shook his head violently, running a hand through his hair. 

_He said he couldn’t do it. _

Jeno’s palms slid down the door weakly. 

_He’d told him to leave. _

He looked at his bed and studied it, the blankets still unmade from that same morning. The impression of the dips of Renjun’s body were there still, imprinted into the white sheets in patterns that brought the reminiscence of lying beside the other flashing through his mind. He staggered, body heavy as he dragged himself towards it slowly and stopped. Almost cautiously, he grazed his fingertips along the creases, and for a second he forgot the pain, picturing last night. He surrounded himself with it, smiling when he recalled the tenderness of Renjun’s soothing touches. 

He lost himself in the daydream then, but reality shattered it rapidly and the empty space on the mattress brought his heart to full aching. In true brokenness, he had learnt what the joy of love was. Jeno’s knees gave way and he sunk to the floor, eyes hovering over the rose on the nightstand, its flushed petals now tainted with the dryness of the air, worn from the mundane passing of day. Jeno thought about Renjun again and when he did, he thought about cotton, stars, late-night library talks, and he smiled. He thought about ballet and omelettes and stunning roses, and the little white pyjamas the other always wore. When he thought of Renjun, he thought of _home. _ Everything about him was beautiful, the smiles shared only with Jeno, and his eyes that were the softest shade of sepia. He could hold him in his arms and feel their passion ignite through the simplest of touches. He could listen as Renjun read aloud, lulled by the calmness in his voice and the crease in his brow as he focused on the words on the pages. All of it made Renjun into who he was and Jeno traced each detail in his mind, every memory tearing through him painfully. _He couldn’t lose him. _ Renjun was home. He was what love had become; all love had ever been. 

He hurled a fist against the sheets pathetically, the hurt transcending to anger. 

There was a knock at the door, and he looked up quickly, breath catching in his throat at the chance of it being Renjun. Before he could entertain this idea, he watched as Jaemin’s familiar figure peered into the room. The butler stopped abruptly and gasped when he saw Jeno. He didn’t speak, but his eyes trailed over the man’s tear stained face and he winced. It had been bad enough seeing Renjun in this state and now his best friend, hunched on the floor against the frame of his bed, sobbing, was enough to push Jaemin’s emotions over the edge. 

“Jeno, what happened?” 

Jaemin’s voice was quiet and wary, just above a whisper. When Jeno looked up, his eyes filled with fresh tears, but he shook his head frantically. In seconds, Jaemin was next to him on the floor and he put an arm carefully around the other’s shoulder in comfort. He waited. Jeno felt the touch brush against him and he brought his hands down from his face with caution, voice cracking in a broken whisper. 

“He said he couldn’t do it.” 

Jaemin’s heart beat faster. 

“Can’t do what?” 

“Us.” Jeno stared blankly at the floor. 

“Renjun?” 

Jeno nodded. 

“What did he say? I don’t understand, why he would do that?” 

“H-he wouldn’t tell me anything, I kept asking, but he just kept saying he couldn’t do it.” Jeno could feel the tears dripping down his face, collecting in the corners of his mouth but he didn’t care. His eyes were brimming with fresh ones that he made no attempt to blink back. “He saw my back last night.” 

Jaemin’s face dropped in horror as he realised what he was thinking. 

“Jeno, no it’s not- “ 

“I shouldn’t have let him see it, it’s my fault”, Jeno rambled as he fumbled with the sleeves of his shirt, trying to cover himself up. “He was so sweet about it”, he looked at Jaemin helplessly. “It must have repulsed him. I was stupid to even think he wouldn’t be bothered by it. It hurts Jaemin, he’s the first person that’s seen it since…since you.” 

“Renjun wouldn’t do that”, Jaemin covered Jeno’s hand with his own so it lay atop of the other’s shaking one. 

“Don’t, I’m disgusting”, Jeno flinched and drew his hand away quickly. 

“No Jeno, you aren’t.” 

Jaemin sighed as he looked at Jeno, he was beautiful, but in pain, face was stained with tears and shoulders slumped against the bed frame. Even this though, couldn’t shield his perfection. 

“You’re beautiful. Inside and out, you’re wonderful Jeno”, he finished, face sincere. 

Jeno was looking at Jaemin as though he held answers, like he could fix all of his heartache. He wanted to; he really did. He wished he could mend his best friend’s heart, but he knew his own was still aching dully with the burden of unrequited love. 

“I can’t do this, it’s too painful”, Jeno sobbed and stood up, leaving the other grasping at the emptiness. “He doesn’t want me anymore.” 

Jaemin and he stood up hurriedly, facing the other. Jeno was quick to continue his movements though and he turned away towards the other end of the room. 

“I’m an idiot for thinking he would ever feel the same way as me.” 

“Jeno stop it.” 

His pleas were ignored and Jaemin felt his frustration escalating into anger as Jeno continued to pay him no regard as he paced. He tried to follow, matching the steps, but it was futile and eventually he was left behind. 

“_Please_, just calm down.” 

“I don’t know what to do.” Jeno clenched his fists tightly as he came back towards Jaemin in another stride. 

“Stop pacing, Jeno”, Jaemin’s voice sounded loudly as he reached out and held Jeno’s arm. The other yanked it away and turned back to his striding. 

“He thinks I’m disgusting!” 

There was a silence that struck the large room before Jaemin broke it impulsively. 

“The world doesn’t always revolve around you, you know!” he yelled. The sound was enough to make Jeno’s steps falter and he snapped his head round from across the room. 

“You’re not the first one here to have their heart broken”, Jaemin continued, his vision locking with Jeno’s. “It wasn’t your scar”, he spat. “I can’t believe you think Renjun would ever be like that. Heck, Jeno, it’s probably not even you, can’t you see he’s in love with you.” Jaemin could feel his own tears burning in the corners of his eyes. 

Jeno didn’t say anything but turned to continue his steps, in one second, striding towards the other. 

_ “No one is ever going to love me.” _

Jaemin felt the words rip through him and shatter the remains of his fragile heart. 

“Of course, they will”, he hurled back with a shout, both their tempers rising. 

“How would you know?”, Jeno spat. 

As Jeno’s paces brought him within inches of Jaemin, the butler reached out and grabbed his collar. He stopped, their faces close now, and looked into his best friend’s eyes, dark grey and infused with a deep longing, a tormented pain. 

“Because, _I_ love you.” 

Everything around them stopped, it was just them, two tortured heartbeats aligned in mutual pain. Jaemin still gripped Jeno’s shirt, his knuckles turning white from the force of his hold. Suddenly, Jeno became aware of the ache he had been harbouring for so many years, the secret he had kept from his best friend. He could see that the confession was sincere, Jaemin vulnerable at that moment. His eyes were clouded by anger but underneath he saw the rawness of the suffering he had been holding onto, all released in those few seconds. He had been hurting and Jeno had been oblivious. His anger dissolved as he stared at the anguished expression woven into Jaemin’s features. Neither of them knew what they should do next, Jaemin still clutching at the other’s shirt in disarray. 

Jaemin was silent, only the sound of his heavy breathing emanating from his body. He could feel the tears glossing over his eyes and blurring his vision. He blinked and they ran down his cheeks, Jeno’s face becoming visible again. He’d expected shock, anger, disgust, for Jeno to push him away or hurl an insult at him. All he saw was sadness, and it drove his heart even further into its destruction. He let go of the shirt, hands sliding away, and looked at the floor in embarrassment. 

“I always have, you fool”, he sighed, another tear falling down his face. “You asked me if I’ve ever been in love. I have, it’s you Jeno.” 

“Jaemin…” Jeno was completely torn.“I…I never knew.” 

“I never told you, I just hung onto the hope that one day you might feel the same way.” 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“You don’t need to feel sorry for me”, Jaemin said with a sad but honest smile. “This wasn’t the right time to tell you. I wasn’t thinking properly, I just needed to get you to listen to me.” He stopped and laughed nervously. “It worked I guess.” 

Jeno smiled sadly and they returned to their uncomfortable silence, neither knowing what to say following the revelation of their hearts. 

“What do we do now?”, Jaemin said awkwardly, breaking through the quiet. He knew Jeno had lost something real, something passionate and he could see how much it was hurting him. He had never had that privilege and so he would learn to move on, a new chapter, but he felt relief wash over him now that he had finally expressed his feelings. 

Jeno didn’t say anything but walked to his dressing table, taking out an unopened brandy bottle and a crystal glass from the top drawer. 

“Secret drinker? You should never drink alone”, Jaemin laughed weakly. 

“Not really, but I figured now might be a good time to open it”, Jeno replied softly as he poured the amber liquid into the glass and took a small sip. “I’m sorry, I only have one glass”, he apologised and refilled it, offering it to Jaemin, who took it and knocked back the contents in one go. 

With the alcohol taking the edge off their emotions, Jeno spoke calmly as the two sat on the end of the unmade bed. 

“Jaemin, you’re the only family I have now.” 

“You’re all I have too. I can’t lose you”, Jaemin acknowledged as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“You will always be my brother, we’ve been through so much together and my feelings for you are unconditional”, Jeno spoke softly. “It’s different with Renjun, I’m in love with him. I can’t do this without you though”. 

“He’s a good man. I owe him an apology; I’ve been so off with him lately. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, he’d do anything for you, none of this makes any sense.” 

“I just want him back.” 

“Jeno…” Jaemin had lost himself in the moment, forgetting why he even came in the first place. He looked sadly at the other. 

“The reason I came here was because I saw him crying, on the way to his room. I was passing the guest wing when I came back from the stables and Renjun wasn’t looking where he was going, and he just crashed into me. I don’t know, I didn’t realise it was about any of this, but he looked terrified and there were tears. I came to ask you if you knew why but then I lost myself when I saw you on the floor.” 

“He was crying?” Jeno muttered, completely shocked by the new revelation. “I don’t understand anything. It’s too confusing”, he sobbed and rested his head on Jaemin’s shoulder, crying into it as the butler’s suit muffled the sound. 

_ “I need him back.” _

Jaemin sighed. 

“Everything needs to calm down here, wait until tomorrow and talk to him. You love each other, you’ll be able to work things out.” 

Jeno’s emotions were a mess but he nodded his head into the man’s clothing and sniffed. 

“I don’t know what I would do without you Jaemin.” He spoke apologetically and in seconds he had wrapped his arms around the other and finally found some comfort for the first time that evening. Jaemin was taken aback as he inhaled sharply, but things suddenly felt right again, Jeno in his arms, his best friend. It was going to be okay between them, he promised himself. 

xxx

Renjun couldn’t sleep. He was paranoid, afraid that if he closed his eyes Jaesuk might be there. It was irrational and he had locked the door, but he couldn’t stop the fear, the nausea that overtook his body when he thought about everything that had happened. _He’d betrayed Jeno. _ The only person that he’d ever loved was gone. Jeno wouldn’t want him back now, he had completely crushed him, his pride, his hopes, his love for Renjun. He could feel unshed tears welling in his eyes and he bit his lip to try and stop them but eventually settled for a steady rhythm of sobs as the hurt overcame him. Seeing Jeno walk away had been the hardest part, seeing him lose hope in their love and shut the door behind him. 

He hadn’t moved since Jeno had left, still curled up on top of the sheets in the cold of his room, sobbing against the blankets. He wiped his mouth, he wanted to tear at it to remove every trace of Jaesuk’s filthy touch. He wanted Jeno here now, to tell him everything was going to be okay or to hold him against his warm chest, but he wasn’t here. 

He was alone and no one would care if Jaesuk did anything to him, he was a servant. His mother was gone, and he didn’t even want to think about what would happen if he went back to his father. He was trapped here. Renjun remembered the first time he had come to the castle. He’d wondered when his existence would finally mean something, if his life would ever mean anything. It had taken finding meaning through love, for him to feel the emptiness he felt now. He’d found something real and it had been stolen from him. 

In the end, he had fallen into a fitful sleep, and when he woke a few hours later, there was a passing bliss before he remembered yesterday. It hadn’t lasted long and when he felt the dread seeping through him, reality sunk in his heart. 

_Jaesuk wanted to see him today. _

He knew what would happen if he went and the lurch of sickness in his stomach had him protesting against the idea. _He wouldn’t go_. He needed to work anyway, his tasks a distraction from his emotions. He would go somewhere where there were people, he didn’t want to be on his own anyway. 

He took a pile of washing through to the laundry room in the corner of the kitchen. _Donghyuck would be in there. If Donghyuck was there, Jaesuk couldn’t do anything. _ To his relief, when he pushed the door open, the cook was sitting at the table in the room’s centre, alone and staring out the window that overlooked the grounds. His head turned at the sound of the door. 

“Hey Renjun”, his brows furrowed. “That’s… a lot of washing you’ve got there. You’re going to be here ages”, Donghyuck shot him a confused look, Renjun’s head peeking out above the huge pile of clothing he was carrying. 

“I haven’t done any in a while”, Renjun laughed nervously. “I thought I’d bring it all in one go.” 

Donghyuck nodded. Feeling the weight of the clothing, Renjun set them down in one of the baskets in the laundry room. There was already a stack of dirtied clothes in there and he filled one of the basins with water, bringing it out into the kitchen. He kneeled on the floor and worked methodically in the corner, Donghyuck now facing away to something on the stove. His back was turned, but he felt comforted knowing the other was there. Renjun dunked one of the shirts into the soapy water and rinsed it, wringing it out. His stomach lurched suddenly as he took another from the pile, one of Jeno’s shirts, and held it in his hands weakly. He brought it up to his nose and softly inhaled the musky scent the man had left behind on it. _It felt like home_. Renjun knew he could lose himself in it, but he threw it down into the basin quickly, afraid he might let himself cry if he lingered for any longer. He was snapped out of his daydreams as he looked back up to the expanse of the kitchen. 

“Where are the others today?” 

“Jisung told me that he was helping Jaemin with something in the dining room and Chenle got up early to go to the market in town. It’s been pretty quiet in here this morning.” 

Renjun nodded and Donghyuck glanced at him quickly, smiling broadly and gesturing to the basket of fruit on the sideboard. 

“Thank you for all the stuff you brought back from the garden yesterday. We’ve got so much now, and I was thinking maybe Chenle and Jisung could go down to the market to sell some of the spare bits. It’ll be good for them to get out more and meet people.” 

“I like the sound of that”, Renjun smiled sincerely. 

“I’ll mention it to them when they come back.” 

The hours of the morning ticked on and the two conversed idly, Renjun masking his hurt as he distracted his thoughts, occasionally stopping to laugh at something the other said while they both worked. By lunchtime, Renjun was finishing up and his hands hurt from their submergence in the water. He peered down at them, but his attention was soon diverted to the kitchen door when it was forced open loudly. 

“Didn’t I tell you already not to come in here?”, Donghyuck spat suddenly. 

Jaesuk’s eyes immediately focused on Renjun with the hint of a sneer as his mouth turned upwards, before returning his glare to Donghyuck. He waved his hand dismissively. 

“Fix me something to eat.” 

“No”, Donghyuck didn’t hesitate in his reply. 

“I said, get me something to eat, isn’t that what you’re meant to be doing here?” 

Donghyuck reached to his left without effort, pulling an apple from a basket and slamming it into Jaesuk’s hand. 

“There”, he stated bluntly. 

“Thank you _very_ much”, Jaesuk replied coyly, taking the apple. “I think the service needs a little bit of work though.” He was still stealing glances over to where Renjun sat on the floor, eventually coming closer to the smaller and blocking the light from the window that was guiding his actions so precisely. 

Renjun tensed up when he looked at Jaesuk. With Donghyuck turned to face his work, he felt vulnerable again. Jaesuk kicked the pile of fresh laundry with his foot so that it toppled over gently. 

“You can bring these to me tomorrow, since I seemed to have _missed_ you this morning.” There was a firmness in his voice that made Renjun panic, his eyes flitted past the man, reassured when he saw Donghyuck just a few metres away. 

Renjun looked at the floor, unwilling to meet the eyes of the other. Jaesuk didn’t say anything else but smirked, barging past Donghyuck and towards the door. He slammed it shut behind him and the housekeeper jumped in uneasiness. The cook stopped what he was doing and turned to the smaller on the floor. 

“I hate him”, he groaned but his speech was cut short immediately when he saw the look on Renjun’s face. 

“Are you okay?” 

Renjun was dazed by the encounter, but he nodded his head slowly. 

“Yeah I’m fine”, he murmured as he snapped out of his trance, smiling back at Donghyuck. 

xxx

Two days passed since Renjun had told Jeno he couldn’t do it. Jeno hadn’t seen him since then. 

He paced in long strides across the length of the library, anxiety gnawing at his thoughts. It was late evening now and without the comfort of Renjun to hold, he’d come here to try to relax as he used to. Everywhere he looked though, everything in here from the books to the cushions in the room’s centre, would cause an image of Renjun to spark in his mind. It had been their space and coming back here now reminded him of all those times. A book had been left unfinished on one of the tables. He remembered when Renjun had told him about it another evening. He ran his fingers gently over the spine and his tears threatened to fall again, the pages becoming blurred. 

He lifted his fingertips away and started to pace anxiously, footsteps loud and heavy against the wooden floors of the library. It was empty without their conversation and their reading together, when Renjun would rest his head on Jeno’s lap here so the other could brush his hair out of his face gently. It was all so haunting now. 

Something was wrong about the way that Renjun had acted last night and once calm, the thought had struck Jeno properly. There was something behind his stoic expression. Renjun had told Jeno that he loved him, and he had trusted that. Nothing made sense anymore except the aching pain that stung his heart each time he thought about the other. 

He turned abruptly at one of the corners of the library, walking again. 

_If Renjun came from the guest wing-_

He paused. 

_Jaesuk. _

Renjun could hear the footsteps in the library above his room, the familiar sound from his first nights in the castle. It broke his heart; they had worked so hard to break down Jeno’s barriers and now they were being rebuilt again. Renjun was disturbed by the noise, yet he somehow felt comforted again in his connection to Jeno, wishing he could go to him and tell him he didn’t mean any of it, that none of this was right, how incomplete he felt without the other. He reached up sadly, extending his fingers so the tips were metres away from the ceiling, and traced the movements as they grew louder and softer, Jeno walking the length of the library. He missed his face, he hadn’t seen him since the other night, and he thought about how anxious the other must be. Renjun couldn’t be there to hold him. He stopped his movements when the footsteps finally ceased and let his hand fall gently, left in the silence of his bedroom. 

If he could just hold on a bit longer he thought, for a little more time, Jaesuk would be gone. Then he could finally run to Jeno and tell him he didn’t mean any of it. Jaesuk would leave with his uncle and it would be okay. 

Renjun knew he was kidding himself. 

xxx

It was the morning after that Jeno had seen Renjun for the first time since the incident. The man looked just as beautiful, but tired as he cleaned the hallways on the second floor. He was so focused on his work that he wasn’t aware of Jeno as he approached cautiously. 

“Renjun”, he whispered. 

The smaller jumped and his head shot to face him, eyes widening as he was startled. He covered his mouth with his hand to muffle the sound of his gasp, staring at Jeno wordlessly before he tried to turn in the opposite direction. 

“Renjun, please wait.” Jeno said quickly. 

Renjun stopped instinctively but stayed facing away from Jeno to avoid seeing the pain in his face. When Jeno didn’t say anything, he turned, and his eyes met the worried gaze of the other. 

“I need to talk to you.” 

Renjun glanced around the corridors quickly, his eyes shooting looks in every direction warily. 

“Renjun I- “ 

“_Shh_”, Jeno’s speech was cut short as Renjun grabbed him by the arm roughly and pulled them both into the nearest room. He pushed the door shut hurriedly and they were met by silence. 

“Jaesuk-”, Jeno started, watching as Renjun’s expression stayed stoic. The crack in Renjun’s façade soon broke though and Jeno saw his hazel eyes edged with a deep sadness, his heart sinking to the bottom of his chest. 

“Jeno …”, Renjun let out in a small voice. 

“Please tell me.” 

Renjun was scared, almost finding himself crying onto Jeno’s shoulder, telling him all of his worries. Jaesuk’s threats crept into his mind. 

“I’m begging you Renjun”, Jeno choked out on a sob. He didn’t care anymore, he would lose his dignity if it meant that Renjun was safe and he knelt on the floor, taking a soft hand into his own. “You can tell me; we can fix it.” 

Renjun looked at the ceiling and bit his lip to stifle his tears. 

_The truth was that he loved Jeno. He loved him so much, but he was voiceless, silenced. He wanted to protect him, and this was all he could do. He knew that his heart was Jeno’s, it always would be, but he had to do this. Jeno couldn’t fix it. _

He blinked once. 

“I can’t.” Jeno let out a breath he had been holding. “Do it”, Renjun’s voice wavered and he pulled his hands away. 

“I don’t understand, what happened?”, Jeno whispered. 

Renjun watched sadly as Jeno knelt before him, too hurt to say anything else. The ache in his heart stopped him from hurting the man any further, he couldn’t push him away completely. 

“Jaemin saw you crying Renjun. What did Jaesuk do to you?”, Jeno insisted, tears still tracking down his face in gentle intervals, marking his skin. 

On instinct, Renjun let himself slip and become the man that was in love with Jeno, the Renjun that indulged himself with the feelings of being in love. He brought a hand softly to Jeno’s cheek and let it rest there, his thumb swiping away the tears with tenderness. It felt right to hold him like this. Jeno closed his eyes, safe as he let a fresh set of tears roll down his face, but Renjun wiped them away quickly while he traced the outline of his features softly. He could feel his own tears stinging his eyes and he blinked them back. 

Jeno knew then, that something was wrong. Renjun’s touch was too soft, too kind, too loving for him to have abandoned him. He stood up slowly. 

“That son of a bitch. I’m going to find him and- “ 

Renjun gripped the sleeve of his shirt suddenly, his eyes alarmed as his breath came out in quick rasps. 

“Jeno no, you can’t do that.” Renjun’s eyes met with Jeno’s and there was a short silence. 

“It wasn’t him”, he finished, composed but with the slightest tremble in his voice. 

“Renjun, it’s okay, I promise”, Jeno pleaded as he reached a hand out to the smaller’s face and held it there. For a passing second, the other melted into the touch he had longed for, but he jerked away quickly, taking steps away from Jeno as he shook his head. 

“No, it’s not, none of this is okay”, Renjun cried from across the room. “Please Jeno, don’t. You can’t come near me.” 

Jeno could feel his heart breaking and he watched Renjun as he ran out the door, leaving him in the emptiness of the room. 

xxx

Donghyuck was in the kitchen again, his actions repetitive as he worked with Chenle and Jisung by his side. He faced the window that looked out over the grounds of the castle, the large expanse of green stretching in front of him. Looking down at what he was doing, he cut another piece of bread and set it onto a plate, turning around. 

“Wash those”, he raised an eyebrow and pointed to the strawberries that Jisung held against his chest. The boy nodded and smiled. 

“Here Chenle, can you peel these?”, he continued and handed the other a bowl of potatoes from the table to him. 

Donghyuck picked up his knife from the counter and turned back to his work. 

“I’ll just keep- “ 

He went silent and the knife dropped out of his hand as he looked out the window. It clattered against the counter, but he paid it no heed, eyes fixed on the figure trudging through the garden towards the castle. His hair was a little longer than before and it stuck out messily, his frame a little more built but he was the same. A bag was thrown across his shoulders, resting on his back. The sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up to his elbows as only he could do so neatly. Donghyuck didn’t say anything, but his legs spoke for him, mind filled with one thought as he ran out of the kitchen, past Chenle and Jisung, leaving the two perplexed. 

_Mark. _

They peered out the window and the same realisation struck them both at once. 

Donghyuck was running now, his feet carrying him towards the castle door, flinging it open carelessly, to see the figure had grown closer. When Mark saw him, he dropped his bag to the ground and grinned, the two finally sprinting towards each other. When they embraced, Donghyuck threw his arms around Mark, burying his head into the crook of his neck and inhaled, engulfed by peppermint and the warmth of the other. Mark wrapped his arms gently around Donghyuck’s waist and smiled again when they pulled apart. 

“I’ve missed you”, Donghyuck breathed, his eyes sparkling. 

“Hello stranger”, Mark mumbled briefly but his lips were on Donghyuck’s in seconds, the two deprived of their touches, overwhelmed by the freedom of the embrace. Donghyuck’s hands roamed the back of the other’s neck and he carded them through his hair as his lover held his face gently in his hands. Their lips met in a slow but powerful kiss, longing burning through it as they made up for lost time. Donghyuck was the first to pull away, Mark with his hands on his cheeks still and stroking a thumb gently over the skin there. He leant in once more and pecked Donghyuck’s lips. 

“Where were your letters? I was so worried when they stopped coming”, Donghyuck mumbled, breath tickling Mark’s face. 

“You didn’t get them? I wrote every week.” Mark looked at him sadly as he stroked his thumb across his cheek again. 

“They must have got lost in the post; it doesn’t matter because you’re here now”, the other replied and smiled. 

“I am”, Mark sighed. “This was the first time they let me take leave from the new place by my father’s, I knew I wanted to come here to see you and the boys.” 

“I feel like crying”, Donghyuck stated bluntly, embarrassed by his sudden outpour of emotion and his boyfriend giggled at him, squeezing his face between his hands. 

“Don’t cry”, Mark laughed. “I wanted to come earlier than this.” 

“I love you”, Donghyuck said quickly and Mark smiled at him, the corner of his lips turning upwards as his round eyes scrunched up into crescents and his dimples showed. Donghyuck thought about how much he had missed him and in seconds he leaned in again to kiss him. 

“Mark!”, Chenle shouted from the doorway, the two instantly breaking apart and blushing. Donghyuck giggled quietly as the boy ran across the courtyard, followed closely by Jisung and they bowled them both over in a tight hug. 

“Hey guys”, Mark laughed softly. “Okay you’ve both grown since last time”, he finished as he put one arm round each of them. Donghyuck picked up his bag so that he could hug them, gesturing softly for the trio to follow him inside. 

“Well, it _has_ been a long time”, Jisung said quietly through a smile. 

“It’s been a long time, but it’s all so familiar, it feels like I’ve come home.” 

“You have”, Donghyuck breathed. 

Chenle and Jisung ran ahead of them towards the castle and Donghyuck took Mark’s hand with his free one. 

“Jaesuk is here”, he dead panned once the two were out of ear shot and Mark’s face fell. 

“Back already?” 

“I don’t know why but Jeno keeps saying something about his uncle having business. If he even tries to go near you”, Donghyuck threatened but Mark took his hand gently. 

“Come on, lets go inside and you can tell me everything properly. I’ve missed our talks”, Mark said, his eyes filled with compassion. 

“So much has changed here”, Donghyuck continued as he walked inside the castle. 

“It has?” 

“You won’t believe it.” 

xxx

The evening brought a mellow sadness to Renjun as he recalled the events of the morning, laying on his bed and staring blankly at the plastered wall in front of him. It was slightly cracked around the edges and the paint had begun to peel off in the corners. He took in each detail of it, trying to numb his mind away from thoughts of Jeno but the harder he tried, the more they threatened to creep in. The concern in the other’s face had driven him almost to the point of insanity and he realised that he didn’t want to hide his love anymore, even if they couldn’t be together. He needed to show him that he did care; that his feelings were infinite. He needed to mend the wound in the heart of the man he loved. 

He had heard the sound of a door crashing shut about half an hour ago and from that he figured Jeno had taken Onyx out riding. He couldn’t bear it anymore. Renjun loved Jeno and Jeno loved Renjun. Everything else melted away, losing his job, fear of Jaesuk, until only the image of his love remained. He needed some way to get the message across to Jeno without Jaesuk finding out. 

He snuck out of the room, hoping no one would be out in the corridor. To his relief, it was empty and so he walked towards the entrance of the grounds. From here, he was able to slip alone through the walls of the rose garden, greeted by the array of colours and the aroma of the roses. He went to where the clusters of flowers were, scanning until his gaze roamed over one section. 

_Red roses. _

_Love. _

Jaesuk wouldn’t know, the flowers were something only he and Jeno shared. 

He picked a bloom, his eyes casting to the overgrown weeds that had emerged around the base of the bush. He hadn’t tended to the garden for a few days and it needed care. He would come back after he had delivered the flower and restore it to its usual beauty. With that, he crept upstairs with the rose between his fingers and entered the man’s room. It had been kept relatively neat and the bed was made, Jeno’s clothes hung up in his wardrobe. 

_The last time they had been in here they had confessed their love and now he was here to do it again. _

He moved quickly, placing the rose on the windowsill in plain sight, he hadn’t had time to get a vase. He laid it carefully on its side and left, returning to the garden so he could tend to it. He started to pull out the weeds and turn the soil with his trowel so that it laid afresh. He liked it out here, he didn’t need to think about anything else because he could focus on the roses. He thought about the garden like his love for Jeno, if he could keep it pure and tidied, then he could keep the love alive somehow. 

He dug out another one of the weeds from the soil. 

Then the second. 

And the third. 

He yelped suddenly when he felt a rough hand grab him from behind, pulling him tightly against another body. He immediately jutted his elbows out in an attempt to get away from it, gasping for breath as he was winded. 

“I thought I’d find you here”, Jaesuk whispered into his ear smugly, pulling Renjun tighter. 

Renjun fought harder against the grip, the trowel dropping out of his hand. 

“Stop it, get off me now”, he cried out as he tried harder to wriggle free. 

“That’s two days now that you haven’t come to see me.” 

Jaesuk’s voice was firm and threatening and Renjun’s blood ran cold. He knew he was trapped but it didn’t stop his instincts from kicking in. 

“Can’t you just leave me alone? I stopped seeing him, I cut everything off because of you. Haven’t you taken enough from me already?”, Renjun spat but Jaesuk’s grip stayed firmly around his waist. 

“Oh no Renjun”, Jaesuk muttered, voice laced with venom. “That was only part of our _deal_.” He squeezed tighter around the fragile frame. “Now that you’re mine, I’m looking forward to having some _fun_ with you”, he said in a sickeningly sweet tone. 

Renjun froze in fear and stopped struggling for a moment. 

“Why didn’t you come and see me like I told you to?” The anger was back in Jaesuk’s voice. 

“Because I cant bear to be anywhere near you, I’m not yours, you’re disgusting.” 

“Hmm”, Jaesuk murmured calmly, running his fingers down Renjuns cheek, still holding him from behind. 

“I see there’s still some spirit left in you to break.” 

Jaesuk’s hands were on Renjun’s shoulders, spinning him round until they were facing. Renjun glanced at the man’s eyes, they were filled with desire, lust, anger and it scared him. He looked past him, not daring to make eye contact again. He saw the roses and their beauty and immediately his eyes were fixed there, away from Jaesuk. They were pure, far too beautiful for eyes like Jaesuk’s and the difference in one frame was stark. His focus came back to the roses and their shades of beauty. They reminded him of Jeno, of them, of everything he had lost, and it was all too overwhelming for his emotions to cope with. 

Jaesuk laughed and turned around briefly before facing Renjun again. 

“You like it here that much? Do you like the roses?” he spat the words. 

He raised a hand up to Renjun’s face and stroked his cheek slowly. 

“They’re almost as pretty as your face.” 

Renjun shivered as their eyes met but he tried to hold the cold glare. 

“If I find out that you’re doing anything with my cousin behind my back then- “ 

“I’m not”, Renjun cut in bluntly. 

“That’s what I like to hear”, Jaesuk mocked and he reached behind Renjun’s head, the smaller lurching at the touch. The man’s fingers tangled in Renjun’s brown hair and he tugged his head back brutally. His throat was left exposed and his face scrunched up in pain from the force as Jaesuk lent in, his lips rough as they met Renjun’s. Jaesuk kicked his legs out from underneath him so he fell backward into the rose bushes, crying out as the larger bore down on him threateningly, the thorns ripping into him. As he was forced to the floor, he could see the flowers collected in small clusters above his head delicately, yet all he could focus on was the pain that shot through his skin when the thorns cut into his back and arms. He cried out loudly. In the next moment, Jaesuk pinned both his hands above his head, roaming Renjun’s body as the other made attempts to throw him off. It was futile though and Jaesuk hooked both of his knees over Renjun’s legs. 

“Stop struggling”, he ordered over Renjun’s muffled cry, a hand reaching down to the buckle of the housekeeper’s belt and tugging at it, so it fell open. 

“No, no, no”, Renjun shouted but his hands were still pinned firmly above his head. 

“Stay still”, Jaesuk yelled, his temper rising and in a single swift motion he had raised up his palm and brought it back down on the side of Renjun’s head, a heavy gold ring catching the skin there and tearing it so that blood started to run down his face, silencing the smaller. 

“Now, that wasn’t so hard was it?”, he said as Renjun stopped struggling. “You’re going to be good for me aren’t you?”, he finished and ran a hand down to graze across the skin of the other's stomach. 

“It’s quiet here, we won’t be disturbed.” 

He moved his hand to his own belt and undid the buckle, Renjun’s eyes widening in horror. In the next second Renjun felt a hand as it shoved into his trousers and fingernails dug into his ass. 

“Stop it, please, no!” 

Renjun’s shirt was torn and his trousers were loose around his hips where the belt had been undone, hair stuck to the trails of fresh blood above his eyebrow. His cries were growing weaker as his body gave out, finally losing hope. He sunk back to the floor against his will. He’d never been so terrified in his life. He was like the little boy in the basement again, trapped. He tried to think of Jeno but all he could see was the smug face of his cousin. He tried to listen to the sound of the air around him, but all could hear was the other’s breathing. He tried to look up at the roses, but all he could see were their thorns. 

He screamed. 

“Shut up”, Jaesuk growled and slapped him hard again, gripping his face between his fingers. 

“Renjun!” 

Jaesuk paused, hearing the call. 

“Renjun!”, the voice sounded again, more frantic than before as it grew closer. 

“Jeno!”, Renjun screamed back, his voice coming out as a sob as he used all of his strength in a final attempt to gain attention. 

“Shut up”, Jaesuk hissed, his hand on Renjun’s mouth, trying to muffle his screams. 

The voice was near. 

Jaesuk brought a fist down hard against Renjun’s head and he felt the pain as it erupted across his whole face, making spots of white dance across his vision, his eyelids fluttering shut. The world around him became muffled and for a few moments he felt nothing. 

Then the weight was pulled off him and the air brushed his body. There were thuds, but he felt the warmth of another take him in. He was too weak to speak but he recognised the familiar scent of musk as it pulled him close. He let his head fall back as he finally succumbed to the darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAA IM SORRY!! But the sadness is finally over now and Renjun is safely in the arms of Jeno again :')) A lot happened in this chapter and I'm sure you all hate Jaesuk as much as I do :(( Mark came back too and I will be focusing quite a lot on his relationship with Donghyuck in upcoming chapters. Jeno and Renjun love each other so much I hope you will all stay around for Noren's healing because there will be a lot of fluffy chapters coming up <33 love you all so much thank you for sticking with me and this fic <33


	16. To love

Jeno’s was despondent and tired. The ride had calmed him down, helped him to think everything through, his mind processing the grief of losing the love he held. Sighing as he opened his bedroom door, he slammed it behind him in frustration and listened as it crashed shut. The heartache was tearing him apart constantly and as he strode across the room, he slung his riding crop onto the floor and ran a hand through his blond hair roughly. He glanced up at the pale glow of the evening light and loosened his collar carelessly, drawn suddenly to the tinge of red beside the window. It was a vivid shade, one that burned like the embers of a dying fire, the hues of colour rich and warm. _A red rose. _ Jeno was captivated by its scarlet petals, elegant and beautiful in the dullness of his bedroom. _Love_. The flower was laid out delicately by only the softest of hands, with a tenderness so familiar. 

Renjun was hiding something. Nothing made sense anymore; when Renjun had touched his face, when they had been alone, when he had wiped away his tears gently with his thumb, everything had felt right again. He’d let his guard down for a moment and Jeno had felt the other’s pain. The rose was the final signal he needed. If the perpetrator was indeed Jaesuk, then this was Renjun’s confession, this was his truth, his cry for help, laid out for Jeno blatantly. As he reached towards it, the thoughts plagued his mind persistently, heart fluttering again and he was reminded of their love. He held the flower softly by the stem, the petals clustered around its centre, crimson against the strains of the setting sun. 

_Love. _

_Renjun’s love. _

He stood in silence. The flower was still in his hand when his eyes were drawn suddenly to the flash of movement in his peripheral vision. He squinted; focus torn from the rose and his stomach lurched. Across the grounds, inside the walled rose garden, he recognised Renjun’s figure. To Jeno’s horror, he wasn’t alone. He was frozen, watching helplessly as the other was knocked to the ground violently. Renjun struggled and fell into the roses, out of Jeno’s sight. All that was left was Jaesuk, standing over the spot where he had fallen. 

_Jeno dropped the rose. _

Turning swiftly, he ran towards the bedroom door and flung it open, driven by the adrenalin surging through him. He tore through the corridors as his mind was powered by thoughts of Renjun only. His riding boots clattered against the wooden floors and he felt his steps quickening until he was running down the main stairs frantically. By the time he reached the doors he was breathless, but he didn’t slow his pace. He should have been there to protect Renjun, he should have paid attention and even though he knew he was acting too late, he had to stop Jaesuk. He’d known something wasn’t right and yet he’d let the situation escalate. What if he couldn’t get there in time and he was hurt? He was running as fast as he could carry himself, yet to him it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t bear the thought of Renjun being trapped; it ripped him apart. Every piece was fitting together, the worry, the avoidance - Jaesuk was powerful, he knew that. Of course Renjun was terrified, anyone in his position would be. He ran across the courtyard, his feet stumbling but he didn’t care. The only thought inside his head was the man he loved. He should have been there, he shouldn’t have gone out riding, what if Renjun was looking for him? By the time Jeno reached the grounds, he was frantic, fuelled by his anger as he ran past the vegetable patch until he could see the stone walls of the rose garden. 

_It belonged to them. _

How could Jaesuk ruin it like this? He could hear himself calling out Renjun’s name desperately, but it didn’t register in his mind, he could feel the fury burning through him as he scoured the garden. At first it looked empty, but his head shot to the left when he heard a muffled cry. 

“Jeno”, the voice called weakly, but the sound was cut off. Jeno ran towards it, stopping abruptly as he saw his cousin, knees secured around the smaller’s frame, his hands violating every inch of skin they could. Jaesuk raised a hand up and brought it back down sharply across Renjun’s face, the other’s head falling back limply. 

Jeno clenched his jaw and he felt everything else around him go silent until all he could hear was the rapidness of his heartbeat. His mouth was dry, and the heat of anger burned on his skin, the wires in him finally snapping. He lurched forward and without thinking, gripped the back of Jaesuk’s collar roughly, ripping him away from Renjun. His cousin was startled, too shocked to retaliate while Jeno bared his teeth animalistically and hurled a fist at his face. Jeno’s chest heaved and he drew the air in sharply through his teeth, Jaesuk losing his balance and staggering backwards. He repeated the action again, landing a punch in the same place. He heard the sound of the other’s nose breaking as he fell backwards, defenceless. 

Jeno let go and his focus was diverted to Renjun, feeling his heart shatter. He’d never seen him so vulnerable. Renjun was strong, stronger than him, yet here he was, bruised and hurt. He looked so fragile, his white shirt torn callously across his chest and trousers loose around his hips. His lip was split and above his eyebrow, he could make out the traces of blood that ran down his forehead in the dusky moonlight. Jeno snapped his head around. 

_Jaesuk was gone. _

He felt the fleeting conflict but Renjun was his first thought. His face was still but the breaths that emanated from his chest as it rose and fell made relief wash over Jeno. He knelt quickly and scooped the other up, the smaller’s head dropping back against his shoulder as he became a deadweight in Jeno’s arms. His body was cold and the heat from Jeno’s chest instantly enveloped him as he moved to exit the garden quickly, the castle entrance back in sight. 

“I’ve got you”, he said in a soft whisper, pulling Renjun tighter into his chest so that his chin was resting on his arm as the grass softened under each one of his footsteps. He looked down at his bloodied face and then to his torso, the blood soaking through his shirt and onto Jeno’s own. “It’s going to be okay”, he cooed in a warm voice, before his gentle steps turned into shorter runs to the safety of the castle. When he got there, he snapped back into reality, the pain and fear finally hitting him. 

_ “Jaemin!” _

Jeno was screaming, unable to move with Renjun still in his arms as he heard a clatter in the dining room. A few moments later the butler emerged. 

“What is it Jeno?”, Jaemin mumbled but he stopped when he turned the corner, his breath catching in his throat. His face dropped as he glanced at Renjun, limp and bleeding in his best friend’s arms. “Oh my god”, he finished in a single breath and before Jeno could say anything else, he was striding past him across the marble flooring. 

“Put him down here”, Jaemin instructed, throwing a pile of books and letters off one of the leather couches in the hallway and onto the floor so that Jeno could place Renjun there carefully, his head resting against a cushion. Bringing a hand up to Renjun’s forehead, Jaemin then placed it under his nose to check his breathing, which was light but steady. Jeno knelt on the floor, watching helplessly as he bit his lip every few seconds to suppress the anxiety. 

“He’s okay, he’s just been knocked out. He’s going to have a pretty bad concussion when he wakes up. I’ll get some hot water and a towel, make sure he’s okay”, Jaemin directed and headed to the kitchen. 

Jeno was left alone with Renjun, the smaller curled up on the couch protectively, his hair scattered across his face and his lip still bleeding slightly. The zip of his trousers was open and Jeno paused, feeling the sting of Renjun’s own pain as he reached towards it and did it up discretely, the anger that had died down simmering still. 

_ “What has he done to you?” _

Jeno ran a hand over the smaller’s bruised cheek tenderly, pushing the hair out of his face where the blood had stuck it to his forehead messily. The cut above his eyebrow became visible again, deep and still bleeding slowly. Renjun’s head moved and he groaned against the touch, his eyes fluttering open, flickering in and out of focus as he tried to look at Jeno. 

“Jen-”, he rasped out in a mumble. 

“I’m here.” 

Jeno spoke softly and smiled as he looked down to the other. The encounter was fleeting though and Renjun’s eyes fell shut quickly, losing himself to the dizziness in his head and he slipped into semi-consciousness. 

_ “Here.” _ Jeno’s head shot round quickly as Jaemin burst into the hallway, the towels and a bucket of hot water clutched in his hand, which he set down on the floor. 

“He woke up just now”, Jeno said to Jaemin with hope in his eyes, only now noticing the two other figures behind him. 

“Mark? When did you? - Oh, thank goodness you’re here.” 

“I explained that this is Renjun”, Jaemin nodded towards him and paused, “the new housekeeper”, he finished with a cough. 

Jeno nodded his head, numb still. He spotted Donghyuck behind Mark as Jaemin focused his attention to soaking the towel into the water. He brought it up to Renjun’s face, wiping his forehead gently. 

“Please help him”, Jeno mumbled. 

“What happened?”, Mark asked calmly. 

“Jaesuk…”, Jeno trailed off with a broken voice, not noticing how Mark’s face dropped at the mention of the name. “He did something to him; I saw it from my window and… and… I don’t think he got to do what he was intending to do, thank god, but look at him, he’s been hurt so badly”, Jeno finished as he brushed another strand of hair out of Renjun’s face. 

“I knew he was disgusting, but I never thought he’d go this far”, Donghyuck muttered, sliding his arm around Mark’s waist protectively. 

“He must have been terrified”, Jeno sobbed as the tears threatened to fall. “We need to find Jaesuk, it’s not safe.” 

“I’ll go”, Jaemin said bluntly. “Here, Mark you take over”. He handed Mark the towel and Jeno looked at Jaemin, gratefully. “Take something to defend yourself with”, he finished and Jaemin nodded in response as he left. 

“Where are Chenle and Jisung?”, Jeno continued, his voice still panicked. 

“They’re in their room.” It was Donghyuck that chimed in this time. 

“Make sure they’re okay”, he stopped and scrunched his face up in anguish. “Tell them that Renjun’s been hurt, just please go and check on them”. 

Donghyuck could hear the distress in Jeno’s voice and in seconds he was marching towards the other, resting a hand on top of his shoulder comfortingly. 

“I know you’re scared”, he started. “But please, for his sake”, he nodded towards the housekeeper. “Stay calm and let Jaemin and Mark help you. He’s going to be okay, I promise, but right now, we all need to work together to sort this mess out.” 

Jeno blinked, taken aback. 

“Thank you Donghyuck.” The cook nodded and smiled warmly, before taking his leave. 

“Can you help me get him upstairs?”, Jeno shot at Mark. 

The other raised an eyebrow in confusion. 

“Upstairs? I thought the staff rooms were on this floor?” 

“He can go in my room” Jeno declared and Mark didn’t question him anymore, simply nodding his head and picking up the bucket of water. 

As Jeno moved to take Renjun in his arms again, Mark grabbed the medical box that was in one of the hallway drawers. Jeno’s arm wrapped under Renjun’s legs, the other around his shoulder, the smaller’s head lolling backwards across his arm. Mark walked ahead, holding the doors open for Jeno who kept Renjun safe in his arms. When they got to Jeno’s room, Mark laid a towel down across the bed and Jeno put Renjun there carefully. The other groaned as he slipped in and out of consciousness, but he soon fell still, asleep again. Once he was fully settled there, there was a short knock at the door, followed soon by Donhyuck as he entered the room and closed it behind him. 

“I’ve locked the back doors. The boys are okay, I told them to stay in their room.” Donghyuck slumped down on the bed and looked at Renjun’s broken body. 

Jeno nodded and his focus was soon diverted to Renjun again, Mark dabbing at the wounds on his face with cotton swabs. 

Mark worked silently, removing the blood, Jeno anxious as Donghyuck sat next to him, both observing the now unconscious boy who lay still. His face was a pale contrast to the cuts, drained of its usual colour, the bruises starting to bloom on his cheekbone and around his mouth. His hands were still dirtied from his struggle and covered in tiny cuts from where he must have tried to break his fall. 

As Mark finished cleaning the cut above Renjun’s eyebrow, all three of them turned their heads when the door to the bedroom opened slowly. 

“I couldn’t find him anywhere.” Jaemin’s breaths were short and he was panting as he walked across the room and looked at Jeno, the sweat dripping from his forehead still. 

“I checked the grounds but it’s so dark, I couldn’t see anything. I went to the guest wing in case he was in his room, but I don’t think he’s been back there. There are gaps in the perimeter wall he could have got through, but I locked the main gate anyway. I think he’s gone Jeno.” 

“How’s he doing?”, the butler continued breathlessly, gesturing towards Renjun. 

“He’s still out of it”, Mark replied but didn’t turn his head, still wiping at the cuts. 

“Let me help you”, Jaemin muttered and took more of the cotton off the side and sat next to Mark on the bed. They worked carefully together. 

“I need to look at his back, it’s bleeding badly. I think there’s cuts there that need disinfecting.” 

Jeno nodded sadly as Jaemin rose, grabbing the large bottle of disinfectant. He helped Mark to turn Renjun onto his stomach so he was lying flat across the bed, holding his face carefully and laying it gently against the pillow to avoid causing him any more pain. Mark lifted the edges of Renjun shirt tentatively up his back and across his shoulders, the full extent of his injuries becoming visible to Jeno for the first time. The scratches on his back from the thorns were angry and red, some deep and bleeding, the ones that had soaked through his shirt and onto Jeno’s clothes. There were light bruises there too and it made Jeno feel sick to think about how much pain the other must be in, feeling the tears sting his eyes. 

“I’m sorry”, Mark whispered, as if Renjun could actually hear him and brought the cotton down to the first wound in a gentle stroke. Renjun yelped immediately, the sting from the alcohol shooting through his skin as the burn seared on his back. His eyes flicked open and he saw Mark. 

“Where’s Jeno?”, he gasped loudly, voice fearful as he eyed the stranger, alarmed but too weak to move. 

“I’m here Renjun”, Jeno replied from behind him. 

Jeno watched as Renjun turned over weakly when he heard the voice, his eyes were hooded and disorientated. He winced as the pain in his back shot through him, but settled down so that he could look at Jeno again. 

“He didn’t…”, Jeno stuttered quickly and took Renjun’s hand, reassurance in his touch. “I got there before anything could happen”, he finished, his heart still breaking as he looked at the relief that washed over Renjun’s dazed features. He couldn’t bring himself to talk much, still weak from his injuries but he nodded and Jeno smiled sadly at him in return, changing the subject quickly. 

“This is Mark”, he gestured to the man behind. Renjun kept his gaze on Jeno but his eyes were already falling back with exhaustion. 

“Donghyuck’s Mark?”, he mumbled into the pillow, and Mark smiled at his boyfriend knowingly. 

“He must be happy”, Renjun smiled but as reality crashed down on him, he let his face fall. 

“Jeno…”, he trailed off quietly, a look of fear in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I love you so much”, he said, and Mark’s head shot up suddenly. 

“I love you too”, Jeno returned, his hand holding Renjun’s smaller one. 

“Please don’t go”, the smaller stuttered. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

Jeno squeezed tighter on Renjun’s hand, locking their fingers together. 

“Mark needs to clean your back”, Jeno urged gently and Renjun agreed, his eyes soon fluttering shut again. 

He winced slightly each time he felt the sting of the disinfectant, Mark bandaging the wounds with gauze that Jaemin handed him. He wrapped the material carefully around Renjun’s waist, so the injuries were protected. Donghyuck left with Jaemin after that, giving them space to finish up, Jeno still holding Renjun’s hand tightly in his own as he slept peacefully. 

“So, you two are…?” 

“Yeah”, Jeno replied shyly and looked back at Renjun’s face. 

“He must really be something then”, Mark chuckled. 

“I love him”, Jeno said softly, stroking the back of Renjun’s hand and smiling sadly. 

Mark could see the adoration in Jeno’s eyes, and it made him warm. He collected the discarded gauze up off the bed and shoved it back into the medical box, rising. 

“I’m going to put these bits back downstairs. Would you be okay to change him while I’m gone, put him into something more comfortable maybe?” 

“That’s fine, I can do that.” 

Jeno glanced at Renjun once the two were alone. He looked vulnerable, face buried into the sheets and he vowed then he would never let anything hurt him again. He was still sleeping but Jeno saw how his clothes hung from him, shirt torn and pushed up so that the bandages could be placed around him. It was blood stained and dirty from the soil. Jeno walked over to his wardrobe and pulled out a fresh shirt of his own, taking it over to where Renjun lay and sat beside him. He hoisted his body up, Renjun groaning in his sleep, and tugged the torn shirt off him gently, discarding it on the floor. Renjun’s slender torso was exposed, his arms dangling at his sides, and Jeno didn’t hesitate to pull the fresh shirt around his back, sliding his arms into it. He felt the other’s head flop onto his shoulder weakly, landing comfortably there, and Jeno couldn’t help but smile softly as his hair tickled his chin. He did up the buttons of the shirt and laid the other down on the bed again quickly. Reaching down, he untied his shoes and slid them away, pulling his socks and trousers off carefully. The shirt was baggy on Renjun, bruises prominent around his throat and cheeks. It tore into him and he finally felt the guilt seep into his mind. The mere sight of the other’s face had the tears pricking in the corners of his eyes pathetically. He winced but let them fall cathartically down his face, his emotions finally catching up with him. 

He jumped when the door opened again, wiping the tears quickly from his face to hide them from Mark. He didn’t like crying in front of people. Whether Mark had seen it or not, he simply looked at Jeno sadly and offered him a warm smile, returning to his place opposite him on the bed. 

“I think Jaesuk was blackmailing him”, Jeno said bluntly. “I think he wanted to do _things_ to him”, he shuddered as he said the words. “I feel so guilty Mark, I should have done something to protect him. It’s all my fault.” 

Mark paused, but his eyes were heavy with sadness. 

“No Jeno… if anything, it’s my fault. I should have told you this before, but I didn’t want to bother you with it, and I knew you wouldn’t be able to do anything, but Jaesuk showed interest in me when I worked here. All the time, at any moment he would make remarks and those turned into small touches. I hated it. I don’t know what would have happened if he’d stayed for longer.” Mark watched as Jeno’s face fell. “Once he was gone, everything carried on as normal. I know Donghyuck hated him after that, but we thought it wasn’t serious.” He glanced over to Renjun’s sleeping figure and then back to Jeno. “I never knew he could be so dangerous.” 

“Mark…” 

“He probably just wants to hurt you Jeno. I know you feel bad, but Renjun seems to love you a lot and all he needs at the moment is someone to be there for him. Push the guilt away for now and look after him”, Mark said as he smiled weakly. “What’s he like?”, he continued softly through the silence. “Tell me about him.” 

“He’s amazing”, Jeno smiled but stopped himself out of embarrassment, but the smile on Mark’s own face urged him to continue. “He’s smart and funny and he’s the bravest person I’ve ever met. He loves books too, like me, and we go to the library together, it’s one of the most wonderful feelings to share that passion with someone else.” 

Mark was grinning as he listened to Jeno’s gushing, the man distracted from his tears as he spoke of Renjun eloquently. 

“I’ve never seen someone dance as well as him. He knows ballet, he loves it and he loves the outdoors and flowers - he tells me about it all and I could watch his face light up with excitement forever. He’s…” Jeno trailed off….. “beautiful. I can’t imagine my life without him.” His thumb stroked over the back of Renjun’s hand. 

“He’s going to be okay physically Jeno. He’s had a concussion so he’ll be dazed and out of it for a while, bruises and cuts, but they will heal, he’ll heal by himself.” 

“The trauma..”, Jeno trailed off. “How is he going to recover from that?” 

“That’s where he needs you. You’ve got to be there for him. It might take him a while but just, always be there.” 

“I’m going to protect him properly from now on”, Jeno replied quietly. 

It was getting late in the evening and the two were growing tired, eyelids heavy and conversation slowly filtering into nothing. 

“I’m going to head back to Donghyuck for the night, you’ll be okay here won’t you?” 

Jeno nodded. “Thank you for everything Mark.” 

“This was the least I could do. I want to meet him properly when he wakes up”, he smiled softly towards Renjun and then back to Jeno before he turned to leave the room. 

xxx

Jeno was knelt by the bed when Renjun had opened his eyes again, disorientated by the darkness around him but looking across to see Jeno by his side. 

“Heya”, Jeno breathed and it made Renjun smile weakly. Jeno used his free hand to brush Renjun’s hair back with his fingers, the messiness of it falling back across his head. Renjun relaxed again, his eyes starting to flicker shut. 

“This shirt smells of you,” he said sleepily. 

Jeno looked at him bashfully, his eyes crinkling at the corners as Renjun’s own struggled to stay open. 

“Sleep if you want, I’ll be by your side all night”, Jeno smiled. 

Once Renjun had nodded and let his eyes shut completely, Jeno listened to his breathing as he dozed off and he slipped his hand away and stood up, walking back to where the rose had been discarded on the windowsill. He picked one of its petals from the stem and went back to Renjun, kneeling on the wooden floor. He took his hand back and clasped it, this time the petal wedged between their two meeting palms. 

_ “To love” _, he whispered. 

Jeno didn’t get into the bed. Renjun was sensitive and he didn’t want to hurt him. He’d stay by his side though. He knew the night would be long for him, he couldn’t sleep and so instead he watched over Renjun lovingly. 

He was damaged and he was hurt, but he had come home. Jeno promised himself silently, that now was the time for healing, and he would do whatever it took to mend him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long-ish wait for the update :( I've been having a bit of a rough time but I found that writing was good at helping me to feel better so here is the next chap! It's quite a bit shorter than the chapter before it but I felt like this scene needed a whole chapter dedicated to it honestly! Let the noren fluff commence <3 I can't wait to see them back together hehe.  
I put in my claim for the noren fic fest today so I will be working on that alongside this fic! It's going to be a modern AU and I can't wait to share it with you guys once it's done!!  
Side note: I made a noren twitter and its @renjunfairydust if anyone would like to follow! i need more noren friends aaa :'))  
Hopefully the next chap will be up next week! Kudos + comments are very much appreciated <3


	17. The healing path

The weight in Renjun’s head was heavy when he opened his eyes, the dizziness and the pain striking his whole body after a moment of passing ease. He was certain he had fainted yesterday due to shock, but it didn’t stop the stinging on his back or the distant ringing in his ear as he winced but let his eyelids open gradually. When the light from the room hit him, he squinted but eventually focused on the figure next to him on the floor. A gentle hand was holding his own. Jeno was asleep, the side of his face pressed against the bedsheets close to Renjun’s own face and his mouth was parted as he snored lightly. Renjun glanced at his eyelashes, long and dark against his pale skin. His eyes were shut tightly, but there were dark circles marring the skin below them. He looked tired, worn, and his lips were slightly chapped, as though he had taken on all of Renjun’s own burdens and woven them into his soul. 

Still, Jeno looked beautiful to Renjun; his shirt sleeve was covering the edge of their clasped hands, both their fingertips disappearing beneath the loosened cuff. The hold was light, but he felt safe and he could feel Jeno’s steady pulse as it beat through their united palms. His mind was full of Jeno, his heart was full of Jeno, his soul was full of him, so full that when reality pierced his serenity, he could hardly bear to let go of his daydream. He closed his eyes and the events of the previous night replayed in flashes, his mind retracing how he had ended up in the softness around him, how Jeno had brought him back. 

_There was pain, the softness of the sheets, blood on his face, the warmth of Jeno, the shouting and the screaming and all the voices. It tore into his memories. Mark had been there, but he couldn’t recall anything he had said, Jeno was by his side but he couldn’t see the words that his lips were forming. Then there was only Jaesuk, and feeling trapped, needing to escape and the panic rising in his throat as it constricted. He was caught again and all he wanted was Jeno. _

He was blinded by fear, ripping his hand away from Jeno’s in an instant, but stopping suddenly when the petal fell from between their palms and onto the bedsheet in a gentle flutter. It snapped him out of his trance, its movement distracting him. He remembered then that Jeno _was_ there and looked down at him, the man by his side, holding him tenderly. He was so close, but Renjun could feel the distance, longing for contact again. He wanted to reach out and stroke Jeno’s cheek, the soft skin there a reminder that he had waited for him. With the energy he could muster, he took the fallen petal and held it between his fingers. It was crumpled around the edges and becoming a shade of faded red, but he admired it all the same. He looked down at Jeno and smiled knowingly. 

Not wanting to damage it any more, he placed it carefully on the nightstand and turned his whole body to face the other, stroking his hair with tenderness. Jeno’s head turned in his sleep as he keened into the familiar touch, eyes opening languidly after a few seconds. 

“You’re awake”, Jeno whispered, a smile forming from the corner of his lips. 

Renjun blinked back at him for a moment but smiled weakly, too dazed for words but nodding his head. He retracted his hand quickly, moving it back under the sheets and pulling them up to his chin. Jeno frowned but was met with relief when Renjun reached to the nightstand. He held the petal in front of Jeno’s face. 

_ “To love?” _, he murmured. 

_ “To love.” _ Jeno nodded and smiled. 

“Jeno, I’m so sorry”, Renjun’s voice came out in a broken whisper. 

The other shook his head, the guilt and the relief running through his mind and conflicting his thoughts, until the only thing that remained attainable was the broken boy before him and he wanted to protect him so desperately. He took Renjun’s hand in his. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Everything hurts”, Renjun confessed in a small voice, letting his smile drop. 

“It’s going to take a few weeks for you to heal, but it will ease. You need to stay rested though”, Jeno replied and squeezed Renjun’s hand. He’d missed being this close to the other but now it hurt to look at him. He was beautiful, but the morning light swept through the curtains onto Renjun’s face, revealing the array of purple and yellow scattered across his cheeks. The cut above his eyebrow had stopped bleeding now, but it was deep and lined with red. Renjun tried to smile at him again and he knew then that he had never met anyone braver or stronger than he was. The fire that still burned in his soul left Jeno speechless. 

Renjun could feel the eyes on his face and he cut in quickly in an attempt to divert the conversation. 

“Did you sleep?” 

“Not a lot”, Jeno replied shyly. 

“Jeno you’re on the floor, come on, there’s room here.” Renjun grinned and gestured for him to get up, shuffling to the other side of the bed so Jeno could climb in easily. When he did, he rested his back against the headboard, leaving enough space between them so he couldn’t hurt the other accidentally. He shifted, Renjun already facing him. Jeno brushed a gentle hand over one of the bruises, the dark tinges of purple spreading across Renjun’s cheekbone met by the most soothing of fingertips. It was then the other’s face finally crumpled in anguish. 

“You got the rose didn’t you?”, he sobbed quietly, he needed to tell Jeno everything. “I love you so much, really”, he finished softly and closed his eyes, Jeno’s hand cradling his face. “Jeno…”, he continued, as though afraid of what he was about to say. 

“Where is he?” 

“He ran off, I’m so sorry”, Jeno hesitated. “We’ll find him though.” 

He saw Renjun’s face scrunch up suddenly and his breathing wavered, as though the words had caused him physical agony. 

“I can’t ever face him again.” 

“Hopefully we won’t have to, not where he has power over us anyway”, Jeno spoke with uneasiness. He let his hand fall from Renjun’s face as the smaller opened his eyes. 

“He tried to force himself on me”, Renjun was teary now. “He would have done if you didn’t get there.” He couldn’t look at Jeno anymore and so he focused on a crease in the bedsheet instead. 

“He shouldn’t have been able to get anywhere near you, I should have been there faster”, Jeno said weakly as the guilt tainted his face. 

“I was so scared… I-I’ve never done _that_ before”, Renjun was still staring at the sheet, his face tinged with hints of redness as his cheeks darkened. “I imagine my first time being with you… I _want_ my first time to be with you”, he stammered shyly. 

“Me too”, Jeno whispered. “But it can wait, whenever we’re ready.” 

“Yeah, I guess so”, Renjun replied softly, feeling the warmth of Jeno’s hand on his. “I didn’t mean anything I said… when you came in my room. I’m so sorry Jeno, he said-”, Renjun’s eyes were filling up again. “He said he could hurt you, that he _would_ hurt you if I continued our relationship. He could’ve killed you. I don’t know how he found out about us, but he was using it. I needed to know that you would be safe.” He paused and looked up. “Letting you walk out that door was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I saw how much I hurt you, I hated myself.” 

“I wasn’t there to protect to you, and he hurt you so much”, Jeno said with brokenness in his voice. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Renjun you don’t ever need to be sorry. I’m sorry, I should have been there.” 

“He doesn’t play fair”, Renjun mumbled. “He’s been threatening me for weeks now. It made me feel so worthless, but I couldn’t lose my dignity in front of you. Then he made it impossible for me to tell you. I couldn’t risk hurting you so I figured I would just wait until he left, and everything would be okay, but he kept wanting more and more and -”, Renjun shuddered. “I feel dirty Jeno”, he said pitifully. “He forced himself on me and… it wasn’t the first time, but it was definitely the worst”, he finished as he sniffed. “I tried to fight back but look at me”, Renjun motioned to the bruises on his face. “He’s strong.” 

Jeno hung his head. “I’m ashamed to be related to him.” 

“Jeno, no that’s – “ 

“You’ve been through so much and now this. I wanted this”, he gestured to Renjun and then back to himself, “to be the start of a new life for us”, he brushed his fingertips gently across a bruise, “all I’ve done is let you get hurt.” 

“The best thing that’s ever happened to me was meeting you Lee Jeno, I couldn’t bear the thought of him hurting you… but _I_ ended up hurting you.” 

“I’m here, you’re here, it will be okay now, I promise this time”, Jeno assured. 

Renjun felt his heart bursting for the man in front of him. He loved Jeno for all he was, every bit of him. He couldn’t cook, he was slightly awkward, he distracted Renjun from his work, and he lived in a run-down castle, but he was in love with him. Jeno knew him, he knew what to do to make him feel okay. He took Jeno’s hand and brought it against his own face, the curve of it fitting perfectly around his jaw and resting there. 

“I love you”, he whispered. 

“I love you too.” Jeno pulled his hand away, lifting an arm up so Renjun could snuggle under it and lay his back across his chest. They breathed in time and the soft hum Renjun let out in contentment, indicated to Jeno that he hadn’t pushed the other too far. Renjun was still wearing his shirt, the cotton hanging loosely off his shoulders, oversized and baggy as he leant his head on Jeno’s shoulder, bare legs resting in between the other’s as they faced out across the room. Jeno bent down and pressed his lips briefly against the back of Renjun’s head. It felt right to have him in his arms again. 

“I feel safe with you”, Renjun whispered. 

xxx

Mark looked across at his lover and smiled. Donghyuck was facing him in the bed, his eyes shut. He’d almost forgotten the feeling of having him back, almost, but Donghyuck hadn’t let him forget, not last night, not when he’d had Mark pinned against the sheets of the bed, straddling him and gasping his name. Mark had missed him so much, more than he ever thought possible. 

He hadn’t been awake for long, but since he had, his eyes had not left Donghyuck, the other’s sleeping form reminding him of everything he loved about the man. With Jaesuk still missing, he knew Donghyuck would be on edge, his slight frown an allusion to his distress. He watched as his nose twitched in his sleep and he turned onto his side facing away. Mark slipped one arm under his waist so that he could hold him gently from behind while he slept peacefully. 

When Donghyuck woke up, he glanced behind at his lover quickly before burying his head into the sheets and sighing. 

“You are real”, Donghyuck mumbled. His voice was groggy and soft, muffled by the feathery pillow on their little bed, but it made Mark smile all the same. 

“Of course I’m real, do you think you imagined last night?”, Mark said with a grin, grazing his fingertip across Donghyuck’s smooth skin, lingering over his heartbeat for a few seconds as the other laughed with embarrassment. He turned, Mark moving his arms away so he could manoeuvre himself, smiling knowingly and groaning at the suggestive statement. 

“I missed you so much”, Donghyuck giggled and placed a soft kiss on Mark’s nose before the other could protest. 

“Missed you more”, Mark breathed and stuck out his tongue teasingly before stopping to think for a moment. “What’s it been like here without me?” 

“It’s actually changed a lot, ever since Renjun arrived, it feels like living in a different household”, he muttered sincerely with a small laugh. “I’m sure you know why though. Mark, Jeno really is a different person, he’s just like he used to be before the…”, Donghyuck trailed off, affirmed only by Mark’s gentle nod that he didn’t need reminding of the tragedy that haunted the castle. 

“Yeah….”, Mark started as he thought back to the way Jeno had spoken about the housekeeper last night. “I can see that”, he raised his eyebrows and smiled. “It’s nice.” 

“They’re always together, he thinks that we don’t see it but it’s there. Renjun’s changed him, he’s changed everyone. He helped me get over missing you. He brought the grounds back to life. He showed Chenle and Jisung how to grow things, they’re out there all the time now and…”, he trailed off again and looked into Mark’s eyes with a faint smile of pride. 

“The boys said they wanted to sell things at the market, they’re starting today.” 

“That will be good for them.” Mark added. 

“And the rose garden, Renjun takes care of it, even Jeno goes out there. He doesn’t wear his scarf now. It’s such a drastic change but I’m pretty sure it’s because he’s in love.” Mark nodded and smiled. 

“He really did all of that?…” 

“He doesn’t deserve any of this pain”, Donghyuck continued sadly. “He’s been through so much and now… Jaesuk. Why does he hurt all the people I care about?”, Donghyuck let his guard down as he poured his feelings out to his boyfriend. “At first… I resented him because he wasn’t you, I hated it here without you by my side, Mark, but then he was so nice, he’s a really good person and we became friends. When I saw him hurt last night it reminded me of everything that happened to you and I just felt so sick.” 

“You and your soft spot for housekeepers”, Mark joked sadly. 

“You’re the only housekeeper I love”, Donghyuck grinned back as he looked into Mark’s deep brown eyes. They were still ignited with the love and the desire of the previous night. 

Their lips met in what seemed to be an innocent kiss, Mark pressing his lips slowly against his boyfriend’s, no urgency, no desperation, but when Donghyuck brought a hand to his cheek, it deepened and before they knew it they were rolling around fervidly in the sheets. Donghyuck pulled away for air, the two laughing as they flopped back down on the pillows. 

“Don’t you think we should get up now?”, Mark turned his head and raised an eyebrow questioningly at the other. 

“I think we have a bit more time”, Donghyuck mumbled and pulled Mark on top of him for another kiss, hands straying playfully down his boyfriend’s back. 

xxx

Jeno rifled through another one of the cupboards in the large kitchen. He’d told Renjun he would get him something to eat. When Renjun had been sceptical about Jeno venturing to the kitchen after their last experience, he was determined to bring him back something at least adequate but right now, he seemed to be failing. 

Thinking ambitiously of some of the dishes Donghyuck had made recently, he tried to imagine how he could recreate at least one of them. Surely it couldn’t be that difficult. Eggs were a good start, Renjun had made an omelette, maybe he could use eggs … if he could find them. He opened three cupboards in quick succession and managed to find plates but no food. 

“Jeno? What are doing here?” Jaemin’s voice sounded from the doorway, his footsteps growing closer as he peered over Jeno’s shoulder and raised an eyebrow. 

Jeno turned to look at Jaemin right behind him and laughed weakly. 

“I have absolutely no idea”, he admitted honestly. “I’m trying to find something for Renjun to eat, but…”, he opened another cupboard and sighed, “I don’t know where anything is in here.” 

Jaemin looked at the cupboard of cups and plates that Jeno was searching through and shook his head softly. 

“Where is Donghyuck this morning anyway?”, Jeno said with a small frown. 

“Let him be, Jeno - Mark only got back yesterday”, he laughed. 

Jeno nodded knowingly. 

“Food’s over there”, Jaemin sighed and pointed to the pantry door at the opposite end of the room, taking a seat at the large table. 

Jeno scanned the pantry shelves and found half a loaf of bread, a dish of butter and a large box of fresh fruit. He’d start with the basics; he couldn’t go wrong with a simple plate of buttered bread and fruit. He gathered up the food and brought it back out to the table. 

“How’s Renjun doing?”, Jaemin ventured, folding his arms slowly as Jeno’s face turned sad. 

“He’s so weak Jaemin. He still can’t get up. It scares me, every time I go near him I feel like I’m going to break him. He’s not showing much sign of trauma yet, but I think it’s because he’s still dazed. It could hit him at any point, and I’m worried for when it does.” 

Jaemin nodded slowly, taking in all of the words. “Stay with him, he needs you right now”, he said finally. 

“He was being blackmailed by Jaesuk you know? That’s my cousin, I feel so disgusted.” 

“He is disgusting, and I’m so sorry that any of this has happened. It shouldn’t have.” 

Jeno was cutting the bread into slices now. “If he ever comes back here…”, he trailed off, his voice filled with a vengeance so strong that it alarmed Jaemin slightly. A short silence followed as Jeno calmed himself down again, resuming his preparation of the food on the plate, picking a few strawberries out and arranging them to go with the bread and butter. He grabbed a couple of oranges and peeled them clumsily before adding them. Silence fell for a few moments before he spoke again. 

“Can we keep the back door locked for now, and be vigilant? We don’t know where he is, we don’t know where my uncle is either. They’re both gone.” 

“Of course, Jeno.” 

“Thank you”, he said quickly as he grabbed a tray from the sideboard. “I’d better get back upstairs to him”, he said, gesturing towards the door. “I’ll see you later”, he smiled and left Jaemin in the quiet of the kitchen. 

Once Jeno had reached his bedroom, he placed the tray on the nightstand next to the bed where Renjun was awake and propped up against a pillow. The smaller smiled at him and Jeno sat on the edge of the bed, gesturing for Renjun to take some of the food. 

“Aren’t you going to have something?”, Renjun spoke as he reached out for one of the oranges and broke it apart but Jeno shook his head. 

“This is for you, Renjun.” 

He laughed and held out one of the segments, “Here”, he smiled and Jeno took the piece tenderly. 

“What are you going to do today?”, Renjun asked innocently and popped a piece of orange in his mouth. 

“Renjun…”, Jeno started in disbelief, “I’m not going anywhere, I’m going to stay with you.” 

With his mouth still full of orange, Renjun grinned widely and Jeno couldn’t help but laugh at the endearing sight. 

“You’re staying?” 

“Of course, I am.” 

“There’s so much laundry that needs doing, I should be working”, Renjun sighed. He took a slice of the bread and broke it up into smaller pieces, placing one into his mouth. 

“Absolutely not”, Jeno laughed in disbelief, “Renjun how could you? - it can wait, no one’s going to suffer if you don’t do the laundry for a few days”, he grinned. “We’ll all take some of your jobs, it’s okay.” 

Renjun calmed and nodded, falling back against the pillow slowly and letting his body sink into the bed. 

“My head hurts”, he groaned. 

Jeno frowned and brought a hand up to the smaller’s forehead, stroking his hair back softly. “I hate seeing you in pain”, he pouted. 

“That feels nice”, Renjun murmured, his eyelids heavy suddenly as he relaxed against the soothing feeling of the other running his hand through his hair. He closed his eyes and felt himself drifting away. 

“Hey”, Jeno started quickly, “don’t fall asleep yet, you have to eat and build up your strength”, he finished as he gestured back to the unfinished plate of food. 

“I’ve had enough, thank you, you can have it”, Renjun replied sleepily and buried his head further into the sheets. 

He drifted in and out of consciousness, Jeno comforting him with his soft touches. When the smaller opened his eyes again, they were hazy and unfocused, but he turned his attention to the room he was in again, Jeno’s bedroom, the large expanse laced with opulence and expensive trinkets. The plush drapes on the bed and the thick curtains by the window created an air of sophistication that no room he had ever been in before could match. 

“What was it like growing up here?” 

Jeno paused and looked at him. 

“It honestly feels like a different lifetime now”, Jeno murmured as he glanced around the room, resuming his gentle touches. “It was happy though, there was always something happening here with my parents or my sisters.” He stopped to let a fond smile light up his face. “Being the youngest had its downside though, the three of them would always dress me up for whatever game they were playing or make me sneak food from the kitchen, and I would get the blame.” 

“I bet that was fun”, Renjun grinned and Jeno let out a snort of laughter. The smaller shut his eyes again, picturing the life the castle once held and it caused a sad smile to appear on his face. He kept them shut as Jeno spoke again, the ghosts of the castle revived in the images he described. 

“There were a lot more staff back then too. My father spent so much time in his study, I barely saw him, but I would creep in there sometimes and watch him working on the accounts for the place. When he saw me in the doorway he would beckon me in always, and then he would pull me onto his lap and explain what he was doing”, Jeno stopped and laughed. “I didn’t understand any of it of course but he would tell me that he was making the house a happy place with everything running smoothly. I sometimes think that’s why all the happiness here died when they did”, Jeno breathed as his fingers carded through Renjun’s hair. 

“Jeno, they sound like wonderful parents”, Renjun smiled as he thought about how happy his love must have been back then. 

Jeno nodded. “My father used to say my mother was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. They were so in love…”, he recounted with a nostalgic smile. “I can’t believe I’m talking about this. After the accident, all I could focus on was the sadness, you’ve helped me to see the happiness that used to be here, it was too painful before.” 

Renjun smiled softly. “Did you have a lot of friends here then?” 

Jeno shook his head. “We were home schooled, Jaemin and I together. I only had him, but he was the most loyal friend I could have asked to grow up with.” He stopped to look at Renjun, whose eyes were now fully open. 

“I know not all of your childhood was happy, but did you have a lot of friends? You seem like the kind of person that would”, Jeno started adoringly. 

“I went to the local school in our village and there, I had quite a lot of friends. They never stuck around for long though. I couldn’t bring them home because of how unpredictable my father was, so they would usually end up drifting away naturally. I spent most of my time with my mother while she was alive, we had an unspoken understanding of each other”, Renjun continued as he brought a hand up to Jeno’s face and cupped it. “All she ever wanted was for me to be happy, she would have liked you”, he finished with a smile as Jeno brought his own hand to rest on the one holding his face. 

“I wish I could have met her”, he paused before speaking again, “Do you take after her?” 

“Much more than my father, thankfully. I see my mother in my face sometimes when I look in the mirror and it reminds me every time of what she looked like; I can’t ever forget her. When I was a child, she used to tell me that I was like her, that I had fire in my eyes”, he smiled fondly. “She said that fire would always protect me, that it made me strong too.” 

“Renjun…”, Jeno trailed off, his mind too caught up thinking how the stars had burned so brightly in Renjun’s eyes the night they kissed for the first time in the rose garden, and that maybe fire wasn’t always bad. Renjun was strong, he knew it. 

“Jeno”, Renjun’s voice wavered and he looked down in embarrassment. “Can I have a hug?” 

Jeno couldn’t control the small chuckle that rose from his chest at such a small request. “You don’t have to ask me”, he laughed softly and moved his body fully onto the bed. Renjun sighed as Jeno wrapped his arms around him and cradled him against his chest. 

“When you’re feeling better, we can go riding like I promised you, there’s a lake nearby I want to show you. I’ll take you there on Onyx and it will be just like before, I promise”, Jeno whispered as he held Renjun close, the other giggling at his rambling. 

“I like the sound of that”, Renjun mumbled softly as he basked in the warmth of Jeno’s body and nuzzled against the other’s chest. 

“Want me to grab some books for you from the library? I was going to go and get something to read earlier, but I can get something for you too,” Jeno offered. 

When Renjun nodded and shut his eyes, Jeno laid him back down onto the bed and pulled the covers over him, the other asleep in seconds as the concussion was still taking effect. He went to the library promptly and gathered a selection of books to help the hours pass. He put three next to Renjun’s bed, adventure books that he liked, the others he took with him to a chair across the room, putting on reading glasses and indulging himself in the fantasy as the other slept off his injuries. Every so often he stole glances at the tiny figure that lay sleeping in his bed, hair across his face and head turned to the side. The hours of the morning passed into afternoon and eventually evening, all the while Jeno sat by Renjun’s side waiting attentively while the other drifted in and out of consciousness. 

xxx

“Well maybe if you hadn’t made me sleep in - “ 

“Hang on? Me? It was you that said that – “ 

Mark giggled when Donghyuck sighed in frustration as he looked at his boyfriend with an irritated frown, tying the ties of his cooking apron quickly. 

Mumbling in defeat, Mark grabbed a spare apron and tied it around his waist with precision, starting to walk back towards Donghyuck, but on his way catching his feet on a pile of washing that had been discarded next to the door of the laundry room. He looked down at it and sighed. 

“I’ll just do this for him, he’s in such a state he won’t be working for ages”, Mark said discreetly to himself as he picked up the pile of washing and placed it in the laundry room, out of the way for now. When he came back, Donghyuck was smirking at him. He noticed his boyfriend’s eyes trailing down his figure, lingering on the apron before staring into his own sensually. 

“It’s just like old times”, Donghyuck spoke in a sultry voice. He walked over to Mark slowly. “I forgot how good that looks on you”, he whispered as he gestured to the apron and brought his face close to his lover’s, Mark’s breath tickling his cheeks. 

“Remember the first time we kissed”, Mark said, placing a chaste kiss against Donghyuck’s lips and smiling. 

“I do”, Donghyuck grinned back. 

“It was right by this table.” 

They leant in to kiss again, this time with more vigour, every one like new again since they had been deprived of each other’s touch. When Donghyuck pulled away, Mark looked at him with puppy eyes. 

“I should be getting on with cooking, I’m already late”, he teased and sauntered back over to where he was boiling rice on the stove. 

“The boys are back from the market”, Mark chimed as he nodded to the window where Chenle and Jisung were walking empty handed across the courtyard, chattering and laughing. Donghyuck snapped his head around and smiled at the sight. “I told them to be careful, we don’t know where Jaesuk is right now, I’d hate for anything to happen to them.” 

When the two appeared in the kitchen a few minutes later, Chenle bustled in, followed closely by Jisung as they sat on the benches at the table. 

“How did it go?”, Donghyuck asked enthusiastically from by the stove. 

“Really well”, Chenle said as he counted out the coins on the table, distributing them carefully between him and Jisung. 

“Everyone kept complementing what we had, and they told us we should come back next week because they want more and I really can’t wait”, Jisung rambled, ignoring the piles of coins being placed next to him. When he eventually looked down he smiled. 

“We can put this away so we can buy some fruit trees, people said we should grow plums - I think we should.” 

“Sure”, Donghyuck laughed back with a grin at the boy’s enthusiasm. “It all sold?”, he said with wide eyes. 

“All of it”, Chenle beamed. 

xxx

Jeno had been reading for most of the day. It was evening now, and it was getting difficult for his eyes to focus on the words in the pervading darkness of the room. Renjun had been drifting in and out of disturbed sleep throughout the whole day, reading a few chapters of the book that Jeno had left by the bed. They were both awake currently and Jeno marked his page on the book, then walked to sit at the end of the bed, Renjun smiling at him sleepily. 

“Good book?” 

“Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”, he replied as he traced his finger over the title slowly. “It’s pretty strange, but somehow I can’t put it down”, he said and Jeno smiled but his face dropped when Renjun’s eyes focussed past him. He turned around quickly, seeing the rose garden that the other was looking at through the window. 

“Jeno”, Renjun said in a small voice, his eyes filling with tears as he clenched his fists on the bed sheet. “Our rose garden, why did it have to be there?”, he whispered. 

Jeno looked at Renjun sadly, his heart breaking at the sight of the other. 

“He could never take it away from us.” 

Renjun nodded but his eyes seemed unsure, it was more telling than words could ever be. 

“You saw it from up here, you must have been standing at the window. The rose…”, Renjun stopped abruptly. 

Jeno nodded, “If the rose wasn’t on the windowsill, I never would have got there in time.” He paused and took Renjun’s hand again, the comfort in the gesture a relief to both of them. “Don’t be too quick to hate it”, he nodded to the rose garden, “It was the rose that brought me back to you. We can take back the garden, it can be ours again”, he finished with a faint smile and squeezed Renjun’s hand reassuringly. 

“I’m not going to let anything get between us again”, Renjun stated with sad eyes. 

“It’s getting late”, Jeno commented as he looked towards the rapidly darkening sky and frowned. Renjun nodded and caught Jeno’s sleeve as the other went to stand up. 

“Where are you going?”, he said with a fearful expression. 

“You need the bed for yourself. You’re still bruised and sore.” 

“Please don’t leave, I don’t want to be alone”, Renjun’s voice shook nervously. 

“I’m not leaving”, Jeno said with a comforting smile. “I’ll be on the couch just here.” 

Renjun looked at him imploringly, eyes wide and vulnerable. Jeno’s heart swelled at the sight and he stroked the other’s cheek tenderly. 

“I love you”, he breathed “I don’t want to hurt you accidentally in the night.” 

“I love you too, with all my heart.” Renjun touched his hand softly. 

Jeno swiftly washed and changed into his nightwear, pulling a spare blanket from the top of his wardrobe and settling down for the night on the couch at the end of the bed. He longed to be next to Renjun right now, although so close he felt the distance between them, thankful that he could still hear the other's soft breathing lulling him to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's 4am right now but I was determined to get this chap out today and I can finally publish it now! I hope you guys are enjoying all this fluff because there will be a lot more in the coming chapters as Jaesuk is gone currently. Noren are starting to heal and be all loving to each other again. I wanted this chapter to be focused heavily on character development and healing (hence the title hehe) but there will more action soon ( + quite a big development in Chenle and Jisung's story arc!). I got distracted making a trailer for this fic which I may or may not link to I haven't decided yet aaa :'). Anyway thank you to everyone that left kudos and lovely comments on the last chapter, it means a lot! See you next time <33  
twitter: @renjunfairydust


	18. Small steps

The days dragged by in the castle with the boredom of confinement. There was still no trace of Jaesuk, he was gone, and because of this, tension hung in the air whenever his name was mentioned. Renjun was restless, he had not left the comfort of Jeno’s bedroom and although he was gaining his strength back day by day, he was growing frustrated by his weakness. His head was still painful, and mobility was an issue after days spent laid up and sleeping off the incessant dizziness that rang in his head. Jeno had kept his promise and stayed by his side, the two indulging their affections, the warm feeling of being in love, of having someone to hold. He was cautious around Renjun still, but gradually his confidence was returning. Being mindful that there may now be invisible boundaries, he would not push Renjun. Perhaps they were created by his own restraint until they could rekindle their intimacy again fully. As such, the touches were gentle and reassuring, the comfort the smaller needed; he would reach for Jeno’s hand and ask for the other’s embrace. Jeno was his comfort, his security, his rock. He had only left his side to attend to his needs; a trip to the kitchen for food, the library for books or the occasions he needed to spend time with Onyx. 

The two were in their usual routine now, Renjun propped up in bed and Jeno by his side, a comfortable silence between them as they busied themselves with their own thoughts. It was late afternoon and the light had begun to fade, leaving the two in a pale glow as the sun sank behind the trees outside. 

“I miss the library”, Renjun cut through the silence. “Please Jeno, take me there”, he implored. 

Jeno looked up from his daydream and smiled adoringly. “Of course, are you sure you’re feeling up to it though?” 

“I think so”, Renjun nodded. 

“And you’ll be okay walking there?”. 

He nodded again. 

“Okay then”, Jeno laughed softly. 

Renjun pushed back the blankets and swung his legs round so they dangled off the bed, still wearing the shirt Jeno had dressed him in on the night of the incident. Jeno rose from his chair and walked over to the wardrobe on the other side of the room, opening it and pulling out a tartan robe. Moving back to the smaller, he draped it round him, Renjun sliding his arms into the sleeves and pulling it loosely across his body. 

“Thank you”, he said as he fastened the belt. Jeno offered him a hand which he took tentatively and tried one step, but his legs trembled, causing the other to leap to his side and grab his elbow to steady him. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”, he frowned. 

“I can do it”, Renjun insisted, a look of determination across his face as he tried to take another step, but he wobbled again. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, please let me carry you.” 

“You really don’t have to- “ 

“But I want to”, Jeno laughed softly and Renjun grinned at him, watching as the other turned and gestured for him to climb onto his back. He giggled softly and sighed, giving up his protest and wrapping his arms gently around Jeno’s neck as he hoisted him off the bed. 

_ “Jeno” _, Renjun whined, flustered as he buried his head into the back of Jeno’s neck with embarrassment, wrapping his legs around the other’s waist. 

Jeno steadied himself, listening to the sound of Renjun’s laughter and realising then how much he had missed it. It was the first time he had laughed properly for weeks and it brought him joy. A sudden flood of emotion hit him, the feeling that things could get better, that they _would_ get better. He stepped with Renjun in his arms, walking steadily down the corridors towards the library. Neither of them had been there for so long and coming back felt like home. 

He placed the smaller down gently on the cushions in the room’s centre, feeling the warmth leave him as Renjun unwound his arms from around his shoulders and sat comfortably. His eyes trailed over the shelves of books. 

“I missed it here”, Renjun breathed. 

Jeno smiled at him and his heart ached for the other, curled up on the floor, his hands were completely engulfed by the long sleeves of the robe which hung loosely as he gestured to Jeno, the other heading to one of the bookshelves and scouring its contents. Running his fingertips across the spines, he pulled one out and flicked through the pages before tucking it under his arm. He ambled back to Renjun and sat next to him. 

“Sonnets?” 

Jeno nodded shyly. 

“You really are a romantic”, Renjun teased and leant his head on Jeno’s shoulder lazily, the other opening the book and turning to one of the pages. 

_ “From you have I been absent in the spring” _, Jeno began loudly with an overly sweet voice, waving his fingers in the air and smiling. 

“Jeno- “, Renjun began but the other only laughed and flicked onto a different page. 

_ “My heart is like a singing bird, whose- “_

He was interrupted by the laughter that rose from the smaller’s chest as he nuzzled his head further into Jeno’s shoulder. He was still looking down at the words on the pages but stopped when he felt Renjun’s breath tickle his cheek softly. Lifting his head slowly, he was greeted with Renjun’s face inches away from his, their eyes meeting candidly, and he felt it again. He felt their connection, the reuniting of their souls. Renjun was serious now, the giggles replaced with a burning intensity that shone in his eyes and drew Jeno in helplessly. They stayed that way as the seconds passed, the corners of Renjun’s mouth turning up in a brief smile. Jeno’s attention flickered to the lips in front of him, now slightly parted and moistened as Renjun ran his tongue nervously over them. Meeting his gaze again, Jeno felt his restraint slip as they were drawn towards each other, eyes closing as their lips met in a hesitant kiss. It was gentle and held the promise of their trust, their reality and their future. Jeno pulled away slowly, still close to Renjun. The fading rays of the evening sunlight beamed through the panes of the stained-glass windows, the room a mass of colour as they relished their closeness. 

“I’ve missed you so much”, Jeno whispered and pressed his forehead against Renjun’s. He could feel the emotions welling, the tears pricking his eyes at the overwhelming feeling of having his love with him, but he swallowed them back. “I thought I’d lost you.” 

Renjun pressed his lips to Jeno’s, mumbling incoherently. Jeno knew he was smiling though, he could make out the soft murmur of his voice and the strings of _I love you’s_ that were leaving Renjun’s lips. When the smaller pulled away finally, he sat back against the cushions and took the poetry collection that had been discarded and flicked through it briefly before being distracted by the light that filtered through the window and onto the pages. 

“Jeno the sunset, look at it.” 

“Can you-”, he paused as he tried to lift himself up, looking at Jeno shyly, “help me get over there?” Renjun hated being this incapable but Jeno just smiled calmly and offered a hand out to him. He took it gratefully and rose to his feet, a new found stability in his steps as they walked over to the window. Jeno steadied him carefully each time he stumbled, catching his waist and guiding him. They stood there, Jeno behind the other, facing out across the surrounding landscape. Jeno slid his hands down Renjun’s waist, wrapping his arms around him. 

“Is this okay?”, he asked cautiously and Renjun nodded, relaxing and leaning back into the touch. He studied the sunset, its vibrant colours creating shadows along the walls of the castle wings, it was stunning. He lifted his finger slowly and brought it up the glass, tracing the colours slowly. They were like their roses, the hues combined into one masterpiece, like their love, everything Jeno represented to him encapsulated in one breath-taking sunset. 

_Yellow_. Their friendship, their shared passion, their love of books, the laughter, the happiness he felt when he was around Jeno. 

He swiped his finger to the left to trace across the burning horizon. 

_Pink_. Jeno’s sweetness, his kindness, the way he held Renjun, the way he loved him. Everything beautiful about Jeno was wrapped up in the softness of the pink sky. 

He could feel the other’s breath against the back of his neck, and he smiled to himself. 

_Red._ Their love, their passionate love, their gentle love, all their love. Renjun was his and he was Renjun’s and they were back in each other’s arms.

“It’s beautiful”, Jeno whispered and kissed Renjun’s ear softly as he murmured into it. He pulled him closer, careful not to jostle him too much. 

As the sunset began to fade, the sky darkened, and the colours disappeared behind the horizon. Renjun pouted as Jeno let go of his waist. 

“We should go soon.” 

Jeno nodded and offered his hand to Renjun again but the other shook his head. 

“It’s getting a bit better. I think I can walk on my own”, he spoke, smiling tentatively. Jeno looked unsure. 

“Here”, Renjun steadied himself against the windowsill. “I’ll walk to the other end of the room, just to show you”, he laughed and began to take small steps. 

Jeno followed behind him cautiously, afraid the other would fall but to his relief, Renjun’s movements were more confident than before and he made his way across the room slowly, his hands resting on a nearby armchair when he reached the far wall. He turned back and smiled proudly, Jeno hurrying over to him. 

“See”, Renjun beamed and pressed his lips innocently against Jeno’s. 

“You’ll be okay getting back?” 

Renjun nodded. “I feel like I should try to build up some strength.” 

They walked back, Jeno helping Renjun through the corridors to his bedroom. Once there, Renjun slipped the robe off and hung it on the back of the door. He climbed into bed and placed a cushion behind himself, Jeno resuming his place beside him. Before long, Renjun let himself drift into a light sleep and Jeno closed his eyes wearily. 

The peace didn’t last long though and they were disturbed by a loud knock at the door. It startled them both awake, their eyes jolting open. Jeno smiled reassuringly at Renjun before he stood, walking over to the bedroom door and pulling it open quickly. The beaming faces of Chenle and Jisung were revealed and after some quiet murmurs, Jeno turned back and smiled. 

“Look who came to see you”, he chuckled as he walked back towards his chair, the two boys following cautiously behind him, Jisung clasping a tray with a bowl on it. When he saw Renjun glance at it he smiled. 

“It’s porridge and honey”, he said in a small voice, “for you.” He put the tray on the nightstand next to Renjun and the two of them stood awkwardly by the bed. 

“Thank you”, Renjun smiled as he took it into his lap, picking up the spoon that had been laid neatly on it. 

“Are you feeling better?” Chenle asked and paused briefly, bombarding him with more questions before he could reply. “Does it still hurt?” The boy glanced at the bruises that littered Renjun’s face and cheeks haphazardly, grimacing. 

“It’s a bit better now… thank you for bringing me this”, Renjun smiled as he spooned a portion of the porridge into his mouth. “Delicious”, he grinned. 

“Donghyuck made it but we wanted to bring it up for you”, Chenle gushed. 

“It’s really quiet without you around”, Jisung began. “I’ve missed you in the vegetable garden”, he said sadly before his face lit up again. “I’ve been taking care of it while you’ve been gone though. We went to the market to sell some too.” 

“You did? That’s great, how was it?” Renjun looked at them enthusiastically and smiled. 

“We sold everything, and everyone was so nice - “ 

“I can’t wait for you to see it when you’re better”, Jisung cut in. “We can all go to town and I’ll show you the little stall we set up there.” 

“I’d like to”, Renjun laughed. 

“We’re going to do it every week now, there’s enough in the garden to get us through the rest of the summer”, Jisung turned to Chenle and he nodded, looking back to face Renjun but the other had shut his eyes, the spoon still in his hand, the exertion of the day catching up with him. 

“oh - “, Jisung said in a small, surprised voice. 

“See what you did?”, Chenle punched his arm lightly. 

“No, don’t worry, he’s been doing this a lot. His head is still bad, he’ll wake up in a minute”, Jeno said softly from behind them and both their heads shot round. 

“I’m sorry”, Renjun mumbled sleepily as he jolted awake and blinked, the boys laughing softly. There was a moment of silence before Renjun coughed and spoke again. 

“I wanted to tell you two something. I hope you’ll be okay with it.” He paused and watched as they looked at him with wide eyes. 

“Mr Lee and I… we’ve got close”, he said as he looked past them at Jeno and smiled. 

“Like Donghyuck and Mark close?”, Jisung replied slowly, slightly confused. 

Renjun nodded and let out a small laugh. 

“So”, Chenle paused, “He’s your boyfriend?” 

Renjun couldn’t help but giggle at the boy’s forwardness but he looked at Jeno again who was covering his mouth slightly to stop his own laughter. His eyes met with Renjun’s and he nodded softly. 

“Yeah”, Renjun said finally. “Something like that.” 

“Told you”, Chenle blurted out loudly and poked Jisung, who was turning a dark shade of red. 

“How did you know?” 

“That time in the garden, when you were there together, when you dragged him off to the roses.” Chenle shrugged, “that’s when I first suspected it, plus we never saw Mr Lee before and now he looks really happy again. The only change here was you, so I guessed that must have been the cause.” 

“It was that obvious?” 

Chenle and Jisung nodded in unison and Renjun felt himself blushing. 

“Thank you for this”, Renjun said, changing the topic quickly as he gestured to the food with a smile, and felt his eyelids becoming heavy with the relaxation of a full stomach. “And thank you for coming to see me, I’ve missed you both.” 

xxx

Jaemin walked the silent corridors. Everything had been hectic for the last few days and now it was so quiet. It was the calm _after_ the storm as they adjusted to life at the castle again. Jeno had been tied up looking after Renjun and Jaemin had hardly seen the housekeeper since that night, wanting to give him and Jeno space. He walked down the servants’ corridor behind the dining room, stopping when he heard a melodious sound breaking the silence. It was light and soft and in seconds Jaemin found himself walking towards it, stopping in the doorway of the kitchen to see Donghyuck humming softly to himself. He never hummed, and seldom showed spontaneous signs of happiness, Jaemin had known him long enough to know that much about him. 

“You’re unusually happy”, he commented casually and Donghyuck jumped at the sound of his voice, snapping his head round and glaring at him. 

“Don’t tell anyone”, he scowled. 

“It’s Mark isn’t it?”, Jaemin spoke and walked further into the kitchen to lean against the counter. 

Donghyuck hesitated before nodding softly. “It’s so nice to have him back, it’s like he never even left.” His face turned serious and Jaemin nodded empathically. 

“Where is he anyway?” 

“He’s doing some of Renjun’s chores right now, should be back in about an hour.” 

Jaemin smiled fondly. “You two are so in love”, he paused. “I hope one day, I can find someone who loves me like that”. He found his mind wandering back to Jeno, to what he thought could have been, what he realised now would never be, what should never be, and he forced the ideas away quickly. 

“Oh Jaemin,”, Donghyuck said as he looked at him sadly. “Is there really no one, you go off into town sometimes, is there nobody there?” 

“I meet people sometimes, passing faces, people I think I might have a chance with, people I _would_ have a chance with, but I never let it get to that point. I haven’t really opened myself up to it, I was chasing after impossible dreams until now”, he laughed softly but Donghyuck frowned. 

“Maybe because I see the world differently now, I might find someone soon.” 

Donghyuck walked over slowly, placing a soft hand on his shoulder and chuckling. 

“I have _absolutely_ no idea what you are talking about, but I hope you do as well, now that we can all relax as Jaesuk’s gone - “ 

“I don’t think he’s gone Donghyuck.” 

“You don’t?” 

“Not at all. All his belongings are still here. I don’t know where he would even go.” 

“Far away I hope.” 

“I’m not so sure, after what he did he’s probably just laying low. Nothing has ever gone wrong for him before. Ever since we were children he’s always got what he wanted; something of mine, something of Jeno’s, he would just take it. He walked all over me because I was just the butler’s son, so I doubt he expected to get caught this time either. I’m surprised Jeno didn’t kill him, he’d do anything to protect Renjun”, Jaemin muttered. 

“Do you think he’ll come back?” 

“It scares me that he might”, he paused. “It terrifies me what would happen if he did. I know we keep the doors locked and we’re all being careful, but I worry. I’ll go into town with the boys next time they're at the market, ask around, find out if anyone in the area has seen him.” He watched as Donghyuck gritted his teeth. 

“He needs to get what he deserves, he shouldn’t be allowed to get away with any of it.” 

“I know, I hate the thought of him walking freely after everything he’s done”, Jaemin sighed, trying to keep the tone of their conversation light but in the end looking down at his watch and frowning. 

“When’s dinner? I’ll take some up for Renjun and Jeno when it’s ready.” 

“Should be about half an hour”, Donghyuck gestured quickly and turned back to the table to tend to the ingredients on it. 

xxx

“Was it okay?”, Jeno motioned to the tray of food in Renjun’s lap. 

“Yeah, it was really kind of Jaemin to bring it up here.” 

Jeno hesitated but smiled and nodded. “He’s been really sweet about everything.” He took the empty tray from Renjun’s lap and put it at the end of the bed out of the way. The night was approaching rapidly as the room grew dark and Jeno watched as Renjun looked up at him shyly and hesitated before speaking. 

“I need a bath”, he laughed as he glanced at his dishevelled appearance. “Do you think the cuts would be okay if I took the bandages off now?” 

“They probably need the air, it might be good to”, Jeno spoke as he lifted the gauze slightly and peered at the skin underneath it. The open wounds were beginning to heal slowly, and the deep scars were fading. 

“I’ll run the water for you”, he continued, disappearing into the bathroom in the next moment and pushing the door shut. 

Renjun sat up slowly when he heard the sound of the water stop, Jeno reappearing in the doorway and beckoning him. 

“Are you okay getting over here?”, Jeno questioned. 

“Should be.” 

Renjun was powered by his determination and brought his feet to the wooden floor. He gripped the bedpost to steady himself, movements slight as he started to walk towards the other. As he grew closer, Jeno extended a hand, leading them both into the bathroom and pulling out a stool from the corner for Renjun to sit on. 

“Here”, Jeno said softly, kneeling on the floor and lifting his fingers to the top button of the shirt, silently asking permission to touch Renjun as he looked into his eyes. The other smiled gently and Jeno began, fumbling with the first button so the shirt fell open at the top and revealed Renjun’s prominent collarbones. He undid the second and the shirt opened wider, exposing the layers of cotton gauze that had been wound around Renjun’s waist, a few fading bruises peeking out from under them. He traced one with his fingertips and glanced at Renjun sadly, the purple tinges marring his skin, a stark reminder of the ordeal the smaller had been through. 

“They don’t hurt so much now”, Renjun reassured him in a soft voice as he let Jeno slip the white shirt off his shoulders, the garment dropping to the floor and, except for the bandages, leaving his entire torso exposed. Jeno placed a hand against his ribs and trailed over them to where the gauze had been secured, hooking his finger under it. Renjun raised his arms slowly to allow more room for the other to work. 

Jeno wound the first layer back, lifting the material carefully. It fell away, revealing the softness of the pale skin underneath it, the smallness of Renjun’s waist and his slim hips. Jeno tried his best to keep his focus on the task, but he was breathless. Renjun was stunning in the purest sense of the word. He saw what was underneath the wounds, the beauty that would be left behind as his scars faded with time. Swallowing slowly, he brought his eyes back up to Renjun’s face and smiled. He kept his focus on Renjun’s hazy eyes and the other became submissive to Jeno’s touches in those moments, desperate for them. 

“Thank you”, Renjun murmured affectionately. 

As the gauze fell away, so did the barrier that had been created between Jeno’s fingers and Renjun’s skin, and Jeno could feel the heat sparking on the edges of his fingertips as he ran his hands along the other’s arms. Renjun’s messy hair sprawled across his face and his eyes stared into Jeno’s in a way that made him feel alive. Jeno needed to kiss him again, he did, softly and with care. The other responded naturally, grazing his lips against Jeno’s tenderly. 

“You’re so beautiful”, Jeno smiled and kissed Renjun again. 

“Jeno”, he whispered quietly, accentuating each syllable as it rolled off his tongue smoothly. 

“The water will get cold soon”, Jeno joked softly and helped Renjun stand up. He paused as he remembered the underwear the other still wore. 

“Should I uh…leave?”, Jeno offered and pointed awkwardly towards the door but Renjun laughed and reached for his hand. 

“It’s okay, you can stay”, he said gently and let go of the man’s hand. Jeno nodded and cleared his throat. 

Renjun slipped the underwear off quickly and it fell to the floor, leaving him naked as he stepped away from it. Jeno averted his eyes but then the two looked at each other and smiled. Renjun lifted the first leg into the water. He placed the second one in with ease and lowered his body. Silently, Jeno reached for a washcloth, dipping it into the water and bringing it up to Renjun’s back, wiping across the skin, mindful not to be too rough against the healing wounds. With his other hand he scooped up more water and ran it across his shoulders. Each time he repeated the action, Renjun was engulfed by warmth. He closed his eyes and felt himself relax, soothed by the comforting movements. He heard Jeno reach for the shampoo bottle next to him, pouring some of the liquid into his hand and running it gently through his hair, massaging his scalp. Renjun let out a small hum. 

“Lean back”, he said quietly and Renjun tilted his head, Jeno pouring more water to rinse his hair. 

He repeated the action until he had washed the shampoo out, Renjun’s hair sticking to his forehead. Jeno brushed it back and reached for the soap, placing it gently into the other’s hand. 

“I’ll leave you to do the rest”, he said and smiled, walking over to where the clean towels hung on the door and fussing with them. 

Once Renjun had cleaned the rest of his body, he stood up from the tub gradually, Jeno taking a towel and wrapping it around the other’s small frame. Renjun was shivering, his wet hair dripping, Jeno took another towel, draped it over his head and dried it gently, pulling it back and laughing at the messiness of Renjun’s hair as it splayed out haphazardly in different directions. 

They walked back out to the bedroom, Renjun sitting with the towel around his shoulders on the end of the bed as Jeno brought over a clean shirt. 

“You can wear this for now”, he said gently as he helped Renjun to change into the fresh shirt. 

“I have some clothes in my room, maybe tomorrow we could go and get them,”, Renjun suggested as he looked back at Jeno. 

“You should bring some spares up here too”, Jeno started but stopped quickly. 

“Would you bring _all_ of your things up here?”, he finished shyly. 

“Huh? Why?”, Renjun replied, confused. 

“Renjun”, Jeno began slowly, “How would you feel about moving in here with me?” He looked at Renjun, the other’s face expressionless. “Not as housekeeper, but as my partner. I’ll take my share of your duties too, we can work together on it from now on.” 

Renjun blinked but said nothing. 

“You can say no”, Jeno rushed nervously, the weight of doubt in his mind. Renjun was still silent and he looked at him worriedly. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m okay”, Renjun nodded slowly, “I’m fine… and yes I will, of course I will Jeno”, he smiled and put a hand on Jeno’s, taking in the warm comfort of it and breathing deeply. “Does that mean you’ll sleep in the bed with me tonight then?”, he grinned as he gestured to the mattress he was sitting on and pulled the other in towards him. 

“Soon”, Jeno breathed, taking Renjun’s face in his hands and sighing. “When you’re okay again, when I know that I wont hurt you.” He looked at the bruises on Renjun’s face. 

Renjun nodded, slightly frustrated but also flattered by Jeno’s gentleness. He flopped down into the blankets and pulled them over him. 

“I’ll get to sleep next to you every night”, he mumbled and smiled through his tiredness. 

Jeno leant down and kissed his lips tenderly. 

“You make me so happy, Jeno” 

“You _are_ my happiness”, Jeno grinned back. “Let me know when you’re ready and I can bring your things up here for you.” 

He nodded happily and yawned “I think I’ll sleep now.” 

“Goodnight”, Jeno whispered and trudged over to the couch, taking his place there as usual. 

His slumber was disturbed by distressed noises coming from across the room. 

He shot up in alarm, but soon realised it was only Renjun and him in the room, the sound coming from the other. Renjun was asleep, but his body was shifting uncomfortably in the huge bed and he was mumbling urgently, pleading into the air around him, begging it to stop, for someone to stop. The cries became more desperate as he fell further into his nightmare, the sound growing louder. Renjun’s breathing was heavy as he woke up and panted. 

“Jeno”, he called out softly, sounding as though he were on the edge of tears. 

Jeno didn’t hesitate, getting up from the couch and stumbling through the darkness to the side of the bed that Renjun lay on. He could make out the face of the other as he looked up at him, eyes glossy with pained tears. 

“Please hold me Jeno”, Renjun whimpered. “It won’t hurt.” 

He shuffled backwards and Jeno climbed in next to him. The smaller turned onto his side, and Jeno wrapped his arms around him, chest against the other’s back. 

“It’s okay baby, I’m here”, he soothed. 

Jeno could still feel the other’s erratic heartbeat as his body trembled, but decided not to question it, he already knew what the nightmare had been about. He held him close, running his hand along the other’s arm and burying his head into his neck. They remained like that, their legs intertwined naturally, as Renjun’s frantic breath became soft and steady once more. 

xxx

“I’ll see you both later then, don’t sell everything too quickly,” Jaemin smiled, brushing the creases out of his trousers and straightening his collar, “I have a few people to catch up with”. He winked at the boys affectionately as they diverted their attention to the growing crowd of eager customers that had gathered around them. 

_ “How can I help you?” _

Jisung could hear the confident voice of his best friend as he spoke to another customer. It had been a week since they were here last and although he was much quieter and less outgoing than Chenle with those he served, Jisung was glad to be back. They’d dressed up smart this time, plain white shirts, brown trousers and black boots. Jisung’s trousers were loose around his waist and held up with braces, a small scarf tied sweetly around his neck. Their stall was just as popular as last week and many of the same customers had been back to buy from them. There were some new faces though, like the woman that Chenle was talking to now, bargaining with, she hadn’t been here the last time and Jisung observed her carefully. 

“Yes, and some of those too”, the women laughed lightly as she smiled and pointed at the carrots laid out on the table. 

Chenle concentrated and placed them in a paper bag. 

“Is that everything?”, he ventured, and she nodded, distracted as she glanced around the market square anxiously. 

“Mina?”, she called out, and Jisung watched as a figure turned around from another one of the stalls, grinning at the woman. The young girl skipped up to her, focusing quickly as she peered with wide eyes at the fruit and vegetables. 

“Don’t keep wandering off”, the woman spoke. 

The girl wore a blue summer dress and looked a similar age to them, her black hair tied with a ribbon in a neat pony tail that reached her shoulders. Her eyes were wide and curious and Jisung was struck by the foreign sensation of his breath catching in his throat as he searched for words. He felt his cheeks become hot as he looked at her shyly. She scanned the table with her eyes, stopping on the punnets of strawberries that he had put together that morning. Her gaze lingered there for a moment before she looked up, catching Jisung’s eye and he looked away at the floor in embarrassment. A few seconds later, he looked up again and found her observing him curiously. She looked down at the floor quickly and then back up to him, smiling. Jisung couldn’t help the grin that formed across his own lips as he felt himself blush a bright shade of pink. The girl let out a loud snort of uncontrollable laughter. 

_ “Mina!” _, her mother said disapprovingly, horrified by the sound that had just come out of her daughter’s mouth and Jisung tried his best to suppress his laughter. 

“I’m sorry mother”, she said but couldn’t help smiling when she glanced at Jisung again. 

Her mother handed the money to Chenle and he took it gratefully, turning to give it to Jisung and catching the other’s lovestruck expression. He eyed him curiously before politely turning back and smiling. 

“The strawberries look so good, can we get some?”, the girl said eagerly as she looked up at her mother. 

“I’m sorry darling, we can’t afford them this week.” 

The girl looked slightly dejected but masked it with a large smile. “Oh, okay.” 

“Maybe we could get them next week”, the woman continued, turning back to Chenle. “Will you two be here then? If you have strawberries again, please leave some aside, we’ll buy them from you.” 

“We’ll be here”, Jisung chirped quickly and then hesitated, “we’re here every week from now.” 

“Well, see you both next week then”, she smiled and went to take the girl’s hand and turn around. 

“Wait- “ 

It was Jisung’s voice again and the two glanced around quickly. He reached for one of the strawberries and picked it up, holding it out in the direction of the girl and smiling. 

“Here”, he mumbled as the other took it tentatively, Chenle watching in disbelief. 

“Thank you”, she smiled shyly. 

“Come on Mina, we’d better be off.” 

The girl nodded and in seconds they were gone, Jisung slightly dazed and staring at the space where the girl had been. 

_ “Mina” _, he whispered, letting the word linger on his lips quietly. 

Across the square, Jaemin made his way to the busy tavern just off the main street. The regulars here knew everyone’s business and would surely have noticed an outsider passing through. 

He peered through the etched glass of the ornate door before shoving it open and glancing around the room. 

“Jaemin!” the bartender called cheerfully as he pulled a draught beer, not looking at the waiting customer as he slammed it on the bar. “Haven’t seen you in here for a while, where have you been?” 

“Been a bit busy at the big house recently, not been out much,” Jaemin replied, flashing a smile at the man. 

“Well it’s good to see you again, what’ll you have?” 

“Just a beer, thanks.” 

“Coming up,” the bartender quipped as he grabbed a glass and pulled the pump handle down in a smooth motion. 

“So, what’s the news?” Jaemin asked, sipping the ale that was handed to him. 

“Usual stuff, you know. How’s that young Master of yours, the Lee boy? Folks are making up all sorts of stories, not seeing him for so long...” 

“He’s fine,” Jaemin laughed “In fact he’s doing really well. I think he may have finally let go of the past a little and found a new focus in life.” 

“Oh really? What’s tha- “ 

“I need to ask you something,” Jaemin cut in. “I’m looking for someone.” 

“It’s about time, my friend,” the bartender grinned knowingly, “Fine young man like yourself shouldn’t be on his own, who’s the lucky person?” 

“No, no, no,” Jaemin raised his palms in denial of the suggestion, shaking his head and frowning at the other. “Nothing like that. I just wondered if you’d seen a new face in here over the last few weeks, maybe someone passing through? He could be trouble, I need to find him.” 

“Oh? Is it serious?, I don’t want any trouble here, what’s he done?” 

“Can you try to remember?” Jaemin asked, ignoring the other’s question. “He’s tall and well built, dark hair, slicked back. Expensive looking clothes and an air of entitlement. Possibly bruising on his face, perhaps a broken nose.” 

The bartender inhaled sharply through his teeth and bent forward, a hand still leaning on the pump handle. 

“There was this one gentleman, proper bashed up he was, came in a few weeks back looking for a room. He stayed three days I think, would sit in the corner over there,” he gestured casually. “Every evening, knocking back the whisky, he had expensive taste, but I wasn’t complaining taking his money off him.” 

“Where did he go?” Jaemin interrupted. 

“Didn’t say, just asked me to hold the room for him for when he was back in town.” 

Jaemin froze and stared back at the bartender. 

“When is he coming back?” 

“No idea. But he left a stack of notes as a holding deposit, so I guess he meant it.” 

Jaemin downed the last of his beer in one swift move and left the empty glass on the bar. “Thank you,” he said and leaned in towards the other, “If he returns, please send word up to the castle immediately.” 

“I will, of course,” the bartender nodded, slightly confused, as Jaemin turned sharply towards the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing okay and the noren fluff is sufficing hehe!! Anyway noren's relationship is getting back on track and i'm honestly so excited to share the next few chapters with you guys as they take the path to healing together :) I really like interacting with you guys! Thank you for all the support you've given me aaaa!!  
twitter: @renjunfairydust


	19. Big dreams

The day Jaemin found out about Jaesuk, was the day he found himself alone in a room with Renjun for the first time since the incident. 

The bedroom door had been left open, Jaemin smiling awkwardly when he noticed only Renjun, quietly reading on the bed and swinging his legs gently as they hung over the edge. He looked up from the pages. 

“Oh, hey Jaemin”, he said in surprise. 

It was a welcome interruption in the confines of Jeno’s bedroom. He loved the time he spent with Jeno; the laughter, the kisses and the soft caresses and he had expected the knock on the door to be followed by the familiar eye-smile, but it wasn’t. 

“Hey”, Jaemin replied, “I was just looking for Jeno”. 

“He’s with Onyx right now, you can wait here if you want, he should be back soon”, Renjun said and beckoned Jaemin to the space next to him on the bed. 

Jaemin looked hesitant. “Is it alright if I stay? I’m not interrupting you am I?” 

Renjun put the book down, shuffled to the side of the bed, and Jaemin flashed him a short smile as he joined him, tapping his knees with his fingers while the other sat perfectly still next to him. They waited for conversation to flow naturally. The silence dragged on and Renjun could feel the tension in the air. It was Jaemin that finally broke it. 

“How are you feeling?”, he asked, fiddling with his shirt sleeve between his thumb and forefinger, not turning to look at Renjun. 

“I’m a lot better. Jeno took the bandages off”, Renjun spoke softly, “I can walk again now too”, he added. 

It was Renjun’s calm that shook Jaemin’s core; the spirit and the gentleness that brought him into a realm of sincerity. Renjun was what he wished he could be, he was strong, but he failed to see it himself. 

“I’m so sorry”, he said in a low tone. It was short and clipped, coming out in a choked whisper. “For everything that’s happened to you.” 

“Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault at all”, Renjun said incredulously as he noticed the deep sadness in the man’s eyes. “It’s not your fault”, he repeated in an attempt to absolve the other, but his face was still sad, as though he was suddenly laying his soul out in front of him. 

“I’m sorry because”, Jaemin’s eyes met Renjun’s, “I feel so stupid, I’ve been wrapped up in my own thoughts. I couldn’t even see what was happening to you, right in front of my eyes.” He paused before speaking again. “I wanted to apologise for something else too, I’m sorry if I was off with you”. He looked at his hands, clasped them together nervously in his lap, “I had some things to work out in my head and I thought the best way to deal with them was to distance myself from everyone.” He shook his head as he looked up. “It wasn’t.” 

“Oh…”, Renjun trailed off, he didn’t know what to say. “Is it anything I can help you with?” 

“No”, Jaemin sighed, “It’s fine now”. He didn’t offer anything else, he didn’t need to, it wasn’t something that Renjun needed to know. He was happy now and so was Jeno. Jaemin was not going to throw in some truths for the benefit of his own catharsis. 

“Jaemin, if you ever need to talk.” 

“Thanks, you too, right?” he replied, throwing the other a knowing look, “I really wish you’d said something earlier.” 

“I couldn’t tell anyone about it,” Renjun murmured quietly, “he said he was going to hurt Jeno, I believed him.” 

Jaemin nodded slowly. 

“I wanted to say, too, I’m okay with you and Jeno”, Renjun felt his breath hitch slightly but he relaxed when he saw Jaemin smiling at him, the sadness in his eyes replaced by compassion. 

“Oh Renjun”, Jaemin put a gentle arm on the smaller’s shoulder. “You really love him don’t you?” 

“I do”, Renjun nodded immediately but, glancing at Jaemin with wide eyes. “How long did you know?” 

“For a while”, Jaemin breathed. “Jeno’s my best friend, he tells me most things, he can’t keep secrets. I think this one took him the longest though”, he flashed a smile before his face fell slightly again and he stopped, as though the words pained him. “Please take care of him. He’s never had his heart broken before. I know he thinks the world of you, all he wants to do is look after you. Please take care of him too Renjun.” 

Renjun hadn’t thought much about it, but now that Jaemin was here, it struck him just how close the two were, how strong their bond was. After all, Jeno had grown up with Jaemin since they were children, they were raised together. It had been Jeno that saved Jaemin from the fire and the other that nursed him back to health. He looked up at Jaemin and smiled as though to reassure him. 

“I love him. If he trusts me with his heart, I’ll protect it”, Renjun said softly. “I promise.” 

“I know you will”, Jaemin replied and patted Renjun’s shoulder. 

“I’m glad you’re here”, Renjun murmured. “Since my first day you’ve helped me, and when you bandaged my hands, you’ve always been so nice. How do you do it?” 

“I’m always the nice guy”, Jaemin laughed as he took his hand off Renjun’s shoulder. “I’ll take that as a compliment.” 

“It was just you and Jeno here for so long, you must know him so well”, Renjun spoke. 

“He’s always just been Jeno, you know, quite uncomplicated once you look under the surface. He puts on a front, but it’s just him protecting himself. All the anger and secrecy when you first arrived was part of it, the way he protects himself by closing off. Underneath it, he’s not that complicated at all”, Jaemin said. 

“Yeah”, Renjun sighed in agreement. “Sounds about right.” 

“He hasn’t changed since we were younger, he’s got all the same habits. You know, leaving his laundry all over the floor, talking to Onyx.” 

“Yeah, I’ve seen him do that”, Renjun said through a small laugh. 

“I think he tells him everything, more than he tells me anyway.” 

“Everything?”, Renjun chanted, blushing as he lowered his gaze to the floor. 

Jaemin let out a snort of laughter. “Well, maybe not everything”, he grinned as he gave Renjun a friendly shove. Renjun smiled as the two continued their soft laughter until the door opened and Jeno stood perplexed, still dressed in his riding gear. The two looked at each other and dissolved into a fresh fit of laughter. They beamed at Jeno innocently. The other was glad to see them together, but the silence made him raise an eyebrow in suspicion, glancing down at himself to see if there was something wrong, that he was properly dressed at least. 

“What?”, Jeno said as he laughed nervously. 

“Nothing”, Renjun giggled, Jeno now standing in front of them both, his riding crop discarded carelessly on the dresser. 

“Really?”, Jeno said with more suspicion lacing his voice. 

“I was just looking for you, but we were having a catch up while you were busy”, Jaemin said, both still trying to stifle their laughter. 

“How’s Onyx?”, Renjun asked quickly, a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

“He’s okay, I think he’s really desperate to go out more, he was restless when I went in, so I took him to the lake.” 

“The lake”, Renjun repeated. “You’ll have to take him for a longer ride next time.” He watched as Jeno sunk down next to them on the bed and nodded, leaning to pull off his boots, breath still heavy. 

“Did you say you were looking for me?”, he questioned as he peered past Renjun to Jaemin. 

“It can wait till later, can I talk to you then? I’ll give you two some space now”, Jaemin coughed awkwardly as he got up. 

“Of course.” 

Jaemin smiled, his heart still bearing the weight of Jaesuk but lighter now he had reconciled with Renjun. 

Once Jaemin had left the room, Renjun turned to Jeno and held his fingers softly, playing with them. “I want to see the lake”, he whined. 

Jeno laughed at Renjun’s endearing demands, lacing their fingers together. “I’ll take you there soon,” he said, leaning in to give a quick kiss to his lips. “You look so cute in my shirt”, he whispered, stroking his hand lightly over the sleeve which hung from Renjun’s small frame. “But I should get your things for you”. 

“It’s a bit big on me”, Renjun laughed as he waved his arms up, the sleeves flapping slightly where his fingers poked out from the open cuffs. 

“I like it”, Jeno murmured as he placed his hands on either side of Renjun’s face and kissed his lips again, palms brushing the other’s jaw. “But you’ll probably be more comfortable in your own clothes. I’ll go down now”, he said matter of factly and stood up. 

Renjun found himself smiling. 

“What?”, Jeno said, still confused. “Renjun, you’re making no sense today”. 

“Nothing”, Renjun replied coyly, taking Jeno’s hand into his own. “It’s just that, when I first came here you hid yourself away and now you’re running around after me”. He moved Jeno’s hands to his face and brushed his lips softly across the tops of his fingers. “Thank you.” 

The other leant and placed a kiss on Renjun’s forehead before heading towards the door. On the last step he turned abruptly and bounded back to him, landing another kiss against the softness of his lips, smiling against them as he always did, the way that Renjun liked it. 

“Go”, he laughed, pushing Jeno back towards the door gently. 

xxx

Jeno managed to slip along the corridors to Renjun’s room in the servants’ quarters without being noticed. He stood now in the cold of the room, a stark contrast to the grandness of his own. He thought how lonely it was down here, how empty. Entering before, the warmth of Renjun’s presence had radiated and blinded him from seeing the truly dismal outlook of it and a streak of sadness struck him as he realised the conditions that his love had had to bear. Jeno knew that Renjun had spent most of his life in the misery of loneliness. This room was lonely. He looked around, it was virtually empty, except for the chest of drawers and wardrobe that Renjun’s sparse amount of clothing had been folded neatly into. Jeno set the empty box he had brought down on the bed and began to collect the possessions up. 

_Four shirts, three pairs of trousers, one pair of shoes, pyjamas, socks, his underwear. _ It barely filled the box to halfway. 

He opened another drawer. He found only books, some from the library and a few that he had never seen before. Renjun must have brought them with him when he arrived. He took them and walked towards the box on the bed. 

As he placed them down, the book on the top of the stack slipped and fell to the ground, its pages fluttering open and a small piece of paper floating to the cold floor of the room. He peered at it curiously as he knelt to pick it up. 

_The woman in the photograph was small, and beside her stood an even smaller figure. They were in a garden, with flowers of all kinds, framing the two beautifully. The boy wore a toothy grin as he looked at the camera, his eyes narrowing as he smiled with joy. The resemblance between Renjun and his mother was striking, her eyes were bright and glittering, she wore the same expression as him, face turned up into a smile as she held onto the other’s arms protectively. The paper was torn down one side, half of it missing. _

It struck in Jeno’s heart painfully when he realised what must have been there. 

He shook his head, picking up the fallen book and clutching the photo in his hand. He sighed and lifted the box, making his way out of the now completely bare room and down the corridor. Jeno entered the main hallway, tensing when he felt a hand on his arm stop him. 

He tried to smile at Jaemin but the other shook his head quickly to dismiss it, looking around to check the two were alone. 

“I went into town this morning”, he began. “I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you sooner but Renjun was there and I panicked because I needed to tell you first.” 

“What is it?”, Jeno questioned, anxiety rising. He watched as Jaemin sighed and looked him in the eyes. 

“Jaesuk’s been seen. I asked at the tavern and he stayed there for three nights. I can’t be sure, but Jeno it really sounded like it was him. He left a cash deposit and, he told them to hold the room until he was back. “ 

Jaemin was interrupted by the sound of the box on the floor and Jeno placing a hand on his shoulder resolutely. 

“He’s still around, we need to be careful”, Jaemin whispered. 

“I know, I never thought he would just go”, Jeno replied. “There’s too much unfinished for him here, and my uncle too. The castle, but now Renjun’s involved…”, he trailed off. “I can see it behind his eyes, he’s scared but he’s pretending not to be. I’ll tell him what you said, he needs to know to protect himself.” 

Jaemin straightened his back. “I didn’t know how to tell you, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, thank you.” 

“What are you doing with all that stuff anyway?”, Jaemin asked. 

“I was just taking it up to my room, Renjun’s going to need it”, Jeno replied as he hoisted the heavy box back into his grip uncertainly. 

Jaemin stared at him and after a few moments of silence, raised an eyebrow and smiled knowingly. 

“Okay”, Jeno surrendered “I asked Renjun to move in with me.” 

“And he said yes?” 

Jeno nodded. 

“Of course, he did”, Jaemin grinned again, walking up to Jeno and ruffling his hair. 

“Young love”, he mocked. 

xxx

Jeno set the box down on his bed, Renjun smiling and he tried to reciprocate it weakly. Renjun’s smile faltered when he noticed, and he searched the other’s face for the source of his pain. 

“There’s space in the drawers over there and some room in the wardrobe for you to hang your shirts”, Jeno tried to sound cheerful, avoiding eye contact. 

“Thank you”, Renjun said as he climbed towards the box but stopped himself. “Jeno, look at me”, he implored nervously and when the other did he saw how the man’s eyes were laced with secrecy. “What’s wrong?” 

Renjun took his hand carefully. “You’re not good at hiding things, please tell me.” 

“Jaemin went into town and, I’m sorry, he just told me, but I couldn’t keep it from you. Jaesuk’s been seen there”. 

Renjun’s grip on his hand tightened, trying to process the information he had just been given. He nodded sharply, a bit too fast, fear in his eyes. 

“It was last week, he’s gone now but it looks like he’s coming back. I don’t know if this is about me or the castle, or” a look of disgust crossed his face, “you.” 

“I don’t know what he’s planning but we need to be careful. I just don’t want him anywhere near you”, Jeno said cautiously and sat down on the bed. Renjun nodded and scrunched the end of Jeno’s shirt tightly in his hand before letting out a sigh. 

“Okay”, he breathed, calming himself down. In the next second he felt the warmth of Jeno’s arm snake around his shoulder and pull him in towards his chest. He didn’t feel so alone anymore. 

“I don’t want you to get hurt again”, Jeno whispered against the softness of Renjun’s hair. 

Renjun wrapped his arms around Jeno’s waist, his cheek resting on the other’s shoulder, sighing against it. “I’ll be careful”, he replied. 

“I’ll put my stuff away” Renjun said finally, reaching for the box. “It won’t take long. I left in a bit of a hurry.” He took the clothes out and placed them into the drawers Jeno had offered him, his fingertips soon brushing over the pyjamas that he hadn’t worn in so long. As much as he didn’t want to admit it to the other, he had been enjoying acquainting himself with Jeno’s clothing over the past few weeks. 

“Can I keep this on a little longer?”, he said with a grin as he grabbed the collar of the oversized shirt and rubbed it across his cheek fondly. 

“As long as you want”, Jeno chuckled, reaching over to the box to help unpack. His hand landed on the photograph of Renjun and his mother and he saw the pain flash across the other’s face. 

“I’m sorry”, he muttered, handing the tattered picture to him. He watched Renjun trace the details of the photo with his eyes and then run his thumb over his mother’s face tenderly. 

“You were right, you look just like her.” 

Renjun looked at Jeno and smiled silently, he could finally face it again, the emptiness, his mother. 

“I remember that day, it was my eighth birthday and she said she wanted to do something special for me, so we made a den in our garden and sat in it and she told me to pretend it was somewhere else, that we had enough money to go there. It was the best birthday I’ve ever had. My grandmother took this photo. She insisted that my father was in it too, that’s why it’s torn. It’s the only photo I have now, my father burnt all the rest when she died, said he didn’t want to be reminded of her, but I did, I wanted to remember her every day, everything good about her, it was the only thing that kept me going. I wanted to save every piece but the only thing I had was this,” Renjun paused as he looked around at the things he had placed in the room, the clothes and the books and the shoes he had set down by the door. Jeno smiled at him and it felt like he had come to the place that he belonged, that Jeno had made a home for him. 

“I’m not going to be in your way am I, Jeno?”, Renjun asked anxiously. The smile on Jeno’s face was welcoming as he shook his head. 

“Absolutely not”, he said as he wrapped his arms around Renjun’s waist and pulled him in to fill the space between their bodies with warmth. 

“It’s just…”, Renjun started as he went to kiss Jeno’s lips shyly, noses pressed together, lips on Jeno’s, a true taste of the intimacy he had been missing with the other. “You’ve been on your own for so long, I didn’t know whether I was intruding.” 

Jeno shook his head into the crook of Renjun’s neck and whispered against it. “I want to share it with you.” 

Renjun took the photograph and placed it on the nightstand next to the bed. His mother’s warm smile shone up at him and he knew she was giving him her blessing. 

xxx

“Mina, Mina, Mina”, Chenle paused for a moment. _ “Mina” _, he chanted again and swung the kitchen door open as Jisung froze in the doorway and glared at him. His eyes darkened as he grabbed his best friend and held him in a headlock. 

“Stop going on about it”, Jisung threatened. Despite his obvious fascination with the girl it was all still fresh, he was sensitive and didn’t want to be teased about it so much. 

“Why are you both so noisy?”, Donghyuck groaned and turned to look at the scene before him, Mark’s head also rising from the pages of the newspaper he was flicking through at the kitchen table. 

“He won’t stop going on about Mina”, Chenle said as Jisung let go of him and pushed him away. 

“I’m not going on about her”, Jisung said and rolled his eyes playfully, unable to stay annoyed at the other. 

“Mina?”, Mark questioned. 

“Jisung met a _girl_”, Chenle said, accentuating the last part of his sentence and earning another small shove from Jisung. “Jisung is in _love_”, he taunted. 

“I am not”, the other shot back as a deep blush rose on his face. 

Donghyuck glanced at Mark quickly and shot him a helpless look, putting down the kitchen knife in his hand and coming to sit next to his boyfriend. 

“Tell me more”, Donghyuck said as he sat and nodded for Jisung and Chenle to take the seat opposite. 

“Her name is Mina”, Jisung mumbled. 

“Well I’d gathered that much”, Donghyuck laughed. 

“She likes strawberries”, he continued. 

“He gives away our things to her for free”, Chenle protested. 

“It was only one and anyway, she couldn’t afford it, so I wanted to”, Jisung pouted. 

“You really liked her? Does she like you too?”, Donghyuck said, not joking anymore as he faced Jisung and smiled. When the boy didn’t respond, he grinned knowingly. “I’ll take that as a yes then”. 

“She was funny, and she had a blue ribbon in her hair, and she smiled at me and she asked me to bring her strawberries next week- “ 

“She actually only said ‘thank you’ to you” Chenle corrected. 

“She laughed at me”, Jisung added. 

_ “She laughed at you?” _ Mark repeated. 

“We sort of laughed together.” 

Mark frowned and brought his palm to his forehead. “We need to work on this.” 

“I need to go and water the strawberry plants,” Jisung stood up quickly. 

“Sit down,” Donghyuck ordered. 

“Actually, her _mother_ asked you to bring strawberries”, Chenle interrupted with a snort. 

“Don’t push it,” Mark snapped and looked to Donghyuck who now had his head in his hands. 

“Jisung,” Mark continued, more gently, “Calm down, you’ll scare the poor girl off if you’re like this. The strawberry plants will be fine until next week. Try to get to know her a bit next time, what she likes to do, that sort of thing. See what happens from there.” 

Jisung stood up again and looked agitated, “Okay, but I really think I should go and check on the strawberry plants now,” he gushed as he sprang across the kitchen towards the back door, glancing back over his shoulder, “Thanks for the advice, Mark”. And he was gone. 

The three of them sat shellshocked at the kitchen table until Donghyuck broke the silence. 

“Well this is new.” 

xxx

To Renjun, freedom had always been in the autonomy of movement, in the strokes of his ballet, the spring of his step as his legs glided across the dance floor. He’d spent too much of his life confined to the basement and the freshness of the outdoors now was his escape, his solace. The last few weeks had reminded him of everything he had gained, the freedoms granted by fate only to be taken away from him in an instant. There were no lights in the basement. There were no lights in the castle grounds, yet the darkness of the evening silhouetted Jeno’s face beautifully against the sky and instantly, the meaning of darkness was reborn to Renjun as he watched the moon’s glow on his cheeks. 

He took Jeno’s hand and he was free again. 

The sun set around them, the sky on fire, the trees ablaze, the landscape burning like their love. Jeno had taken Renjun to places in the grounds he had never been before tonight. He didn’t know whether it was an accident or not, but he guessed when Jeno froze, that it must have been. 

_Large, broken stone, burnt ashes, cinders on the ground. A fallen masterpiece wrecked by flames. There was something sublime about it, the vast hollow crevices, awe striking but terrifying. _

“The west wing”, Jeno breathed. 

The windows were boarded up and the glass was smashed, shattered into fragments of what was once beautiful, a moment in time stood still. Nothing in, nothing out, a trapped artefact left to rot. Renjun wanted to ask Jeno why, why it had been left, destroyed, but he already knew the answer, and it struck him then just how powerless the other was against his uncle. He had almost as little power as Renjun and they were both clinging to the edge of a rock together, a rock that could throw them off at any second, suffocating as they beat against the tyranny of the storm that roused them. 

“Come on”, Renjun pulled him in another direction. _There were too many ghosts here. _ At least if they were going to pretend, they could pretend together. Renjun was good at that, pretending. Distracting himself from any reality that crumbled around him, it was how he protected himself. He tried to do it again then. 

It was short lived. 

_The rose garden_. It’s walls and its colours that Renjun cherished so deeply, all in front of him as he turned another unknown corner in the darkness. The sunset burned even brighter now, blazed in the sky, and Jeno felt Renjun’s grip on his hand tighten. Renjun stopped, still at the entrance and his hand trembling as he remembered. He couldn’t forget, he had never forgotten, just pretended. Everything was closing in on him, the walls of the garden, the beating of his heart, Jeno’s palm against his. 

_He thought he was strong. _

Renjun pictured the other version of himself, the child learning ballet, practising as the hours went by, making his mother proud, hiding from his father. 

_Left foot in front of the right. _

_One arm curved out in front of the other. _

_Straight back, don’t fall. _

He’d fallen for Jeno. 

_Breathe in._

He was drowning. 

_Bent knees, leaping into the form of a pirouette. _

He’d taken the dive for a life with Jeno, he’d always take the dive for him, wherever Jeno went, he knew he would go there too. 

In ballet, he was in control, the precision of his footwork a distraction from the direness of life. He danced and he controlled it. One day he’d get back that control, one day, Renjun would be able to dance like that again. It became clear to him then, that he wasn’t free, held back by trauma, but he was trying. 

The evening breeze swept his hair across his forehead and Renjun closed his eyes. The air smelt like driftwood and vanilla, the midsummer, and the tinges of autumn that dared to tear the leaves from the trees, it brought him back to reality. 

“I can’t Jeno, I’m sorry” he whispered. 

The rose garden was theirs, that’s what they had both said, but now it felt like it belonged to someone else, anyone else. It was right in front of them, but it had never been so far away, years of sadness repressed behind those walls, and until Renjun could face them, he wouldn’t be free. He felt Jeno’s gaze on the side of his face, and then sadness, both of them were sad. He didn’t hear Jeno’s reply over the volume of his thoughts but registered the hand that guided him away. Jeno stopped beside a tree, the grass under their feet a contrast to the concrete entrance to the roses. Jeno’s warm hands were on his face, holding his cheeks, stroking his jaw, smiling sadly but with the glimmers of endless hope. 

“It’s okay, everything’s okay”, Jeno mumbled into a soft kiss and Renjun believed him for a second, kissing Jeno back with all the strength he felt that he didn’t have. 

Jeno’s gaze lingered on his face as he slipped off the jacket he was wearing and laid it out on the dewy grass, taking Renjun’s hand again and pulling him down so they could watch the colours of the sunset as it disappeared behind the clouds. 

“You’ll be cold”, Renjun said as he reached out to stroke the nakedness of Jeno’s forearm. 

“I’ll be fine”, Jeno chuckled, body impossibly close to Renjun’s, he could feel the heat of the other against his skin and the ache of affection in his heart as it warmed him from the inside out, the chill less important than having Renjun beside him. 

As Renjun looked at Jeno and then the sun setting across the sky, he was reminded again of his past. He didn’t think about his life before Jeno much anymore but seeing the photograph today, he couldn’t help but remember. Everything was still in that photo, it was a shell, the shell of a boy with hopes and dreams, a boy who loved his mother, who hated his father and wanted to be free. 

“I never thought my life would take me here”, Renjun cut through the silence. “To be a housekeeper. I wanted to be a teacher, that’s what I would always say, the arts, literature and dance and drama. That was my dream, to teach people about the beauty of those things.” Renjun hesitated before speaking again. “My father destroyed all of it with everything else I wanted in life. Taking this job was an escape from it all, it was my last chance at doing something, proving to him that I could survive on my own. I was lucky to be taken on with no experience.” 

“Jaemin must have liked you a lot”, Jeno joked sadly, the guilt eating away at him and Renjun sensed it. He felt like he was partly to blame for destroying the dream. Renjun was meant to be his housekeeper, none of that mattered to him anymore, the world had already crumbled around them. 

“Jeno, I’m glad I found my way to you.” 

The vastness of the orange sunset was finally falling past the clouds, into the horizon, Jeno burning along with it, the shadows of the sun faded on his face, the fire he hated so much, Renjun thought it made him look stunning. A light in his darkness, a hazy piece of art in the dimming colours. 

“I’m glad you ended up here with me, but you had dreams Renjun, and you had to lose them along the way”, Jeno whispered. 

When the stars started to appear, Renjun found himself laying in the grass with Jeno, their bodies entangled, neither knowing where one began or the other ended, where their emotions could be separated. Jeno pointed at one of the constellations in the sky. 

“These are your dreams”, he said, his fingers tracing each of the stars in the patterned set and he felt Renjun lay a hand across his gently, reaching for the first one together. “Which one is this?”, he asked. 

“Literature”, Renjun giggled softly. 

Their fingertips grazed the next star. 

“And this?” 

“Ballet.” 

“What about that one?” 

“Happiness”, Renjun replied honestly as Jeno turned to him. 

“They’re in your eyes Renjun”, Jeno remembered them from the night they had first kissed. “They’re still in you. Don’t let them go, You can get to them because you’re strong.” 

She had told him that too. His mother had said he was strong, that he could do anything. He didn’t feel strong. He didn’t feel it the first time his father had hit him, or the first time he had hit her. He didn’t feel strong when his father had thrown them both out of the house because he couldn’t bear the sight of his own son’s face, she’d taken him to sit by the river and he had cried in her arms. When his ballet shoes were burnt, the closest thing he still had left to her. He’d never stopped feeling weak even though he always tried to fight against it, tried to fight his father, and Jaesuk, he didn’t feel strong at all. Now he had Jeno, a dream of his own, a new dream, one he could hold in his arms, and even if he wasn’t strong he would pretend to be so that he could at least feel like he could dream again. 

The two lay on the cold ground, their faces close, their heartbeats even closer. Jeno blinked once, a warm smile, one that made his eyes scrunch up into tiny crescents, like the moon. If Jeno was the moon, then Renjun was the night sky, his face outlined against the stars. Their lips met as they had done so many times before, an eclipse, natural and comforting, Renjun’s hand on Jeno’s jaw, guiding their movements carefully. He was leading, Jeno pliant underneath his touch as his eyelashes fluttered against Renjun’s cheeks, lips soft and wet on his in a tide of unrestrained emotion as Renjun slipped his tongue carelessly into Jeno’s mouth, whimpering quietly. He pulled away, marked the crease of Jeno’s brow, trailed down the dip in his temple, the mole just below his right eye. 

There were times when Renjun felt like his life was unfair, a lot of things in his life had never been fair. Nothing was stable, no constants, but looking into Jeno’s eyes, he felt himself plummet. He was an artist, his heart was his canvas. He painted it with the colours of his dreams, the shades of pains and the curves of his ambitions. Jeno would keep it safe. 

As Jeno moved down to pepper kisses along Renjun’s neck, he felt the breath tickle his skin and in that moment, he didn’t care. His hand under Jeno’s shirt, his fingers dancing across the skin of his stomach, palm holding Jeno’s face. 

Fairness was being in Jeno’s arms, being held by him. Fairness was right now. For once in his life, Renjun could stop being alone. Strength was letting someone in, and each day that passed, he found his heart surrender a little more. He shut his eyes and smiled. 

There were so many things that he wanted to say to Jeno right now. In the end, he settled for ‘I love you’. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i'm back ahhhh! I'm so sorry for how long it's been i'm terrible but life stresses made me get some pretty bad writer's block. I missed posting so much but I think I can finally get back into weekly posting of chapters now - anyway I hope people are still reading and you like this chap <3 The ending scene of it means a lot to me and I cried a lil while writing it 🥺 - kudos + comments are always very appreciated!!  
twitter: renjunfairydust


	20. Fearless

Renjun watched as Jeno pulled the stirrups up from the hay and fixed them onto Onyx’s back gently. He stood at the horse’s side, Renjun in front with Onyx’s nose brushing affectionately against the junction between his shoulders and chest. 

“What’s next?”, Renjun mused. 

Jeno reached down again. “Just the saddle now.” 

Renjun nodded, attention drawn back to Onyx when he felt the animal keen against him. _ “I haven’t seen you in a while, we’re friends now aren’t we?” _, he laughed as he gave him another stroke. 

Jeno’s hands were working expertly as they moved to attach the heavy saddle. He was dressed all in white today, a white shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows, white riding trousers, blond hair framing his face in a way that made his dark eyes shine. The warmth of the morning sunlight filtered through the open end of the stable and created a glow around him, a halo of natural light, one that settled across his face and gave him the angelic aura that struck Renjun so intensely. 

“You won’t have any stirrups”, Jeno said through a small smile. “But I’ll hold onto you, is that alright?” 

“You just can’t keep your hands off me”, Renjun grinned, Jeno feigning a pout and pulling the other in towards him by the back of his neck. 

“You’re so right”, he said as he bent forward and placed a quick kiss on Renjun’s lips. “We can start off walking gently, anything faster than that might get a bit complicated, but we’ll see how it goes.” 

As quickly as it had come, he felt the warmth of Renjun’s lips leave his face when he pulled away and looked at Jeno determinedly, frowning as he scrunched up his nose. 

“Ready?”, Jeno asked. 

“Yeah”, Renjun smiled and Jeno began to lead Onyx out of the stable. The weeks away from the outdoors had made him crave its freedom, and when Jeno had suggested this, he couldn’t help but agree. Still, he followed behind cautiously. As he did, he was unable to tear his eyes away from Jeno’s figure, the man striding with such ease, effortless, with broad shoulders that blocked the light that seeped out from his silhouette. Jeno led them over to a mounting block in the courtyard and stopped. 

“Stand on this.” 

Renjun put one foot onto the block carefully, the other following so he stood above Jeno. He looked down questioningly. 

“What now?”, he laughed. 

“Put your foot here”, Jeno stated gesturing to one of the stirrups. “Then swing this leg round so that you’re sitting, and shuffle forward.” 

Renjun took hold of the saddle so he could manoeuvre his leg into one of the stirrups and swung the other over, sitting upright on the saddle as Jeno held his waist to guide him. 

“It’s pretty high up here.” Renjun laughed cautiously and looked at the ground below. 

“You get used to it”, Jeno replied with a smile. “You okay?” 

“Yeah”, Renjun acknowledged. “How do you get on?” 

“Here.” 

Jeno took the reins again, Onyx matching his movements and following to leave the mounting block, Renjun startled as they moved towards the centre of the courtyard. Still holding the reins, Jeno clasped the front of the saddle and hoisted himself up so he was sitting behind the smaller, feet in the stirrups now and arms secure, Renjun’s warmth against his chest. 

Renjun felt Jeno reach past his waist to pat Onyx’s mane before leaning back up. This time, his attention was focused on Renjun and his hands slid to sit on the smaller’s hips. He leant forward slowly and brushed his parted lips against Renjun’s nape as though to reassure him. Slipping his hands down, he held the front of the saddle with him, still resting his chest protectively against the other’s back. 

“I won’t let you fall”, he whispered against Renjun’s neck and he heard the other let out a low laugh as he nodded his head. 

Jeno tapped Onyx lightly and they began to move, out of the courtyard and through the expanse of the grounds, through the shadows of the trees and towards the shades of the sun that doused them in the brightness of the daylight. Renjun squinted as he glanced at the scenery, there were hills in the distance, large and vast. 

“I go there sometimes”, Jeno said when he noticed Renjun’s fixation. “The view of the castle is amazing. You wanted to go to the lake though, right?”, he spoke quietly into Renjun’s ear. 

Renjun leant back into Jeno’s chest. “I really want to see it.” 

“Then that’s where we’ll go”, Jeno said and shortly after that, Onyx was walking at a steady pace against the soft ground of the wide path. 

“Can we go faster?”, Renjun asked suddenly. 

“Huh?” 

“Can we go faster?”, Renjun laughed. 

“Are you sure about that?” 

Renjun nodded as Jeno shook his head, and before he could say anything else, he felt his breath knocked out of him all at once when their pace quickened. 

“We’ll work together. Here, sit back in my lap, that’s how we’ll do it.” Jeno felt Renjun shift and then the closeness of the other as he moved backwards, into his lap, against his legs, body so close that the man almost caught himself blushing but pushed his thoughts away. There was something so intimate about the action, it was innocent, but it brought his heart beating wildly. 

“If you feel unsafe”, Jeno hesitated. “Or unsteady, hold on here”, he said as he gestured to his legs awkwardly. His arm wound round Renjun’s waist, he could feel the other’s ribs, the curve of his hips. “This doesn’t hurt, does it?” 

“It’s okay”, Renjun murmured. He took a deep breath and shut his eyes, letting the seconds pass as Jeno took the reins into his free hand again. 

“We can’t go into full gallop. That would be impossible with two of us, but we can get some speed up. I need to move with Onyx, and I’ll have to bring you with me in that”, Jeno paused. “We’ll move as one.” He breathed out and pushed down on the stirrups, lifting himself up off the saddle, arms still tight around Renjun. 

“You trust me don’t you?”, Jeno whispered, nose tickled by the messy strands of hair on the back of Renjun’s neck. 

Renjun swallowed and nodded. 

“Then let go of the saddle.” 

He swallowed again; to let go of the saddle, to lose its comfort, the grip of safety. 

“Okay”, he breathed, his hands letting go. The other caught his waist tighter and he relaxed. He felt his body lifted in synchrony with Jeno’s as he was thrown into the air and then brought back down into his lap by the weight of gravity, air knocked out of him each time. 

It was okay. It was more than okay. It was exhilarating, it made him feel something. The power in their movements, the way he worked with Jeno to complete them. The wind that threw his hair back, that grazed his cheeks, flushed them with colour, the sunlight golden on them, he lived for it. It was a taste of true freedom, Jeno’s arms holding him, but defined by the autonomy he had felt so deprived of, pulling at the seams of his consciousness as he was thrown into the air again, he’d never felt so at one with Jeno before. It was that freedom that brought him to the boundaries of his own existence, there were no boundaries in that moment, Jeno’s hold the limit of his thought as he curled further into it. 

He extended his arms and the wind whirled through the gaps between his fingers. 

The only thing that grounded him was Jeno’s arms around his waist. 

He breathed in once, let the air rush against his face as he let go. The freedom helped him, to let go of the pain, the fear, of everything, only focused on the now. The landscape that blurred around him, the up and down of his movements, his heart caved in. He was short of breath, not just because of the air stolen from him, but by the man behind him. Jeno made him feel safe. He could smell the passing freshness of the green around him, the feeling of the sun against his skin, but everything came back to Jeno, everything reminded him of the other. He wanted to give himself to Jeno, no space between them, suffocating, but everything he wanted. He stretched his arms out further, throwing his head back and sighing into the crook of Jeno’s neck. 

“Jeno, this is amazing”, he gasped as the lake came into view in the distance. The bank was shadowed by trees that looked out across the clear water and there were hordes of flowers in the grass, an array of them, wild and overgrown. He smiled as he looked back at Jeno. “I can’t believe we never came here before.” 

“I wanted to show you.” Jeno rested his chin on Renjun’s shoulder. “I didn’t know when the best time would be.” 

“It’s stunning”, Renjun replied as Onyx halted at a clearing in the trees, and he finally slipped out of Jeno’s lap, feeling the rush of adrenalin drain from his body. 

Jeno slid off the horse too, with ease, and turned to Renjun who peered at him as he sat with his hands on the saddle still. 

“How do I get down?”, he said in a small voice. 

“Ah- “, Jeno began, catching onto Renjun’s struggle then. “Well, to start with, I can help you. You need to get both legs over this side”, he remarked and pointed to the right. Renjun followed his instruction and swung his legs across so they dangled off the side of the horse in Jeno’s face and he gripped the saddle uncertainly. Jeno stopped, eyes fixed on Renjun’s flailing as he relished the sight in front of him. 

“Jeno?”, his silence was interrupted by Renjun’s voice. “Some help please”, he said as he turned his head round as far as he could. 

“Sorry, uh, here. I was just enjoying the view”, Jeno grinned as he snapped out of his trance, hands holding Renjun’s waist carefully and pulling him down. 

“Thanks.” Renjun hit Jeno playfully on the shoulder for his remark but was soon caught when the other wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a hug, burying his head into Renjun’s shoulder. 

“Sorry”, he mumbled teasingly against his collarbone and brushed across it. 

“Don’t you need to put Onyx somewhere?”, Renjun frowned as he wriggled out of Jeno’s grip. 

“He’ll be alright, he doesn’t wander far from here, he knows who feeds him”, Jeno chuckled. 

Renjun smiled at Onyx and then Jeno. “Let’s go up to the edge”, he said as he took Jeno’s hand and pulled him towards where the banks of grass met the lake. Jeno stood silently behind him, eyes torn between the magnificent view and the nape of Renjun’s neck. 

“I used to come here all the time, but I stopped. There was only once recently, just after you arrived, and we met in the courtyard. I came here then because I needed to let everything out. It was the first time I’d cried in so long.” Jeno looked out across the water. 

“I sometimes wish everything here didn’t remind me of my family”, Jeno admitted. “But we’d come here so often when I was a child. That’s why I would always be here after it happened, because it made me feel close to them, it felt like an escape.” 

Renjun was quiet still, but when he looked at Jeno’s face, from the crinkle of his brow, to the shine across his eyes, he saw pain. It was a deep sort of pain, one that he could see consuming him from the inside all at once, and then a deep ache graced his own heart as he realised just how much the other hurt. He took Jeno’s hand and squeezed it gently. He had been so bound up by his own grief, by everything that had happened, that he’d almost forgotten the other was suffering too. It hurt him to know that and then he understood why Jeno liked it here. It was quiet. Not just quiet, there was something else, an almost silence that he thought might even be able to calm the loudness of his own mind, silence that caressed his skin, it was just the two of them. He turned to face the water again, standing in front of Jeno as he pulled his arms towards him and wrapped them around his own waist, they fitted there naturally. Jeno tucked his chin against Renjun’s shoulder. 

“You must feel some comfort here too though. I feel like I could look out across the lake forever”, Renjun said finally as he leant back against Jeno’s touch. 

When their legs had grown tired, Renjun found himself pulling Jeno towards the bank, a patch of daisies, the two now sitting where they could watch the stillness of the water. Jeno had his legs crossed, Renjun on his stomach, laying in the grass as he played with the flowers. 

“What are you doing?”, Jeno laughed and peered down at the flowers Renjun was weaving together. 

“Making a daisy chain.” 

“You know how to do that?” 

“I learnt when I was younger.” Renjun looked embarrassed but the smile on his face didn’t falter. “Here”, he said as he threaded the final pieces together to form a circle, reaching up to place it on Jeno’s head. “Now it’s a daisy crown, for you”, he added, giggling as the man straightened it on his head and grinned. 

_Now Jeno looked like a king, a beautiful one. He had a castle after all, and the garden was their kingdom. He had Renjun and they had their new life. _

Renjun smiled and Jeno noticed the far off, distant look in his eyes. 

“What are you thinking?”, Jeno whispered. 

“It suits you.” 

Renjun rolled over and before Jeno could respond, he shut his eyes as he was enveloped by the summery heat. He was brought to reality again by the sound of Jeno’s breath as he leant in closer. 

He felt something soft on his face, it was placed there delicately. He opened his eyes, Jeno above him, the daisy crown in his hand now, the remains of it. He watched as Jeno took another one of the small white flowers and set it on his face, his right cheek, over a bruise. He pulled another one then, it covered the fading cut above his eyebrow this time. 

“I have no idea what is going on right now”, Renjun laughed but the other didn’t stop what he was doing. 

“Magic healing daisies”, Jeno mumbled as he scattered the last of the chain across the bruises on Renjun’s face. 

The flowers tickled Renjun, but he didn’t care because Jeno had put them there so tenderly. “You’re so sweet”, he mocked but kissed Jeno softly. 

Jeno shifted then, brushing a daisy off Renjun’s cheek and placing a kiss on the healing skin underneath. He did the same to the cut on his eyebrow, pushing away the daisy, and the one he’d placed by his jaw, and on his forehead, until he had covered all of the fading scars. He moved back to his lips, Renjun unsuspecting as he brushed against them gently. 

“I didn’t have a bruise there”, Renjun whispered in between a kiss. 

“I know.” 

Renjun put his arms around Jeno’s neck, twisted his fingers into the hair at his nape and pulled it gently. Then there were Jeno’s lips, hot against his own. Jeno’s hands had found his face, fingers tracing the skin as their closeness grew. Renjun ruled the kiss, his lips taking in Jeno, and Jeno let Renjun guide it. It was fevered and intense, Renjun’s hands starting to roam Jeno’s torso, down his back, across his shoulders, he needed to take in every part of Jeno and make it his own, mark it in his memory forever, he almost lost himself in the feeling. 

_Almost. _

The second Jeno’s hand went under his shirt and met with the skin of his stomach, he felt his heart begin to beat faster in panic. Jeno’s touch was gentle, but it was a _reminder_. It made him feel like the person he was those weeks ago, and he felt the discomfort rising, trying everything to dismiss it. He whined softly, shifted his position, tried to distract himself, but Jeno’s hand was still there. And that’s what he wanted, but it terrified him. He kissed back harder, tried to stimulate every cell in his body so that maybe he’d forget the panic he was trying to suppress. 

When Jeno’s hand slipped down the back of his trousers, he couldn’t pretend anymore. 

He’d lost every bit of control, more than when he had been in front of the rose garden, and it scared him just how damaged he was, a single loose thread, come undone. 

He shut his eyes. It was an instinct, but he thought maybe it could help him forget. 

_He remembered. _

He cowered further, away from it, frozen. He wanted to cry out for rejecting the touch, laugh until it hurt because he couldn’t bear to be held by the person he loved. The irony crushed him, all he wanted was for Jeno to pull him close, he was broken. 

_The touch was gone. _

“Shit.” 

The voice belonged to Jeno. 

They were both panting, the heat of the moment catching up with them. 

“I’m sorry”, they blurted out at the same time, and Jeno’s head sunk into his hands for a moment before he faced Renjun again. His cheeks were flushed a bright pink, eyes filled with fear as he opened them again hazily. 

“What happened?” 

“I don’t know.” Renjun’s voice was small. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I don’t know”, Renjun replied truthfully for once, not looking at Jeno, he knew he couldn’t face what he would see if he did. He’d lost all the expression in his eyes and what remained was empty and hollow. Jeno’s hands were warm like the summer’s day around them, not ice like Jaesuk’s but the touches became one against his skin, ruled his imagination. He felt the heaviness in his heart as he sat up from the grass. 

“I don’t think I’m as okay as I thought I was”, Renjun said finally. 

“I love you Jeno, and I want you to touch me, I want you to be able to touch me.” He looked at the floor, legs now crossed. 

“I’m scared.” 

Renjun almost stopped breathing as he felt Jeno’s hand on his, the warmth pulling him back into focus and to the kindness of the man’s eyes. He needed to push his barriers down again long enough to let Jeno in, he knew he wanted to. 

“I can touch you.” Jeno’s fingertips ran across Renjun’s forearm. “However, you want me to.” He retracted his hand. 

“You’re in control.” 

Renjun smiled sadly, a hand moving to Jeno’s face tentatively. It rested on one of his cheeks as he stroked the skin there with his thumb. He’d never taken the time until now to appreciate just how soft it was, how perfect it felt against his own roughened hands. He moved to Jeno’s hair next, swept it back with his fingers before it fell across his forehead. Neither of them said anything as Renjun’s hand went lower, down Jeno’s neck to his scar. Jeno’s breathing didn’t waver, he just smiled as though urging Renjun to delve further, to take even more of his soul as he bared it in front of him intimately. He touched the scar lightly then brought his fingers back to Jeno’s face, tracing the outline of his lips. Jeno kissed his fingers one by one. To have Jeno like this, to be able to hold him however he wanted, it was comforting, and if a single touch could make a person fall in love, he felt these would be the ones to do so. There was an unspoken understanding between them in the silence, one that made Renjun feel at ease as his hands roamed Jeno’s skin. 

He was in control. 

Jeno’s breath hitched when Renjun took his wrist, guided his hand to his own face and let it rest on his cheek. He moved it to his collarbone, exposed slightly by the loose sweater, watching as Jeno smiled at him, then trailed it down until he reached the hem. Jeno’s palm was close, he brought it under the fabric, fingertips connecting with the skin of his stomach until Jeno’s palm was flat against it. Jeno didn’t move, he didn’t dare, Renjun had let him in, but when Renjun let go of his hand gently, his head rose up to look at him and he saw the permission in the gesture, the willingness. He moved, stroking from the top of Renjun’s chest to the area above his belt, letting his hand rest there. 

All Renjun’s life, he had been at the mercy of others. Now he had surrendered himself to Jeno. Jeno’s hand was warm, he knew that now. Not just warm from the sun, but warm with kindness, warm as it glided along the softness of his skin, running across his waist and round his back to pull him into a gentle hug. Renjun hadn’t realised it until now, his healing needed more than time, he needed Jeno to wash away the brokenness he felt inside, shattered porcelain glued back together again. 

“You need to feel in control, don’t you?”, Jeno whispered into his neck and felt the nod of Renjun’s head against his shoulder. He paused, hand still on Renjun’s back, this was enough for them now, they were safe. He pulled away, Renjun looking dazed. 

“When I was younger, I used to distract myself from it. Being away from everything would help me, like the ballet, being able to dance and forget. You know, sometimes I get the feeling I want to do that now, properly, but I just can’t bring myself. I don’t even have my shoes anymore.” Jaesuk had taken away the passion he had, no freedom. He shook his head. “I’m probably not explaining it very well”, he laughed nervously, dismissing his own thoughts. 

“You’ll find that freedom.” Jeno smiled and took his hand. 

“I think it’s taking longer than I thought it would”, Renjun said. 

“Take as long as you need”, Jeno murmured and looked at Renjun. “I want to show you something.” 

That’s how Renjun found himself standing in front of it across the other side of the lake. They had ridden on Onyx again, Renjun close to Jeno, but now they were here, Jeno holding his hand tightly. It was a headstone, just one. The names of Jeno’s family were inscribed on it, with the words _‘A memory to be ever with us’_, written in small letters underneath, short and clipped. 

“When everything happened, afterwards, I asked my uncle to put this here”, Jeno shuddered. “It’s where they’re buried, the remains from the fire”, he finished in a low voice. 

“You must come here a lot.” 

“Not really, I haven’t been here for three years. I don’t like to think that they’re buried here, it makes everything more real.” 

Renjun looked at him sadly, Jeno’s vulnerabilities painted across his pained face. With this, he turned back to the grave and after a moment, walked towards it, humbled as he knelt and lowered his head. The grass around the headstone was overgrown and messy as it would be from the years of neglect. For a moment there was nothing but silence, but he soon felt Jeno’s hand slide across his back, arm wrapping around it so familiarly. They stayed in front of the grave, Renjun breaking the silence that had overcome the scene. 

“It’s such a beautiful spot”, he hummed. 

Jeno nodded, his gaze still not leaving the headstone. 

“This is Renjun”, he said finally and Renjun knew then that he wasn’t addressing him anymore. “He made me smile again after you left.” 

Jeno looked at Renjun, relieved to find the other’s face turned up in a gentle smile. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here for so long. After everything happened, I didn’t think I could face it, I…”, he paused, “didn’t cope with things very well but I’ll come here more often from now on.” 

Jeno didn’t stop there. 

“Mother, the rose garden, you wouldn’t believe how good it looks now, Renjun’s made it look beautiful.” He let the words leave his lips with a choked laugh as he tried to hold back tears. 

The smile on Renjun’s face dropped when Jeno spoke again. 

“There’s some trouble with Uncle Yunho and…”, Jeno glanced back at Renjun and winced, not wanting to mention his cousin’s name in front of the other. “Well I think they want to take possession of the castle, I won’t let them”, he looked at Renjun again. “Neither of us will.” 

He smiled at the headstone one last time, taking Renjun’s hand again but before he could turn away the other ran back towards it, branches breaking under his feet. He bowed, eyes shut tightly. He opened them and straightened his body again. 

“I wish I could have met you, when you were alive, but it’s an honour.” He hesitated. “I’ll take care of him, I promise.” 

He went back then, to Jeno, taking his hand calmly. 

xxx

The town hadn’t changed much in the four years that Jeno had hidden himself away. The same bustle of street life; market sellers, carriages and children knocking into him as they ran past. A few of the shops were different now and the fountain in the town square had been cleaned, but apart from that, time had had little impact on its appearance, it was the same. The same streets where mothers had pulled their children away from him, where young girls had turned their gaze in judgement, where those his own age had taunted him and shouted ‘freak’. 

He hadn’t worn his scarf today. He would be Lee Jeno, the person that Renjun loved, that he wanted. 

“Mr Lee?” A hand touched his elbow tentatively. He turned his head. “Jeno, it is you!” The woman was slight and smartly dressed, with a kind smile. “It’s so good to see you, how you’ve grown!” 

Jeno bowed politely at the woman and tried desperately to think of how he might know her. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I was a friend of your mother. You probably don’t remember me, it’s been a while. You must miss her terribly, so sad, what happened.” She looked genuinely concerned, “How are you?” 

“Much better than I was”, he smiled, “Thank you.” His reply was awkward. 

“That’s good,” she said sweetly and stroked her gloved hand down Jeno’s forearm kindly. “What brings you into town after so long?” 

“I have something to collect, it’s a present for someone” he replied and tried to suppress the fond smile that crept across his face. He bit his lip and cast his eyes to the ground. 

“Oh, how lovely”, she exclaimed. “Well I should let you get on then. I’m so pleased to see you’re happy now. Your mother can rest in peace, God bless her soul.” She reached in her purse and pulled out a small card with an address printed on it. “I’m Jinny, please drop by for a cup of tea next time you are in town,” she smiled and handed him the card. “And Jeno,” she said in a more serious tone, “Don’t take any notice of unkind words, a lot of people are quick to judge here.” 

She smiled again and waved as she crossed the road, leaving Jeno slightly bemused but grateful. He ran a hand self-consciously over his scarred neck and looked ahead at the busy street. With a little luck he would get through with just a few curious glances, he stuffed his hand in his pocket and strode forward. 

He had asked Jaemin last week, the day of the ride, to make the trip to place the order. He knew he should have gone himself but Jaemin was going into town anyway and offered. He had to make the effort now though. This was for Renjun. He’d been so excited when he came up with the idea even though he didn’t know whether it would actually be possible without travelling miles to the city. 

The bell above his head rang to announce his entry as he pushed the door open. Glancing around the small workshop, he was immediately hit by the smell of leather and polish, the owner shuffling out from the back room and wiping his hands on his apron. 

“Good morning Sir, what can I do for you? He greeted enthusiastically. Scanning Jeno’s appearance, he squinted thoughtfully and reached below the counter. “Can I interest you in something like this?” he enquired hopefully, placing a pair of brown brogues in front of Jeno. “The latest fashion for the discerning gentleman”, he beamed. Jeno frowned. 

“I... er... no, thank you. I’ve come to collect a special order in the name of Lee.” 

The shopkeeper looked a little disappointed as he replaced the shoes under the counter again. Jeno smiled nervously. He hoped they would fit. It had been difficult to gauge the correct size although Renjun seemed to enjoy the new found obsession with his feet, slinging them on Jeno’s lap so he could stroke them gently as they read together. Jeno would smile at the soft hums Renjun let out every so often as his hands brushed the sensitive skin. 

“Here we are, Sir.” The sound of the shopkeeper’s voice cut through his daydream. “Don’t get much call to make this sort of thing. Took me a while to find leather soft enough. They’ve not come up cheap I’m afraid, but I hope they’re to your liking.” 

Jeno unfolded the white linen cloth that was wrapped around them and gently lifted the soft black ballet slippers up to the light. He exhaled shakily. They were beautiful. Exquisitely crafted. He turned them in his hand and the velvet leather caressed his palm. He looked up sharply. 

“They’re perfect” he breathed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you liked this chap, I hope things are moving fast enough for everyone but I intentionally slowed everything down so I could focus on their emotional journey to recovery and how Renjun accepts that letting people in is the best thing for him before the actions that is going to follow in the next few chapters :')). I'd love to hear your thoughts anyway it really makes my day!! love you all and I hope you are staying safe <33


	21. Take all myself

Another week passed after Jeno had brought the ballet shoes back from the town, he’d shoved them quickly, in haste, under the bed that he and Renjun slept in, hoping the other wouldn’t discover them in the days that followed. Still, it had grown increasingly difficult to keep the secret, but he had plans, and when Renjun had asked him what he was doing today, he’d simply pulled the other into a warm hug, shrugged, and said he didn’t know. 

He walked the hallways of the first floor, unable to contain the smile on his face as he thought about Renjun. The kitchen door was pulled shut when he reached it and from behind, the faint sound of laughter emanated, the noise almost causing him to retract his footsteps altogether. He hesitated but pushed it tentatively. Donghyuck and Mark stood by the kitchen table, a basket of clean towels resting on a chair in front of them. He watched as the former housekeeper took one and flicked Donghyuck with it, the two erupting into a fresh fit of laughter when he yelped loudly. Jeno shut the door and the sound of the latch clicking back into place made the noise around him cease immediately. Mark dropped the towel in surprise, Donghyuck turning towards the new visitor. 

“Jeno, I didn’t see you.” 

“I can come back later.” Jeno turned to leave. 

“Wait, no it’s fine”, Donghyuck insisted, laughing softly as he set a hand down on the table to lean against it. 

“Renjun’s not around is he?” 

Donghyuck shook his head. “He was in here earlier, said he was going to take on some work again, but I haven’t seen him since. It seems like he’s feeling a lot better though.” 

“Yeah, he wanted to get back into it, but we’re sharing it between us now.” 

_ “You_, cleaning? Are you feeling alright? “, Donghyuck scoffed. 

“Very funny”, Jeno groaned and he heard Mark snort from across the table where he was still folding the towels. 

“How are you two anyway?”, Mark chimed in. 

“Well, actually”, he turned back to Donghyuck. “I need your help.” 

“With your relationship or-? “ 

“With _cooking_”, Jeno corrected. 

“You are _not_ cooking, are you sure you don’t just want relationship advice because I’m really quite good-” 

Mark’s laughter stopped Donghyuck and he waited for Jeno to elaborate. 

“I need your help.” Jeno watched Donghyuck raise an eyebrow. “_And_, it’s for Renjun”, he added, trying his best to convince the other. 

“Fine”, Donghyuck sighed, slumping down in a chair defeatedly. 

“That’s my cue to leave”, Mark grinned as he picked up the pile of towels, “before he loses it”, he joked and left Jeno alone with Donghyuck. 

“Okay, what kind of thing were you thinking?” 

“Well, it’s a sort of… picnic.” 

“Quite simple then. You want to make something yourself? Hmm… macaroons would be good. Do you know how to make them? It’s somewhere in between cake and meringue, could you do that?” 

Jeno stared blankly back at him. 

Donghyuck rubbed his temple with his forefinger despairingly. 

“Jam tarts then, you can’t go wrong with those. Do you know how to make pastry?” 

Jeno shook his head. 

“Time for you to learn”, Donghyuck said determinedly and walked over to the cupboard, taking out a large metal bowl and throwing it down in front of Jeno. 

“What’s this for?” 

“To make the pastry in,” Donghyuck snapped back. 

By the time they had collected all the ingredients, Jeno was restless and although it took a lot of nagging from Donghyuck, he finally found himself getting the hang of what he was doing. 

“You need to rub it between your fingers,” Donghyuck instructed, mimicking the action, and Jeno repeated it. “Yeah, like that. We’ve got strawberries too, Mark brought them in this morning so you can take some.” 

“It’s really nice to have him back here.”, Jeno said as he paused his actions. 

“Yeah…”, Donghyuck trailed off wistfully but Jeno wasn’t finished. 

“You two have such a great relationship.” 

“He’s my soulmate, I can’t imagine ever being with anyone else. We balance each other, in everything”, Donghyuck mused. 

Jeno lifted his flour covered hands from the mixture and rested them briefly on the rim of the bowl before looking at Donghyuck candidly. “Everything?”, he asked. 

The cook chuckled knowingly and nodded. 

Jeno blushed and kept his head down, continuing to rub the butter into the flour for a few moments before overcoming his embarrassment. 

“How did you?” 

“Know what to do?”, Donghyuck finished the question for him, still smiling. “You and Renjun haven’t?...oh.” His voice took on a more serious tone. 

“Not yet”, Jeno replied still a little flustered. “I mean, when he’s ready, you know?” 

“You want to make him feel good, right?”, Donghyuck stated bluntly and waited for an answer that never came. “You’ll find your way, don’t worry. Talk to each other, find out what feels good and keep an open mind about everything. I think you’re ready to add the water now.” 

“What?” Jeno looked confused. 

“The water, to make the pastry.” 

Still smiling, Donghyuck passed a cup of water to Jeno and showed him how to add it slowly to the mixture to make dough. “That’s right, a bit more, okay now use your hands and press it gently. You’ve never made pastry before either and you’ve done a good job there”, he laughed and ducked suddenly as Jeno flicked flour at him. 

“Seriously though, there’s a few things you need to remember so it’s not painful.” Jeno listened intently as Donghyuck explained, his focus drawn away from the pastry for a while. 

“…So that’s why it’s really important okay? You can roll that out now.” 

Jeno caught the rolling pin that was thrust in his direction and slammed it into the ball of dough in front of him. 

“Gently”, Donghyuck instructed. “_Pastry_ doesn’t turn out well if you’re too rough with it.” He placed a circular cutter on the counter. “When you’re done, cut out the tarts, and don’t forget to grease the baking tray.” 

“You actually enjoy doing this? Everyday?”, Jeno asked incredulously as he wiped melted butter onto the metal tray. 

“I love it”, Donghyuck smirked, glancing out of the kitchen window as movement in the courtyard stole his attention. “Jisung’s checking the strawberries _again_”, he sighed. 

“Huh?” 

“He’s got a crush, on a girl he met at the market. She likes strawberries and so he’s taken it upon himself to supply her each week with the best ones we have in the garden. The other customers don’t get a look in”, he laughed. “Here. I managed to grab enough to make some jam, spoon some on top”, he said, passing a jar and a spoon to Jeno. 

Jeno carefully filled each one of the pastry discs with it and stood back to admire his work. 

“Yes, well done”, Donghyuck ushered him along. “Now put them in the oven while we make the sandwiches”, he mocked and grabbed a loaf of bread. “Cut some while I just take this back to Mark.” Donghyuck picked up the empty wicker basket that had been left on the kitchen table. “He’ll need to bring the laundry down here, he said he was helping Renjun this morning.” 

“Wait, can I borrow that?” 

“You’re going to start doing laundry now as well as cooking?” 

“No, well maybe”, Jeno replied shaking his head to focus. 

“It would be perfect for the picnic.” 

xxx

Renjun didn’t see Jeno at first, he was at the top of the stairs sweeping the carpet that ran across the hallway, working since the early morning, and as the late afternoon sun cast shadows on the floor, he looked down at the figure at the bottom of the staircase. He was greeted with Jeno’s familiar smiling face below the balcony. 

“Hello Romeo”, he laughed. “What are you doing?” 

_ “Speak again bright angel” _, Jeno quoted the words of Shakespeare himself. 

_ “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?” _ Renjun leaned over the banister and heard Jeno laugh. “I said, _Romeo_”, he accentuated the name. “What are you doing?” 

“Can I help you with that?”, Jeno gestured to the broom in Renjun’s hand. 

“It’s okay, I only have one broom, I’m nearly done.” He rested his chin on top of it and pouted. “You can come up and talk to me though.” 

“Actually, I wanted to ask you something”, Jeno replied and Renjun watched as he walked up the steps so that he was level with him. “I want to help you… if I can”, he paused, Renjun searched his face for meaning. “To get back your control.” 

“Oh”, Renjun breathed. “You do?” 

“You can say no at any point, I just wanted to try”, Jeno rushed nervously. “The rose garden”, he murmured and Renjun’s body instantly tensed. 

“Jeno what is this?” His eyes pleaded with Jeno’s own worried ones. 

“Something for you. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable though so we can just- “ 

“No”, Renjun said loudly. “I want to.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes”, Renjun breathed and Jeno pulled the broom away and rested it against the wall. 

“This can wait until tomorrow then”, he smiled into a kiss on Renjun’s lips, hands on the back of his waist where he’d tied an apron, undoing it slowly. Renjun laughed as Jeno slung it over the banister. Taking both of Renjun’s hands he smiled, tilting his head. “It’s a beautiful afternoon out there, will you come and share it with me?” 

Renjun looked at Jeno then, he really looked at him, studied the concern in his eyes, and it made him want to cry. Jeno, who faced his past, who opened himself up for Renjun, who didn’t flinch when he touched his neck. Jeno was healing, he needed that too. He veiled his hurt with a gentle smile. 

“What are you waiting for then?”, Renjun grinned, Jeno seeing the hidden fear in his eyes. 

“I won’t leave your side.” 

“I wouldn’t expect anything else”, Renjun replied, letting himself be guided to the courtyard by Jeno. The warm summer air hit his face, and he smiled at the sunlight, then at Jeno. He felt light as they crossed the familiar grounds of the garden, they’d done it so many times before but something about this made his heart flutter, feel full beside his love. He didn’t want to let Jaesuk keep the garden, it belonged to him and Jeno. 

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

_It was okay._

He repeated the words in his head like a mantra. 

The stone walls of the rose garden in the distance made the anxiety flood back into his body. He didn’t know what was happening, only that he could feel Jeno’s hand around his and the terror that struck through his body as they approached the archway. He felt himself trembling, shaking and it seemed Jeno did too because he stopped suddenly. 

“Come on, we can go back, it’s okay.” 

Renjun shook his head, “We’re not turning back now.” He took the lead this time, head empty of thought and stepped through the entrance. Jeno moved in front of him quickly, blocking Renjun’s view of the garden. 

“Jeno what- “ 

“This way”, he smiled, guiding them to the other side of the garden. 

As the colours of the roses blurred together in front of him, Renjun felt his body being pulled and then they stopped, a red blanket was laid out across the grass neatly. There was a basket and a box next to it, tied with blue ribbon. He let go of everything and forgot where he was, because he was with Jeno and that was all that mattered. 

“What is this?” Renjun’s voice was laced with shock. 

“I wanted to do it for you”, Jeno said quietly. 

Renjun knelt on the softness of the blanket and Jeno followed his actions. He lifted the cloth that was covering the basket and peered inside it, revealing the picnic Jeno had put together with such care. There were sandwiches and strawberries, and- 

“Did you make all of this yourself?” 

_ “I” _, Jeno pointed at the jam tarts and grinned, “learnt how to make pastry.” 

“Donghyuck helped you?” 

“Maybe.” 

“I’m proud of you”, Renjun smiled, and leant over the basket to kiss him before retreating backwards. His hand brushed the box that lay next to the food. 

“What’s this?”, he said, tracing the softness of the ribbon. 

“Open it.” 

“What did you? “Renjun started with a smile but it dropped when he lifted the lid of the box, the gift covered by a layer of linen cloth wound around it. He pulled it away, revealing the ballet shoes inside, black and beautifully stitched. He looked up, face painted with astonishment. 

“You- these are for me?” 

Jeno nodded. 

“I don’t know what to say”, Renjun spoke, tears threatening to fall from the corners of his eyes. Without words, he looked at the shoes once more, took them out of the box, held them up so the sunlight sparkled onto the fabric and threw his arms around Jeno, burying his head into his chest whilst he still held the shoes in one hand. 

“That means you went into town”, he mumbled against Jeno and sat up, this time looking at him. The roses had fully bloomed in the heat now, he’d almost forgotten how beautiful they were, but when he looked at Jeno’s face, he knew what beauty was. “Thank you”, he finished. 

“I wanted to get you them after you said about ballet helping, you can dance whenever you want to now, and wherever. There’s so many rooms in the castle, you can have your own just for it.” 

“I want to do it now”, Renjun smiled. 

“Now?”, Jeno laughed but the smaller nodded, sliding off his shoes and replacing them with the ballet slippers. 

“They fit so well”, Renjun mused, standing up and pointing his feet. He giggled as he lifted his leg and stretched both arms out in front of him, keeping his feet on the blanket so the precious shoes were not tainted by the grass. He saw Jeno watch him, mesmerised, and after a moment, stretched his leg and jumped across the blanket, closer to the other, flopping back down next to him. He started to take the shoes off carefully, holding them in his lap. 

“I was enjoying that”, Jeno pouted. 

“They’re beautiful”, Renjun smiled and cradled them close to his chest. 

Jeno fumbled with the basket for a moment. “Here”, he said, holding out one of the sandwiches for Renjun to take, but the other still held the ballet shoes tightly. 

“Are you going to let go of those?”, he laughed. 

“Nope”, Renjun shook his head and opened his mouth expectantly, Jeno bringing the sandwich up to it so the other could take a bite, they both laughed. 

Renjun put the shoes down eventually, placing them carefully back in the box as they started to eat the rest of the food Jeno had prepared. He took a strawberry from inside the basket. Bringing it up to Jeno’s open mouth, he watched as the other bit down on the fruit, lips accidently brushing against Renjun’s fingers. Electricity sparked on the part of his finger that Jeno’s lips had touched and he pulled the stalk away quickly. It was addictive though, and in the next second, he had taken another one, repeating the action again, slower this time, savouring as he watched Jeno bite. They both glanced at each before the gaze broke awkwardly. 

“Try one of the jam tarts-” Jeno cleared his throat where his breath had been caught, and Renjun took one out of the basket, biting into the pastry. 

“They’re good”, he said and smiled, taking another bite and humming with satisfaction. 

“They are?” 

Renjun hummed again and Jeno took one himself, both relaxing into the setting around them. The minutes that followed were spent peacefully and Renjun had become so absorbed in everything that he had forgotten to be afraid. When he remembered that he should be, he paused and looked at Jeno’s smiling is face. The man was his strength, he’d done so much for him. 

Without warning, barely a conscious thought, he kissed the lips in front of him and the electricity he felt from before was back, the smell of strawberries and the sugary taste. He inhaled as he felt it spark and pulled away just slightly. 

“Thank you for giving me back my control”, he whispered against Jeno’s lips. 

“The first night we came here and watched the stars together,” Renjun touched Jeno’s lips with his fingers and the other parted them, “I wanted to kiss you Jeno, you don’t know how much I wanted to kiss you.” He brought his face close to Jeno’s, no space between them, lips barely touching. 

“Me too”, Jeno breathed shakily, voice almost inaudible. 

“Can I kiss you again?”, Renjun murmured and Jeno summoned a small nod, their lips locking together in a drawn-out kiss. 

Jeno didn’t move, Renjun still straddled across his lap, hands on Jeno’s body, everywhere. He stayed still as he had done before, at the lake, let Renjun take control again, until the other stopped. 

“Touch me”, Renjun whispered, breath hot against Jeno’s ear. 

Renjun relaxed into Jeno’s hold when it came, hands finding his waist, but pulled away again, eyes hooded. 

“I want you Jeno.” 

“I want you too baby”, Jeno smiled innocently but Renjun shook his head and took the man’s hand carefully. He brought the palm up to his chest, resting it on his heart. Jeno could feel it beating erratically, the rhythm awakening something desperate in him. 

“Can you feel how much I want you?”, Renjun said. “_Please_, make my memories of the garden good again, make it ours Jeno.” He dropped his hold on Jeno’s hand, but it stayed resting on his chest for a few moments before the man understood and met his gaze. 

Jeno moved slowly, still cautious but one hand finding its way to the back of Renjun’s neck, the other to his waist and then he was laying him down gently on the blanket. He understood, Renjun was giving himself to him. 

In that moment, Jeno thought Renjun might be the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, lax and laid out with the grass around him – like a rose in full bloom. He searched Renjun’s eyes, the broken dreams that were once reflected in them, replaced by new hope. He caught his lips again, soft and warm and eager as he leant over Renjun. The smaller’s hand reached upwards and caught the top button of his shirt to pull at it, so it fell open. He smiled and did the same to the next one, and the one after that, lower and lower until the shirt had fallen open completely and was gaping around his middle. Then he dragged his fingers along the expanse of Jeno’s chest, from just below his neck down to his stomach, where they lingered and drew patterns on the soft skin. 

Renjun’s lips curved up into a comforted smile, skimming the waistband, hovering over the buckle of Jeno’s belt which he tugged on, so it became loose, indicating exactly what he wanted. He saw Jeno hesitate, and so his attention went back to his own belt, undoing the buckle and looking back at Jeno, giving himself completely to him in one simple gesture, surrendered gladly. 

Jeno watched as he laid there, waiting, and then gave him what he wanted, the touches, hands fumbling with the buttons of the smaller’s shirt. The darkness had crept up on the afternoon light, shrouding the two in the secrecy of the garden walls. Renjun’s shirt draped loosely around his shoulders the more Jeno continued, moonlight revealing the delicate skin that had been concealed and making it glow ethereally. Once satisfied with this, Jeno moved to Renjun’s trousers, the other lifting his hips so the clothing could be removed. Jeno discarded them hastily next to him on the blanket, making Renjun laugh quietly. Renjun’s underwear came next, Jeno taking the time to palm him softly through it, which elicited a small whimper. 

“Is it okay?” 

“Please Jeno”, Renjun whined and Jeno pulled the underwear down past his knees, sliding it off his legs, to join the growing pile of clothing next to him and leaving Renjun naked except for his open shirt. His heart almost stopped as he glanced down. Renjun looked stunning, pupils blown, his eyes wide, figure caught between both of Jeno’s hands, thumbs resting on his hipbones. Jeno couldn’t resist leaving touches then, first his face, cupping his cheek and kissing him softly, Renjun’s breath fanning against his hand as his chest rose and fell in time with the kiss. Jeno’s fingertips ghosted against Renjun’s lips and the other’s mouth fell open almost naturally, granting him access to its warmth. He placed the first one against his lips and when he felt Renjun’s tongue graze over it meticulously, fire shot through his veins and ignited his need. Renjun did the same to the second, sucking slowly on the digit to coat it in saliva, and to the third. Then carefully, Jeno trailed the fingers down, leaving behind streaks of wetness that glistened by the corners of Renjun’s mouth, along his throat and collarbones, under the faint silvery light. 

Renjun’s hand was on Jeno’s back, fingers running across it repeatedly as though to reassure himself of the safety of the man above him, how close he was, his warmth. He felt Jeno’s hands snake around his body as he was lifted slightly, a hand between his shoulder blades, the other cradling the small of his back, then running down to his thigh, caught on the softness before his breath hitched as Jeno skimmed the sensitive skin of his ass. 

“Are you sure?”, Jeno whispered, voice hoarse from concentration but he didn’t miss the nod that Renjun gave him to affirm, their bodies fused together, a complete union of souls. 

Renjun inhaled sharply when he felt the first finger enter him and his body tensed at the passing discomfort, but then he looked up at Jeno’s face, the worry in the furrow of his brow, the hurt in his eyes, and he wanted to kiss it away. 

“I can stop”, he heard Jeno say quickly. 

Renjun shook his head. “It’s okay, keep going.” He felt the second finger, letting another small whine leave him as he buried his face in Jeno’s neck and bit his lip to suppress the groans of growing pleasure. Jeno was gentle, soft, his other hand brought Renjun’s head out of his shoulder and tilted it up. 

“I want to see you”, Jeno exhaled. 

Renjun felt his cheeks heat up under Jeno’s heavy gaze and the pleasure soon intensified with the third finger. He gasped. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t stop”, Renjun panted, his head falling back as Jeno kissed his neck softly, leaving small bites across the skin. “Jeno now”, he breathed. 

Jeno smiled and sat up on his knees, working hastily to shed his own clothes. Renjun looked longingly up at him, panting with anticipation. He placed a hand softly on Jeno’s thigh and stroked along the taught muscle. 

“I love you,” he breathed. 

“I love you too,” Jeno whispered. He adored Renjun, worshipped him, wanted nothing more than to protect and please him. Renjun was his life, his love. 

Jeno gave himself a few strokes and gently pushed Renjun’s knees apart, lifting a leg to one side and pulling his hips towards him. Leaning to place a kiss on Renjun’s chest, he pushed in gently, pausing to gauge the other’s response and stopping when he saw Renjun screw his eyes up tightly for moment. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Mm-hmm,” Renjun managed, wincing but his face soon relaxed as he adjusted. 

Renjun kissed Jeno deeply, pain an afterthought as he ran his hands roughly through the other’s blond hair before pulling back to meet his eyes and nodding slowly, just once. Jeno moved again as they held each other’s gaze, delving into the deepest part of their consciousness and sharing a million emotions in that second. The stars could have fallen from the sky, moonlight vanished then, but Renjun wouldn’t have paid them any heed under Jeno’s burning eyes. Each time he pushed a little further, Jeno covered Renjun’s face in kisses until his sharp breaths became small moans as the pain eased. 

Pulling out slowly and then in again, Jeno shuddered at the sensation. Renjun had brought so much beauty into his life but this was the ultimate gift. He brushed his fingertips over Renjun’s perfect face, across his lips and down his neck, the other whimpering as he wrapped a leg around Jeno’s back and pulled him in deeper. Taking this as a sign, Jeno’s movements became stronger and faster as he fought back the urge to slam his hips into Renjun, his body craving the heat. 

Renjun gasped suddenly and Jeno looked at his wide-eyed expression with concern. 

“Do that again,” he rasped. 

“What?” 

“I don’t know, whatever you did just then, do it again,” he begged with a small laugh. 

Jeno thrust hard and could barely restrain himself as Renjun arched his back, moaning loudly. 

“Fuck,” he breathed and snapped his hips again, pulling more pretty sounds from Renjun’s lips as he did. 

“Jeno,” Renjun groaned. 

Their lips met sloppily as Renjun moaned into the open mouthed kiss, Jeno’s breathing becoming more erratic as he felt his climax build, Renjun pushing his hips up eagerly to meet the movements. 

Renjun was close. Jeno’s arms cradled his head protectively against his chest as he laid over him, supporting his own weight on his elbows, hips rising and falling. The beads of sweat had formed on his forehead and Renjun felt the dampness on the back of his neck as he brushed it with his fingers. He traced the roughness of the scar across Jeno’s shoulder, and pulled him closer in desperation, his other hand on his back, nails raking down the skin as the pleasure became too much. 

The blanket beneath him was soft and the warmth of the other above, gave shelter from the light breeze. Renjun felt safe, he felt loved, body responding effortlessly now to Jeno’s touch. He pulled himself up further, searching for Jeno’s lips and he whimpered as they bore down on his own, the desire rising as they swallowed each other’s moans in needy kisses. Jeno sensed how close Renjun was and reached between them. With a few exquisite strokes, Renjun was on the edge, mouthing Jeno’s name repeatedly into the crook of his neck in soft, breathy groans. Becoming more urgent, he gasped as he lost himself in the building heat, and then, overwhelmed, felt the tears well up and roll down his cheeks as he dug his fingers harder into Jeno’s back and came, panting wantonly against the smooth skin of his collarbone. All the time, Jeno’s hand stayed on the back of Renjun’s head, keeping him close and clutching firmly on a handful of hair. He wrapped his other hand around Renjun’s waist and pulled him to meet his deepening thrusts. Jeno’s body trembled and with a heavy groan he buried his face in Renjun’s soft hair as he found his own release inside the man he loved. 

As they lay in each other’s arms, both basking in the euphoric afterglow, Jeno heard Renjun’s quiet sobs against his own body and with a loving hand on the other’s cheek, turned his head to look at him. His beautiful face was streaked with tears and his eyes burned desperately with passion and pain. He finally crumpled, and the tears fell uncontrollably. 

“What’s wrong?”, Jeno looked at him with alarm. “Oh my god, did I hurt you?” He sat up and held Renjun’s face in his hands. “I’m so sorry… you should have told me, I never meant to hurt you”, Jeno poured out, the guilt and panic carved into his face. He leant in and kissed Renjun’s forehead tenderly as the sobs continued. 

“What is it? Please baby, tell me what’s wrong.” 

Renjun took a shaky breath. 

“It’s not you”, he implored. “You were perfect, you are perfect”. He reached up hesitantly and placed a small hand on top of Jeno’s which still held his own face. He curled his fingers between the other‘s and looked up into the soft dark eyes above him. He felt vulnerable again, anxiety instinctively rising from the pit of his stomach, but instead of the crippling panic, a wave of relief engulfed him. He finally knew he could give himself to Jeno completely. He knew that his heart would be safe. Each cathartic sob took him further towards healing as he pulled the shirt he still wore tighter across his body, so it covered him up. 

“I’ve been alone for so long, I’ve had no one”, he rasped out. “Everything good in my life died with my mother.” 

Jeno nodded softly, urging him to continue. 

“And then Jaesuk”, Renjun shook his head as he broke down sobbing again, struggling to form his words. “I tried to fight back, I tried to focus on the roses, but the thorns cut into me”, he shuddered. “It’s hard Jeno.” 

“My father, he took everything from me. I didn’t want to let Jaesuk take this away, this is ours. I couldn’t let him take you away from me either. I’m crying for the little boy in the basement, the one alone, and for the man I am now, that almost lost you. I thought I was strong, that I didn’t need anyone… I do, Jeno…”, Renjun let out another pained sob. 

“I need you.” 

Jeno silently wrapped his arms around Renjun and pulled him into his chest, kissing his cheeks where the tears were still falling. 

“I need you too, Renjun”, he whispered and leaned down so that their lips met softly. It was the lightest of touches, no urgency in the kiss as they let their lips linger in a silent vow of unity. 

The late evening breeze gently ruffled their hair and reminded them of the real world. Renjun shivered and cast his eyes over the discarded clothing around them. He moved to them, slipping his own back on and passing the rest to Jeno so he could do the same. Careful not to forget them, he took the ballet shoes back into his lap and watched as Jeno fastened the last of his clothes. 

“Put your arms around my neck”, Jeno whispered. 

“But what about all this? “ 

“I’ll come back for it in the morning”, he grinned. 

Renjun looked exhausted but did as Jeno said and with that he gently put an arm around Renjun’s shoulders and the other under his knees before lifting him up carefully. Renjun snuggled submissively against the other, ballet shoes in hand, as Jeno carried him tenderly back towards the castle, every now and then brushing small kisses over his face comfortingly. 

xxx

The sound of running water filled Jeno’s room as Renjun sat silently on the bed, watching as Jeno poured fragrant oil into the deepening water. He strode over to Renjun and went to pick him up as before. 

“I can do it myself”, Renjun protested weakly. 

“I know you can”, replied Jeno. “But let me look after you tonight.” 

The tears came once more at the unexpected kindness and Jeno took his hand and guided him towards the bathroom before attentively removing the last of Renjun’s clothing and helping him into the warm water. 

“You too”, Renjun insisted and Jeno smiled down at him with a lopsided grin and scrunched his eyes up endearingly. 

In a moment, he too was naked and slid behind Renjun into the soothing warmth. Renjun leant back against the broad chest and felt Jeno’s arms wrap around him tenderly, his fingertips dancing over Renjun’s skin to bring him to a state of blissful relaxation. Jeno rested his head against Renjun’s and closed his eyes. 

They had no need to speak right now, their bodies conveying more than any words ever could. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaa...  
I really hope this was written okay but yay finally noren are the most connected they have ever been both emotionally and physically. It already feels like I've come so far with this story and I can't believe it is about to enter its final arc after this chapter:')) On another note, I hope everyone is taking care of themselves and being safe as I know right now the world is really stressful, I hope this update can provide some happiness to anyone that reads!! Thank you for reading, comments + kudos are greatly apprecaited and loved ٩(^ᴗ^)۶ see you next chap!!  
twitter: @renjunfairydust


	22. Euphoric

_Euphoria._

That was the feeling that seized Renjun’s thoughts when he awoke. It was a sensation he was certain he’d never quite experienced before, and one that he knew had stemmed from last night. He was unsure when it would dull, and so he basked in it right then, Jeno beside him. Renjun hadn’t seen him yet, but he could feel him, Jeno’s arm slung lazily around the curve of his bare waist.

Everything was still for a moment, Renjun’s eyes adjusting to the light that poured in through the window, but then the hand on his waist moved, gentle fingers danced softly across his hipbone and drew patterns into the skin.

The euphoria came flooding back again.

Renjun turned over, the sheets bunching in his grasp. Jeno was there, exactly where he wanted him to be, beside him, with his face pressed into the pillow and lips slightly parted. Seeing him like this, Renjun was reminded of yesterday, of how perfect it had been, and gradually the euphoria changed to the warmth of love. Jeno smiled sleepily, and before they could speak, Renjun heard the soft sound of laughter rattle from the other’s chest, and then his own.

“Good morning”, Renjun grinned as Jeno’s laughter quietened.

“Renjun”, Jeno mumbled and pulled him in tightly against his chest, nose brushing the crook of his neck. He brought his head up, pressed a kiss to Renjun’s forehead and looked at him. “How are you feeling?”

_“Light”_, Renjun replied, throwing his head back.

“Light?”

“Amazing”, Renjun confirmed, kissing the side of Jeno’s face above his jaw. “_You are amazing.”  
_

“What?”, Jeno laughed softly, as Renjun looked at him with a glazed expression.

“I feel so close to you”, Renjun admitted, feeling Jeno pull him in until their faces were almost touching.

“Stay close to me then”, Jeno whispered, kissing Renjun lightly. It was clumsy, and hazy, but they didn’t care.

Renjun let himself relax, falling further into it as Jeno’s hand moved lower, away from his waist and down to his thigh, pulling his leg gently across his body. Then he grazed the back of Renjun’s shirt, fingers running along his spine and causing him to shiver. It lasted only seconds before Renjun turned, rolling until he lay across Jeno, the fabric of his pyjamas pressed against his chest. He pushed himself up with his palms on the mattress.

“I’m hungry”, he pouted, completing his turn so he was the other side of Jeno now. He reached up to his hair that had been ruffled by sleep, pushing it down quickly as Jeno moved onto his side and grinned.

“I’m not sure I could make anything like yesterday, but I can try-“

“I’ll sort it”, Renjun laughed, “let’s go to the kitchen”, he said, watching Jeno slip on the shirt that had been discarded on the bedroom floor last night.

The kitchen was empty when they both entered and Renjun peered at the clock above the sink - _eight thirty in the morning_. He faced Jeno and smiled before he started wandering towards a bowl of raspberries left out on the counter. Swiping them off the side, he moved to sit on top of the table and placed them carefully in his lap.

“Here”, Renjun called, feeling the chill of the ceramic against the skin of his thigh as he beckoned Jeno towards him, the other letting go of the cupboard door he had just opened. “These”, he mumbled, taking one of the berries out of the bowl and placing it on his tongue. The sweetness filled his mouth instantly and he grinned, picking out another one and waving it teasingly in front of Jeno before stopping, the edge of it brushing the other’s lips. It slid into Jeno’s mouth easily and he placed the next one into his own mouth, repeating the sequence until the bowl was emptied. Jeno had faint traces of red in the corners of his mouth from where the raspberries had stained his lips. Renjun leant in then, without warning, and captured them. He tasted the sweetness of the berries, the stillness of the summer caught on them and as he pulled away he was still smiling.

“What was that for?”, Jeno laughed.

“Nothing.” Renjun shrugged and placed the bowl back on the table, sliding off and reaching for a loaf of bread. He cut a few slices and brought them back with a jar of jam, sitting at a chair that faced Jeno. They laughed and spoke softly as they ate, everything peaceful as the minutes passed, the hallways still silent with the early morning calm.

“I need to change the beds”, Renjun groaned once he’d finished eating, “maybe we can do something together later.” He sighed and Jeno got up from the chair. “Can you check the post when you go?”

“Sure.” Jeno leant over the table to place a final light kiss against Renjun’s lips.

As Jeno disappeared through the doorway, Renjun gathered up the dirty dishes from the table and dumped them in the sink, already certain that Donghyuck would scold him when he discovered them later. Still, he moved away, pushing the door of the laundry room open and taking out a stack of folded sheets.

_“Renjun.”_

He heard Jeno’s voice echo through the door, desperate and frenzied. Jeno shouted his name again, and this time it made Renjun drop the sheets. They fell to the kitchen floor, crumpling in a heap as he ran through the door and along the hallways.

When he saw Jeno, his heart sunk, the other stood by the main door, clasping a letter. His knuckles were turning white from the force of his grip but Renjun couldn’t see his face properly, it was silhouetted by the morning sun that shone through the window panels.

“Jeno, what is it?” Renjun rushed to him, leaning over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of the letter - it made him fall silent.

“It’s from a lawyer”, Jeno said, the two of them suddenly aware of just how quiet it was. The silence dragged, their hearts falling with it. “About this place, there’s a court date too”, he looked down at the letter again, speaking the words printed on the page, “transferring the deeds- it’s in three weeks Renjun, I don’t know how he’s done it, but he’s found a way. It’s requesting me to appear.”

Jeno threw the letter onto the hallway dresser.

“Jeno”, Renjun whispered, putting a hand on his arm. Jeno stilled but didn’t look at him. “Where’s the court?”

“I-I, it’s somewhere in the town. I don’t know I haven’t been there for years”, Jeno stopped when he looked at the letter again.

Renjun nodded, the tightening feeling of fear in his chest. “We can go there together, we can find out what’s happening. I’ll vouch for you”, he took Jeno’s hand into his own calmly and squeezed it. “Jaemin will too, you didn’t sign those contracts, they’re forged.”

Jeno nodded, leaning into Renjun’s touch, and exhaling deeply. “Okay.”

Renjun ran his fingers up Jeno’s forearm. “You’re not alone anymore, all of us are here, you don’t have to face it on your own. Do you know any lawyers, anyone that would defend the case?”

Jeno shook his head.

“We’ll find one and get advice on what to do”, Renjun reassured him.

Jeno nodded again. He put his head onto Renjun’s shoulder, pulling him in close. They were completely hopeless. Renjun felt vulnerable again, he’d almost forgotten what they were, nineteen and directionless, they had nowhere to go, but they’d made something here. A love that they’d been blinded by, one that had pushed away everything bad.

They were both fooling themselves, but it was the best either of them could do for now.

xxx

Jeno was distracted in the hours that followed. He couldn’t focus on anything, just the ticking of the clock, or the tap of his feet against the marble floor. The only other thing he found his mind caught on was Renjun, picturing his face, the outline of it coming into sharp focus as the blur became a detailed depiction of hazel eyes and soft skin. It felt better, to think of him right then, to pretend that nothing else mattered. 

He didn’t notice the shuffling footsteps through the hallway, his head still in his hands, blocking out the world around him as he pressed his palms against his face.

“You alright?”

Jeno looked up, his eyes bleary still as he wiped them and looked at Donghyuck.

“I’m fine”, he lied quickly. “Did you want something?”

“Yes, actually”, Donghyuck replied hesitantly. When Jeno didn’t say anything, he continued. “I can’t tell you what it is but-“

“What?”, Jeno interrupted sharply, the tone making Donghyuck stop speaking immediately.

“It’s a surprise”, Donghyuck said. “For you and Renjun.”

“Renjun?” Jeno’s voice softened.

Donghyuck nodded hopefully.

“I could do with something to take my mind off things right now.”

“Well”, Donghyuck started, moving to sit next to Jeno on the couch, “put something nice on and be in there at seven”, he said, gesturing to the dining room.

“What are you talking about?”

“Just do it”, Donghyuck rushed. “Anyway, I’ve got to go but make sure you look _presentable_.”

“Right.”

“Don’t be late”, Donghyuck shot.

“Got it.”

“And Jeno.”

“Yeah?”

“Brush your hair.”

xxx

Renjun opened another one of the newspapers. 

His eyes flicked down to the advertisements in the corner, the businesses scribbled in tiny font.

_Lawyer._

He scanned the page for the word but couldn’t find it. Throwing it to the side, he took the next one from the pile and opened it in the same place.

He hadn’t wasted a moment since they found the letter, but his efforts were proving more futile as the day dragged into late afternoon. The words were already blurred on the paper, the fading sunlight distorting them until the letters became almost indecipherable.

He sighed and leant back in the chair, yawning, and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Renjun.” Jaemin’s voice called from behind him.

Renjun snapped his head around, slamming the newspaper shut in the process. He shoved it behind him as Jaemin frowned suspiciously, “hi”, he shot quickly.

“Do you have plans for tonight?”

“Thanks Jaemin, but I have a boyfriend”, Renjun grinned and Jaemin snorted loudly.

“You’re not my type”, Jaemin teased, sitting on a chair at the table.

“I do not have any plans.”

“Good”, Jaemin said, folding his arms, “are you busy right now?”

Renjun glanced at the papers, then up to Jaemin. “No.”

“Then there’s a surprise for you.” Jaemin grinned at him but stopped, “blame Chenle and Jisung.”

Before Renjun knew what was happening, the papers had been left discarded on the table, and Jaemin was dragging him along the hallways until they stood outside Donghyuck and Mark’s room. When he pushed the door open, the two were already in there, Mark sat on the bed and Donghyuck beside him. Jisung and Chenle were there too and Renjun frowned at them. “What is all this?”

“Just trust us”, Jisung shot from where he was perched on the bed.

Renjun laughed lightly but nodded, and then Jaemin pushed him gently towards the dressing table.

“You need to put on your best clothes”, Donghyuck directed.

Renjun looked at his plain white shirt, and the black trousers he’d rolled up at the ends, his face flushing with embarrassment that he tried to mask with a small smile. “These are my best clothes”, he said sheepishly. Donghyuck nodded again, rising from the bed, and making his way across the room. He pulled on the door of the wardrobe next to Renjun and it swung open. Shoving the hangers to one side, he retrieved something from the rail and held it up to the light.

It was a black suit, with immaculate stitching that wound along its seams and neat cuffs that hung just below the short waistline.

“It’s Mark’s”, Donghyuck said, smiling, “but for today it’s yours.”

“I-“, Renjun began, turning to Mark who nodded lightly, and he relented. “Thank you.”

Donghyuck left with Chenle and Jisung after that, for _preparations_, they’d said.

Renjun sat back in the chair, earlier anxieties washed away by the distractions, by the suit that lay on the bed, by his own reflection in the mirror, by Jaemin who was now pushing back the hair that lay in front of his eyes.

“How do you even see through this?”, he laughed and let go, the hair falling back across Renjun’s forehead.

“I like it like that”, Renjun huffed, but struggled and flicked it out of his eyes. He looked at himself in the mirror, seeing the scruffy appearance and the outgrown hair, the baggy clothing - Jeno’s world was so different to his, he realised that then.

Renjun watched as Mark opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of silver scissors, the light catching their polished blades.

“I think we could do something with it.”

Renjun saw himself change. The sky outside had darkened, but he could still see his reflection, how the long ends of hair had fallen away as Mark cut at them. He’d left afterwards, and now Renjun and Jaemin were alone.

“You look good”, Jaemin stated.

Renjun laughed. “Thanks.”

“Here”, Jaemin said, taking the suit from the bed and handing it to Renjun, “finishing touch”, he grinned.

The clothing was big on Renjun, and the sleeves covered his hands. He pushed them back, staring at himself in the mirror once again.

“I look-“

“Great.”

“Like someone that someone else could love”, Renjun finished quietly, crumpling the shirt sleeves between his fingers, and watching as Jaemin’s face softened.

“Jeno’s lucky to have you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“What?”

“All of you, why are you doing this for me?”, Renjun asked.

“Because we care about you”, Jaemin replied softly, looking at the clock. “We should go, they’ll be waiting.”

Renjun didn’t question that statement, he’d given up asking by now.

They walked out of the room together.

xxx

Jeno flicked the cuff of his sleeve, he hadn’t worn a suit in such a long time. 

Hearing the dining hall doors crash open, his head shot up, and Chenle appeared, smiling, in the entrance.

“This way to your seat, _Sir”, Chenle grinned, accentuating the last word. Jeno scoffed but the boy didn’t break his character, beckoning him forward again.  
_

Jeno shook his head, still laughing, but stood, following Chenle into the hall. The lighting in the room was dimmed to a soft glow that covered it in a gentle warmth as the evening dusk painted the sky outside. He looked around the room, decorated in ways that resembled its former beauty, with ivory cloths draped elegantly on the table, and unlit candles in the centre. Two chairs had been pulled up opposite each other and Chenle beckoned him to sit at one of them.

“What is all of this?”, Jeno tried once, but Chenle ignored him still.

“Something to drink?”

“What is this?”, he repeated.

“Please be upstanding for our guest of honour”, Chenle rushed suddenly, glancing at the main staircase, and gesturing hastily for Jeno to stand. Jeno’s eyes followed, along the wooden panels, and then to the figures standing at the top of it. His breath caught in his throat.

He traced Renjun with his eyes, he looked different, like he’d never seen him look, with an expensive suit and hair that was swept off his forehead. Jeno’s gaze darted to Renjun’s face, seeing the other smiling at him with a sudden shyness as he began to descend the staircase alongside Jaemin.

Chenle bowed deeply as Jaemin lead Renjun through the doorway, pausing as they entered. Jaemin nodded softly at Chenle who then took his cue to pull the heavy oak doors shut behind them, and they creaked a little. Renjun looked expectantly at Jeno, the hint of a smile beginning to creep across his face before he lowered his eyes.

Jeno shot Jaemin a questioning look, his lips pursed but the other only broke into a broad grin.

Chenle scurried past Renjun to the long dining table and pulled out a chair, gesturing Renjun to take his place opposite Jeno. As he sat down elegantly, Chenle eased the chair back towards the table and then laid a starched white napkin across his lap retreating to the kitchen. Jaemin pulled a small box of matches from his pocket and leant over to light the candles in a gleaming silver candelabra in the centre of the table. Before striking the match he glanced hesitantly at Jeno, who nodded with a nervous smile as Jaemin lit the match and held it to the first candle. Renjun shot a concerned look to Jeno, aware of his aversion to fire. “I’m trying”, Jeno stressed. Jaemin bowed attentively and followed Chenle, leaving the two alone.

Watching the two leave the room, Jeno ran a hand nervously through his combed blond hair he finally found his voice. “You look”, he hesitated, “…_stunning_. What did they do to you? Your hair, they cut it?”

Renjun beamed at him and nodded.

“The suit, is that new?”

“It’s Mark’s”, Renjun leant over the table slightly and whispered, laughing gently.

“Renjun, I-“

“You look very handsome too, Mr Lee”, Renjun threw in coyly and then their eyes met again, lingering, full of love and silent promises.

The noise of the door being pushed open hastily, and Jisung tripping over his feet as he appeared from behind it, broke their reverie. They both looked up sharply and Jisung smiled before rushing over to the sideboard and grabbing a bottle of wine that had been opened by Jaemin earlier in preparation. Jaemin entered quietly and waited by the door, overseeing the younger’s actions, and motioning discreetly for him to slow a little. Jisung nodded and leaned over Renjun to fill his glass moving more gracefully now around to Jeno to do the same.

“Thank you”, Jeno said and Renjun smiled affectionately as Jisung replaced the bottle and left again.

Jeno looked hesitantly at Jaemin for an explanation.

“They wanted to do this for you both, they’ve been planning all week, just go along with it” he laughed under his breath.

The door burst open again and this time both Jisung and Chenle entered, each with a plate in their hand.

“Spiced vegetable soup, Sir,” Chenle stated and laid the dish carefully in front of Jeno, Jisung doing the same for Renjun.

“Did you grow these vegetables yourselves?”

“Yes Sir,” Chenle replied and bowed courteously.

“They were the best ones so far in the garden, we dug up the turnips just this morning and they were definitely the biggest yet, and the carrots too... “ Jisung stopped abruptly as Chenle shot him a silencing glare. “Yes, Sir, we did. Enjoy your starter, Sir.” He corrected himself and bowed quickly.

Jeno looked across at Renjun and saw that he too was stifling a laugh as they left the room.

xxx

“This is meant to be a formal dinner”, Chenle hissed as he and Jisung crashed into the kitchen. 

“I’m a bit nervous, _sorry_.”

“How’s it going out there?” Mark called over, busy at the kitchen table. Donghyuck stood at the large stove, gently shaking a heavy sauté pan over the heat with one hand and swiping the back of the other across his bandana wearily.

“They’ve got the starter,” Chenle responded.

“I think Mr Lee likes what you did to Renjun,” Jisung gushed at Mark, “he’s looking at him like this,” he added, dropping his jaw, and opening his eyes as wide as he could before breaking into a loud laugh.

“Nah, that’s just what you do when you see Mina,” Chenle teased and dodged quickly as Jisung lunged at him.

“Make yourselves useful, you two”, Donghyuck interrupted sharply. “Fill those pans with water for me and put them on the stove to boil”.

They complied and Donghyuck glanced proudly at Mark, his glare softening and betraying his affection for the two boys now bickering at the kitchen sink.

“Give them five minutes then go in and clear the dishes,” Jaemin instructed from the kitchen doorway.

xxx

“How long do you think they’ve been planning this for?” Renjun looked at the fresh plate of food and then leant towards Jeno, whispering as Chenle followed Jisung to the kitchen. 

“I have no idea,” Jeno replied, “but they must have caught Donghyuck on a good day to go to so much trouble”. They laughed together carelessly, far from the worries that morning had presented.

Jeno was quiet for a moment, his face softening again, breaking into a smile as he gazed at his boyfriend across the laden table.

“My life’s changed so much because of you, you’ve brought happiness to this place, not just for me but for everyone here, even Donghyuck, he smiles more now.”

“That’s down to Mark, not me,” Renjun interjected.

“Well maybe, but you’ve changed everyone, and Jaemin,“ he looked at his plate briefly continuing, “well Jaemin and I have found an even stronger bond. He’s my family, you know that.” He watched as Renjun nodded at the last comment and studied Jeno’s face, the slight crease across his forehead and haze in his eyes. It quickly softened as the thought passed and he smiled lovingly at Renjun again. “I’m so lucky to have you all,” he breathed.

He raised his glass to Renjun, who did the same in return, and the clink as they touched served to validate his words, as if emphasising his heartfelt musing.

“Jeno,” Renjun stopped. “The letter, this morning.”

The mood changed instantly and Jeno’s face filled with worry. He lowered his fork and inhaled deeply.

“He’s really stooped low this time,” he responded through gritted teeth. “I knew he was dangerous, but he’s out done himself with this. I don’t know where we would go, we don’t have money, he has it all.” He slammed a fist down on the covered table, making everything on the surface jump and crash again noisily at exactly the same time that Jisung appeared in the doorway. Their eyes turned to the startled boy who let out a small yelp and backed away quickly, letting the door slam behind him.

Jeno looked aghast at Renjun who let out a nervous laugh but stopped himself quickly.

“I’m sorry,” Jeno breathed and let his head fall into his hands in exasperation. He rubbed his eyes and met Renjun’s with an apologetic smile. “Shall we talk about it tomorrow? This is meant to be a romantic evening.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought the subject up. Do you think Jisung is alright?” He bit his lip in concern and the two dissolved in laughter together.

“Is everything ok?” Jaemin swung the door open and called into the room. “Just checking that you two are ... enjoying things.”

“Everything is more than okay, thank you for this.” Jeno gestured to the lavish spread and smiled gratefully at his friend. “Is Jisung alright? He may have been a bit startled just now.”

“He’s fine, yes, just fine,” Jaemin nodded and paused. “Well I’m glad everything’s okay” he said awkwardly and disappeared again.

“Am I in trouble?” Jeno whispered.

“Yes, I think you are.” Renjun teased in response.

Coffee was brought out for them, Jaemin smiling as he placed the pot on the sideboard and bowed stiffly “If you don’t need anything else from us, we’ll be finishing up for the night and leaving you”, he spoke formally. They stared in silence as he turned away, stopping short of the door, and glancing back over his shoulder at them, flashing the biggest smile, “The evening’s all yours.”

Renjun glanced at Jeno, and then around the room that had been lit by candle light and bathed in the warm glow it had been deprived of for so many years. It shone onto Jeno’s face too, illuminating it in ways that made his dark irises fill with warmth. “What do we do now?”, Renjun laughed, but as his head turned, he noticed the glint of silver on the mantlepiece that caught the light from the candles. He walked to it, having never seen the box before, and took it carefully into his hand, lifting the lid. “It’s a music box.” Renjun turned the handle at the side slightly, listening to the melodical sound that echoed across the room as the tiny figure inside the box began to turn.

“I haven’t seen that for years”, Jeno sighed, “one of them must have left it there.”

Jeno watched as Renjun wound the metal handle again, and the music played softly for longer this time, Renjun’s fingers dancing across the side of the wooden box as he tapped them rhythmically in time with the gentle sound. He laughed quietly when Renjun looked up from his trance, and bowed deeply, outstretching an arm, and opening his palm as an offer to the other. “May I have this dance?”, he smiled.

Renjun let out a soft giggle, but Jeno felt heat against his open palm as Renjun’s was placed in his. Jeno took one step forward slowly, matching the soft sound resonating from the tiny wooden box Renjun had now placed back on the mantle. Somehow the noise seemed to fill the whole room and Renjun followed his footsteps.

They danced across the marbled floor and the movements slowed, Renjun’s head fell against Jeno’s chest where it rested comfortably as they swayed in time with the music.

“I feel like a prince”, he murmured against Jeno’s shirt with a laugh. “I don’t even recognise myself like this.” He rubbed his cheek against the soft cotton affectionately. “I could almost pass for someone like you.”

Jeno frowned. “What does that mean?”

“You know…”, Renjun trailed off, burying his head further into the cotton of Jeno’s shirt and sighing but Jeno looked down at him.

“You’re wonderful Renjun”, he whispered, turning suddenly in another direction as he heard the faint repetition of musical notes leave the box on the mantle, “as you are”, he finished and heard Renjun hum faintly as they were both carried away by the lulling movements of the dancing.The music box kept repeating the same tune over and over again, but neither of them cared, in those moments they were both too lost in each other to notice.

By the time the box had spun its final turn, they had ended up beside a window at the edge of the dining hall, overlooking the castle ground, now shadowed by the darkening skies outside. Jeno stood behind Renjun, holding him, and watching as the other peered through the glass, looking upwards towards the stars and then out across the fields of green. The other traced the glass with his finger, and Jeno kissed the back of his neck, lips brushing softly against the skin of his nape that had been newly exposed by Mark’s handiwork. Renjun’s skin was warm to touch, comforting, and it only made him hold the other closer.

It was silent in those moments – Jeno wasn’t sure what Renjun had been thinking about. His own mind had thought back to the letter though, he couldn’t help it. He rested his chin on the smaller’s shoulder and sighed. He knew that his uncle wished to take everything from him, but there was one thing he’d never let him have. He didn’t care where they were, if the castle fell around them, if they were left with nothing, because he had everything he ever needed in his arms right now.

He leant in and kissed Renjun’s ear softly.

When Renjun had taken his hand in the minutes that followed, and linked their fingers together, he’d looked at him. Renjun had smiled, pulling him gently away from the window and towards the stairs. It had been late then, time had lost its way and Renjun had stopped it with his gentle touch. The darkness had heightened Jeno’s senses, made him more aware of Renjun’s breathing, and the gentle patter of footsteps across the stone floor that guided them to the stairs and towards Jeno’s bedroom.

This time it was Renjun who took the lead.

He opened the door slowly, shutting it softly behind him.

They stood in the entrance, and Renjun kissed him slowly, a deep kiss that melted into a drawn-out movement of lips against Jeno’s, yielding all the love that he’d been holding onto. His hands circled Jeno’s shoulders, slipping the suit jacket off him. The silky garment dropped the floor in a heap, leaving Jeno in the white shirt that he’d been wearing underneath. With their lips still connected, Renjun began to step forward, guiding them, until the back of Jeno’s knees met with the end of his bed and he collapsed onto it, Renjun holding his face between his hands now as he kept their lips locked. In his hazed thoughts, Jeno managed to slide his shoes off his feet and cast them aside, Renjun moving to sit across his lap and slip his own jacket off, draping it carefully onto the floor. He reached for Jeno’s white shirt then, undoing the first button and leaning in, letting his lips graze the soft skin of his chest where it met his collarbone.

“I want to do so much with you”, Jeno breathed, “I want to make you happy.”

He was silenced when Renjun brought a finger to his lips, pressing it softly against the skin. It made him catch his breath sharply, and Renjun smirked.

_Jeno had always hated fire_, but right now Renjun was fire and passion, and the passion was burning for him, and it was beautiful.

He shivered as Renjun undid the next button, leaving more of his chest exposed to the cool air of his bedroom. He slowly slid the shirt off Jeno’s back, leaving him bare chested as he pushed him down on the bed, so he lay against the fresh sheets.

Renjun tugged off his own shirt hastily and leant in, his lips ghosting Jeno’s only for seconds before he trailed them lower, down Jeno’s neck in tiny kisses. Jeno’s hands settled on Renjun’s shoulders, as the kisses dipped along the bare skin of his stomach and stopped at the waistband of his trousers.

Once they had been discarded too, Renjun looked up at Jeno, whose breathing had become erratic now with anticipation. The night was a mess of entangled emotion, affirming their love, Renjun’s name on Jeno’s lips as he watched him holding onto the posts of the bed, gasping under Jeno’s touch, the sheets long since thrown off. They took their time, giving everything of themselves to the other. In the small hours of the morning they lay beside each other in the waning darkness, breathless, and exhausted, in love.

Tomorrow would come, and they would face it, but tonight was theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there!! it has been a LONG time I am so sorry!! I was finding it really hard to write this story because of how much my wirting style has changed and developed but I am back with a promise to finish my first ever fic!! the one that started everything for me!! thank you all for being so kind and supporting me!! anyway this chapter was heavily inspired by the dining scene in beauty and the beast if you couldn't tell hehe  
anyway thank you for reading!! kudos and comments are very appreciated!! <3


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